Fic: No Such Thing as the Real World (Devotion Series 3/14)
Fic: No Such Thing as the Real World
Fandom: Xena
Pairing: Ares/Joxer
Rating: R
Summary: Strife's suspicious, Dite's suspicious, and Joxer reacts badly to the news of Timo's demise.
Cupid shifted against the body pinned underneath his, capturing a pale earlobe and worrying it between his teeth. When he didn't hear a familiar giggle or even a throaty moan for his efforts he pulled back, frowning at Strife's contemplative expression. "This works much better when everyone participates," he murmured, dipping his head to nuzzle at Strife's neck.
Slender fingers came up to thread through his hair absently, and the touch almost convinced Cupid that he'd accomplished his goal of getting them back on track. A moment later he let out a frustrated growl and pulled back, glaring down at the other man. "This isn't exactly convincing me of my irresistibility."
"Sorry, Cupe," Strife said, his normally mischievous expression replaced with genuine regret. He turned as Cupid slid off him, wrapping an arm around the blonde's waist and stroking absently at the edge of his wing. "I was just thinking about Unc."
"So not helping," Cupid said.
"No, I mean I was thinking about earlier, when he was talking 'bout Joxer's ex. Remember when he said that Joxer shouldn't still be hung up on the guy 'cause he hadn't seen him since he was a kid?"
Cupid pushed himself up on one elbow, his forehead furrowed as he tried to comprehend why Strife had chosen this particular moment to start worrying about some dead mortal. "So?"
"So nobody ever told him that," Strife said. "All I said was the guy was Joxer's first love, not that he hadn't seen the guy since he was a kid. So how'd he know?"
"I don't know, maybe he just assumed," Cupid said, his hand wandering over Strife's stomach in what he assumed was a vain attempt to distract him from thinking about Joxer’s problems. "It's a pretty safe assumption. I mean it is the truth."
"Yeah, maybe," Strife said, but it was obvious from his far-away expression that he wasn't entirely convinced. Cupid sighed and pulled away from the smaller god, deciding that he was going to have to take matters into his own hands if he was going to get anywhere tonight. He pushed himself up on his knees and swung one leg over Strife, straddling his hips and leaning forward to brace his hands on either side of Strife’s face.
“Look, it’s Mom’s project, right? Joxer’s her pet, so why don’t we let her worry about it?” He smiled as innocently as he could when he was completely naked and turned on. He had a feeling that Strife’s distraction should have irritated him enough by now to drive him to get out of bed to find someplace to pout, but oddly enough the challenge turned him on even more. Usually all he had to do was glance in Strife’s direction and it counted as foreplay, so actually having to seduce Strife for once was almost a welcome change of pace.
At least it would have been if he thought he had a chance of wrestling Strife’s attention away from Joxer’s broken heart for more than five seconds at a time. He was just getting started, though, and lucky for him he knew exactly how to get Strife’s attention. He was Love, after all. He smiled to himself as he leaned forward, nuzzling the soft skin beneath Strife’s ear again before he nipped playfully at his earlobe. As expected, Strife's fingers tightened in his hair and the body underneath his jerked against him. A deep chuckle escaped Cupid's throat as he released Strife's earlobe and found his mouth again.
Much better, he thought to himself as Strife's hands left his hair to stroke his wings. He pulled back and grinned, grinding their hips together as blue eyes blinked open to gaze up at him. "Mmm, Cupe," Strife murmured, soft lips brushing Cupid's jaw before Strife pulled back. "She did ask for yer help, though."
"You've gotta be kidding," Cupid grumbled, slumping onto Strife's chest and letting out a labored sigh. "Can we please talk about this tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure," Strife said, his hands moving from Cupid's shoulders to his hips. "Only she asked us ta help her find this kid, and I swear Unc knows something he's not sayin'."
"Fine, we'll go talk to the priest tomorrow. I promise." Cupid lifted his head and flashed a hopeful smile at Strife. "Okay?"
"Okay," Strife said, wiggling suggestively under the muscular body pinning him to the mattress. "Sorry 'bout that, it's just the look on Unc's face when…"
"Strife?" Cupid interrupted, pressing a finger to the younger god's lips.
"Yeah, Cupe?"
"Shut up." Strife grinned his understanding and promptly sucked Cupid's index finger into his mouth, wisely choosing to drop the subject.
