Fic: Zeroes and Ones 14/? (Criminal Minds, Morgan/Reid, NC17)
Title: Zeroes and Ones 14/?
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: Still behind. Today I nearly forgot to post at all. I'll catch up sometime this weekend, I hope.
Derek considered taking Spencer out for pizza and beers, but when he found Spencer waiting for him on the subway platform, looking tired and a little lost inside his giant coat, he decided a night in was exactly what they both needed. He called the pizza place from the subway and placed an order to go, then they got off a stop early to pick up dinner. It was only a few blocks to his place from the pizza joint, but the wind was bitter and he knew if they didn't take a cab their dinner would be ice cold when they finally got back to his place. So Derek hailed a cab and ushered Spencer into the back seat, gave the driver his address and handed over the fare when they pulled up in front of his house.
Half an hour later they were halfway through a box of what Garcia alleged was the best pizza in the world, and Spencer was in the middle of some story about Hotch and some backwater female sheriff who'd taken a liking to him. He'd been blushing since he started describing the way she flirted with Hotch, and Derek had been grinning since he started to blush. Now he was watching Spencer's hands moving through the air while he talked, long fingers gesturing wildly when he described the way Hotch jumped whenever the sheriff crept up behind him.
And yeah, Derek wished he could have seen Hotch's face while he was being stalked by a very determined local sheriff, but there was a part of him that was glad he'd missed it, because it meant he got to watch Spencer while he relived it.
"Then J.J. said, 'I'm sure we could send the jet back for you if you want to stay a few extra days and wrap things up, Hotch'. You should have seen his face; I thought he was having a stroke."
"I wish I had seen it," Derek answered, grinning more at the image of Spencer trying not to laugh in Hotch's face than at the thought of Hotch trying to fend off unwanted advances.
Spencer's smile faded and he set his empty plate down on the coffee table. "You would have if you'd stayed."
It was the first time the subject had come up since Spencer arrived. They'd talked about his rental properties the night before, sure, and Spencer had hinted around about Derek coming back to visit. But this was the first time he'd brought up Derek leaving like he was still taking it personally. Like maybe instead of just leaving the BAU, Derek had left Spencer. Which was true, technically, but they both knew it wasn't like that between them when he left. It still wasn't like that, even if it was getting harder and harder to remember the more time he spent around Spencer.
"We've been over this, kid. If I want to move forward in my career, I have to take the opportunities when they come along. If I didn't take a promotion when they offered it, eventually they'd transfer me anyway, and it definitely wouldn't have been to head up a field office somewhere." He paused to watch Spencer worry his lip between his teeth, fingers tightening around his beer bottle to stop himself from reaching over and easing Spencer's lip free before he did any damage. "Sometimes I think they shouldn't let anybody stay in the BAU as long as they do."
"Why?" Spencer asked, forehead furrowed like he really didn't get where Derek was coming from.
"Come on, look how Gideon went out. Has anybody even heard from him?"
Spencer shrugged but didn't answer, which Derek knew from long practice was Spencer for I don't want to talk about Gideon. They couldn't have this conversation without talking about him, though, because Gideon was one of the ones who stayed way too long. And sure, he was gone for awhile, but he came back, because he'd been at it too long by then to do anything else. And now...now he was nowhere, in the wind and doing God only knew what. Drifting, Derek figured, but he'd heard enough whispering around the office to know some of the people in the building thought maybe he'd become one of the monsters he'd hunted for so long.
That part was bullshit and Derek knew it, but that didn't make the fact that people said it any better. The fact that some of them half-believed it, and they might even be quicker to believe it about Spencer.
"Elle, then," Derek said, because he had a point here, damn it, and Spencer was the one who brought it up in the first place. "Look how she went out. Nobody should get to that point, Spencer. You and I both know she made a choice she never would have made if she hadn't spent the years she did looking at nothing but garbage."
"Officially she didn't do anything wrong."
Derek rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair, lifting his beer to his mouth and watching Spencer over the top of the bottle while he drank. Spencer was sitting on the couch with his legs crossed, stupid corduroy pants making him look even more like some absent-minded professor than the giant winter coat he'd been wandering around in all day. And Derek knew he was a grown man, that he could take care of himself. He could feed himself, anyway, and he managed to clothe himself, even if he wasn't very good at it. But he didn't know when to say when, and he seemed to think Derek was some kind of coward for saying when he'd had enough and getting out before the job turned him into another statistic like Hotch or Gideon.
