Fic: A Fistful of Sky (Glee, Will/Finn, PG)
Title: A Fistful of Sky
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Finn Hudson/Will Schuester
Rating: PG
Word count: 2107
AO3 link: here
Summary: Temptation's a lot easier to face when you don't have to do it alone. Part two of the Private Hudson series.
A/N: For the 'substance addiction' square on my h/c bingo card. It's kind of a stretch, but whatever. Thanks to jengeorge for the beta.
I don’t want to end up like him.
Until Will, Finn hadn't said it out loud to anyone. He's been thinking it for awhile now, but nobody in his unit would understand, and he's not going to freak out his mom by telling her he's worried about ending up like his dad.
It's almost a relief to finally say it after stressing about it for so long, and the fact that Will doesn't seem to hold it against him makes him feel even better. Not that he gets much time to hang around and figure out how Will feels about him; all he gets is a few pats on the back and another hug, and the next day he's back on a bus and headed halfway across the world for who knows how long.
Will keeps his word about staying in touch; he emails Finn a couple times a week, and even though they don’t really talk about the stuff that happened while Finn was in Lima, it’s still nice to know he really does care. It makes Finn feel a lot less alone, anyway, and even if Will isn’t interested in more than friendship...well, it’s better than nothing.
He didn’t plan on kissing Will or anything. He didn’t plan on running into Will at all, but seeing him in person made Finn feel things he’d been trying not to think about for a long time. And it’s not like Will promised him anything or even hinted that he might feel that way about Finn, but hearing from him becomes the highlight of Finn’s week pretty much from the first email anyway.
Will asks how Finn’s doing without bringing up any of that, so Finn doesn’t bring it up either. Instead they talk about life on an Army base and New Directions and what exactly happened between Will and Ms. Pillsbury, and when Will jokes about giving up on women entirely, Finn tries not to get his hopes up.
Because it’s one thing to get drunk and try to make out with one of the only people who knows him well enough to forgive him for it, but it’s another thing to keep asking for something Will can’t give. And sure, he promised he’d always be there for Finn, but even somebody like Will probably has his limits, so there’s no way Finn’s going to risk losing him again by bringing it up.
Not when Will’s pretty much the only person he can talk to about the stuff that runs through his head when he’s in his bunk at night, listening to the sounds of armored trucks on the road and soldiers walking past and voices out in the darkness somewhere. He’s so used to the noise now that it was hard to sleep when he was back home, surrounded by nothing but quiet.
He wonders what it would have been like if Will had kissed him back, if he’d offered to take Finn home with him the way Finn hoped he would. He wonders if it still would have been hard to fall asleep with nothing but the sound of Will breathing next to him, or if that would have been enough to turn off the constant stream of thoughts for a while.
That’s the whole reason he started drinking in the first place; it was the only thing that stopped him from thinking so much, remembering all the stuff they saw every day that played over and over in a constant loop until he thought he’d go crazy. It was easier just to drink until he couldn’t think at all anymore, then pass out and wake up in the morning with a headache and no memory of his dreams.
He hasn’t done it since he left Will standing in the door of the choir room, and every time he thinks about just having one drink with his friends, he remembers the look on Will’s face when he said Finn was strong. Like he actually believed it; like maybe he still believes in Finn, even though he hasn’t had much reason to for the past couple years.
Knowing that Will believes in him gives Finn the courage to pick up a phone and dial Will’s number for the first time. They’ve been emailing back and forth for a couple months, but Finn hasn’t brought up the idea of talking on the phone. He’s thought about it a few times, mainly on the days when there’s a bombing or gunfire and his ears still ring hours later from the explosions.
But he’s not sure how to explain any of that to Will, so instead of calling he sticks to emails about life back home and what’s going on at McKinley and what he’s going to do when he finishes his last tour. For a while it’s enough, just knowing Will cares what happens to him. And it’s not like he didn’t already know that, but still, it’s kind of nice to hear it again.
That’s the thing, though; now that they’re back in touch, he finds himself wanting to hear Will’s voice. For a long time he didn’t think he was ever going to talk to Will again, and now that they’re back in touch, Finn...well, he wants more.
There’s a concert on the day he finally works up the nerve to call. Some country band he doesn’t know flies in to perform, and it’s nice to get a break from their usual routine, even if he doesn’t know the music. He spends most of the day imagining Will organizing a performance of New Directions for the troops, but the rest of his unit is too excited about the band to notice him grinning like an idiot.
Once the music’s over the party keeps going, starting with somebody’s stereo cranked in the barracks, then someone else starts passing around contraband booze they bought from one of the Australian soldiers. A cup gets pressed into his hand, and for a few seconds he stares down at it and tells himself it wouldn’t be a big deal just to have one.
