Fic: Let Not Hope Prevail (CSI, Nick/Greg, PG)
You know, in the first two episodes of this show (if we're counting the Miami crossover) I wasn't that thrilled with Burn. I didn't dislike her, I just didn't care one way or the other aside from random sex fantasies featuring her and Stella. But last night, when Mac was talking about the rat choking to death? She said 'poor little guy' two seconds after I did, and now I love her forever. ::sniff:: Poor rat. He didn't deserve to go out that way.
Also, since there is no new episode of CSI tonight which is just horribly unfair because it's not like politicians ever say anything during debates anyway I've written a little Subtext Theater. Just to tide us over until they put the damn show back on.
Title: Let Not Hope Prevail
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG
Summary: Greg doesn't deal well with disappointment.
Author's note: Spoilers for "Viva Las Vegas" (5.01). This also vaguely references this fic.
Disclaimer: I know pretty much nothing about the upcoming season, so there are no dire predictions for the future of canon in here. Just my own conjecture as to Greg's state of mind after the season premiere.
Nick leans against the doorway for a few minutes, taking in the tension in Greg's shoulders and the set of his jaw. And it feels familiar, but tonight Greg's not practically vibrating with excitement. He looks just as tense as he did the last time Nick found him like this, but that's the only thing that's the same.
He knew Greg was upset when he refused to go for breakfast after their shift - before that, when Greg stood in the hallway and watched Chandra walk away with his shot at working in the field. And he heard what happened at the crime scene, but Greg hasn't brought it up and Nick's not sure if he should. Not sure if he's supposed to, or if he should pretend he didn't hear anything until Greg's over being embarrassed.
But he should know that they've all screwed up, that they've all made stupid mistakes because they were nervous or excited or just overconfident. It's happened to every one of them - probably even Grissom, not that he'd ever admit it - and it's not the end of the world. You shake it off and you move on, and Greg should know that by now.
Finally Nick pushes himself off the wall, taking a few steps into the room. "Hey."
Greg doesn't look up, but he pauses just for a second before he goes back to whatever he's reading on the computer screen, and Nick knows he heard. So he's not in the mood to talk; it doesn't happen that often, but it's not unheard of, so Nick doesn't panic. Instead he takes a few more steps forward, stopping next to Greg and resting a hand on the back of his neck.
"You coming to bed?"
"Can't," Greg says, gaze still fixed on the screen in front of him and he doesn't quite flinch at Nick's touch, but Nick can feel him sort of shrinking away from it.
He doesn't pull his hand away, but he slides it across Greg's back to rest on his shoulder, leaning a little closer in the process. "You don't have to do this right now, G."
"No time like the present, right?" Greg says, tone flat and for once Nick misses the overeager attitude that drove him crazy for most of the summer.
"She might be back. At least give her a day to think about it, calm down a little. She lasted a whole shift, maybe she'll decide to give it another shot."
Greg doesn't answer, but he lets out a noncommittal grunt that Nick's pretty sure translates somewhere along the lines of 'fat chance'. And he can't really argue with that, because he's the one who bet she wouldn't last the night. He just didn't expect to feel so bad about being right.
"Greg…"
"You should get some sleep," Greg interrupts, still not looking up but this time he shrugs out of Nick's grip. "I'm gonna be awhile."
He's not really sure why the thought of going to bed alone bothers him so much; it's not like they keep exactly the same schedule, and he's crawled into an empty bed at the end of a long shift plenty of times since Greg moved in. He's seen Greg stumble in half-asleep after a full shift in the lab and then hours of training, seen him hit the bed without even stopping to take off his shoes and pass out before his head even hits the pillow. But he hasn't seen Greg looking this defeated in a long time, and he's not sure what to do about it.
"I could help," he offers, although he already knows what Greg's answer is going to be. "I could make some calls."
"Thanks, but I can't really concentrate with you hovering over my shoulder, so…"
Greg does look up then, expression stony and determined and Nick isn't sure whether to laugh or back away slowly. He's pretty sure letting Greg have his way is a bad idea, but for once he doesn't know what else to do. "Okay."
He waits until Greg turns back to the computer before he backs out of the room, stopping when he reaches the doorway to say…something. Goodnight, maybe, or 'don't stay up too late' or even 'are you sure you don't want me to wait?' But he knows what the answer will be, and when he sees Greg staring intently at the computer he swallows a sigh and forces himself down the hall to an empty bed that feels just a little bigger than usual.
~
Greg's eyes are burning by the time he finally concedes defeat and turns off the computer. He's been through every mailing list he can think of, read all the ads on all the university bulletin boards and sent out e-mails to people he passed over for the job the first time.