"Rossi hasn't snapped," Spencer said after awhile. He was looking right back at Derek, watching him lower his beer with that freaky stare he only busted out when he was trying to act like he wasn't nervous about something. Which meant he'd thought about this before, and even though he couldn't say why, knowing that made Derek feel a little better.
"Yeah, but he walked away for a long time. Wrote some books, recharged his mental health batteries or whatever. The point is, he got a little distance."
"Is that why you left? To get some distance?" Spencer asked, chin pushed out and Derek knew a challenge when he heard one. Knew Spencer wasn't going to buy the 'it's for my career' line again, even if it was partly true. Then he looked away, hair falling over his face and when he didn't push it back Derek knew Spencer was trying not to let Derek see him blush.
"From the stuff we had to see every day, yeah, maybe," he finally answered. He leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees and dipping his head to catch Spencer's eye. "Hey. From the job, Spencer. Not from you."
Spencer did look at him then, and the way he smiled made Derek's chest feel so tight he couldn't breathe. "There's not really any difference, is there?"
"Yeah, kid, there's a big difference."
For a minute Spencer just looked at him like Derek was some tricky piece of evidence he was trying to figure out. Or maybe he was just waiting for Derek to make some kind of move, to get out of his chair and slide onto the couch next to Spencer and show him just how close Derek wanted to be. It was tempting; part of Derek wanted to do exactly that, to find out once and for all if that was what Spencer was looking for. If he'd come all this way because he missed having someone in his corner, or if it had taken Derek leaving to make him realize what he'd really wanted all along.
There wasn't even that much space between them; all Derek had to do was stand up and take a couple steps and he'd be standing right in front of Spencer. He'd almost convinced himself to get up when Spencer blinked and looked away, and suddenly the space between them felt like a mile.
"So what movie did you want to watch?"
Derek shook his head and let Spencer change the subject, ignoring the disappointment that settled in his stomach. Maybe he'd missed his moment there, or maybe Spencer still wasn't sure what he wanted from Derek. Either way, Derek wasn't going to take something Spencer didn't want to give. He set his beer down on the coffee table and stood up, pasting a broad grin on his face as he crossed to the TV to pick out something to distract them from whatever they weren't saying.
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: Still behind. Today I nearly forgot to post at all. I'll catch up sometime this weekend, I hope.
Derek considered taking Spencer out for pizza and beers, but when he found Spencer waiting for him on the subway platform, looking tired and a little lost inside his giant coat, he decided a night in was exactly what they both needed. He called the pizza place from the subway and placed an order to go, then they got off a stop early to pick up dinner. It was only a few blocks to his place from the pizza joint, but the wind was bitter and he knew if they didn't take a cab their dinner would be ice cold when they finally got back to his place. So Derek hailed a cab and ushered Spencer into the back seat, gave the driver his address and handed over the fare when they pulled up in front of his house.
Half an hour later they were halfway through a box of what Garcia alleged was the best pizza in the world, and Spencer was in the middle of some story about Hotch and some backwater female sheriff who'd taken a liking to him. He'd been blushing since he started describing the way she flirted with Hotch, and Derek had been grinning since he started to blush. Now he was watching Spencer's hands moving through the air while he talked, long fingers gesturing wildly when he described the way Hotch jumped whenever the sheriff crept up behind him.
And yeah, Derek wished he could have seen Hotch's face while he was being stalked by a very determined local sheriff, but there was a part of him that was glad he'd missed it, because it meant he got to watch Spencer while he relived it.
"Then J.J. said, 'I'm sure we could send the jet back for you if you want to stay a few extra days and wrap things up, Hotch'. You should have seen his face; I thought he was having a stroke."
"I wish I had seen it," Derek answered, grinning more at the image of Spencer trying not to laugh in Hotch's face than at the thought of Hotch trying to fend off unwanted advances.
Spencer's smile faded and he set his empty plate down on the coffee table. "You would have if you'd stayed."
It was the first time the subject had come up since Spencer arrived. They'd talked about his rental properties the night before, sure, and Spencer had hinted around about Derek coming back to visit. But this was the first time he'd brought up Derek leaving like he was still taking it personally. Like maybe instead of just leaving the BAU, Derek had left Spencer. Which was true, technically, but they both knew it wasn't like that between them when he left. It still wasn't like that, even if it was getting harder and harder to remember the more time he spent around Spencer.