~
It had been an entire day since Ares announced that Joxer’s first love was dead, and Aphrodite hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything except how to break the news to him. She hadn’t visited any of her temples all day, and she’d barely paid attention to the prayers from various mortals. As a result she couldn’t remember anymore whether she’d answered a prayer about a girl in Thebes who was in love with a dragon or a dragonslayer in Crete who was in love with his best friend. She frowned in concentration until she remembered how bad wrinkles looked on her, then she shrugged and let out a sigh. It didn’t matter anyway, as long as someone was in love with someone she’d done what she could do. Besides, Joxer was going to show up in her temple any minute and she still hadn’t settled on the best way to tell him what she’d found out.
She felt a shift in the air a moment before Ares appeared in her temple in a puff of dark sparks, interrupting her brooding and bringing her frown back to the surface. “Whatever it is, I don’t have time, bro. I’ve got about ten minutes before Joxie shows up at my temple, and I have to figure out a way to break the news to him that you couldn’t keep his true love safe.”
“And when exactly did this become my fault?” Ares ground out through clenched teeth. If Aphrodite bothered to look at him she would have seen that he wasn’t in the mood to be baited, but she was too busy worrying about Joxer to even wonder what he wanted.
“He worked for you, didn’t he?”
“Who?”
Aphrodite rolled her eyes and tossed her thick curls over one shoulder. “Timo, that’s who. Joxie’s first love, the guy that got killed on your watch? Ring any bells?”
Ares crossed his arms over his leather-clad chest and squared his shoulders, glaring at his sister as she continued to ignore him in favor of worrying about Joxer. “I don’t understand why you’re so concerned with the broken heart of some mortal,” he snapped, stopping just short of stomping his foot for emphasis.
“Duh, it’s my job,” Aphrodite reminded him, finally pausing long enough to take a good look at her brother. “Did you take a blow to the head or something? You’re acting a little spacey today.”
“I’m fine, which is more than I can say for the rest of this family,” he muttered, flinching away from her attempt to feel his forehead for signs of some mysterious ailment. “Even Strife is love-obsessed lately. It’s bad for business.”
“It is business,” Aphrodite reminded him. “At least for some of us. Now stop glowering and help me think of the best way to tell Joxie the truth. You know them both, how do you think I should do it?”
“Just spit it out,” Ares growled, shifting his weight and not quite meeting his sister’s eyes as he spoke. She watched him carefully, forgetting Joxer’s broken heart for a moment as she wondered what was up with Ares. She could tell he was doing his best to look irritated, but she was one of the few people who knew him well enough to recognize when he was uncomfortable. “It’s not like the news is going to kill him. He asked you for the truth, so tell him the truth and get on with it. Maybe then I can have Mischief back at work where he belongs.”
She wisely chose not to point out that Ares could get along just fine without Strife, partly because she didn’t want to antagonize him when he was acting so strange and partly because she was afraid if Ares agreed with her she’d end up saddled with Strife. She shuddered at the thought of her nephew hanging around stirring up mischief every day, doing her best to push the thought out of her mind and focus on the problem at hand. “Joxie’s a lot more sensitive than you think, bro. He’s going to take this badly, mark my words. I’m just not sure if it’s safer to tell him and then watch him to make sure he doesn’t do anything foolish, or if I should bring him up here where he can't get away.”
“Why in Zeus’ name would you bring him here?” Ares asked, something dark flashing in his eyes for a split second before he caught himself and reined in the emotion. It wasn’t fast enough to get it past his sister, though, and she pursed her lips thoughtfully as she watched Ares pretend to be fascinated with the statue in the corner. “Just tell him the truth and let him get on with his life. He’ll be fine,” Ares added in a carefully neutral voice.
“Huh.”
“What?”
Aphrodite swallowed a smirk at her brother’s defensive tone and pasted a sunny smile on her face. “Nothing. It’s just that I didn’t even think you knew who Joxer was, but you seem so sure that he’ll be fine with the love of his life kicking the bucket.”
“Mortals die all the time, ‘Dite,” Ares reminded her, rolling his eyes as though the question of Joxer’s heartache was irrelevant.
“Some people never get over losing their first love, you know,” she said, ignoring the dark look he shot in her direction. “I mean it’s obvious that Joxie’s been pining away all these years, and now that all hope is lost who knows what he’ll do. He’s not exactly the most careful guy around.”
