Fic: Zeroes and Ones 10/? (Criminal Minds, Morgan/Reid, NC17)
Title: Zeroes and Ones 10/?
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: I...am catching up with myself. This damn Glee business has eaten my brain. But I know how to fix the corner I wrote myself into! That's something, right?
Derek spent the weeks between Reid's phone call and his visit focused on work. When he wasn't stuck in the office coordinating raids or filing reports, he was working overtime to try to get his house livable before Reid showed up. He'd been sleeping in the guest bedroom since he knocked down the wall between the two bedrooms on the third floor, but he couldn't expect Reid to share, so he focused most of his energy on getting the master bedroom to the point where he could at least throw a mattress on the floor.
It took a lot of late nights and long weekends, but by the time the second week of January rolled around, there was new sheet rock hung and the woodwork had been stripped of several layers of paint. The floors needed sanding and fresh stain, and he hadn't gotten around to picking out paint for the walls yet, but he had a bed and a working shower, and that was pretty much all he needed.
Having a deadline helped keep his mind off Reid's visit, anyway, which meant he didn't drive himself crazy thinking about what they were doing. Nothing, he told himself every time he caught himself wondering, but the closer Reid's visit got, the less he believed it. It was pretty clear from one phone call that things between them had changed somehow since Derek left the BAU, only he didn't know what had changed exactly, so he had no idea what to expect. Reid had left him feeling off balance plenty of times before, usually when he was talking circles around Derek about something that only made sense to him. But this was the first time just the thought of seeing Reid face-to-face knocked him off center, and he had no idea how he was going to handle a whole week of Reid in his house.
The alternative was walking away, e-mailing Reid to tell him Derek was sorry, but he couldn't put him up after all. Then he'd have to ignore Reid's texts and probably Garcia's for awhile, too, until finally Reid got the hint and lost his number. And he knew how well Reid took a hint, so it would probably take a lot longer for him to get the message than Derek could stand to ignore him. Because the truth was he liked Reid's texts and his e-mails; he'd started to look forward to them enough to change the ringtone on his phone to let him know when it was Reid doing the sending, just so his pulse would stop racing when his phone buzzed, only to discover a work e-mail waiting in his inbox.
Not that he heard from Reid all that much. Less than he'd like, if he was being honest with himself, but he was trying pretty hard not to think about it. He got a text about a week after Reid's phone call informing him that Garcia was compiling a list of places they should visit while he was in New York, even though Reid had tried to tell her he wouldn't have much time for sightseeing. Derek recognized the message for what it was: Reid bitching about Garcia interfering, even though it was his own fault for telling her he was visiting in the first place. Not that she wouldn't have found out from Derek eventually, but he knew Reid had told her first, because she'd sent him a furious e-mail accusing him of holding out on her the second she found out.
Reid's next message appeared in his inbox about a week later, informing Derek that they were in Minnesota consulting on a multiple homicide situation, and he was starting to think Derek had made the right decision leaving the BAU, because it meant he wasn't freezing his ass off in Bemidji. Not that Reid used the word 'ass', but Derek knew what he meant. He just grinned and texted Reid back to say it was pretty damn cold in New York too, and he should bring a warm coat when he came to visit. Which he'd already taken his sweet time about, so he better not freeze to death in Minnesota before he ever made it to New York.
Thanks to Garcia he knew it was a pretty rough case -- four dead kids so far -- and when she called to tell him the team was stuck in Minnesota for Christmas his mind went straight to Reid. Not that Reid had ever been all that big on holidays, but Derek knew Spencer never dealt well when kids were involved, and anyway there was no way living out of a suitcase in some nondescript motel over Christmas wasn't depressing. He thought about calling, but he knew from experience they had their hands full, and the last thing he wanted to be was a distraction. So he waited until noon on the 25th before he sent Reid a text that just said, Merry Christmas.
A couple hours later Reid texted him back to say, Thanks. Say hi to your family. That was it; no complaints about the weather or the frustrating case, no worries about maybe being stuck in Minnesota even longer and having to cancel his trip to New York. Derek had been worrying about that for awhile, but he wasn't about to admit it. Instead he texted Reid back, promising to tell his sisters hello when he called home to wish them a Merry Christmas. Then he put his phone on vibrate so he'd stop obsessing about Reid and went back to mudding drywall.
It was four days later when the team caught their guy and went home. Just in time for New Year's, though Derek had been in their shoes enough times to know they didn't feel much like celebrating. He waited until almost 10:00 on New Year's Eve to call, frowning as Reid's phone went straight to voicemail. "Hey," he said after the beep, "it's me. Just calling to say happy new year. I hope this means you're out having some fun for once. Guess I'll see you in a couple weeks."