"We've been over this, kid. If I want to move forward in my career, I have to take the opportunities when they come along. If I didn't take a promotion when they offered it, eventually they'd transfer me anyway, and it definitely wouldn't have been to head up a field office somewhere." He paused to watch Spencer worry his lip between his teeth, fingers tightening around his beer bottle to stop himself from reaching over and easing Spencer's lip free before he did any damage. "Sometimes I think they shouldn't let anybody stay in the BAU as long as they do."
"Why?" Spencer asked, forehead furrowed like he really didn't get where Derek was coming from.
"Come on, look how Gideon went out. Has anybody even heard from him?"
Spencer shrugged but didn't answer, which Derek knew from long practice was Spencer for I don't want to talk about Gideon. They couldn't have this conversation without talking about him, though, because Gideon was one of the ones who stayed way too long. And sure, he was gone for awhile, but he came back, because he'd been at it too long by then to do anything else. And now...now he was nowhere, in the wind and doing God only knew what. Drifting, Derek figured, but he'd heard enough whispering around the office to know some of the people in the building thought maybe he'd become one of the monsters he'd hunted for so long.
That part was bullshit and Derek knew it, but that didn't make the fact that people said it any better. The fact that some of them half-believed it, and they might even be quicker to believe it about Spencer.
"Elle, then," Derek said, because he had a point here, damn it, and Spencer was the one who brought it up in the first place. "Look how she went out. Nobody should get to that point, Spencer. You and I both know she made a choice she never would have made if she hadn't spent the years she did looking at nothing but garbage."
"Officially she didn't do anything wrong."
Derek rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair, lifting his beer to his mouth and watching Spencer over the top of the bottle while he drank. Spencer was sitting on the couch with his legs crossed, stupid corduroy pants making him look even more like some absent-minded professor than the giant winter coat he'd been wandering around in all day. And Derek knew he was a grown man, that he could take care of himself. He could feed himself, anyway, and he managed to clothe himself, even if he wasn't very good at it. But he didn't know when to say when, and he seemed to think Derek was some kind of coward for saying when he'd had enough and getting out before the job turned him into another statistic like Hotch or Gideon.
"Rossi hasn't snapped," Spencer said after awhile. He was looking right back at Derek, watching him lower his beer with that freaky stare he only busted out when he was trying to act like he wasn't nervous about something. Which meant he'd thought about this before, and even though he couldn't say why, knowing that made Derek feel a little better.
"Yeah, but he walked away for a long time. Wrote some books, recharged his mental health batteries or whatever. The point is, he got a little distance."
"Is that why you left? To get some distance?" Spencer asked, chin pushed out and Derek knew a challenge when he heard one. Knew Spencer wasn't going to buy the 'it's for my career' line again, even if it was partly true. Then he looked away, hair falling over his face and when he didn't push it back Derek knew Spencer was trying not to let Derek see him blush.
"From the stuff we had to see every day, yeah, maybe," he finally answered. He leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees and dipping his head to catch Spencer's eye. "Hey. From the job, Spencer. Not from you."
Spencer did look at him then, and the way he smiled made Derek's chest feel so tight he couldn't breathe. "There's not really any difference, is there?"
"Yeah, kid, there's a big difference."
For a minute Spencer just looked at him like Derek was some tricky piece of evidence he was trying to figure out. Or maybe he was just waiting for Derek to make some kind of move, to get out of his chair and slide onto the couch next to Spencer and show him just how close Derek wanted to be. It was tempting; part of Derek wanted to do exactly that, to find out once and for all if that was what Spencer was looking for. If he'd come all this way because he missed having someone in his corner, or if it had taken Derek leaving to make him realize what he'd really wanted all along.
There wasn't even that much space between them; all Derek had to do was stand up and take a couple steps and he'd be standing right in front of Spencer. He'd almost convinced himself to get up when Spencer blinked and looked away, and suddenly the space between them felt like a mile.
"So what movie did you want to watch?"
Derek shook his head and let Spencer change the subject, ignoring the disappointment that settled in his stomach. Maybe he'd missed his moment there, or maybe Spencer still wasn't sure what he wanted from Derek. Either way, Derek wasn't going to take something Spencer didn't want to give. He set his beer down on the coffee table and stood up, pasting a broad grin on his face as he crossed to the TV to pick out something to distract them from whatever they weren't saying.