If she didn’t know better she would have sworn Ares bit his lip to stop himself from whatever he’d been about to say, but she knew better than to just ask what was on his mind. For one thing he wouldn’t tell her, and for another he might just get angry and flash back to his temple to brood in peace. There was definitely something going on with him, though, and if she played her cards right she was sure she could find out what it was.
“I hadn’t noticed,” Ares answered vaguely. He frowned and his eyes took on a far-off cast for a moment, then he blinked and Aphrodite was left wondering if she was imagining things. “When you see our worthless nephew skulking around tell him to get back to work.” With that he flashed back out of the temple, leaving the goddess of love to wonder just what exactly was bothering her brother. Whatever it was, she was sure it didn’t have anything to do with Strife’s recent distraction. In fact if she didn’t know better…but that had to be some kind of residual energy left over from an earlier prayer. She couldn’t really have sensed heartbreak from War himself; as far as she knew Ares had never been in love. And if anyone would know about War losing his heart to one of his consorts, it would be her.
She barely had time to wonder when Joxer’s voice invaded her thoughts, and she pressed her hand to her heart at the shy, almost nervous way he began his prayer. “Here goes nothing,” she murmured, flashing down to her temple.
Less than a second later she was standing in front of Joxer, smiling as cheerfully as possible considering she was about to break his heart. “Joxie, it’s so good to see you. How are things going with Blondie? Sure you don’t want me to shoot her for you?”
He smiled gently and shook his head the same way he always did when she offered to shoot someone and hand them over to him. “Thanks, Aphrodite, but no. Gabrielle’s heart already belongs to somebody else. Besides, that’s not really the way love should work. Not that I’m trying to tell you how to do your job.”
She smirked at his horrified expression, waving her hand to dismiss the slip. “In a way you’re right, just between you and me. Some people just need a little shove, you know? But I didn’t know you knew about Blondie and Xena.”
“It’s hard to spend as much time with them as I do and not notice the way they look at each other,” he said, smiling so affectionately that Aphrodite couldn’t help smiling back. As soon as his smile surfaced it faded, though, and Aphrodite braced herself for the question she’d been dreading since Ares told her Timo was dead. “I don’t mean to be ungrateful, Aphrodite, but have you found out anything about the boy I asked you about?”
“You’re sure you don’t want me to shoot someone for you? It doesn’t have to be Blondie. It could be anyone…that nice man that’s always hanging around Herc maybe. He’s pretty easy on the eyes.” Her heart leapt at the small flicker of interest she saw in his eyes, but he shook his head and let out a regretful little sigh.
“I’m not looking for love, really,” he said, smiling a little at her perplexed expression. “I just want to know that Timo’s okay, that he moved on with his life. When I left…well, it’s a long story but things didn’t end the way I wanted them to. I mean I didn’t want it to end at all, but my father…anyway I just want to know that he’s safe. I mean happy.”
Aphrodite frowned, once again forgetting to worry about how all those tiny little lines ruined her otherwise perfect features. She’s spent most of the day feeling like she was missing something, and even though Joxer looked completely sincere she couldn’t help wondering what he wasn’t telling her. “Why don’t you tell me the whole story, Joxie? Maybe that will help me.”
“So you haven’t found him?” Joxer asked, his face falling.
She bit her lip and twisted one golden curl around her finger, carefully avoiding eye contact while she tried to think of a way to get around a direct answer. “See, the thing is, this all happened a really long time ago.”
“Fifteen years.”
“Right,” she said, her heart falling at his resigned tone. He sounded as though he’d counted every single day since the last time they saw each other, and she couldn’t help wondering how a deep love like that had escaped her attention. Granted she didn’t concern herself too much with the first loves of teenagers, no matter how sweet they were. Most of them turned out to be passing infatuation at best, and they usually ended before they really got interesting. If Joxer’s feelings had survived this long she should have felt something from him back then. “And you say this boy grew up near Araxova?”
"In a village over the hill. I never visited him at home, we always met in the woods behind the temple. You know the one, War's temple on the outskirts of town. If you haven't found anything it's okay…"
"It's not that," she interrupted, although the second his eyes lit up she wished she'd kept her mouth shut. It would have been so easy to let him believe she just hadn't been able to find Timo, but eventually even someone as trusting as Joxer would wonder why a goddess couldn't find one little mortal. "The thing is, he used to serve Ares in that temple you mentioned."
"So he became a warrior?" Joxer's eyes sparkled with anticipation, breaking her heart just a little more. "Is he one of Ares' warlords now?"
