FIC: Butterfly Effect 29/? (BWOC, Tommy/Merton, NC17)
Word count for the day: 2058
To whom it may concern: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM. This is not what the outline says for chapter twenty-nine. This whole thing just sort of came out of nowhere and it's throwing things off and it's just very upsetting. Stupid stories having stupid minds of their own and messing up my carefully laid plans. Now I have to figure out how to rein Tommy back in before he gets too far ahead of me, and this is what happened the last time and sent me into a two-year hiatus from this fic. Jesus. Fictional characters are such a pain in the ass.
Chapter 29: Freedom's Just Another Word
Merton wasn't sure Lori was still speaking to him after their last conversation, but he dialed her number anyway and listened while the phone rang. He'd read both her e-mails since the last time they talked and even e-mailed her back with some of the stuff that had gone on, but it was hard to tell her everything when he wasn't sure whether or not Big Brother was watching.
He wanted to tell her about Tommy and the fact that he didn't seem to care that Merton was gay, wanted to talk to someone about the weirdness that had become his life just so it would start to make a little bit of sense. Except he wasn't sure even Lori could make sense out of the mess he was in this time, not when the whole school hated him, except for the one guy who should hate him the most.
And that was the weirdest part, because Tommy really was the only one with a valid reason to hate Merton. Yet they'd managed somehow to become friends, and the truth was that Merton actually…well, he kind of liked Tommy after all. He was nice, if a little naïve, and he was pretty funny when he wasn't being totally clueless. He didn't know anything about music, but he was willing to listen to whatever Merton wanted to play, and okay, he was pretty easy on the eyes.
Not that Merton was looking, because Tommy being okay with him liking guys and Tommy being okay with Merton liking him were two completely different things. Still, there had been that weird almost-kiss, and he had no idea if Tommy realized what he was doing or if the whole thing had been Merton's imagination. It could have been; he felt like he was losing his mind pretty much all the time in this place. Except that he'd been kissed enough times to know what it felt like, and that definitely felt like a kiss. Almost.
The line finally connected while Merton was picturing Tommy leaning in, and he blushed when he heard Lori's voice on the other end of the line. "Hey," he said, ignoring the way his voice broke on the word, "are you speaking to me?"
"I shouldn't be," Lori answered, and he could picture her scowling at him. It wasn't nearly as nice as the image of Tommy leaning in for a kiss, but at least it was less likely to get him killed. "So how's reform school?"
"Worse," Merton said, glancing around to make sure no one was listening before he launched into his list of complaints. "We don't get a break for Thanksgiving. Can you believe that?"
"Wow," Lori said, and Merton felt slightly gratified at the surprise in her voice. "That's kind of harsh."
"You're telling me. And Tommy acts like it's totally normal. He's never even seen the parade, Lori. What kind of parents don't let their kid watch the parade? It's an institution!"
"So you don't even get the day off?"
"We get the afternoon off classes and that's it. A few lousy hours and then it's right back to drill sergeants and five a.m. wake-up calls. I don't even get to sleep in."
"Poor baby," Lori said, amusement creeping into her voice but he could tell she felt bad for him. Who wouldn't, considering. "It does seem kind of un-American."
"That's what I said. Oh, and get this. I don't get to come home for Christmas until the twenty-third."
"What? Merton, you'll miss the party."
Like he needed a reminder of all the things he'd be missing; every year Amanda's parents threw a huge party for all the kids in her class, and Amanda had made sure to invite him this year even though he wouldn't be her classmate anymore. He'd been counting on that party as the one place he'd be sure to run into David, but by the time he got back to New York, Amanda's party would be long over. She probably wouldn't even be in town by the time he got back, and chances were he wouldn't be running into any of his old friends, let alone David.
"I don't suppose she'd have it a little later this year."
"She's going skiing with her parents. Switzerland. They leave on the twentieth."