When he realizes what he’s thinking he sets the cup down on a table, then he slips out of the barracks and heads toward the nearest phone. There’s a short line outside the tent, and he thinks about bailing and going back to his bunk, but he knows the party will keep going for a while, and he doesn’t want to let Will down. He doesn’t want to let himself down, not now that he might finally have something to look forward to.
It’s probably too early to be calling. He thinks about calling his mom instead, but he doesn’t want to wake her if she’s working the night shift, and anyway he can’t talk to her about this. So he dials the number he probably shouldn’t know by heart, pulse racing as the line connects and Will’s voice fills his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Finn says, blushing and glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one’s listening to him. “It’s me.”
As soon as he says it he winces, but when Will says, “Finn?” his heart thuds hard in his chest.
“Yeah. Sorry to call so early. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“No, it’s fine,” Will answers, and when Finn hears rustling in the background he tries not to picture Will pushing back his sheets to climb out of bed. “I’m glad to hear from you.”
“Yeah?” Finn says before he can stop himself, but instead of laughing at him, or worse, making up some excuse and hanging up, Will just makes a little humming sound that goes straight to Finn’s dick.
“Of course. What time is it there?”
“Just after 9:00,” Finn answers. He glances over his shoulder, but there’s no one hanging around waiting for the phone. “I figured you’d probably be up. You know, for work.”
“I am,” Will says, but Finn’s pretty sure it’s a lie. He’s pretty sure Will wasn’t awake when the phone rang, anyway, but he’s up now, and there’s no point in hanging up if the damage is already done. “So how are you? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I mean, I’m fine.” Finn blushes again, closing his eyes and running a hand over his face. “It’s just that there’s kind of a party going on in the barracks and I didn’t really want to hang around, so I figured I’d give you a call instead.”
“Does that happen a lot?” Will asks, and something about the way he says it tells Finn that he knows exactly why Finn’s avoiding the party.
“Not a lot. I mean, there’s drinking and stuff, sure, but usually people try to be quiet about it so they don’t get busted. It’s just that there was a concert today, one of those USO things, and everybody’s still kind of hyped up.”
“Oh? Anybody good?” Will asks, and Finn grins into the receiver, because of course Will would ask about the music.
“Some country band. Coach would have loved it.”
That gets him a laugh, and Finn closes his eyes again to picture Will’s smile. He imagines Will sitting on the edge of his bed, hair a mess and his chest bare, body heat radiating off him, then snaps his eyes open again and glances over his shoulder to make sure no one’s watching him.
“Listen, I can’t talk long. These satellite phones cost kind of a lot.”
“Okay,” Will says, then, “Of course. I’m glad you called, Finn. It’s good to hear your voice.”
“Yeah,” Finn says, but his throat’s kind of tight all of a sudden, and he has to swallow a few times before he finds his voice again. “Yeah, you too.”
“I don’t suppose you have any idea when you’ll be home again?” Will asks, and Finn knows better, but there’s a part of him that wants to believe Will’s just trying to keep him on the phone.
“There aren’t any official orders or anything, but we were stuck here for Christmas last year, so some of the guys have a theory that maybe they’ll send us home in December. It would probably only be for a week or so, but it’s better than nothing.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed,” Will says, and Finn can hear the smile in his voice, the one he hasn’t seen since graduation.
“My mom always makes a big dinner on my first night home. You could come, if you want. I mean, they’d probably be glad to see you.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line, and for a second Finn wonders if maybe the call dropped. Then Will clears his throat, and something about the sound makes Finn’s stomach perform a weird little flip.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Oh,” Finn says, and yeah, he gets it, but it still feels a little like Will just punched him in the gut. "It's cool, I understand."
"No, Finn, it's....” Will pauses, then he lets out a shaky laugh, and Finn pictures him rubbing the back of his neck the way he used to do during Glee practice. “I'd hoped that maybe I could see you alone first. I'd like to finish the conversation we started before you left."
“Oh,” Finn says again, and he knows he probably sounds like an idiot, but he doesn’t care, because he’s pretty sure Will’s offering...something. It’s possible that Will just wants to let him down in person instead of in an email, but that’s not how it sounds, and for once Finn doesn’t try to stop himself from hoping. “Yeah, I mean, we should talk. Definitely.”
“Good,” Will says, and Finn’s pretty sure he wouldn’t sound so happy about it if he was planning to tell Finn he wasn’t interested. It gives him something to look forward to, anyway, and suddenly going back to the barracks and a bunch of drunk soldiers doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
“Finn,” Will says, his voice low and kind of rough, and Finn feels his whole face flush. “It’s going to be okay.”
There’s no way Will can promise him that, not when he still has two years left before he can even think about getting out and getting on with his life, and he’s heard enough stories about tours being extended to know that he might be stuck here longer than four years.
“I know,” he says anyway, mostly because he wants to believe it. “Listen, Will...thanks.”