"Not exactly." She took a deep breath and reached out, resting her hand on his arm and leading him further into the temple. "Evidently he was an orphan and one of Ares' priests took pity on him. Let him help out around the temple, run errands, that kind of thing. He was headed to town one day when he was robbed. According to Ares the thieves killed the poor guy. But Ares hunted them down and made sure they knew the consequences of messing with someone under War's protection. You know Ares, always has to put on a big show about not messing with his territory."
She broke off her rambling monologue when she realized he wasn't listening anymore, glancing at his profile in time to see his mouth hanging open and his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him. "Joxie? Hon? It's not the end of the world, I mean he had a good life for awhile, right? He had you, that's pretty lucky."
He nodded mutely but she could tell he hadn't heard what she said. As far as she could tell he was miles away, focused on some memory she couldn't see. The urge to reach out and see for herself what he was seeing was overwhelming, and she bit her lip and hesitated for a second before she let herself reach into his thoughts. The heartache was so potent that she took a step backwards, her chest clenching painfully as she watched Joxer remembering the last words his father ever said to him. She knew how cruel mortals were to each other, but the idea that Joxer's father could hate him so much was horrifying. Joxer was the sweetest, kindest person she'd ever met; the whole reason she took such an interest in him was because he seemed so innocent. The fact that he'd lived through that kind of torture and still managed to remain as optimistic as he was…she pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp and reached out to touch him again, but he yanked his arm away and glanced over at her.
"I…thank you, Aphrodite. I…I have to go…Xena's waiting," he stammered, moving backwards as he spoke.
"Joxie, wait," she called after him, worrying her lip between her teeth as she wondered whether or not to use her powers to force him to stay.
"I'm fine," he said, his voice muted by the stone walls of the temple. A second later he was gone, and her heart sank as she stared at the spot where he'd just been standing. He definitely wasn't fine; far from it, she was positive by the look in his eyes just before she'd invaded his thoughts. She had no idea what that memory meant or why that was the first thing he'd thought of when he heard the news, but she had a feeling it wasn't a good sign.
~
As soon as Joxer was out of Aphrodite's sight he stopped, clutching at the stone wall of the temple as he doubled over and squeezed his eyes shut. His stomach and chest were twisted into tight knots, and he was having trouble getting enough air into his lungs. He couldn't see or feel anything past the blinding pain in his chest, but he needed to get away from the well-meaning but clueless goddess. He appreciated everything she'd ever done for him, but even Love couldn't understand what the news of Timo's death meant. How soon after he left did Timo die? Was it a day, a week…maybe he had a month of living with the knowledge that Joxer ran out on him before he was murdered.
No one could understand how he felt, not Aphrodite or Gabrielle or even Xena. This was his fault, his fault for not being brave enough to stand up to his father. At least if he'd stayed and faced his father's wrath they would have died together, and he wouldn't be dying of a broken heart against the wall of one of Love's temples.
How many years had he been going through the motions of life without really living? He tried to do good, he tried to help out wherever he could. At least he had since he met Xena; meeting her and Gabrielle and hearing about their mission gave him a purpose for the first time in his life, and he finally gave up the dream of becoming one of War's warriors. It was hard to let go of the dream he'd had since childhood, almost as hard as walking away from the only person that had ever loved him. Finding good friends like Xena and Gabby had made life seem almost worth living again, and that was something he'd needed so desperately that he'd convinced himself he was in love with Gabrielle. Which was just another in a series of humiliations, and he flushed hard as he imagined what they thought of him.
They were waiting for him even now, making their rounds in the marketplace and no doubt worrying that he'd get himself in some kind of trouble while he was out of their sight. For him they'd been a saving grace when he needed one more than anything, but for them he was nothing more than a burden. He was just another of the helpless masses they found themselves rescuing on a near constant basis; he couldn't even count himself among their friends. And why would they consider him a friend? He was such a coward that he'd gotten Timo killed, and since the day he left home he hadn't done a single thing that he could be proud of.
When he finally caught his breath he straightened up, wiping harshly at his eyes and clearing his throat. He wasn't going to go find Xena and Gabrielle; there was no point in burdening them with having to look after him. If the looks they'd been giving him for the past few days were any indication they'd be asking questions before long anyway, and he didn't want to answer any probing questions about what had him waking up in a cold sweat every morning. In fact the only thing he really wanted to do was find his father and show him that he wasn't a little boy anymore, and even if he was still clumsy and awkward he was willing to die in the quest for revenge.