It wasn't like he didn't already know that before she said it, but somehow hearing the words out loud just made him feel even worse. This was senior year, after all, and he was missing everything. This was supposed to be the best year of his life, and instead he was stuck…here. His father would probably think this was the funniest thing he'd ever heard, if he cared enough to stop and think about it.
"Well at least I don't have to worry about dealing with the old man. I'm sure he'll pull his usual disappearing act the minute Christmas is over."
"Merton," Lori said, but he really didn't want her pity. Okay, sometimes he played up the whole pity angle a little too much, but he wasn't in the mood today. The truth was he really didn't want to see his father at all, and he wouldn't be that disappointed to get back to New York and find that the Senator had headed back to D.C. early this year. "At least you'll be here for New Year's Eve, right?"
"Yeah," Merton answered, letting out a heavy sigh and glancing at the clock on the wall across the room. He didn't have to get to the mess hall early now that his KP duties were over, but it was getting close to dinner time and Tommy still wasn't back from football practice. And he could take care of himself, but Merton still glanced toward the front door before he continued. "I have to be back here on the first, though, so I'm sure I'll have to get to the airport at the crack of dawn."
"So we'll just stay up all night," Lori said, working hard to sound cheerful and Merton smiled in spite of his mood. "It'll be great, you'll see. And then you'll only have a few months left before you're out of there for good."
"If I even come back," Merton said, though he'd pretty much stopped thinking about escape since David broke up with him. It didn't seem worth it to fight anymore, not when there was no one waiting for him at home. At least here he had Tommy, and if he bailed then Tommy would be stuck here by himself for the rest of the year.
"Don't be an idiot, Merton. You have to graduate from high school."
"I know, I know," Merton answered. "Besides, I couldn't stand to think about Tommy stuck here all by himself. It's too pathetic."
"What are you talking about?"
"I told you in my last e-mail, the whole squadron blames me for getting Eckert kicked out of here, and they're taking it out on Tommy. I just can't figure out why he doesn't blame me too."
"I thought he called you selfish."
"Well yeah, but we got past that. I think he actually likes me. It's weird."
"Why is that weird? I like you."
"Lori," Merton said, looking around to make sure the hallway was still deserted before he lowered his voice and continued, "he knows. About…you know."
"Knows…Jesus, Merton, you came out to him?"
"No," Merton answered, "not exactly, anyway. He saw some pictures and figured it out. But he keeps telling me he's fine with it, and the other day…"
Merton trailed off and looked around again, but there was no one listening. "I shouldn't talk about this here. I'll have to tell you when I get home."
"Merton," Lori said, voice full of warning now and Merton had heard that tone before. He knew this lecture by heart, knew exactly what she was thinking and all the reasons she had to think it. But she was wrong this time, because Merton wasn't obsessing and he certainly wasn't about to fall in love with some confused straight boy who didn't even know how to think for himself.
As soon as he thought it the front door opened and Tommy walked in, and Merton felt himself blush for no reason. He didn't have any reason to be embarrassed, because he didn't have a thing for Tommy. But he couldn't talk about this in front of his roommate either, not if he wanted to keep his only friend in this godforsaken place.
"I have to go," he said, watching Tommy walk down the hall toward him. "I'll talk to you later."
He thought he heard Lori say his name again, but he was already hanging up the phone as Tommy stopped in front of him.
~
"Hey," Tommy said when he reached Merton, watching the other boy curiously as Merton hung up the phone and turned toward him. He looked…guilty, and Tommy couldn't imagine why. Unless he was talking to…but he wouldn't be that stupid. Besides, they'd broken up. At least Tommy was pretty sure Merton and his…that boy in the pictures had broken up. They'd never actually talked about it, and he wasn't sure how to ask. "Did you finally reach your father?"
"What? Oh, no," Merton answered, glancing at the phone and yeah, he was definitely acting weird. "That was just Lori. She says hi."
"She doesn't even know me."
"Yeah, well, she's really friendly," Merton said, and now he sounded kind of nervous. "So practice ran late, huh? It's almost dinner time."
