Fic: Yearn (RPS, Kerr/Fehr, R)
I was so in the mood for some fluff today, but my stupid brain appears to be stuck in porn mode. Not that this is actually all that smutty, but it's RPS so you know it's not about love and babies and happily ever after. There's even a little alleged realism in this one, and that's...disturbing. Sometimes it sucks to be a realist, because I am incapable of the amount of 'repress and deny' it takes to ignore the details of whatever universe I'm writing in.
And in case none of that made any sense, I wrote more Kerr/Fehr RPS. For the contrelamontre Vacation challenge, written in roughly forty-five minutes. This falls in the same universe as Like Diamonds, and it probably makes more sense if you've read that.
We can't, he said, then he mumbled something about a fiancée and bad press and Brendan pretty much tuned him out after that, because Kerr was thrusting hard against him and it didn't feel like he was saying no. That was the first time, and two weeks later Kerr's still knocking on his door almost every afternoon. So Brendan doesn't care if Kerr keeps saying it, just as long as he keeps coming back for more.
And that's the thing, because Kerr acts like he doesn't want this…thing between them, protests too much all the fucking time and it would be boring by now if Brendan ever listened, but he's getting what he wants so he doesn't listen when Kerr talks. Not when Kerr's mouth is so much better at other things, like sucking Brendan off down on his knees in Brendan's trailer. Or kissing - Kerr's a hell of a kisser, knows how to use his tongue and his teeth and his lips and Brendan should be embarrassed about the fact that he gets hard just thinking about it.
He's way past embarrassed, though - has been for awhile, because Kerr does enough blushing for both of them and mostly Brendan's just sitting back and enjoying the show. He's enjoying everything about this while he can, because they don't have that much time together. Only as long as it takes to film the movie, and on their budget they're already cutting scenes and their time gets a little shorter with each script change.
So they don't really have time for Kerr's crisis of sexuality, and when he starts in again as soon as he walks into Brendan's trailer Brendan grabs him by the front of the shirt, pulls him forward, and shuts him up with a kiss. Kerr kisses right back just like he always does, and when Brendan finally lets him up he just stands there, red-faced and breathing, and Brendan can see him working up for another speech about how fucked up this whole situation is.
"Just…" Brendan pauses, searching his brain for the right words, because reassuring Kerr every fucking time wasn't really in his grand plan, but he likes this too much to give it up without at least trying. "Just think of it as a vacation."
"A vacation." Kerr's voice is flat and emotionless, eyes narrowed suspiciously and Brendan doesn't bother trying not to laugh.
"Yeah," Brendan answers, and it makes so much sense he's not sure why he didn't think of this on that first day when Kerr was mumbling things like 'wrong' and 'rumors' while Brendan was busy pulling all his clothes off. "A vacation from your life. You're allowed to take a break once in awhile, right?"
He knows it's a lame excuse to keep doing what they're doing, but it's the only one he's got and Kerr's not pushing him away and telling him no, and that's the only thing he cares about. And later Kerr will probably realize that it's bullshit, just like everything Brendan tells him is bullshit, but it's bullshit designed to get them both off, and it's not like they're hurting anybody. Much.
Brendan stops that train of thought before it goes any further and focuses all his attention back on Kerr, because there are hands pushing up under the dingy wifebeater he's still wearing from the scene they just shot, and Kerr's tongue is doing that thing that always makes Brendan's knees weak. They stumble backwards through the narrow trailer, elbows catching on thin paper walls and it's a good thing the bruises work with their characters because there's no way Brendan can slow down long enough to get them to the bed without any collateral damage.
He can't slow down and he can't stop, because as much as he'd like to pretend he could just walk away from this whenever, he spends way too much time talking Kerr into this to believe it. He wants, wants that hesitation just before Kerr gives in, wants to have to smile and charm and work for it because that makes it a hundred times better. A thousand times, because he knows he's the only one who gets to see Kerr's stomach tremble when Brendan strips him out of his clothes and pushes his legs apart.
And he loves that, loves pressing his fingers against the shiver and feeling it against his skin. He loves that first, predictable gasp when his mouth closes around Kerr's cock, loves the slight resistance just before Kerr relaxes and just…opens, pushing up harder and harder until finally he's begging for it. Begging for Brendan or just begging for more - he doesn't know and he doesn't really care, as long as he's the one who gets to hear it.
Two weeks in and he already knows he's going to miss this, that eventually they're going to go back to their lives and he'll spend more time than he wants to thinking about throaty, broken moans and desperate kisses that let him know just how much Kerr needs this. But it's only a vacation, just a sideline before they go back to the network and their shows and Kerr goes back to denying every rumor to anybody who will listen. Because that's his real life and this…this is just a fantasy, but Brendan's going to make sure he gets as much of it as he can before he has to give it up for good.