Fandom: Xena
Pairing: Ares/Joxer
Rating: R
Summary: Strife's suspicious, Dite's suspicious, and Joxer reacts badly to the news of Timo's demise.
Cupid shifted against the body pinned underneath his, capturing a pale earlobe and worrying it between his teeth. When he didn't hear a familiar giggle or even a throaty moan for his efforts he pulled back, frowning at Strife's contemplative expression. "This works much better when everyone participates," he murmured, dipping his head to nuzzle at Strife's neck.
Slender fingers came up to thread through his hair absently, and the touch almost convinced Cupid that he'd accomplished his goal of getting them back on track. A moment later he let out a frustrated growl and pulled back, glaring down at the other man. "This isn't exactly convincing me of my irresistibility."
"Sorry, Cupe," Strife said, his normally mischievous expression replaced with genuine regret. He turned as Cupid slid off him, wrapping an arm around the blonde's waist and stroking absently at the edge of his wing. "I was just thinking about Unc."
"So not helping," Cupid said.
"No, I mean I was thinking about earlier, when he was talking 'bout Joxer's ex. Remember when he said that Joxer shouldn't still be hung up on the guy 'cause he hadn't seen him since he was a kid?"
Cupid pushed himself up on one elbow, his forehead furrowed as he tried to comprehend why Strife had chosen this particular moment to start worrying about some dead mortal. "So?"
"So nobody ever told him that," Strife said. "All I said was the guy was Joxer's first love, not that he hadn't seen the guy since he was a kid. So how'd he know?"
"I don't know, maybe he just assumed," Cupid said, his hand wandering over Strife's stomach in what he assumed was a vain attempt to distract him from thinking about Joxer’s problems. "It's a pretty safe assumption. I mean it is the truth."
"Yeah, maybe," Strife said, but it was obvious from his far-away expression that he wasn't entirely convinced. Cupid sighed and pulled away from the smaller god, deciding that he was going to have to take matters into his own hands if he was going to get anywhere tonight. He pushed himself up on his knees and swung one leg over Strife, straddling his hips and leaning forward to brace his hands on either side of Strife’s face.
“Look, it’s Mom’s project, right? Joxer’s her pet, so why don’t we let her worry about it?” He smiled as innocently as he could when he was completely naked and turned on. He had a feeling that Strife’s distraction should have irritated him enough by now to drive him to get out of bed to find someplace to pout, but oddly enough the challenge turned him on even more. Usually all he had to do was glance in Strife’s direction and it counted as foreplay, so actually having to seduce Strife for once was almost a welcome change of pace.
At least it would have been if he thought he had a chance of wrestling Strife’s attention away from Joxer’s broken heart for more than five seconds at a time. He was just getting started, though, and lucky for him he knew exactly how to get Strife’s attention. He was Love, after all. He smiled to himself as he leaned forward, nuzzling the soft skin beneath Strife’s ear again before he nipped playfully at his earlobe. As expected, Strife's fingers tightened in his hair and the body underneath his jerked against him. A deep chuckle escaped Cupid's throat as he released Strife's earlobe and found his mouth again.
Much better, he thought to himself as Strife's hands left his hair to stroke his wings. He pulled back and grinned, grinding their hips together as blue eyes blinked open to gaze up at him. "Mmm, Cupe," Strife murmured, soft lips brushing Cupid's jaw before Strife pulled back. "She did ask for yer help, though."
"You've gotta be kidding," Cupid grumbled, slumping onto Strife's chest and letting out a labored sigh. "Can we please talk about this tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure," Strife said, his hands moving from Cupid's shoulders to his hips. "Only she asked us ta help her find this kid, and I swear Unc knows something he's not sayin'."
"Fine, we'll go talk to the priest tomorrow. I promise." Cupid lifted his head and flashed a hopeful smile at Strife. "Okay?"
"Okay," Strife said, wiggling suggestively under the muscular body pinning him to the mattress. "Sorry 'bout that, it's just the look on Unc's face when…"
"Strife?" Cupid interrupted, pressing a finger to the younger god's lips.
"Yeah, Cupe?"
"Shut up." Strife grinned his understanding and promptly sucked Cupid's index finger into his mouth, wisely choosing to drop the subject.