He hung up and frowned down at his phone for another minute, wondering if Reid really was out letting off some steam, and if so, who he was letting it off with. If it was Garcia she would have told Derek, if for no other reason than to rub it in that he was missing out. And yeah, okay, he would have been jealous, but only because he was spending his holiday alone this year. His sisters had let him hear about that, but the fact was he had a lot more responsibility now, and that meant he couldn't always get away for visits. Then again, if he was still with the BAU he would have missed out on a trip home this year too, so either way he wouldn't have seen them. If he was still with the BAU he would have spent Christmas with Reid, though, and he might even know what Reid was doing for New Year's.
It was tempting to call Garcia, but the last thing she needed was more fuel for her theory that he was obsessed with Reid. He wasn't; he was worried, sure, but that was because he knew Reid, knew how hard some of the bad cases hit him, and he knew how good Reid was at making the people around him think he was fine. Most people, anyway, but he'd never managed to snow Derek. He'd always been able to tell when Reid was trying a little too hard to act like everything was okay, just by the way he clutched that stupid bag of his, or the number of times he pushed a hand through his hair. He'd spent a lot of time profiling Reid over the years, maybe more than anybody else, and he knew if he called and asked Garcia the right questions, he'd be able to figure out how Reid was doing without even talking to him.
He'd almost talked himself into it when his phone beeped, Reid's ringtone loud in the silence of his house. Derek pressed the button to display Reid's text, pulse racing just a little more than usual as he read. Sorry I missed you. I went to a movie. You're probably out celebrating now; I'll hear all about it from Garcia on Monday, I'm sure.
Derek didn't even hesitate before he dialed Reid's number, listening to the phone ring and willing Reid to pick up. When the line connected he closed his eyes and let out a breath, something that felt way too much like relief flooding him when he heard Reid's voice.
"Hello?"
"Hey, genius,' Derek said, forcing a smile into his voice. "So you're not out ringing in the new year with some sweet young thing?"
"That's not really my style," Reid said, like Derek didn't already know that. "It's more yours, actually."
"Not so much, these days. Guess all this responsibility's making me old before my time." Derek laughed, but he knew there was a little truth to it. "Heard you got your man up in Minnesota."
"Not before he killed another kid."
Derek could hear what Reid wasn't saying: We weren't smart enough to catch him before he took another life, and that means we failed.. He didn't bother reminding Reid of all the lives they had saved by catching him eventually; they both knew it was true, just like they both knew it never made them feel any better to hear it.
"Hell of a way to spend Christmas."
"I didn't have any plans anyway," Reid said. "I felt sorry for J.J."
J.J.: the only one on the team with a life outside the BAU. They always felt sorriest for her when they got stuck somewhere for a long time, mostly because the fact that she had a life meant it was possible, and they all sort of hoped maybe it could happen for them someday too. And now Derek had a desk job and some stability, and he could have all that any time he wanted. The problem was he was starting to think he wanted something he wasn't sure he could have.
"We'll make up for it when you get here," he said, just to lighten the mood. "I'll take you ice skating in Rockefeller Center."
"No thanks," Reid said, but he was laughing, and that was the idea. "I'd like to make it home without breaking anything I might need later."
"Yeah? That what you were doing at the movies on New Year's Eve? Keeping yourself out of harm's way?"
It was a joke, but the silence on the other end of the line told Derek he'd hit pretty close to the mark. Suddenly he felt like a jerk for pushing when he knew Reid was probably still worked up about the case. He'd heard the 'at the movies' excuse before and he'd never really bought it, but he'd never pressed too hard for the truth, either. He'd always figured it was none of his business, and it wasn't so hard to tell himself Reid was fine when Derek was there to see him every day. Now all he got were messages every so often and a couple phone calls, and somehow not talking to Reid made Derek worry about him even more.
"It's a good time to see a movie," Reid finally said. "Most people are at bars or parties, so there are less people in the theater to distract you from the film."
Derek didn't bother pointing out that the reason there was no one in the theater was because only losers went to the movies on New Year's Eve. He had a feeling that even if Reid was lying about where he'd been tonight, he had firsthand experience of how crowded the theaters weren't on holidays. Not that Derek's plans for tonight were so much better anyway; so far all he'd done so far was sand the window frames in his bedroom and worry about Reid.