“Any time,” Will says, and that much Finn’s starting to believe.
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Finn Hudson/Will Schuester
Rating: PG
Word count: 2107
AO3 link: here
Summary: Temptation's a lot easier to face when you don't have to do it alone. Part two of the Private Hudson series.
A/N: For the 'substance addiction' square on my h/c bingo card. It's kind of a stretch, but whatever. Thanks to jengeorge for the beta.
I don’t want to end up like him.
Until Will, Finn hadn't said it out loud to anyone. He's been thinking it for awhile now, but nobody in his unit would understand, and he's not going to freak out his mom by telling her he's worried about ending up like his dad.
It's almost a relief to finally say it after stressing about it for so long, and the fact that Will doesn't seem to hold it against him makes him feel even better. Not that he gets much time to hang around and figure out how Will feels about him; all he gets is a few pats on the back and another hug, and the next day he's back on a bus and headed halfway across the world for who knows how long.
Will keeps his word about staying in touch; he emails Finn a couple times a week, and even though they don’t really talk about the stuff that happened while Finn was in Lima, it’s still nice to know he really does care. It makes Finn feel a lot less alone, anyway, and even if Will isn’t interested in more than friendship...well, it’s better than nothing.
He didn’t plan on kissing Will or anything. He didn’t plan on running into Will at all, but seeing him in person made Finn feel things he’d been trying not to think about for a long time. And it’s not like Will promised him anything or even hinted that he might feel that way about Finn, but hearing from him becomes the highlight of Finn’s week pretty much from the first email anyway.
Will asks how Finn’s doing without bringing up any of that, so Finn doesn’t bring it up either. Instead they talk about life on an Army base and New Directions and what exactly happened between Will and Ms. Pillsbury, and when Will jokes about giving up on women entirely, Finn tries not to get his hopes up.
Because it’s one thing to get drunk and try to make out with one of the only people who knows him well enough to forgive him for it, but it’s another thing to keep asking for something Will can’t give. And sure, he promised he’d always be there for Finn, but even somebody like Will probably has his limits, so there’s no way Finn’s going to risk losing him again by bringing it up.
Not when Will’s pretty much the only person he can talk to about the stuff that runs through his head when he’s in his bunk at night, listening to the sounds of armored trucks on the road and soldiers walking past and voices out in the darkness somewhere. He’s so used to the noise now that it was hard to sleep when he was back home, surrounded by nothing but quiet.
He wonders what it would have been like if Will had kissed him back, if he’d offered to take Finn home with him the way Finn hoped he would. He wonders if it still would have been hard to fall asleep with nothing but the sound of Will breathing next to him, or if that would have been enough to turn off the constant stream of thoughts for a while.
That’s the whole reason he started drinking in the first place; it was the only thing that stopped him from thinking so much, remembering all the stuff they saw every day that played over and over in a constant loop until he thought he’d go crazy. It was easier just to drink until he couldn’t think at all anymore, then pass out and wake up in the morning with a headache and no memory of his dreams.
He hasn’t done it since he left Will standing in the door of the choir room, and every time he thinks about just having one drink with his friends, he remembers the look on Will’s face when he said Finn was strong. Like he actually believed it; like maybe he still believes in Finn, even though he hasn’t had much reason to for the past couple years.
Knowing that Will believes in him gives Finn the courage to pick up a phone and dial Will’s number for the first time. They’ve been emailing back and forth for a couple months, but Finn hasn’t brought up the idea of talking on the phone. He’s thought about it a few times, mainly on the days when there’s a bombing or gunfire and his ears still ring hours later from the explosions.
But he’s not sure how to explain any of that to Will, so instead of calling he sticks to emails about life back home and what’s going on at McKinley and what he’s going to do when he finishes his last tour. For a while it’s enough, just knowing Will cares what happens to him. And it’s not like he didn’t already know that, but still, it’s kind of nice to hear it again.
That’s the thing, though; now that they’re back in touch, he finds himself wanting to hear Will’s voice. For a long time he didn’t think he was ever going to talk to Will again, and now that they’re back in touch, Finn...well, he wants more.
There’s a concert on the day he finally works up the nerve to call. Some country band he doesn’t know flies in to perform, and it’s nice to get a break from their usual routine, even if he doesn’t know the music. He spends most of the day imagining Will organizing a performance of New Directions for the troops, but the rest of his unit is too excited about the band to notice him grinning like an idiot.
Once the music’s over the party keeps going, starting with somebody’s stereo cranked in the barracks, then someone else starts passing around contraband booze they bought from one of the Australian soldiers. A cup gets pressed into his hand, and for a few seconds he stares down at it and tells himself it wouldn’t be a big deal just to have one.
