quiet
Title: quiet
Pairing: OT6; youngjae-centric
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of death, personal demons)
Summary: youngjae disappears one day.
"Where's Youngjae? He told me he would help me with the composing just now..." Daehyun drifted off as he went around the dorm.
Himchan frowned where he was sitting with Youngguk at the couch. Youngjae had been out-of-it these few days, and he didn't know why. It was more or less negatively affecting their performance as a team, though he really was concerned. He pushed himself off the seat, and hesitated a little before making his way to Youngjae's shared room with Zelo.
--------------------------------------------------------
This time he was out on the rooftop, leaning against the railing with headphones over his ears. Watching the skyline fade from a brilliant crimson to a soft, warm tangerine, Youngjae sighed softly. The exhalation dispersed the melancholy and exhaustion that had been hanging onto his every single step into a white puff of breath that diffused into a gaping hole in his being.
Youngjae was drowning in himself, and his whirlpool of guilt and depression, and nothing was stopping him from sinking deeper.
--------------------------------------------------------
The frown that had set in ever since Daehyun had appeared looking for Youngjae deepened, as Himchan clutched the iPad in his hands. He called for Yongguk, voice cracking. As Yongguk entered, Himchan handed him the iPad with trembling hands.
The transparent screen graced the two men with the soul of Yoo Youngjae.
--------------------------------------------------------
Youngjae was dying inside.
The unanswered phone calls had finally been replied with an answer.
He was dead.
----------------------------------------------------------
The papers reported that it happened because he hadn't been alert. That he hadn't been paying attention to the road. That he had been staring at his phone while crossing the road, and didn't notice the green man turn red.
All because Youngjae had been homesick, and Jaejin had been trying to reassure him.
It was his fault. Youngjae wondered why the police hadn't already arrested him for murder. It had to be one of the worst sins in the world, murdering your own brother.
----------------------------------------------------------
'Yoo Jaejin, killed in fatal car accident'
'Funeral of deceased Yoo Jaejin to be held in 2 days time'
'Death of rookie group B.A.P member Yoo Youngjae's sibling to not affect group activities'
----------------------------------------------------------
"Dear god...Why didn't we know?" Yongguk looked up, anguished.
Himchan shook his head, fresh tears glinting in the dark room.
"We need to find him. Get everyone else to search. And manager-hyung. I want to know why." Himchan choked out, before heading out to compose himself.
Yongguk took one last look at the glowing screen of the iPad in the room, and looked around the room. Youngjae's side was well-organized, but hardly any personal effects could be found. No photos, no diaries, or anything remotely Youngjae. Disturbed by that fact, Yongguk switched on the light of the room, and began searching. For what, he didn't know. He just knew that something was wrong. Very wrong.
----------------------------------------------------------
Himchan was standing rim-rod straight in the entrance to the dorm, arms crossed and glaring at their manager.
"Where's Youngjae, hyung? And why didn't you tell us? You knew we were too busy to read the news, and yet you confiscated our phones. Tell me, hyung. Youngjae's disappeared. We need to find him, please." Himchan gave up on his anger, and stared imploringly at their manager.
"I'm sorry, Himchan-ah. Youngjae didn't want any of you to know. He needed time alone, and instructed me not to tell you. As for where he is, I really don't know. I'll try to find him. I'm sorry, Himchan-ah." He replied, and left the dorm.
Himchan gaped at the ridiculous answer and gripped his hair in frustration. No one should be left alone in those circumstances, no matter how much they insisted they wanted to be. Even more so when that someone was under stress 24/7 like idols were. Himchan was fuming at management's stupidity, the gnawing feeling of worry in his gut expanding.
The dorm was unusually quiet, the sound of Jongup's cheerful laughter and Junhong's tendency to raid the fridge was absent. Himchan sighed in exasperation as he made his way back to Youngjae's room, hadn't he told Yongguk to get everyone back?
----------------------------------------------------------
"Himchan-ah, look at this." Yongguk indicated the empty photo album in his hands.
Yongguk remembered seeing the same photo album when they moved into the dorm, only then it had been filled to the brim with memories frozen in time.
----------------------------------------------------------
Youngjae had been burning the photos.
Burning the physical memories of his brother, who had given him his first set of headphones when he was eight, taught him how to sing at fourteen, and how to compose just two months before debut.
Youngjae held out the photo with his left hand, in his right clutching the lighter. He flicked the lighter open, and held it to the edge of the photo. The small flame licked at the edge of the photo cautiously, before rearing up and hungrily consuming the entirety of the image. This time, Youngjae didn't let go, not even when the flames extended to his fingertips. He relished the pain, the sickening smell of charred flesh, all the while as he gritted his teeth and remained stubbornly silent.
