Fic: Longer Ways to Go (CSI, Nick/Greg, PG13)

[carolinecrane]

I prefer not to post a lot of explanation along with a new fic. I'd really rather just post the fic and let it stand on its own, but sometimes it can't be helped. So here's the explanation for this one, as succinctly as I can make it.

Comments

[ullman79]

I think the comment thing is what killed the last of my desire to actively participate in fandom, to be honest. I'm not the most confident of people (I know, a shocker, that) out there, and when 0 people comment on fic time and time again. When 1-3 comments is a major achievement? It kind of stops being fun, and starts being painful.

The lack of comments has little to do with the quality of writing I find. That is, I know I'm definitely not the greatest writer out there, but I'm not blind and see far worse writers getting loads of comments.

Oh well. In then end I suppose it's all about wanting to improve yourself, and your own writing and the number of comments shouldn't matter. But somehow that mantra stopped working for me a long time ago, obviously.

Anyway don't mind me, I'm a little bitter about the whole experience. Which is also part of the reason why I find commenting/posting more difficult than usual. That doesn't mean I don't see how your fic totally deserves a very large audience, and if they're not reading? Their loss.

I for one can't wait for the novel!

[carolinecrane]

Pouring a ton of your own emotional energy into something and having it connect with no one (or very few people) is really heartbreaking, absolutely. I totally get what you're saying. And it's true that quality has nothing to do with it. There's a tiny fandom that I co-started recently, without naming any names, and it has a small following, but there is very, very little commenting going on where fic is concerned. Moreso on other people's than mine, though, and on a friend's recent fic someone commented that this friend and I were 'monopolizing the fandom'. Which...I don't even know where to start with that.

This is going to become a huge tangent if I don't stop, so I will. I just don't *get* people, you know? Because the whole point of writing fic is to express your joy in the fandom and your love for the characters, and if other fans reject your joy, as it were, or find you intimidating just because you're creating fannish product, that sort of harshs the squee. (If, by 'sort of', you mean 'completely', which I do.)

So it's no surprise that eventually the 'I'm writing for myself' line just doesn't cut it anymore. We write for ourselves, sure, but we write for the collective fannish experience too, and it's really hard to keep getting shut out of that again and again.

I'm not saying that's where I'm coming from, really. I'm not even complaining about lack of comments, because really, at this point I have proven that I can't stop writing fic no matter how few people want to read it. But I understand completely why you aren't writing anymore, and I think it sucks, because you're a good writer.