"Yeah," Tommy answered as they fell into step together, heading toward the stairs that would take them back to their room. "I guess Coach was trying to make some point, because he made us run about a million laps."
"What's running laps going to prove to anybody?"
"I don't know, maybe he was trying to show the guys that he's still in charge. I mean, they turned on me, maybe he's worried he's next." Tommy grinned, but he wasn't all that sure he was wrong. There was no telling with Chuck, that was the whole reason Tommy had never trusted him. "Anyway, it's not my problem anymore, so I don't have to worry about it."
And it was weird, but it felt kind of good to say that out loud and know it was true. He didn't really have to worry about anything anymore, because Chuck was in charge of the team and Dennis was in charge of the squadron. There was still Merton to look out for, granted, since Dennis obviously wasn't going to do it, but for the most part Tommy didn't have to worry about anyone but himself.
Practice had been long and even harder than usual, but as they reached their room Tommy felt almost…light. It didn't make any sense, because he'd lost pretty much all his friends and everything he'd worked so hard for, his father was going to kill him and there was no way he'd get into The Citadel now. But he felt good, and he couldn't explain it, but he didn't want it to stop.
"Did you take a shower yet?" Tommy asked, dropping his football gear at the back of the closet before he glanced over at Merton. His stomach did a weird little flip when he found his roommate looking at him; just…watching, like he was trying to figure something out. It only lasted a second before Merton shook his head and looked away, but that was long enough for Tommy to wonder what exactly he was missing.
"Yeah," Merton answered, running a hand through what little hair he had. It was starting to grow back in, but it was still a long way from the spikes Merton had when he showed up that first day. He had a feeling Merton had missed the part in orientation where they mentioned first years getting their heads shaved again when they got back from Christmas break. If Tommy was any kind of friend he'd mention it, just to prepare him. Then again, he wasn't squadron leader anymore, so he didn't have to worry about it when Merton threw another hissy fit.
"Great," Tommy said, smiling to himself as he clapped Merton on the shoulder and steered him toward the door, "because I'm starving."
To whom it may concern: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM. This is not what the outline says for chapter twenty-nine. This whole thing just sort of came out of nowhere and it's throwing things off and it's just very upsetting. Stupid stories having stupid minds of their own and messing up my carefully laid plans. Now I have to figure out how to rein Tommy back in before he gets too far ahead of me, and this is what happened the last time and sent me into a two-year hiatus from this fic. Jesus. Fictional characters are such a pain in the ass.
Chapter 29: Freedom's Just Another Word
Merton wasn't sure Lori was still speaking to him after their last conversation, but he dialed her number anyway and listened while the phone rang. He'd read both her e-mails since the last time they talked and even e-mailed her back with some of the stuff that had gone on, but it was hard to tell her everything when he wasn't sure whether or not Big Brother was watching.
He wanted to tell her about Tommy and the fact that he didn't seem to care that Merton was gay, wanted to talk to someone about the weirdness that had become his life just so it would start to make a little bit of sense. Except he wasn't sure even Lori could make sense out of the mess he was in this time, not when the whole school hated him, except for the one guy who should hate him the most.
And that was the weirdest part, because Tommy really was the only one with a valid reason to hate Merton. Yet they'd managed somehow to become friends, and the truth was that Merton actually…well, he kind of liked Tommy after all. He was nice, if a little naïve, and he was pretty funny when he wasn't being totally clueless. He didn't know anything about music, but he was willing to listen to whatever Merton wanted to play, and okay, he was pretty easy on the eyes.
Not that Merton was looking, because Tommy being okay with him liking guys and Tommy being okay with Merton liking him were two completely different things. Still, there had been that weird almost-kiss, and he had no idea if Tommy realized what he was doing or if the whole thing had been Merton's imagination. It could have been; he felt like he was losing his mind pretty much all the time in this place. Except that he'd been kissed enough times to know what it felt like, and that definitely felt like a kiss. Almost.