"So tell me about these plans Garcia's been making for us," Derek said, hoping a change of subject would lighten the mood a little.
"It's nothing, she's just making fun of me."
Derek could practically hear his scowl over the phone, and he pictured Reid frowning and running a nervous hand through his hair. He didn't believe Garcia was making fun of Reid; chances were pretty good that if she was trying to tease anybody, it was Derek. She probably figured Reid was too clueless to catch on to whatever she was up to, but obviously she was wrong. Which meant he was going to have to have a conversation with Garcia, and he wasn't really looking forward to that.
"She's not making fun of you, kid. You know how she gets when she gets an idea in her head. She's probably just jealous that she doesn't get to bask in my presence for a whole week too."
That got him a laugh, however shaky, and Derek grinned into the phone.
"She was mumbling something about flight patterns and hacking into air traffic control the other day."
"Tell her to be careful, we take that kind of threat seriously around here," Derek said, his grin fading into a soft smile when Reid sighed on the other end of the line. "You know Garcia's crazy about you, right?"
Reid made a sound that could have been disbelief, but Derek knew him well enough to know it was just Reid's way of brushing off a compliment. For a minute they were both quiet, and Derek wondered when he'd reached the point where he was cool with just listening to Reid breathe.
"It's almost midnight."
Derek glanced down at his watch to see that Reid was right. "So it is. Happy new year, kid."
"I'm even less of a kid now than I the first time I asked you not to call me that."
Derek laughed, low and warm and he wondered if Reid could tell just how much he hated the idea of hanging up the phone. "Fair enough. So should I stick with Reid, then?"
"You could call me Spencer."
It wasn't like he'd never called Reid by his first name before; he had, plenty of times. But there was something about Reid -- Spencer -- giving him permission that made it seem like he was offering something totally different.
"Okay. So I'll see you soon."
"Hey, Morgan?"
"Derek."
"Derek." There was a slow, deliberate breath on the other end of the line, like Spencer was trying out the feel of Derek's name in his mouth. "You're sure I won't be in the way? A week's a long time."
All of a sudden a week didn't seem like much time at all, but Derek didn't say so. Instead he said, "You can stay as long as you want, Spencer."
"Thanks," Spencer said, and Derek closed his eyes to picture his blush.
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Rating: NC17
Summary: AU. This diverges from canon directly after 4x01. When Derek's offered the job heading up the NYC field office, he takes it for the good of his career. He expects to leave the BAU and everyone he knew in Virginia behind, but some people are easier to let go of than others.
A/N: I...am catching up with myself. This damn Glee business has eaten my brain. But I know how to fix the corner I wrote myself into! That's something, right?
Derek spent the weeks between Reid's phone call and his visit focused on work. When he wasn't stuck in the office coordinating raids or filing reports, he was working overtime to try to get his house livable before Reid showed up. He'd been sleeping in the guest bedroom since he knocked down the wall between the two bedrooms on the third floor, but he couldn't expect Reid to share, so he focused most of his energy on getting the master bedroom to the point where he could at least throw a mattress on the floor.
It took a lot of late nights and long weekends, but by the time the second week of January rolled around, there was new sheet rock hung and the woodwork had been stripped of several layers of paint. The floors needed sanding and fresh stain, and he hadn't gotten around to picking out paint for the walls yet, but he had a bed and a working shower, and that was pretty much all he needed.
Having a deadline helped keep his mind off Reid's visit, anyway, which meant he didn't drive himself crazy thinking about what they were doing. Nothing, he told himself every time he caught himself wondering, but the closer Reid's visit got, the less he believed it. It was pretty clear from one phone call that things between them had changed somehow since Derek left the BAU, only he didn't know what had changed exactly, so he had no idea what to expect. Reid had left him feeling off balance plenty of times before, usually when he was talking circles around Derek about something that only made sense to him. But this was the first time just the thought of seeing Reid face-to-face knocked him off center, and he had no idea how he was going to handle a whole week of Reid in his house.
The alternative was walking away, e-mailing Reid to tell him Derek was sorry, but he couldn't put him up after all. Then he'd have to ignore Reid's texts and probably Garcia's for awhile, too, until finally Reid got the hint and lost his number. And he knew how well Reid took a hint, so it would probably take a lot longer for him to get the message than Derek could stand to ignore him. Because the truth was he liked Reid's texts and his e-mails; he'd started to look forward to them enough to change the ringtone on his phone to let him know when it was Reid doing the sending, just so his pulse would stop racing when his phone buzzed, only to discover a work e-mail waiting in his inbox.
