one year ago
On this day when I celebrate a quarter-century of being alive, yet again I turn my eyes behind me to see where I've been the last year. Just reviewing the years event's causes my pulse to quicken, and I become anxious. As I enter another school year (likely my last), I am afraid that I will fall back into the patterns of last year that contributed to my panic attacks, disorganization, and barely manageable stress.
Instead, I realized in the past few hours, I should think of the progress that I have made since this day one year ago that makes my life calmer and more organized:
1. My apartment is unpacked and re-organized a few times over! Recent additions include a pot rack in the kitchen, a small dresser in our funny-shaped closet to help us keep track of all the small clutter, and just two days ago we got two new bookshelves. The old one will hold "coming in the door stuff" like wet shoes and bags. Now I do not live in chaos, I have a haven from the world.
2. A husband living in my apartment! He is an endless source of praise for my cooking and of silliness when I need a break.
3. A fish and his/her habitat living in my apartment! Fizzy and all our coral, starfish, and other creatures make life a lot more colorful... and bring a splash of tropical fun into even the darkest, nastiest day.
4. A rotating meal plan that works! We're organized with food and don't fight about it anymore. OK, maybe every few months or so, but not weekly.
5. A regular exercise class schedule to keep me going to the gym, and having fun when exercising.
6. A job schedule that lets me get home to Stephen in the evenings. Unlike my internship, I'm getting PAID and it's right there on campus.
7. I'm still singing, this time with Marsh Chapel Choir again.
Well, it looks like all the changes in the last year have given me a lot to be thankful for. I have reason to celebrate! Now, on to my goal for the year. I think that the thing I most need to improve upon is when my attitude really goes down the tubes. And I'd like to cultivate a prayer life that does not involve begging God to help me calm down enough not to spiral into a panic attack.
I found something recently that I think will help me with both of these goals at the same time. It's a discipline found in a book called Saint Benedict on the Freeway: A Rule of Life for the 21st Century by Corinne Ware. It shows you how to pray the hours throughout the day, only you don't have to be a monk or nun to do it... it's designed so you can work the hours into your day. Here's the quick summary found in the book:
VigilObserved by those who are awake at night. Use the darkness simply to be with God, aware of the Holy Presence in your quiet hours. Prayer can be simple.
LaudsWake to thank and praise (laudate) God. This is the hour to spend some time in prayer and contemplation. Spend 20 minutes if you can.
PrimeTake just a moment to look over you day's calendar, asking God to be in all you attempt to do.
TerceMidmorning is break time. Deeply breathe in God's spirit before returning to your morning's tasks.
SextIt is now noon and time to consider the whole world and its needs.
NoneIn the afternoon we close down our work and turn toward home. it is a time for forgiving, asking forgiveness from God, and letting go of the day's events.
Vespers/ComplineClose the day with peacefulness, prayer and perhaps a bit of bedtime reading. Entrust you life to God until you greet the morning again with thanksgiving.
I think I will adopt it into my spiritual practice. I've always been interested in practicing the presence of God, but not quite sure how to work it into my day, with the many distractions of the day (not to mention the things I'm supposed to focus on!). Now I have a practical guide for prayer that just might work for me.
Every pastor needs a spiritual practice, and that "wake up early and do Bible study" shit just doesn't cut it for me. I am not left-brained, and I am sick of every spiritual help being designed for the left-brain dominant! Everyone needs God-time, you know, and but everyone is not alike. I do like academic study, but that's not spiritual food for me. I need art, music, nature, the warmth of a candle, a talk with a friend. Sabbath Space gives me that... I may just keep coming to Sabbath Space even after I graduate from the STH. And I'll keep art supplies around even when I'm gone.
But I think this type of prayer will help me stay centered. It will keep my attitude where it needs to be, as a pastor, regardless of how shitty my day is going. People find me a blessing most of the time. I'd like them to find me a blessing all the time.
Instead, I realized in the past few hours, I should think of the progress that I have made since this day one year ago that makes my life calmer and more organized:
1. My apartment is unpacked and re-organized a few times over! Recent additions include a pot rack in the kitchen, a small dresser in our funny-shaped closet to help us keep track of all the small clutter, and just two days ago we got two new bookshelves. The old one will hold "coming in the door stuff" like wet shoes and bags. Now I do not live in chaos, I have a haven from the world.
2. A husband living in my apartment! He is an endless source of praise for my cooking and of silliness when I need a break.
3. A fish and his/her habitat living in my apartment! Fizzy and all our coral, starfish, and other creatures make life a lot more colorful... and bring a splash of tropical fun into even the darkest, nastiest day.
4. A rotating meal plan that works! We're organized with food and don't fight about it anymore. OK, maybe every few months or so, but not weekly.
5. A regular exercise class schedule to keep me going to the gym, and having fun when exercising.
6. A job schedule that lets me get home to Stephen in the evenings. Unlike my internship, I'm getting PAID and it's right there on campus.
7. I'm still singing, this time with Marsh Chapel Choir again.
Well, it looks like all the changes in the last year have given me a lot to be thankful for. I have reason to celebrate! Now, on to my goal for the year. I think that the thing I most need to improve upon is when my attitude really goes down the tubes. And I'd like to cultivate a prayer life that does not involve begging God to help me calm down enough not to spiral into a panic attack.
I found something recently that I think will help me with both of these goals at the same time. It's a discipline found in a book called Saint Benedict on the Freeway: A Rule of Life for the 21st Century by Corinne Ware. It shows you how to pray the hours throughout the day, only you don't have to be a monk or nun to do it... it's designed so you can work the hours into your day. Here's the quick summary found in the book:
VigilObserved by those who are awake at night. Use the darkness simply to be with God, aware of the Holy Presence in your quiet hours. Prayer can be simple.
LaudsWake to thank and praise (laudate) God. This is the hour to spend some time in prayer and contemplation. Spend 20 minutes if you can.
PrimeTake just a moment to look over you day's calendar, asking God to be in all you attempt to do.
TerceMidmorning is break time. Deeply breathe in God's spirit before returning to your morning's tasks.
SextIt is now noon and time to consider the whole world and its needs.
NoneIn the afternoon we close down our work and turn toward home. it is a time for forgiving, asking forgiveness from God, and letting go of the day's events.
Vespers/ComplineClose the day with peacefulness, prayer and perhaps a bit of bedtime reading. Entrust you life to God until you greet the morning again with thanksgiving.
I think I will adopt it into my spiritual practice. I've always been interested in practicing the presence of God, but not quite sure how to work it into my day, with the many distractions of the day (not to mention the things I'm supposed to focus on!). Now I have a practical guide for prayer that just might work for me.
Every pastor needs a spiritual practice, and that "wake up early and do Bible study" shit just doesn't cut it for me. I am not left-brained, and I am sick of every spiritual help being designed for the left-brain dominant! Everyone needs God-time, you know, and but everyone is not alike. I do like academic study, but that's not spiritual food for me. I need art, music, nature, the warmth of a candle, a talk with a friend. Sabbath Space gives me that... I may just keep coming to Sabbath Space even after I graduate from the STH. And I'll keep art supplies around even when I'm gone.
But I think this type of prayer will help me stay centered. It will keep my attitude where it needs to be, as a pastor, regardless of how shitty my day is going. People find me a blessing most of the time. I'd like them to find me a blessing all the time.