The line finally connected while Merton was picturing Tommy leaning in, and he blushed when he heard Lori's voice on the other end of the line. "Hey," he said, ignoring the way his voice broke on the word, "are you speaking to me?"
"I shouldn't be," Lori answered, and he could picture her scowling at him. It wasn't nearly as nice as the image of Tommy leaning in for a kiss, but at least it was less likely to get him killed. "So how's reform school?"
"Worse," Merton said, glancing around to make sure no one was listening before he launched into his list of complaints. "We don't get a break for Thanksgiving. Can you believe that?"
"Wow," Lori said, and Merton felt slightly gratified at the surprise in her voice. "That's kind of harsh."
"You're telling me. And Tommy acts like it's totally normal. He's never even seen the parade, Lori. What kind of parents don't let their kid watch the parade? It's an institution!"
"So you don't even get the day off?"
"We get the afternoon off classes and that's it. A few lousy hours and then it's right back to drill sergeants and five a.m. wake-up calls. I don't even get to sleep in."
"Poor baby," Lori said, amusement creeping into her voice but he could tell she felt bad for him. Who wouldn't, considering. "It does seem kind of un-American."
"That's what I said. Oh, and get this. I don't get to come home for Christmas until the twenty-third."
"What? Merton, you'll miss the party."
Like he needed a reminder of all the things he'd be missing; every year Amanda's parents threw a huge party for all the kids in her class, and Amanda had made sure to invite him this year even though he wouldn't be her classmate anymore. He'd been counting on that party as the one place he'd be sure to run into David, but by the time he got back to New York, Amanda's party would be long over. She probably wouldn't even be in town by the time he got back, and chances were he wouldn't be running into any of his old friends, let alone David.
"I don't suppose she'd have it a little later this year."
"She's going skiing with her parents. Switzerland. They leave on the twentieth."
It wasn't like he didn't already know that before she said it, but somehow hearing the words out loud just made him feel even worse. This was senior year, after all, and he was missing everything. This was supposed to be the best year of his life, and instead he was stuck…here. His father would probably think this was the funniest thing he'd ever heard, if he cared enough to stop and think about it.
"Well at least I don't have to worry about dealing with the old man. I'm sure he'll pull his usual disappearing act the minute Christmas is over."
"Merton," Lori said, but he really didn't want her pity. Okay, sometimes he played up the whole pity angle a little too much, but he wasn't in the mood today. The truth was he really didn't want to see his father at all, and he wouldn't be that disappointed to get back to New York and find that the Senator had headed back to D.C. early this year. "At least you'll be here for New Year's Eve, right?"
"Yeah," Merton answered, letting out a heavy sigh and glancing at the clock on the wall across the room. He didn't have to get to the mess hall early now that his KP duties were over, but it was getting close to dinner time and Tommy still wasn't back from football practice. And he could take care of himself, but Merton still glanced toward the front door before he continued. "I have to be back here on the first, though, so I'm sure I'll have to get to the airport at the crack of dawn."
"So we'll just stay up all night," Lori said, working hard to sound cheerful and Merton smiled in spite of his mood. "It'll be great, you'll see. And then you'll only have a few months left before you're out of there for good."
"If I even come back," Merton said, though he'd pretty much stopped thinking about escape since David broke up with him. It didn't seem worth it to fight anymore, not when there was no one waiting for him at home. At least here he had Tommy, and if he bailed then Tommy would be stuck here by himself for the rest of the year.
"Don't be an idiot, Merton. You have to graduate from high school."
"I know, I know," Merton answered. "Besides, I couldn't stand to think about Tommy stuck here all by himself. It's too pathetic."
"What are you talking about?"
"I told you in my last e-mail, the whole squadron blames me for getting Eckert kicked out of here, and they're taking it out on Tommy. I just can't figure out why he doesn't blame me too."
"I thought he called you selfish."
"Well yeah, but we got past that. I think he actually likes me. It's weird."
"Why is that weird? I like you."