Not that he heard from Reid all that much. Less than he'd like, if he was being honest with himself, but he was trying pretty hard not to think about it. He got a text about a week after Reid's phone call informing him that Garcia was compiling a list of places they should visit while he was in New York, even though Reid had tried to tell her he wouldn't have much time for sightseeing. Derek recognized the message for what it was: Reid bitching about Garcia interfering, even though it was his own fault for telling her he was visiting in the first place. Not that she wouldn't have found out from Derek eventually, but he knew Reid had told her first, because she'd sent him a furious e-mail accusing him of holding out on her the second she found out.
Reid's next message appeared in his inbox about a week later, informing Derek that they were in Minnesota consulting on a multiple homicide situation, and he was starting to think Derek had made the right decision leaving the BAU, because it meant he wasn't freezing his ass off in Bemidji. Not that Reid used the word 'ass', but Derek knew what he meant. He just grinned and texted Reid back to say it was pretty damn cold in New York too, and he should bring a warm coat when he came to visit. Which he'd already taken his sweet time about, so he better not freeze to death in Minnesota before he ever made it to New York.
Thanks to Garcia he knew it was a pretty rough case -- four dead kids so far -- and when she called to tell him the team was stuck in Minnesota for Christmas his mind went straight to Reid. Not that Reid had ever been all that big on holidays, but Derek knew Spencer never dealt well when kids were involved, and anyway there was no way living out of a suitcase in some nondescript motel over Christmas wasn't depressing. He thought about calling, but he knew from experience they had their hands full, and the last thing he wanted to be was a distraction. So he waited until noon on the 25th before he sent Reid a text that just said, Merry Christmas.
A couple hours later Reid texted him back to say, Thanks. Say hi to your family. That was it; no complaints about the weather or the frustrating case, no worries about maybe being stuck in Minnesota even longer and having to cancel his trip to New York. Derek had been worrying about that for awhile, but he wasn't about to admit it. Instead he texted Reid back, promising to tell his sisters hello when he called home to wish them a Merry Christmas. Then he put his phone on vibrate so he'd stop obsessing about Reid and went back to mudding drywall.
It was four days later when the team caught their guy and went home. Just in time for New Year's, though Derek had been in their shoes enough times to know they didn't feel much like celebrating. He waited until almost 10:00 on New Year's Eve to call, frowning as Reid's phone went straight to voicemail. "Hey," he said after the beep, "it's me. Just calling to say happy new year. I hope this means you're out having some fun for once. Guess I'll see you in a couple weeks."
He hung up and frowned down at his phone for another minute, wondering if Reid really was out letting off some steam, and if so, who he was letting it off with. If it was Garcia she would have told Derek, if for no other reason than to rub it in that he was missing out. And yeah, okay, he would have been jealous, but only because he was spending his holiday alone this year. His sisters had let him hear about that, but the fact was he had a lot more responsibility now, and that meant he couldn't always get away for visits. Then again, if he was still with the BAU he would have missed out on a trip home this year too, so either way he wouldn't have seen them. If he was still with the BAU he would have spent Christmas with Reid, though, and he might even know what Reid was doing for New Year's.
It was tempting to call Garcia, but the last thing she needed was more fuel for her theory that he was obsessed with Reid. He wasn't; he was worried, sure, but that was because he knew Reid, knew how hard some of the bad cases hit him, and he knew how good Reid was at making the people around him think he was fine. Most people, anyway, but he'd never managed to snow Derek. He'd always been able to tell when Reid was trying a little too hard to act like everything was okay, just by the way he clutched that stupid bag of his, or the number of times he pushed a hand through his hair. He'd spent a lot of time profiling Reid over the years, maybe more than anybody else, and he knew if he called and asked Garcia the right questions, he'd be able to figure out how Reid was doing without even talking to him.
He'd almost talked himself into it when his phone beeped, Reid's ringtone loud in the silence of his house. Derek pressed the button to display Reid's text, pulse racing just a little more than usual as he read. Sorry I missed you. I went to a movie. You're probably out celebrating now; I'll hear all about it from Garcia on Monday, I'm sure.
Derek didn't even hesitate before he dialed Reid's number, listening to the phone ring and willing Reid to pick up. When the line connected he closed his eyes and let out a breath, something that felt way too much like relief flooding him when he heard Reid's voice.
"Hello?"
"Hey, genius,' Derek said, forcing a smile into his voice. "So you're not out ringing in the new year with some sweet young thing?"
"That's not really my style," Reid said, like Derek didn't already know that. "It's more yours, actually."