~
It had been an entire day since Ares announced that Joxer’s first love was dead, and Aphrodite hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything except how to break the news to him. She hadn’t visited any of her temples all day, and she’d barely paid attention to the prayers from various mortals. As a result she couldn’t remember anymore whether she’d answered a prayer about a girl in Thebes who was in love with a dragon or a dragonslayer in Crete who was in love with his best friend. She frowned in concentration until she remembered how bad wrinkles looked on her, then she shrugged and let out a sigh. It didn’t matter anyway, as long as someone was in love with someone she’d done what she could do. Besides, Joxer was going to show up in her temple any minute and she still hadn’t settled on the best way to tell him what she’d found out.
She felt a shift in the air a moment before Ares appeared in her temple in a puff of dark sparks, interrupting her brooding and bringing her frown back to the surface. “Whatever it is, I don’t have time, bro. I’ve got about ten minutes before Joxie shows up at my temple, and I have to figure out a way to break the news to him that you couldn’t keep his true love safe.”
“And when exactly did this become my fault?” Ares ground out through clenched teeth. If Aphrodite bothered to look at him she would have seen that he wasn’t in the mood to be baited, but she was too busy worrying about Joxer to even wonder what he wanted.
“He worked for you, didn’t he?”
“Who?”
Aphrodite rolled her eyes and tossed her thick curls over one shoulder. “Timo, that’s who. Joxie’s first love, the guy that got killed on your watch? Ring any bells?”
Ares crossed his arms over his leather-clad chest and squared his shoulders, glaring at his sister as she continued to ignore him in favor of worrying about Joxer. “I don’t understand why you’re so concerned with the broken heart of some mortal,” he snapped, stopping just short of stomping his foot for emphasis.
“Duh, it’s my job,” Aphrodite reminded him, finally pausing long enough to take a good look at her brother. “Did you take a blow to the head or something? You’re acting a little spacey today.”
“I’m fine, which is more than I can say for the rest of this family,” he muttered, flinching away from her attempt to feel his forehead for signs of some mysterious ailment. “Even Strife is love-obsessed lately. It’s bad for business.”
“It is business,” Aphrodite reminded him. “At least for some of us. Now stop glowering and help me think of the best way to tell Joxie the truth. You know them both, how do you think I should do it?”
“Just spit it out,” Ares growled, shifting his weight and not quite meeting his sister’s eyes as he spoke. She watched him carefully, forgetting Joxer’s broken heart for a moment as she wondered what was up with Ares. She could tell he was doing his best to look irritated, but she was one of the few people who knew him well enough to recognize when he was uncomfortable. “It’s not like the news is going to kill him. He asked you for the truth, so tell him the truth and get on with it. Maybe then I can have Mischief back at work where he belongs.”
She wisely chose not to point out that Ares could get along just fine without Strife, partly because she didn’t want to antagonize him when he was acting so strange and partly because she was afraid if Ares agreed with her she’d end up saddled with Strife. She shuddered at the thought of her nephew hanging around stirring up mischief every day, doing her best to push the thought out of her mind and focus on the problem at hand. “Joxie’s a lot more sensitive than you think, bro. He’s going to take this badly, mark my words. I’m just not sure if it’s safer to tell him and then watch him to make sure he doesn’t do anything foolish, or if I should bring him up here where he can't get away.”
“Why in Zeus’ name would you bring him here?” Ares asked, something dark flashing in his eyes for a split second before he caught himself and reined in the emotion. It wasn’t fast enough to get it past his sister, though, and she pursed her lips thoughtfully as she watched Ares pretend to be fascinated with the statue in the corner. “Just tell him the truth and let him get on with his life. He’ll be fine,” Ares added in a carefully neutral voice.
“Huh.”
“What?”
Aphrodite swallowed a smirk at her brother’s defensive tone and pasted a sunny smile on her face. “Nothing. It’s just that I didn’t even think you knew who Joxer was, but you seem so sure that he’ll be fine with the love of his life kicking the bucket.”
“Mortals die all the time, ‘Dite,” Ares reminded her, rolling his eyes as though the question of Joxer’s heartache was irrelevant.
“Some people never get over losing their first love, you know,” she said, ignoring the dark look he shot in her direction. “I mean it’s obvious that Joxie’s been pining away all these years, and now that all hope is lost who knows what he’ll do. He’s not exactly the most careful guy around.”
If she didn’t know better she would have sworn Ares bit his lip to stop himself from whatever he’d been about to say, but she knew better than to just ask what was on his mind. For one thing he wouldn’t tell her, and for another he might just get angry and flash back to his temple to brood in peace. There was definitely something going on with him, though, and if she played her cards right she was sure she could find out what it was.
