in which I have more theories
New theory #1: RM is the creepiest creeper ever to creep when it comes to Chris Colfer, right? Plus, we all know he reads fic (as does the rest of the show's cast and crew, apparently, which is frankly unsettling, mostly because if they're only hitting The Pit they're not exactly seeing the quality work, if you catch my drift. No offense if you post at The Pit, but I have been in fandom for a long time, and that is not where the best of the best posts their stuff. Just something to think about.
I digress. So RM reads fic, and he's creepy obsessed with keeping Kurt all chaste and pure. But Kurt gets so much action in fan fiction! What can RM do about that? Why, he can retcon Kurt's entire character to make him a total prude! He can be a big, immature baby who can't handle even a conversation about sex, and puts up with an a quasi-abusive relationship with Blaine and his constant put-downs just because he's the only other homo Kurt knows. THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE. Never mind how he's stood up to bullies HIS ENTIRE LIFE and never taken shit from them, even when they were beating him down for it.
Never mind all that! Blaine's gay! He's cute and sort of nice sometimes, even when he's making Kurt feel bad about himself! THAT MAKES IT ALL OKAY.
Man, fuck this show. I don't have time in my day for the fic projects I have going, I have six new fics to write now that the help_nz auction is done, and canon keeps sucking so hard I come up with even more ideas. I have to stop watching this show. I need my life back. My boring, unfulfilling life.
ETA: The help_nz auction is still happening, actually. The deadline to bid has been extended through Friday at midnight, I believe, if you still want to bid. I will have six new fics to write when it's done, so it doesn't actually change anything, but what fics I have to write depends on who wins. My auctions are here and here.
Bring it, RM. Just keep fucking with the characters, it makes us write more and pornier fic. You're just lucky I don't have time for the Key Party fic or the vague, meandering 'summer of discovery' fic last night's episode inspired. Because awkward sex is my specialty, you douche nozzle.
New theory #2: So I was lurking around on the puckurt discussion post last night, which is not something I normally do (honest) but the episode was boring and the only TV in my house that gets cable is actually behind me when I'm at my desk, so I wasn't paying full attention anyway (which is how I missed Beiste's brief but adorable appearance.)
Anyway, someone said in the discussion post that the events of the episode felt like the canon run-up to DIWWCF. Which was sweet and flattering and I was all, "Aw." But then I re-watched the sex talk this morning so I could make an icon of Kurt's lovely, lovely face in that scene, and it dawned on me that that commenter was right.
So in DIWWCF Kurt mentions that Carole gave him a copy of The Joy Of Gay Sex back in high school as some kind of weirdo bonding thing, right? Well, what if she's putting away laundry or something and she spots the pile of pamphlets* on Burt's dresser, and she's all, "Oh, honey." Because seriously, he couldn't go to the bookstore? And if that's too embarrassing, Amazon?
So she fires up the Google and she researches which books give the best, most accurate information about gay sex for young boys just discovering themselves, and she orders a copy of The Joy Of Gay Sex from Amazon and leaves it on Kurt's bed with a little note about how she loves him and supports him and she's not his mom, but she wants to be his friend, and if he wants to talk, she's there.
And then she gets a little misty-eyed and so do I shut up and doesn't tell Burt, because he's got that whole heart thing. Plus, he was trying with the pamphlets, and she doesn't want to make him feel bad.
Which is how Kurt happens to own a copy of the very book which he later purchases for his dumb brother, once Finn realizes that the reason he has so many girl troubles is because he shouldn't be dating girls.
Happily ever after The End.
* For real, where did he even get those pamphlets? Did he go see Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell? They looked like they were printed in this century, so maybe he stopped by Planned Parenthood?
New Theory #3: You know what I just realized? Last night's episode actually provides canonical evidence for "Trains". At the beginning when Puck's trying to talk Kurt into sleeping with him and Kurt says he can't because then Puck will be his first and he'll always be a little in love with him? Yeah, he totally got that from the talk with his dad about how sex means something and you can't just give it away.
It doesn't make the episode or Kurt's OOC-ness suck any less. But it makes me feel a little better. I'm not sure if I'll finish the next part today. I agreed to go to Ash Wednesday services with a coworker at lunch time, and tonight is my weekly financial seminar. But there might be time during work, if I stop screwing around on LJ.
