Summer '09
I feel like everything is getting back into order after years of chaos.. I feel like I'm speaking too soon, I'm so excited though so can you blame me? I am afraid to completely come to the realization and keep myself in denial that things are going good. It seems everytime I recogize it everything falls apart agian and takes way too long to pick up the pieces and put it back together. I have a lot of questions for God when I get the chance. 'Why the past 4 years' for one thing, I agree everything happens for a reason. So what lesson was I supposed to learn, I might just figure it out in the future on my own..probably.
I'm having a really hard time feeling stable but I have no reason to. I'm fine. Everything is fine. It's not perfect but what is. I'm trying very hard to keep my heart steady and breathe slowly, repeat over and over in my mind thats its not going to fall apart, I'm going to be just fine I'm stronger now.
I think what solidified everything was my trip to WSU last month and the fact that I'm taking my first CE class in January '10. I feel like such a failure for not graduating next year like I was supposed to. Instead of ending, I'm starting out. But I can't feel that way, atleast I'm doing it. I could have just given up and worked at Target the rest of my life as a cashier... thats failure.
Well needless to say I'm already excited to go back to school because everyday gone by is one day closer to being done! :)