And in case none of that made any sense, I wrote more Kerr/Fehr RPS. For the contrelamontre Vacation challenge, written in roughly forty-five minutes. This falls in the same universe as Like Diamonds, and it probably makes more sense if you've read that.
We can't, he said, then he mumbled something about a fiancée and bad press and Brendan pretty much tuned him out after that, because Kerr was thrusting hard against him and it didn't feel like he was saying no. That was the first time, and two weeks later Kerr's still knocking on his door almost every afternoon. So Brendan doesn't care if Kerr keeps saying it, just as long as he keeps coming back for more.
And that's the thing, because Kerr acts like he doesn't want this…thing between them, protests too much all the fucking time and it would be boring by now if Brendan ever listened, but he's getting what he wants so he doesn't listen when Kerr talks. Not when Kerr's mouth is so much better at other things, like sucking Brendan off down on his knees in Brendan's trailer. Or kissing - Kerr's a hell of a kisser, knows how to use his tongue and his teeth and his lips and Brendan should be embarrassed about the fact that he gets hard just thinking about it.
He's way past embarrassed, though - has been for awhile, because Kerr does enough blushing for both of them and mostly Brendan's just sitting back and enjoying the show. He's enjoying everything about this while he can, because they don't have that much time together. Only as long as it takes to film the movie, and on their budget they're already cutting scenes and their time gets a little shorter with each script change.
So they don't really have time for Kerr's crisis of sexuality, and when he starts in again as soon as he walks into Brendan's trailer Brendan grabs him by the front of the shirt, pulls him forward, and shuts him up with a kiss. Kerr kisses right back just like he always does, and when Brendan finally lets him up he just stands there, red-faced and breathing, and Brendan can see him working up for another speech about how fucked up this whole situation is.
"Just…" Brendan pauses, searching his brain for the right words, because reassuring Kerr every fucking time wasn't really in his grand plan, but he likes this too much to give it up without at least trying. "Just think of it as a vacation."
"A vacation." Kerr's voice is flat and emotionless, eyes narrowed suspiciously and Brendan doesn't bother trying not to laugh.
"Yeah," Brendan answers, and it makes so much sense he's not sure why he didn't think of this on that first day when Kerr was mumbling things like 'wrong' and 'rumors' while Brendan was busy pulling all his clothes off. "A vacation from your life. You're allowed to take a break once in awhile, right?"
He knows it's a lame excuse to keep doing what they're doing, but it's the only one he's got and Kerr's not pushing him away and telling him no, and that's the only thing he cares about. And later Kerr will probably realize that it's bullshit, just like everything Brendan tells him is bullshit, but it's bullshit designed to get them both off, and it's not like they're hurting anybody. Much.
Brendan stops that train of thought before it goes any further and focuses all his attention back on Kerr, because there are hands pushing up under the dingy wifebeater he's still wearing from the scene they just shot, and Kerr's tongue is doing that thing that always makes Brendan's knees weak. They stumble backwards through the narrow trailer, elbows catching on thin paper walls and it's a good thing the bruises work with their characters because there's no way Brendan can slow down long enough to get them to the bed without any collateral damage.
He can't slow down and he can't stop, because as much as he'd like to pretend he could just walk away from this whenever, he spends way too much time talking Kerr into this to believe it. He wants, wants that hesitation just before Kerr gives in, wants to have to smile and charm and work for it because that makes it a hundred times better. A thousand times, because he knows he's the only one who gets to see Kerr's stomach tremble when Brendan strips him out of his clothes and pushes his legs apart.
And he loves that, loves pressing his fingers against the shiver and feeling it against his skin. He loves that first, predictable gasp when his mouth closes around Kerr's cock, loves the slight resistance just before Kerr relaxes and just…opens, pushing up harder and harder until finally he's begging for it. Begging for Brendan or just begging for more - he doesn't know and he doesn't really care, as long as he's the one who gets to hear it.
Two weeks in and he already knows he's going to miss this, that eventually they're going to go back to their lives and he'll spend more time than he wants to thinking about throaty, broken moans and desperate kisses that let him know just how much Kerr needs this. But it's only a vacation, just a sideline before they go back to the network and their shows and Kerr goes back to denying every rumor to anybody who will listen. Because that's his real life and this…this is just a fantasy, but Brendan's going to make sure he gets as much of it as he can before he has to give it up for good.