When he realizes what he’s thinking he sets the cup down on a table, then he slips out of the barracks and heads toward the nearest phone. There’s a short line outside the tent, and he thinks about bailing and going back to his bunk, but he knows the party will keep going for a while, and he doesn’t want to let Will down. He doesn’t want to let himself down, not now that he might finally have something to look forward to.
It’s probably too early to be calling. He thinks about calling his mom instead, but he doesn’t want to wake her if she’s working the night shift, and anyway he can’t talk to her about this. So he dials the number he probably shouldn’t know by heart, pulse racing as the line connects and Will’s voice fills his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Finn says, blushing and glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one’s listening to him. “It’s me.”
As soon as he says it he winces, but when Will says, “Finn?” his heart thuds hard in his chest.
“Yeah. Sorry to call so early. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
“No, it’s fine,” Will answers, and when Finn hears rustling in the background he tries not to picture Will pushing back his sheets to climb out of bed. “I’m glad to hear from you.”
“Yeah?” Finn says before he can stop himself, but instead of laughing at him, or worse, making up some excuse and hanging up, Will just makes a little humming sound that goes straight to Finn’s dick.
“Of course. What time is it there?”
“Just after 9:00,” Finn answers. He glances over his shoulder, but there’s no one hanging around waiting for the phone. “I figured you’d probably be up. You know, for work.”
“I am,” Will says, but Finn’s pretty sure it’s a lie. He’s pretty sure Will wasn’t awake when the phone rang, anyway, but he’s up now, and there’s no point in hanging up if the damage is already done. “So how are you? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I mean, I’m fine.” Finn blushes again, closing his eyes and running a hand over his face. “It’s just that there’s kind of a party going on in the barracks and I didn’t really want to hang around, so I figured I’d give you a call instead.”
“Does that happen a lot?” Will asks, and something about the way he says it tells Finn that he knows exactly why Finn’s avoiding the party.
“Not a lot. I mean, there’s drinking and stuff, sure, but usually people try to be quiet about it so they don’t get busted. It’s just that there was a concert today, one of those USO things, and everybody’s still kind of hyped up.”
“Oh? Anybody good?” Will asks, and Finn grins into the receiver, because of course Will would ask about the music.
“Some country band. Coach would have loved it.”
That gets him a laugh, and Finn closes his eyes again to picture Will’s smile. He imagines Will sitting on the edge of his bed, hair a mess and his chest bare, body heat radiating off him, then snaps his eyes open again and glances over his shoulder to make sure no one’s watching him.
“Listen, I can’t talk long. These satellite phones cost kind of a lot.”
“Okay,” Will says, then, “Of course. I’m glad you called, Finn. It’s good to hear your voice.”
“Yeah,” Finn says, but his throat’s kind of tight all of a sudden, and he has to swallow a few times before he finds his voice again. “Yeah, you too.”
“I don’t suppose you have any idea when you’ll be home again?” Will asks, and Finn knows better, but there’s a part of him that wants to believe Will’s just trying to keep him on the phone.
“There aren’t any official orders or anything, but we were stuck here for Christmas last year, so some of the guys have a theory that maybe they’ll send us home in December. It would probably only be for a week or so, but it’s better than nothing.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed,” Will says, and Finn can hear the smile in his voice, the one he hasn’t seen since graduation.
“My mom always makes a big dinner on my first night home. You could come, if you want. I mean, they’d probably be glad to see you.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line, and for a second Finn wonders if maybe the call dropped. Then Will clears his throat, and something about the sound makes Finn’s stomach perform a weird little flip.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Oh,” Finn says, and yeah, he gets it, but it still feels a little like Will just punched him in the gut. "It's cool, I understand."
"No, Finn, it's....” Will pauses, then he lets out a shaky laugh, and Finn pictures him rubbing the back of his neck the way he used to do during Glee practice. “I'd hoped that maybe I could see you alone first. I'd like to finish the conversation we started before you left."
“Oh,” Finn says again, and he knows he probably sounds like an idiot, but he doesn’t care, because he’s pretty sure Will’s offering...something. It’s possible that Will just wants to let him down in person instead of in an email, but that’s not how it sounds, and for once Finn doesn’t try to stop himself from hoping. “Yeah, I mean, we should talk. Definitely.”
“Good,” Will says, and Finn’s pretty sure he wouldn’t sound so happy about it if he was planning to tell Finn he wasn’t interested. It gives him something to look forward to, anyway, and suddenly going back to the barracks and a bunch of drunk soldiers doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
“Finn,” Will says, his voice low and kind of rough, and Finn feels his whole face flush. “It’s going to be okay.”
There’s no way Will can promise him that, not when he still has two years left before he can even think about getting out and getting on with his life, and he’s heard enough stories about tours being extended to know that he might be stuck here longer than four years.
“I know,” he says anyway, mostly because he wants to believe it. “Listen, Will...thanks.”
“Any time,” Will says, and that much Finn’s starting to believe.