A butterfly with delicately beautiful wings circled him, and landed lightly on his burnt index finger. It settled for a while, before fluttering its wings and preparing to take off. Without warning, one of its wings tore, and there it lay, dead like his beloved brother, by his hand.
Hot tears stung his eyes, as something in him shattered.
Youngjae screamed.
----------------------------------------------------------
Himchan had been running around the entire block searching for Youngjae. Yongguk was still trying to find the photos in Youngjae's room, and their manager had been unable to get the rest out of their schedules. He slowed his pace down to a walk, unable to maintain his speed anymore. Circling the ground floor of their block for the second time, he made sure to look into every single corner where Youngjae could fit into.
Past one of the elderly block cleaners, Himchan heard the old man muttering to himself.
"Children these days, don't know why they can't find the proper place to burn things. The entire rooftop's covered with so many ashes that even I can't clean. Tsk..."
At first Himchan thought nothing of it, until he remembered the empty photo album that Yongguk had found underneath Youngjae's bed and everything clicked into place.
He went running back into their dorm, shouting for Yongguk.
----------------------------------------------------------
Youngjae took the last photo out of his jacket, his fingers shaking in the aftermath of his breakdown.
He suppressed another choked sob at the memory. It was the time after he had dyed his hair blonde, when Jaejin had taken him into his room and hugged him for the last time, bestowing upon Youngjae his own dreams and ambitions to fulfill. Their mother had captured the touching, final moment spent with his brother and secretly filed it in with the rest of his photos before he had left.
He flicked the lighter open again, hands trembling worse than ever as his vision blurred.
A gust of wind blew, and with it, the withered ashes of once happy beginnings swirled around Youngjae, crushing him with the weight of hundreds of memories. He made to set fire to the final memento, until frantic footsteps sounded behind him.
Warm hands gently pried the photograph and lighter from him, as he was enveloped into a tight, suffocating embrace. The strong, musky scent of Yongguk only served to evoke memories of Jaejin, and Youngjae gave up.
The force of his sobs sent both of them on their knees, as Youngjae curled in the embrace, committing to memory how Jaejin had hugged him that last time. A hand gently combed through his hair, a constant reminder of Yongguk's presence, as Youngjae slowly drained himself of tears.
----------------------------------------------------------
Yongguk didn't know how long he spent out on the rooftop. He only remembered the heart-wrenching sobs and the way Youngjae had clutched at him like a lifeline. Never had anyone depended on him like this, as if they would die if he wasn't there to anchor them down.
It scared him, the way Youngjae had crumpled into himself. Yongguk had never seen anyone so broken, and he never wanted to see it again. Himchan's presence had been the only reason he hadn't panicked.
----------------------------------------------------------
Whilst Yongguk had been holding Youngjae, Himchan had simply stood aside, torn between heartbreak and anger. It had broken his heart, seeing Youngjae in that state, and he hadn't dared go forward for fear of crying himself.
----------------------------------------------------------
"Hyung."
"Hmm?"
"Promise me you won't leave like Jin hyung. Promise me none of you will leave like Jaejin."
"Of course. We couldn't live without your brains, Jae-ah."
Yongguk succeeded in drawing a tired chuckle from Youngjae. A nod from Himchan had him helping Youngjae up, before turning back to pick up the photo lying on the floor.
"Youngjae-ah!"
Yongguk spun around, just in time to catch an unconscious Youngjae before he hit the floor. He shifted Youngjae before carrying him bridal style back down, alarmed at the light weight Youngjae posed.
"He hasn't been eating well, or eating at all Himchan-ah. He's light to the point that even you or Junhong can carry him easily." Yongguk panted as they rushed back to the dorm.
----------------------------------------------------------
"He's exhausted, and malnourished. I understand that he's been through some emotional trauma, so to facilitate his recovery all of you need to support him as much as possible. Now, I don't care what your company dictates, but he is not going to be active for at least 2 weeks. The medication I'm prescribing must be taken, he needs the nutrients and vitamins. If there's anything else he needs, or any questions, call me." The doctor rattled off.
The five of them had finally gathered in the bedroom, and were sitting in various positions around Youngjae's bunk. Listening intently to the doctor's instructions, they nodded as one when he finished and left.
Yongguk looked to each of them, eye contact sealing a common promise among them, before brushing a kiss on Youngjae's forehead and vacated the room.
Himchan, Junhong, Jongup and Daehyun did the same, and quiet descended the room once more.
It was going to be a long recovery.