"Not so much, these days. Guess all this responsibility's making me old before my time." Derek laughed, but he knew there was a little truth to it. "Heard you got your man up in Minnesota."
"Not before he killed another kid."
Derek could hear what Reid wasn't saying: We weren't smart enough to catch him before he took another life, and that means we failed.. He didn't bother reminding Reid of all the lives they had saved by catching him eventually; they both knew it was true, just like they both knew it never made them feel any better to hear it.
"Hell of a way to spend Christmas."
"I didn't have any plans anyway," Reid said. "I felt sorry for J.J."
J.J.: the only one on the team with a life outside the BAU. They always felt sorriest for her when they got stuck somewhere for a long time, mostly because the fact that she had a life meant it was possible, and they all sort of hoped maybe it could happen for them someday too. And now Derek had a desk job and some stability, and he could have all that any time he wanted. The problem was he was starting to think he wanted something he wasn't sure he could have.
"We'll make up for it when you get here," he said, just to lighten the mood. "I'll take you ice skating in Rockefeller Center."
"No thanks," Reid said, but he was laughing, and that was the idea. "I'd like to make it home without breaking anything I might need later."
"Yeah? That what you were doing at the movies on New Year's Eve? Keeping yourself out of harm's way?"
It was a joke, but the silence on the other end of the line told Derek he'd hit pretty close to the mark. Suddenly he felt like a jerk for pushing when he knew Reid was probably still worked up about the case. He'd heard the 'at the movies' excuse before and he'd never really bought it, but he'd never pressed too hard for the truth, either. He'd always figured it was none of his business, and it wasn't so hard to tell himself Reid was fine when Derek was there to see him every day. Now all he got were messages every so often and a couple phone calls, and somehow not talking to Reid made Derek worry about him even more.
"It's a good time to see a movie," Reid finally said. "Most people are at bars or parties, so there are less people in the theater to distract you from the film."
Derek didn't bother pointing out that the reason there was no one in the theater was because only losers went to the movies on New Year's Eve. He had a feeling that even if Reid was lying about where he'd been tonight, he had firsthand experience of how crowded the theaters weren't on holidays. Not that Derek's plans for tonight were so much better anyway; so far all he'd done so far was sand the window frames in his bedroom and worry about Reid.
"So tell me about these plans Garcia's been making for us," Derek said, hoping a change of subject would lighten the mood a little.
"It's nothing, she's just making fun of me."
Derek could practically hear his scowl over the phone, and he pictured Reid frowning and running a nervous hand through his hair. He didn't believe Garcia was making fun of Reid; chances were pretty good that if she was trying to tease anybody, it was Derek. She probably figured Reid was too clueless to catch on to whatever she was up to, but obviously she was wrong. Which meant he was going to have to have a conversation with Garcia, and he wasn't really looking forward to that.
"She's not making fun of you, kid. You know how she gets when she gets an idea in her head. She's probably just jealous that she doesn't get to bask in my presence for a whole week too."
That got him a laugh, however shaky, and Derek grinned into the phone.
"She was mumbling something about flight patterns and hacking into air traffic control the other day."
"Tell her to be careful, we take that kind of threat seriously around here," Derek said, his grin fading into a soft smile when Reid sighed on the other end of the line. "You know Garcia's crazy about you, right?"
Reid made a sound that could have been disbelief, but Derek knew him well enough to know it was just Reid's way of brushing off a compliment. For a minute they were both quiet, and Derek wondered when he'd reached the point where he was cool with just listening to Reid breathe.
"It's almost midnight."
Derek glanced down at his watch to see that Reid was right. "So it is. Happy new year, kid."
"I'm even less of a kid now than I the first time I asked you not to call me that."
Derek laughed, low and warm and he wondered if Reid could tell just how much he hated the idea of hanging up the phone. "Fair enough. So should I stick with Reid, then?"
"You could call me Spencer."
It wasn't like he'd never called Reid by his first name before; he had, plenty of times. But there was something about Reid -- Spencer -- giving him permission that made it seem like he was offering something totally different.
"Okay. So I'll see you soon."
"Hey, Morgan?"
"Derek."
"Derek." There was a slow, deliberate breath on the other end of the line, like Spencer was trying out the feel of Derek's name in his mouth. "You're sure I won't be in the way? A week's a long time."
All of a sudden a week didn't seem like much time at all, but Derek didn't say so. Instead he said, "You can stay as long as you want, Spencer."
"Thanks," Spencer said, and Derek closed his eyes to picture his blush.