“I hadn’t noticed,” Ares answered vaguely. He frowned and his eyes took on a far-off cast for a moment, then he blinked and Aphrodite was left wondering if she was imagining things. “When you see our worthless nephew skulking around tell him to get back to work.” With that he flashed back out of the temple, leaving the goddess of love to wonder just what exactly was bothering her brother. Whatever it was, she was sure it didn’t have anything to do with Strife’s recent distraction. In fact if she didn’t know better…but that had to be some kind of residual energy left over from an earlier prayer. She couldn’t really have sensed heartbreak from War himself; as far as she knew Ares had never been in love. And if anyone would know about War losing his heart to one of his consorts, it would be her.
She barely had time to wonder when Joxer’s voice invaded her thoughts, and she pressed her hand to her heart at the shy, almost nervous way he began his prayer. “Here goes nothing,” she murmured, flashing down to her temple.
Less than a second later she was standing in front of Joxer, smiling as cheerfully as possible considering she was about to break his heart. “Joxie, it’s so good to see you. How are things going with Blondie? Sure you don’t want me to shoot her for you?”
He smiled gently and shook his head the same way he always did when she offered to shoot someone and hand them over to him. “Thanks, Aphrodite, but no. Gabrielle’s heart already belongs to somebody else. Besides, that’s not really the way love should work. Not that I’m trying to tell you how to do your job.”
She smirked at his horrified expression, waving her hand to dismiss the slip. “In a way you’re right, just between you and me. Some people just need a little shove, you know? But I didn’t know you knew about Blondie and Xena.”
“It’s hard to spend as much time with them as I do and not notice the way they look at each other,” he said, smiling so affectionately that Aphrodite couldn’t help smiling back. As soon as his smile surfaced it faded, though, and Aphrodite braced herself for the question she’d been dreading since Ares told her Timo was dead. “I don’t mean to be ungrateful, Aphrodite, but have you found out anything about the boy I asked you about?”
“You’re sure you don’t want me to shoot someone for you? It doesn’t have to be Blondie. It could be anyone…that nice man that’s always hanging around Herc maybe. He’s pretty easy on the eyes.” Her heart leapt at the small flicker of interest she saw in his eyes, but he shook his head and let out a regretful little sigh.
“I’m not looking for love, really,” he said, smiling a little at her perplexed expression. “I just want to know that Timo’s okay, that he moved on with his life. When I left…well, it’s a long story but things didn’t end the way I wanted them to. I mean I didn’t want it to end at all, but my father…anyway I just want to know that he’s safe. I mean happy.”
Aphrodite frowned, once again forgetting to worry about how all those tiny little lines ruined her otherwise perfect features. She’s spent most of the day feeling like she was missing something, and even though Joxer looked completely sincere she couldn’t help wondering what he wasn’t telling her. “Why don’t you tell me the whole story, Joxie? Maybe that will help me.”
“So you haven’t found him?” Joxer asked, his face falling.
She bit her lip and twisted one golden curl around her finger, carefully avoiding eye contact while she tried to think of a way to get around a direct answer. “See, the thing is, this all happened a really long time ago.”
“Fifteen years.”
“Right,” she said, her heart falling at his resigned tone. He sounded as though he’d counted every single day since the last time they saw each other, and she couldn’t help wondering how a deep love like that had escaped her attention. Granted she didn’t concern herself too much with the first loves of teenagers, no matter how sweet they were. Most of them turned out to be passing infatuation at best, and they usually ended before they really got interesting. If Joxer’s feelings had survived this long she should have felt something from him back then. “And you say this boy grew up near Araxova?”
"In a village over the hill. I never visited him at home, we always met in the woods behind the temple. You know the one, War's temple on the outskirts of town. If you haven't found anything it's okay…"
"It's not that," she interrupted, although the second his eyes lit up she wished she'd kept her mouth shut. It would have been so easy to let him believe she just hadn't been able to find Timo, but eventually even someone as trusting as Joxer would wonder why a goddess couldn't find one little mortal. "The thing is, he used to serve Ares in that temple you mentioned."
"So he became a warrior?" Joxer's eyes sparkled with anticipation, breaking her heart just a little more. "Is he one of Ares' warlords now?"