Pairing: OT6; youngjae-centric
Rating: PG-13 (mentions of death, personal demons)
Summary: youngjae disappears one day.
"Where's Youngjae? He told me he would help me with the composing just now..." Daehyun drifted off as he went around the dorm.
Himchan frowned where he was sitting with Youngguk at the couch. Youngjae had been out-of-it these few days, and he didn't know why. It was more or less negatively affecting their performance as a team, though he really was concerned. He pushed himself off the seat, and hesitated a little before making his way to Youngjae's shared room with Zelo.
--------------------------------------------------------
This time he was out on the rooftop, leaning against the railing with headphones over his ears. Watching the skyline fade from a brilliant crimson to a soft, warm tangerine, Youngjae sighed softly. The exhalation dispersed the melancholy and exhaustion that had been hanging onto his every single step into a white puff of breath that diffused into a gaping hole in his being.
Youngjae was drowning in himself, and his whirlpool of guilt and depression, and nothing was stopping him from sinking deeper.
--------------------------------------------------------
The frown that had set in ever since Daehyun had appeared looking for Youngjae deepened, as Himchan clutched the iPad in his hands. He called for Yongguk, voice cracking. As Yongguk entered, Himchan handed him the iPad with trembling hands.
The transparent screen graced the two men with the soul of Yoo Youngjae.
--------------------------------------------------------
Youngjae was dying inside.
The unanswered phone calls had finally been replied with an answer.
He was dead.
----------------------------------------------------------
The papers reported that it happened because he hadn't been alert. That he hadn't been paying attention to the road. That he had been staring at his phone while crossing the road, and didn't notice the green man turn red.
All because Youngjae had been homesick, and Jaejin had been trying to reassure him.
It was his fault. Youngjae wondered why the police hadn't already arrested him for murder. It had to be one of the worst sins in the world, murdering your own brother.
----------------------------------------------------------
'Yoo Jaejin, killed in fatal car accident'
'Funeral of deceased Yoo Jaejin to be held in 2 days time'
'Death of rookie group B.A.P member Yoo Youngjae's sibling to not affect group activities'
----------------------------------------------------------
"Dear god...Why didn't we know?" Yongguk looked up, anguished.
Himchan shook his head, fresh tears glinting in the dark room.
"We need to find him. Get everyone else to search. And manager-hyung. I want to know why." Himchan choked out, before heading out to compose himself.
Yongguk took one last look at the glowing screen of the iPad in the room, and looked around the room. Youngjae's side was well-organized, but hardly any personal effects could be found. No photos, no diaries, or anything remotely Youngjae. Disturbed by that fact, Yongguk switched on the light of the room, and began searching. For what, he didn't know. He just knew that something was wrong. Very wrong.
----------------------------------------------------------
Himchan was standing rim-rod straight in the entrance to the dorm, arms crossed and glaring at their manager.
"Where's Youngjae, hyung? And why didn't you tell us? You knew we were too busy to read the news, and yet you confiscated our phones. Tell me, hyung. Youngjae's disappeared. We need to find him, please." Himchan gave up on his anger, and stared imploringly at their manager.
"I'm sorry, Himchan-ah. Youngjae didn't want any of you to know. He needed time alone, and instructed me not to tell you. As for where he is, I really don't know. I'll try to find him. I'm sorry, Himchan-ah." He replied, and left the dorm.
Himchan gaped at the ridiculous answer and gripped his hair in frustration. No one should be left alone in those circumstances, no matter how much they insisted they wanted to be. Even more so when that someone was under stress 24/7 like idols were. Himchan was fuming at management's stupidity, the gnawing feeling of worry in his gut expanding.
The dorm was unusually quiet, the sound of Jongup's cheerful laughter and Junhong's tendency to raid the fridge was absent. Himchan sighed in exasperation as he made his way back to Youngjae's room, hadn't he told Yongguk to get everyone back?
----------------------------------------------------------
"Himchan-ah, look at this." Yongguk indicated the empty photo album in his hands.
Yongguk remembered seeing the same photo album when they moved into the dorm, only then it had been filled to the brim with memories frozen in time.
----------------------------------------------------------
Youngjae had been burning the photos.
Burning the physical memories of his brother, who had given him his first set of headphones when he was eight, taught him how to sing at fourteen, and how to compose just two months before debut.
Youngjae held out the photo with his left hand, in his right clutching the lighter. He flicked the lighter open, and held it to the edge of the photo. The small flame licked at the edge of the photo cautiously, before rearing up and hungrily consuming the entirety of the image. This time, Youngjae didn't let go, not even when the flames extended to his fingertips. He relished the pain, the sickening smell of charred flesh, all the while as he gritted his teeth and remained stubbornly silent.