He probably should have gone to bed after that, but the thought of Nick lying there waiting to talk made his stomach turn, and instead of going to bed he found himself surfing more job listings. And the market's still slow, but there are more CSI Level One positions open than he expected. A couple in California, even, and he kind of knew that already because his mother still sends him the want ads even after all these years in the vain hope that eventually he'll get tired of Vegas and come home.
Not that he's ever really considered it. Not until tonight, anyway, because the first thing he thought when Grissom said 'you failed' was that he couldn't go back to the lab. Only now he doesn't have a choice, and he's still not sure he can do it. Not after he spent the whole summer finding out exactly what he was missing, working his ass off to learn everything the hard way and it just figures he'd make a stupid mistake that even Hodges would have been able to avoid.
Maybe if Grissom hadn't spent the whole night looking at him like he was just waiting for Greg to screw up…but then he went and did it, so maybe Grissom was right to doubt him. Only he gave Greg a second chance, one more shot at getting it right and now Greg won't even get that. And even that's his fault, because he's the one who found Chandra and he's the one who decided she was the best person for the job. He's the one who assumed she could hack the pressure, and what a joke that turned out to be.
He frowns down at his jeans as he unbuttons them, lets them slide to the floor in front of the closet and leaves them there for Nick to bitch about when he wakes up. Because he's learned to be a lot neater since he moved in with Nick, but right now he just doesn't care. Doesn't care about anything except the fact that he's on tonight, and he's not sure how he's going to make it through even one more night stuck in the lab.
Nick mumbles something in his sleep and for a few seconds Greg considers crashing on the couch, but he knows if he does Nick's going to want to know why and Greg's not sure he wants to have that conversation. Because he doesn't blame Nick for any of it, doesn't even care all that much about his stupid bet with Warrick. But looking at Nick just reminds him of everything he's ever wanted, and now that he might not get part of it he doesn't know if the rest of it is enough.
He's never thought about leaving before. When he moved in with Nick he was sure he'd never want to leave, never want to be anywhere except right where he is. And part of him still wants all this, but if he can't have the career he's dreamed about for five years he's not sure he can stay.
He realizes he's standing next to the bed staring at Nick when dark eyes blink open, and a second later Nick's frowning up at him. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," he answers around the lump in his throat, tearing his gaze away from Nick to pull back the sheet and crawl into bed next to him. He's careful not to touch, ignoring the familiar pull of Nick's body heat and turning onto his side to face the wall. And he knows he's not going to get any sleep, knows how easy it would be to turn over and let Nick distract him with his hands and his mouth, but once it was over he'd still be left with a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."
Also, since there is no new episode of CSI tonight which is just horribly unfair because it's not like politicians ever say anything during debates anyway I've written a little Subtext Theater. Just to tide us over until they put the damn show back on.
Title: Let Not Hope Prevail
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG
Summary: Greg doesn't deal well with disappointment.
Author's note: Spoilers for "Viva Las Vegas" (5.01). This also vaguely references this fic.
Disclaimer: I know pretty much nothing about the upcoming season, so there are no dire predictions for the future of canon in here. Just my own conjecture as to Greg's state of mind after the season premiere.
Nick leans against the doorway for a few minutes, taking in the tension in Greg's shoulders and the set of his jaw. And it feels familiar, but tonight Greg's not practically vibrating with excitement. He looks just as tense as he did the last time Nick found him like this, but that's the only thing that's the same.
He knew Greg was upset when he refused to go for breakfast after their shift - before that, when Greg stood in the hallway and watched Chandra walk away with his shot at working in the field. And he heard what happened at the crime scene, but Greg hasn't brought it up and Nick's not sure if he should. Not sure if he's supposed to, or if he should pretend he didn't hear anything until Greg's over being embarrassed.
But he should know that they've all screwed up, that they've all made stupid mistakes because they were nervous or excited or just overconfident. It's happened to every one of them - probably even Grissom, not that he'd ever admit it - and it's not the end of the world. You shake it off and you move on, and Greg should know that by now.
Finally Nick pushes himself off the wall, taking a few steps into the room. "Hey."
Greg doesn't look up, but he pauses just for a second before he goes back to whatever he's reading on the computer screen, and Nick knows he heard. So he's not in the mood to talk; it doesn't happen that often, but it's not unheard of, so Nick doesn't panic. Instead he takes a few more steps forward, stopping next to Greg and resting a hand on the back of his neck.
"You coming to bed?"
"Can't," Greg says, gaze still fixed on the screen in front of him and he doesn't quite flinch at Nick's touch, but Nick can feel him sort of shrinking away from it.
He doesn't pull his hand away, but he slides it across Greg's back to rest on his shoulder, leaning a little closer in the process. "You don't have to do this right now, G."