"Not exactly." She took a deep breath and reached out, resting her hand on his arm and leading him further into the temple. "Evidently he was an orphan and one of Ares' priests took pity on him. Let him help out around the temple, run errands, that kind of thing. He was headed to town one day when he was robbed. According to Ares the thieves killed the poor guy. But Ares hunted them down and made sure they knew the consequences of messing with someone under War's protection. You know Ares, always has to put on a big show about not messing with his territory."
She broke off her rambling monologue when she realized he wasn't listening anymore, glancing at his profile in time to see his mouth hanging open and his gaze fixed on the wall in front of him. "Joxie? Hon? It's not the end of the world, I mean he had a good life for awhile, right? He had you, that's pretty lucky."
He nodded mutely but she could tell he hadn't heard what she said. As far as she could tell he was miles away, focused on some memory she couldn't see. The urge to reach out and see for herself what he was seeing was overwhelming, and she bit her lip and hesitated for a second before she let herself reach into his thoughts. The heartache was so potent that she took a step backwards, her chest clenching painfully as she watched Joxer remembering the last words his father ever said to him. She knew how cruel mortals were to each other, but the idea that Joxer's father could hate him so much was horrifying. Joxer was the sweetest, kindest person she'd ever met; the whole reason she took such an interest in him was because he seemed so innocent. The fact that he'd lived through that kind of torture and still managed to remain as optimistic as he was…she pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp and reached out to touch him again, but he yanked his arm away and glanced over at her.
"I…thank you, Aphrodite. I…I have to go…Xena's waiting," he stammered, moving backwards as he spoke.
"Joxie, wait," she called after him, worrying her lip between her teeth as she wondered whether or not to use her powers to force him to stay.
"I'm fine," he said, his voice muted by the stone walls of the temple. A second later he was gone, and her heart sank as she stared at the spot where he'd just been standing. He definitely wasn't fine; far from it, she was positive by the look in his eyes just before she'd invaded his thoughts. She had no idea what that memory meant or why that was the first thing he'd thought of when he heard the news, but she had a feeling it wasn't a good sign.
~
As soon as Joxer was out of Aphrodite's sight he stopped, clutching at the stone wall of the temple as he doubled over and squeezed his eyes shut. His stomach and chest were twisted into tight knots, and he was having trouble getting enough air into his lungs. He couldn't see or feel anything past the blinding pain in his chest, but he needed to get away from the well-meaning but clueless goddess. He appreciated everything she'd ever done for him, but even Love couldn't understand what the news of Timo's death meant. How soon after he left did Timo die? Was it a day, a week…maybe he had a month of living with the knowledge that Joxer ran out on him before he was murdered.
No one could understand how he felt, not Aphrodite or Gabrielle or even Xena. This was his fault, his fault for not being brave enough to stand up to his father. At least if he'd stayed and faced his father's wrath they would have died together, and he wouldn't be dying of a broken heart against the wall of one of Love's temples.
How many years had he been going through the motions of life without really living? He tried to do good, he tried to help out wherever he could. At least he had since he met Xena; meeting her and Gabrielle and hearing about their mission gave him a purpose for the first time in his life, and he finally gave up the dream of becoming one of War's warriors. It was hard to let go of the dream he'd had since childhood, almost as hard as walking away from the only person that had ever loved him. Finding good friends like Xena and Gabby had made life seem almost worth living again, and that was something he'd needed so desperately that he'd convinced himself he was in love with Gabrielle. Which was just another in a series of humiliations, and he flushed hard as he imagined what they thought of him.
They were waiting for him even now, making their rounds in the marketplace and no doubt worrying that he'd get himself in some kind of trouble while he was out of their sight. For him they'd been a saving grace when he needed one more than anything, but for them he was nothing more than a burden. He was just another of the helpless masses they found themselves rescuing on a near constant basis; he couldn't even count himself among their friends. And why would they consider him a friend? He was such a coward that he'd gotten Timo killed, and since the day he left home he hadn't done a single thing that he could be proud of.
When he finally caught his breath he straightened up, wiping harshly at his eyes and clearing his throat. He wasn't going to go find Xena and Gabrielle; there was no point in burdening them with having to look after him. If the looks they'd been giving him for the past few days were any indication they'd be asking questions before long anyway, and he didn't want to answer any probing questions about what had him waking up in a cold sweat every morning. In fact the only thing he really wanted to do was find his father and show him that he wasn't a little boy anymore, and even if he was still clumsy and awkward he was willing to die in the quest for revenge.