Fic: Zeroes and Ones 17/? (Criminal Minds, Morgan/Reid, NC17)
Title: Zeroes and Ones 17/?
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: Aaaand I have caught up with myself. I am going to try really hard to keep up the posting schedule, but I have company coming over tonight and I'm alone in the office again today, so I'm making no promises.
When the cab pulled up in front of his place Derek paid the driver, then he followed Spencer up the stairs to his brownstone and unlocked the door. Spencer's last words were still hanging in the air between them: That doesn't mean I didn't hate it.
He knew they weren't just talking about kicking down doors anymore; he was pretty sure Spencer meant the same thing Garcia meant when she yelled at him about always ending up staring down the barrel of some psycho's gun or driving an ambulance with a live bomb in the back or somehow ending up staring death in the face. And Derek got it, because he'd had to stand by and watch Spencer do his share of stupid things in the name of the job. They'd both gotten hurt plenty of times, and the physical stuff was the least of it.
Derek let Clooney out the back door, following him into the yard and standing in the cold while Clooney sniffed around. When he was ready to go back in Derek followed him, and when he pulled the door shut and looked up Spencer was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. He looked too young and too thin and all those other things Derek had used as an excuse to keep his hands to himself over the years. Telling himself Spencer was just a kid had stopped working awhile ago, though, and by the time he finished feeding Clooney he still hadn't come up with a better one.
"You never answered my question."
Derek took a deep breath and leaned against the opposite counter, hands braced on the tile on either side of him and just watching Spencer watch him. He knew what question Spencer was talking about, remembered that last text that he never answered. Spencer wanted to know what the BAU had cost Derek, what made it so bad that he'd taken the first out he was offered. He knew he could fall back on the same argument he always used, that he'd taken this job because it was the right move for his career. On paper it even made sense, and nobody else would even question Derek's reasons for leaving.
But Spencer knew him better than most people, and he had to know how hard it was for Derek to sit behind a desk all day. He didn't miss the monsters they dealt with when he was with the BAU, didn't miss the bad dreams or the sinking feeling in his gut whenever a case ended badly. But he missed the action, missed knowing that no matter how dangerous things got, he was always going to be first in line to face it. Hell, he'd step in front of a bullet for a total stranger, so there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to keep Spencer safe.
"You're the genius, kid," he said, gripping the counter a little harder, "you really need me to tell you the answer?"
Spencer's arms were crossed over his chest, tight like he was trying to hold himself together. Derek had seen him do it a hundred times, but he didn't like being the reason Spencer was closing in on himself.
"It's obvious, isn't it? It's my fault; you were just trying to keep the team together, and I developed an...inappropriate crush." He said the words like he'd been practicing them, like maybe he'd had to ask someone for the right term to describe how he felt. His cheeks were flushed and he was looking down at the floor between them, but when he glanced up his expression told Derek everything he needed to know. "I assume that once you figured it out, you didn't want to have to let me down gently. It was easier to take the job offer and leave altogether."
"No," Derek said, shaking his head and pushing himself off the counter before he knew he was moving. He wasn't even sure it was true anymore; maybe he did leave because of Spencer, but not in the way Spencer meant, and he needed Spencer to know that.
Derek reached out and rested a hand on Spencer's shoulder, and when he didn't flinch away Derek let his hand move up to Spencer's neck, thumb tracing the sharp line of his jaw. He felt Spencer relax a little under his touch, felt his arms unfold and then Spencer's hand was on the front of his shirt, long fingers worrying at Derek's buttons. Derek smiled and slid his hand into Spencer's hair, tilting his head down and fitting their mouths together.
He wasn't sure how much experience Spencer had -- not much, that he was sure of -- but he made up for it with the way he gripped the front of Derek's shirt, the way he parted his lips and breathed against Derek and kissed him back like he was afraid it wasn't going to happen again. But it was going to happen again, again and again and again. Derek had always known that once he kissed Spencer he'd never be able to stop, not tonight and not for as long as Spencer would let him.
"I didn't know." Derek whispered the words against his cheek, punctuating each one with a soft brush of lips against his skin. "If I'd stayed I probably still wouldn't know. You think I could have let this happen while we were working together? And even if it did, Hotch would have found out and shipped me out of there faster than you could recite the statutes on fraternization, and I know how quick your recall is."
"Maybe not," Spencer said. His hands were moving on Derek's arms, just his fingertips tracing the lines of Derek's muscles, like maybe he wasn't sure he should be touching. "He might have fired me instead."
Derek laughed at that and pulled back to look at him. "Trust me, I'm at least twice as expendable as you. Muscle's easy to replace; a brain like yours only comes along once in a lifetime."
"You're not muscle." Spencer blushed and looked down at his hands where they were still tracing said muscles. "Well, you are muscular, but you're not just muscle. You're better with people than me, better at getting victims to trust you. You're better at reading body language and expressions, and you're a lot better at interrogation."
"Me and a whole bunch of other agents. Face it, kid, you're one of a kind. Hotch isn't going to let you get away that easily."
"It's not really his decision."
Derek wanted to ask what he meant by that, but Spencer was pressing forward and kissing him again, surer this time, like he'd picked up some self-confidence somewhere in the last five minutes. His hands gripped Derek's waist and Derek groaned and pressed as much of Spencer against himself as he could.
"You want to put the brakes on here, all you have to do is say the word," Derek said, but he was already dragging Spencer away from the counter and toward the hall.
"I want..." Spencer answered, gasping the words against Derek's mouth as he dove in for another kiss, "...I want you to stop calling me 'kid'."