"No time like the present, right?" Greg says, tone flat and for once Nick misses the overeager attitude that drove him crazy for most of the summer.
"She might be back. At least give her a day to think about it, calm down a little. She lasted a whole shift, maybe she'll decide to give it another shot."
Greg doesn't answer, but he lets out a noncommittal grunt that Nick's pretty sure translates somewhere along the lines of 'fat chance'. And he can't really argue with that, because he's the one who bet she wouldn't last the night. He just didn't expect to feel so bad about being right.
"Greg…"
"You should get some sleep," Greg interrupts, still not looking up but this time he shrugs out of Nick's grip. "I'm gonna be awhile."
He's not really sure why the thought of going to bed alone bothers him so much; it's not like they keep exactly the same schedule, and he's crawled into an empty bed at the end of a long shift plenty of times since Greg moved in. He's seen Greg stumble in half-asleep after a full shift in the lab and then hours of training, seen him hit the bed without even stopping to take off his shoes and pass out before his head even hits the pillow. But he hasn't seen Greg looking this defeated in a long time, and he's not sure what to do about it.
"I could help," he offers, although he already knows what Greg's answer is going to be. "I could make some calls."
"Thanks, but I can't really concentrate with you hovering over my shoulder, so…"
Greg does look up then, expression stony and determined and Nick isn't sure whether to laugh or back away slowly. He's pretty sure letting Greg have his way is a bad idea, but for once he doesn't know what else to do. "Okay."
He waits until Greg turns back to the computer before he backs out of the room, stopping when he reaches the doorway to say…something. Goodnight, maybe, or 'don't stay up too late' or even 'are you sure you don't want me to wait?' But he knows what the answer will be, and when he sees Greg staring intently at the computer he swallows a sigh and forces himself down the hall to an empty bed that feels just a little bigger than usual.
~
Greg's eyes are burning by the time he finally concedes defeat and turns off the computer. He's been through every mailing list he can think of, read all the ads on all the university bulletin boards and sent out e-mails to people he passed over for the job the first time.
He probably should have gone to bed after that, but the thought of Nick lying there waiting to talk made his stomach turn, and instead of going to bed he found himself surfing more job listings. And the market's still slow, but there are more CSI Level One positions open than he expected. A couple in California, even, and he kind of knew that already because his mother still sends him the want ads even after all these years in the vain hope that eventually he'll get tired of Vegas and come home.
Not that he's ever really considered it. Not until tonight, anyway, because the first thing he thought when Grissom said 'you failed' was that he couldn't go back to the lab. Only now he doesn't have a choice, and he's still not sure he can do it. Not after he spent the whole summer finding out exactly what he was missing, working his ass off to learn everything the hard way and it just figures he'd make a stupid mistake that even Hodges would have been able to avoid.
Maybe if Grissom hadn't spent the whole night looking at him like he was just waiting for Greg to screw up…but then he went and did it, so maybe Grissom was right to doubt him. Only he gave Greg a second chance, one more shot at getting it right and now Greg won't even get that. And even that's his fault, because he's the one who found Chandra and he's the one who decided she was the best person for the job. He's the one who assumed she could hack the pressure, and what a joke that turned out to be.
He frowns down at his jeans as he unbuttons them, lets them slide to the floor in front of the closet and leaves them there for Nick to bitch about when he wakes up. Because he's learned to be a lot neater since he moved in with Nick, but right now he just doesn't care. Doesn't care about anything except the fact that he's on tonight, and he's not sure how he's going to make it through even one more night stuck in the lab.
Nick mumbles something in his sleep and for a few seconds Greg considers crashing on the couch, but he knows if he does Nick's going to want to know why and Greg's not sure he wants to have that conversation. Because he doesn't blame Nick for any of it, doesn't even care all that much about his stupid bet with Warrick. But looking at Nick just reminds him of everything he's ever wanted, and now that he might not get part of it he doesn't know if the rest of it is enough.
He's never thought about leaving before. When he moved in with Nick he was sure he'd never want to leave, never want to be anywhere except right where he is. And part of him still wants all this, but if he can't have the career he's dreamed about for five years he's not sure he can stay.
He realizes he's standing next to the bed staring at Nick when dark eyes blink open, and a second later Nick's frowning up at him. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," he answers around the lump in his throat, tearing his gaze away from Nick to pull back the sheet and crawl into bed next to him. He's careful not to touch, ignoring the familiar pull of Nick's body heat and turning onto his side to face the wall. And he knows he's not going to get any sleep, knows how easy it would be to turn over and let Nick distract him with his hands and his mouth, but once it was over he'd still be left with a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."