third times the charm?
The third time I hear "we shouldn't spend personal time together." The third time everyone who knows us is completely and totally confused. The third time he shuts down and looks miserable. On the occasion of this, the third time my semblence of a friendship/relationship/whatever with him falls apart because he's afraid, I would like to say that I am fairly tired of this. I don't think I'm going to find someone here to love, someone to "replace" him. I feel like I will meet someone in New Hampshire, and I feel like it will be at the right time. But as for now? Well, I'm sort of not really phazed. We aren't even together now, so its not like I'm losing the love of my life to his mood disorder. I'm working on accepting that the wonderful times, the happy times, the great love and the tender cuddling, is never going to be continuous. There will always be times he finds all that joy to be counterproductive to his goal of avoiding being loved. There will always be slumps. There will always be "i do'nt think we should spend personal time together" conversations. And that's not what I want for my life. I'm just trying to grapple with what the future will look like. And that's harder than it sounds.