Derek laughed into the kiss and dragged Spencer toward the stairs, pausing at the bottom to grin at him. "I can do that."
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: Aaaand I have caught up with myself. I am going to try really hard to keep up the posting schedule, but I have company coming over tonight and I'm alone in the office again today, so I'm making no promises.
When the cab pulled up in front of his place Derek paid the driver, then he followed Spencer up the stairs to his brownstone and unlocked the door. Spencer's last words were still hanging in the air between them: That doesn't mean I didn't hate it.
He knew they weren't just talking about kicking down doors anymore; he was pretty sure Spencer meant the same thing Garcia meant when she yelled at him about always ending up staring down the barrel of some psycho's gun or driving an ambulance with a live bomb in the back or somehow ending up staring death in the face. And Derek got it, because he'd had to stand by and watch Spencer do his share of stupid things in the name of the job. They'd both gotten hurt plenty of times, and the physical stuff was the least of it.
Derek let Clooney out the back door, following him into the yard and standing in the cold while Clooney sniffed around. When he was ready to go back in Derek followed him, and when he pulled the door shut and looked up Spencer was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. He looked too young and too thin and all those other things Derek had used as an excuse to keep his hands to himself over the years. Telling himself Spencer was just a kid had stopped working awhile ago, though, and by the time he finished feeding Clooney he still hadn't come up with a better one.
"You never answered my question."
Derek took a deep breath and leaned against the opposite counter, hands braced on the tile on either side of him and just watching Spencer watch him. He knew what question Spencer was talking about, remembered that last text that he never answered. Spencer wanted to know what the BAU had cost Derek, what made it so bad that he'd taken the first out he was offered. He knew he could fall back on the same argument he always used, that he'd taken this job because it was the right move for his career. On paper it even made sense, and nobody else would even question Derek's reasons for leaving.
But Spencer knew him better than most people, and he had to know how hard it was for Derek to sit behind a desk all day. He didn't miss the monsters they dealt with when he was with the BAU, didn't miss the bad dreams or the sinking feeling in his gut whenever a case ended badly. But he missed the action, missed knowing that no matter how dangerous things got, he was always going to be first in line to face it. Hell, he'd step in front of a bullet for a total stranger, so there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to keep Spencer safe.
"You're the genius, kid," he said, gripping the counter a little harder, "you really need me to tell you the answer?"
Spencer's arms were crossed over his chest, tight like he was trying to hold himself together. Derek had seen him do it a hundred times, but he didn't like being the reason Spencer was closing in on himself.
"It's obvious, isn't it? It's my fault; you were just trying to keep the team together, and I developed an...inappropriate crush." He said the words like he'd been practicing them, like maybe he'd had to ask someone for the right term to describe how he felt. His cheeks were flushed and he was looking down at the floor between them, but when he glanced up his expression told Derek everything he needed to know. "I assume that once you figured it out, you didn't want to have to let me down gently. It was easier to take the job offer and leave altogether."
"No," Derek said, shaking his head and pushing himself off the counter before he knew he was moving. He wasn't even sure it was true anymore; maybe he did leave because of Spencer, but not in the way Spencer meant, and he needed Spencer to know that.
Derek reached out and rested a hand on Spencer's shoulder, and when he didn't flinch away Derek let his hand move up to Spencer's neck, thumb tracing the sharp line of his jaw. He felt Spencer relax a little under his touch, felt his arms unfold and then Spencer's hand was on the front of his shirt, long fingers worrying at Derek's buttons. Derek smiled and slid his hand into Spencer's hair, tilting his head down and fitting their mouths together.
He wasn't sure how much experience Spencer had -- not much, that he was sure of -- but he made up for it with the way he gripped the front of Derek's shirt, the way he parted his lips and breathed against Derek and kissed him back like he was afraid it wasn't going to happen again. But it was going to happen again, again and again and again. Derek had always known that once he kissed Spencer he'd never be able to stop, not tonight and not for as long as Spencer would let him.
"I didn't know." Derek whispered the words against his cheek, punctuating each one with a soft brush of lips against his skin. "If I'd stayed I probably still wouldn't know. You think I could have let this happen while we were working together? And even if it did, Hotch would have found out and shipped me out of there faster than you could recite the statutes on fraternization, and I know how quick your recall is."
"Maybe not," Spencer said. His hands were moving on Derek's arms, just his fingertips tracing the lines of Derek's muscles, like maybe he wasn't sure he should be touching. "He might have fired me instead."
Derek laughed at that and pulled back to look at him. "Trust me, I'm at least twice as expendable as you. Muscle's easy to replace; a brain like yours only comes along once in a lifetime."
"You're not muscle." Spencer blushed and looked down at his hands where they were still tracing said muscles. "Well, you are muscular, but you're not just muscle. You're better with people than me, better at getting victims to trust you. You're better at reading body language and expressions, and you're a lot better at interrogation."
"Me and a whole bunch of other agents. Face it, kid, you're one of a kind. Hotch isn't going to let you get away that easily."
"It's not really his decision."
Derek wanted to ask what he meant by that, but Spencer was pressing forward and kissing him again, surer this time, like he'd picked up some self-confidence somewhere in the last five minutes. His hands gripped Derek's waist and Derek groaned and pressed as much of Spencer against himself as he could.
"You want to put the brakes on here, all you have to do is say the word," Derek said, but he was already dragging Spencer away from the counter and toward the hall.
"I want..." Spencer answered, gasping the words against Derek's mouth as he dove in for another kiss, "...I want you to stop calling me 'kid'."
Derek laughed into the kiss and dragged Spencer toward the stairs, pausing at the bottom to grin at him. "I can do that."