"Lori," Merton said, looking around to make sure the hallway was still deserted before he lowered his voice and continued, "he knows. About…you know."
"Knows…Jesus, Merton, you came out to him?"
"No," Merton answered, "not exactly, anyway. He saw some pictures and figured it out. But he keeps telling me he's fine with it, and the other day…"
Merton trailed off and looked around again, but there was no one listening. "I shouldn't talk about this here. I'll have to tell you when I get home."
"Merton," Lori said, voice full of warning now and Merton had heard that tone before. He knew this lecture by heart, knew exactly what she was thinking and all the reasons she had to think it. But she was wrong this time, because Merton wasn't obsessing and he certainly wasn't about to fall in love with some confused straight boy who didn't even know how to think for himself.
As soon as he thought it the front door opened and Tommy walked in, and Merton felt himself blush for no reason. He didn't have any reason to be embarrassed, because he didn't have a thing for Tommy. But he couldn't talk about this in front of his roommate either, not if he wanted to keep his only friend in this godforsaken place.
"I have to go," he said, watching Tommy walk down the hall toward him. "I'll talk to you later."
He thought he heard Lori say his name again, but he was already hanging up the phone as Tommy stopped in front of him.
~
"Hey," Tommy said when he reached Merton, watching the other boy curiously as Merton hung up the phone and turned toward him. He looked…guilty, and Tommy couldn't imagine why. Unless he was talking to…but he wouldn't be that stupid. Besides, they'd broken up. At least Tommy was pretty sure Merton and his…that boy in the pictures had broken up. They'd never actually talked about it, and he wasn't sure how to ask. "Did you finally reach your father?"
"What? Oh, no," Merton answered, glancing at the phone and yeah, he was definitely acting weird. "That was just Lori. She says hi."
"She doesn't even know me."
"Yeah, well, she's really friendly," Merton said, and now he sounded kind of nervous. "So practice ran late, huh? It's almost dinner time."
"Yeah," Tommy answered as they fell into step together, heading toward the stairs that would take them back to their room. "I guess Coach was trying to make some point, because he made us run about a million laps."
"What's running laps going to prove to anybody?"
"I don't know, maybe he was trying to show the guys that he's still in charge. I mean, they turned on me, maybe he's worried he's next." Tommy grinned, but he wasn't all that sure he was wrong. There was no telling with Chuck, that was the whole reason Tommy had never trusted him. "Anyway, it's not my problem anymore, so I don't have to worry about it."
And it was weird, but it felt kind of good to say that out loud and know it was true. He didn't really have to worry about anything anymore, because Chuck was in charge of the team and Dennis was in charge of the squadron. There was still Merton to look out for, granted, since Dennis obviously wasn't going to do it, but for the most part Tommy didn't have to worry about anyone but himself.
Practice had been long and even harder than usual, but as they reached their room Tommy felt almost…light. It didn't make any sense, because he'd lost pretty much all his friends and everything he'd worked so hard for, his father was going to kill him and there was no way he'd get into The Citadel now. But he felt good, and he couldn't explain it, but he didn't want it to stop.
"Did you take a shower yet?" Tommy asked, dropping his football gear at the back of the closet before he glanced over at Merton. His stomach did a weird little flip when he found his roommate looking at him; just…watching, like he was trying to figure something out. It only lasted a second before Merton shook his head and looked away, but that was long enough for Tommy to wonder what exactly he was missing.
"Yeah," Merton answered, running a hand through what little hair he had. It was starting to grow back in, but it was still a long way from the spikes Merton had when he showed up that first day. He had a feeling Merton had missed the part in orientation where they mentioned first years getting their heads shaved again when they got back from Christmas break. If Tommy was any kind of friend he'd mention it, just to prepare him. Then again, he wasn't squadron leader anymore, so he didn't have to worry about it when Merton threw another hissy fit.
"Great," Tommy said, smiling to himself as he clapped Merton on the shoulder and steered him toward the door, "because I'm starving."