There, I'm done. I have fic to write. And work to do. Mostly fic to write. Fine, mostly work, but I can pretend.
I digress. So RM reads fic, and he's creepy obsessed with keeping Kurt all chaste and pure. But Kurt gets so much action in fan fiction! What can RM do about that? Why, he can retcon Kurt's entire character to make him a total prude! He can be a big, immature baby who can't handle even a conversation about sex, and puts up with an a quasi-abusive relationship with Blaine and his constant put-downs just because he's the only other homo Kurt knows. THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE. Never mind how he's stood up to bullies HIS ENTIRE LIFE and never taken shit from them, even when they were beating him down for it.
Never mind all that! Blaine's gay! He's cute and sort of nice sometimes, even when he's making Kurt feel bad about himself! THAT MAKES IT ALL OKAY.
Man, fuck this show. I don't have time in my day for the fic projects I have going, I have six new fics to write now that the help_nz auction is done, and canon keeps sucking so hard I come up with even more ideas. I have to stop watching this show. I need my life back. My boring, unfulfilling life.
ETA: The help_nz auction is still happening, actually. The deadline to bid has been extended through Friday at midnight, I believe, if you still want to bid. I will have six new fics to write when it's done, so it doesn't actually change anything, but what fics I have to write depends on who wins. My auctions are here and here.
Bring it, RM. Just keep fucking with the characters, it makes us write more and pornier fic. You're just lucky I don't have time for the Key Party fic or the vague, meandering 'summer of discovery' fic last night's episode inspired. Because awkward sex is my specialty, you douche nozzle.
New theory #2: So I was lurking around on the puckurt discussion post last night, which is not something I normally do (honest) but the episode was boring and the only TV in my house that gets cable is actually behind me when I'm at my desk, so I wasn't paying full attention anyway (which is how I missed Beiste's brief but adorable appearance.)
Anyway, someone said in the discussion post that the events of the episode felt like the canon run-up to DIWWCF. Which was sweet and flattering and I was all, "Aw." But then I re-watched the sex talk this morning so I could make an icon of Kurt's lovely, lovely face in that scene, and it dawned on me that that commenter was right.
So in DIWWCF Kurt mentions that Carole gave him a copy of The Joy Of Gay Sex back in high school as some kind of weirdo bonding thing, right? Well, what if she's putting away laundry or something and she spots the pile of pamphlets* on Burt's dresser, and she's all, "Oh, honey." Because seriously, he couldn't go to the bookstore? And if that's too embarrassing, Amazon?
So she fires up the Google and she researches which books give the best, most accurate information about gay sex for young boys just discovering themselves, and she orders a copy of The Joy Of Gay Sex from Amazon and leaves it on Kurt's bed with a little note about how she loves him and supports him and she's not his mom, but she wants to be his friend, and if he wants to talk, she's there.
And then she gets a little misty-eyed and so do I shut up and doesn't tell Burt, because he's got that whole heart thing. Plus, he was trying with the pamphlets, and she doesn't want to make him feel bad.
Which is how Kurt happens to own a copy of the very book which he later purchases for his dumb brother, once Finn realizes that the reason he has so many girl troubles is because he shouldn't be dating girls.
Happily ever after The End.
* For real, where did he even get those pamphlets? Did he go see Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell? They looked like they were printed in this century, so maybe he stopped by Planned Parenthood?
New Theory #3: You know what I just realized? Last night's episode actually provides canonical evidence for "Trains". At the beginning when Puck's trying to talk Kurt into sleeping with him and Kurt says he can't because then Puck will be his first and he'll always be a little in love with him? Yeah, he totally got that from the talk with his dad about how sex means something and you can't just give it away.
It doesn't make the episode or Kurt's OOC-ness suck any less. But it makes me feel a little better. I'm not sure if I'll finish the next part today. I agreed to go to Ash Wednesday services with a coworker at lunch time, and tonight is my weekly financial seminar. But there might be time during work, if I stop screwing around on LJ.
There, I'm done. I have fic to write. And work to do. Mostly fic to write. Fine, mostly work, but I can pretend.