Playing with Fear
Last week I had a presentation in uni in a much hated module of mine. Presentations aren't easy for me. I get irrationally nervous and start to drive myself crazy days or weeks before it. I think of all the things that could go wrong. My mind starts bashing at me, telling me over and over how the audience could react and that I surely can't do it. That I would fail. Technically you know it’s wrong and you shouldn’t listen, but it’s like a barrier and you can’t think any positive thoughts about the situation. There's this voice inside of your head, spreading doubt.
You go through all the things that could go wrong, all the times you could stumble. You consider running away from that big huge thing, even if it's just a 15 minute long talk in front of a handful of people. Why yes, I'm an introvert!
The problem is, while you drive yourself crazy, your heart is racing and your brain is busy thinking things that won't happen anyway, you can't be productive. You're far too focussed on other things to think about the important stuff. The fear of failing is what'll make you fail. Ironic, isn't it? Here is where you have to cut in. Take a deep breath and tell yourself to stop. Work against the bad thoughts. You can do it. Imagine a good turn out. Imagine yourself being successful. If all else fails, just turn the brain off, for a little while and do it. Don’t think about what you’re doing. Just freaking. It's not easy, put once you put yourself into a state of acceptance of the fear, you can work with it.
When I write, a similar fear comes up sometimes. You compare yourself to other authors, thinking you can never be as good as them. You think everything you produce is crap, or that you make the wrong decisions and that your story will suffer because of them. Those thoughts can freeze you and make you not produce, but only if you let them. Sit down at your computer, and tell yourself it’s okay to be crap. Even getting not-so-good words down beats not writing anything at all. Don’t think, just type, let your gut lead you. You'll have enough time to mull over what doesn't work in revisions. Right now, it's important to get those words on the page. Then a day or a week or some months later, go back and read it. Is it really crap? I think you’ll be surprised what you think about it.
And you know what comes once you got through the presentation/made the decision/wrote the book? RELIEF. Pure, joyous relief. And a little pride.
So remember, you can do anything you set your mind to.
You go through all the things that could go wrong, all the times you could stumble. You consider running away from that big huge thing, even if it's just a 15 minute long talk in front of a handful of people. Why yes, I'm an introvert!
The problem is, while you drive yourself crazy, your heart is racing and your brain is busy thinking things that won't happen anyway, you can't be productive. You're far too focussed on other things to think about the important stuff. The fear of failing is what'll make you fail. Ironic, isn't it? Here is where you have to cut in. Take a deep breath and tell yourself to stop. Work against the bad thoughts. You can do it. Imagine a good turn out. Imagine yourself being successful. If all else fails, just turn the brain off, for a little while and do it. Don’t think about what you’re doing. Just freaking. It's not easy, put once you put yourself into a state of acceptance of the fear, you can work with it.
When I write, a similar fear comes up sometimes. You compare yourself to other authors, thinking you can never be as good as them. You think everything you produce is crap, or that you make the wrong decisions and that your story will suffer because of them. Those thoughts can freeze you and make you not produce, but only if you let them. Sit down at your computer, and tell yourself it’s okay to be crap. Even getting not-so-good words down beats not writing anything at all. Don’t think, just type, let your gut lead you. You'll have enough time to mull over what doesn't work in revisions. Right now, it's important to get those words on the page. Then a day or a week or some months later, go back and read it. Is it really crap? I think you’ll be surprised what you think about it.
And you know what comes once you got through the presentation/made the decision/wrote the book? RELIEF. Pure, joyous relief. And a little pride.
So remember, you can do anything you set your mind to.