A butterfly with delicately beautiful wings circled him, and landed lightly on his burnt index finger. It settled for a while, before fluttering its wings and preparing to take off. Without warning, one of its wings tore, and there it lay, dead like his beloved brother, by his hand.
Hot tears stung his eyes, as something in him shattered.
Youngjae screamed.
----------------------------------------------------------
Himchan had been running around the entire block searching for Youngjae. Yongguk was still trying to find the photos in Youngjae's room, and their manager had been unable to get the rest out of their schedules. He slowed his pace down to a walk, unable to maintain his speed anymore. Circling the ground floor of their block for the second time, he made sure to look into every single corner where Youngjae could fit into.
Past one of the elderly block cleaners, Himchan heard the old man muttering to himself.
"Children these days, don't know why they can't find the proper place to burn things. The entire rooftop's covered with so many ashes that even I can't clean. Tsk..."
At first Himchan thought nothing of it, until he remembered the empty photo album that Yongguk had found underneath Youngjae's bed and everything clicked into place.
He went running back into their dorm, shouting for Yongguk.
----------------------------------------------------------
Youngjae took the last photo out of his jacket, his fingers shaking in the aftermath of his breakdown.
He suppressed another choked sob at the memory. It was the time after he had dyed his hair blonde, when Jaejin had taken him into his room and hugged him for the last time, bestowing upon Youngjae his own dreams and ambitions to fulfill. Their mother had captured the touching, final moment spent with his brother and secretly filed it in with the rest of his photos before he had left.
He flicked the lighter open again, hands trembling worse than ever as his vision blurred.
A gust of wind blew, and with it, the withered ashes of once happy beginnings swirled around Youngjae, crushing him with the weight of hundreds of memories. He made to set fire to the final memento, until frantic footsteps sounded behind him.
Warm hands gently pried the photograph and lighter from him, as he was enveloped into a tight, suffocating embrace. The strong, musky scent of Yongguk only served to evoke memories of Jaejin, and Youngjae gave up.
The force of his sobs sent both of them on their knees, as Youngjae curled in the embrace, committing to memory how Jaejin had hugged him that last time. A hand gently combed through his hair, a constant reminder of Yongguk's presence, as Youngjae slowly drained himself of tears.
----------------------------------------------------------
Yongguk didn't know how long he spent out on the rooftop. He only remembered the heart-wrenching sobs and the way Youngjae had clutched at him like a lifeline. Never had anyone depended on him like this, as if they would die if he wasn't there to anchor them down.
It scared him, the way Youngjae had crumpled into himself. Yongguk had never seen anyone so broken, and he never wanted to see it again. Himchan's presence had been the only reason he hadn't panicked.
----------------------------------------------------------
Whilst Yongguk had been holding Youngjae, Himchan had simply stood aside, torn between heartbreak and anger. It had broken his heart, seeing Youngjae in that state, and he hadn't dared go forward for fear of crying himself.
----------------------------------------------------------
"Hyung."
"Hmm?"
"Promise me you won't leave like Jin hyung. Promise me none of you will leave like Jaejin."
"Of course. We couldn't live without your brains, Jae-ah."
Yongguk succeeded in drawing a tired chuckle from Youngjae. A nod from Himchan had him helping Youngjae up, before turning back to pick up the photo lying on the floor.
"Youngjae-ah!"
Yongguk spun around, just in time to catch an unconscious Youngjae before he hit the floor. He shifted Youngjae before carrying him bridal style back down, alarmed at the light weight Youngjae posed.
"He hasn't been eating well, or eating at all Himchan-ah. He's light to the point that even you or Junhong can carry him easily." Yongguk panted as they rushed back to the dorm.
----------------------------------------------------------
"He's exhausted, and malnourished. I understand that he's been through some emotional trauma, so to facilitate his recovery all of you need to support him as much as possible. Now, I don't care what your company dictates, but he is not going to be active for at least 2 weeks. The medication I'm prescribing must be taken, he needs the nutrients and vitamins. If there's anything else he needs, or any questions, call me." The doctor rattled off.
The five of them had finally gathered in the bedroom, and were sitting in various positions around Youngjae's bunk. Listening intently to the doctor's instructions, they nodded as one when he finished and left.
Yongguk looked to each of them, eye contact sealing a common promise among them, before brushing a kiss on Youngjae's forehead and vacated the room.
Himchan, Junhong, Jongup and Daehyun did the same, and quiet descended the room once more.
It was going to be a long recovery.