(no subject)
So just last Monday…we were given a talk about clinical placements for next year. And to say the least, I am really scared. I know that overall it’ll be awesome and really different to what I am currently used to which really, is very light for a science course…let alone a medical course. Most people I know doing sciences are at uni 4-5days a week, I’m only at uni for 3. So in respect to hours…it’s going to be a complete 360 times three. My contact hours are no more than 10-15hrs/week and next year, it’ll be like working a full-time job (only we don’t get paid lol)…40hrs/week, not including the after hour sessions and the occasional weekends. I’m really worried that I won’t have developed an adequate knowledge base by the time we finish this year…that is my main and foremost concern. I need to really make use of all the medical literature and start reading up now…it’s not too late I suppose, I still have about 4-5months to give myself some grounding.
It’s so stressful; the hospital is like another world. I have to somehow learn to amalgamate myself and find a position in this little society. I can’t help but feel like a little kid getting in the way of adults sometimes. I’m hearing the phrase that going into medical settings and interacting with patients is like “acting” and that you’re “on stage” more and more often now. As much as I hate to admit it, it sometimes does seem like that because this foreign (yes, it still is very foreign to me) concept of responsibility and expectation of knowledge is really overwhelming sometimes. That sounds kind of stupid because I know that I need to do these things but they’re still not coming naturally a lot of the times. I’d say 60% of the time that I see patients; I have to ‘work’ on the way that I project myself. It’s shamefully unnatural, but I haven’t quite figured out the balance of: completing my roles and showing that I actually am interested. I know that sounds horrible but it’s really quite difficult when there are so many things you need to ‘make sure that you cover’, so sometimes it’s hard to be genuine when you’re worrying about meeting standards and stressing over whether you’re doing things right. It’s a bit like being in a shell of a ‘aspiring-doctor’ and I’m just going through the motions of things.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one who is thinking all these things but because most meddies I know (including myself) sometimes…often project this never-ending stream of optimism and ready-for-anything attitude that it seems as if this experience is wholly unique to me. I am starting to see where the whole culture of being super-confident comes from now. It’s distressing.
I’m kind of discouraged by the whole idea of being so exposed because as students, we are at the tail end of things. We need to constantly display what we can do and how much we know; there seem to be mini-tests everywhere and instilled in everyone we meet. Next year will be one massive hurdle.
Okay, I’m pretty much done with the negativities. I’m sure there’s more but that’s okay, that’s all for now.
All in all, it’s something I need to do and the benefits (I’m sure) will greatly outweigh my perceived scariness of the whole experience…that’s not to say that I won’t be absolutely shitting bricks in my first few weeks (or perhaps even months)…but I suppose I’ve got to do this to become the person I want to be.
Did you know that some seemingly black images or words actually have areas that are a mix of the coloured ink? I discovered this when my magenta ink cartridge was clogged and I started printing out green tinged words…which were meant to be black. The things you learn from malfunctioning technology.
Now all my colour cartridges are clogged…
Tomorrow is going to be super hot (as the Teletext weather report suggests…27 degrees) and I am semi-sick due to an unfortunate incident involving a lot of dust. Gotta love the early hayfever! It so happens to be the kind that doesn’t go away after a few hours but the kind that gives me a sore throat and a blocked nose.
(I wrote the above bit about 2 weeks ago)
Millions of peaches…peaches for me, millions of peaches…peaches for free!!!
Music is wonderful. This song’s (Falling for You - Colbie Caillat) got a really happy mood. It’d be kind of cool to have the carefree mentality of a hippy. I wanna go bin-diving one day…I think it’d be interesting. I recently started wearing nail polish and my nails have never split in layers so often before (there’s a term for this: onychoschizia…I know insane!). I used to hate the feeling because it felt like my nails were suffocating, but now it’s not so apparent anymore…a little bit like becoming accustomed to wearing an item of jewellery (like a ring…I lost my ring this Thursday…). The irony/stupidity in this is the fact that I paint toxic chemicals (which should not be sniffed) onto my nails for some strange reason…believing the claim that this foul-smelling stuff will strengthen my nails. It said so on the damn bottle! Well…one of the bottles anyhow.
Back to the ring…if you ever look at people’s hands…you may have noticed that I’ve had a ring on my left middle finger (perhaps you wouldn’t remember to that specificity) for quite some time now (since Year 9 if you wanted to know) and somehow, this well-fitting adornment managed to get lost, somewhere in the C-town campus. I think I must’ve been subconsciously pulling it off my finger (as I sometimes do when I am thinking) and then forgot to push it back in place…hence it dropped off and vanished. It’s annoying because I’ve been losing bits of jewellery that my mum buys me over the years…earrings, a bracelet…
Oh well, I keep thinking that my ring’s still there, so it’ll live on in spirit then. When (& I will, because I feel naked) I get a new ring, I’m going to wear it on my right hand.
Oh well, not much I can do (I did retrace my steps though & it so happen to be the day I walked all over the campus too; instead of just hanging around in the med-building as I usually do. I was going around selling and seeking donations for the Cancer Council. It was fun…and I got to see a few cute guys too). Sorry, that sounds terribly shallow…but you don’t understand…
Being at such a small campus is really not very exciting. Not very much happens in terms of inter…I was going to write “not much happens in terms of inter-course activity” but…that means something else. Oh dear. Not much happens between different courses; there aren’t many uni functions and even fewer societies/clubs so meeting people in other courses doesn’t happen very often.
Geminis get along well with: Aries, Aquariuses, Librans, Leos & other Geminis.
Sometimes, I’ve got pretty unsteady hands. It’s quite embarrassing sometimes. I think I think/stress about too many things. That may be why I don’t like walking slowly and break up everyday tasks into steps or count the number of steps it takes to accomplish a task. And the fact that I frown & furrow my brow (in other words look annoyed) when I think or am explaining concepts. I don’t like the hands and ‘annoyed when thinking’ habits. I need to fix these.
You know what, I’m quite self-conscious. Every time, I go into a new setting I’m always very nervous & it takes quite some time for me to relax in new environments.
Sometimes, I find it more comfortable meeting strangers than being around acquaintances.
I need one of those meditation ocean noises tracks (with no seagulls). What noises does a meadow make? I need one of those too.
One of my unrealistic imaginings is to stand under a waterfall (a real, proper one). I know it’ll hurt and sting more than anything but I always find it very soothing. I imagine myself being washed clean of everything and starting anew.
So it’s: rubber bands, waterfalls and meadows.
Maybe I should start wearing a rubber band around my wrist…like people who try to quit addictions…only I won’t snap myself with it...& I haven’t got an addiction. I’d just stretch it and take in the smell. (Rubber bands make me feel secure and safe, even seeing one produces this overwhelmingly nice feeling)
I often wonder if maybe I might be a little delusional, in that I see things or think things that aren’t actually real. How would I know…who would know? How is it that I almost always find some kind of answer to my musings and produce semi-/satisfactory reasoning? We’re probably all a bit delusional. Anyhow, if I am delusional then, you guys (seeing as almost all the revelations I have are posted on LJ & you guys tend to believe/will listen to what I have to say) are suffering from “Shared psychotic disorder, also known as folie a deux ("the folly of two"), is a rare condition in which an otherwise healthy person (secondary case) shares the delusions of a person with a psychotic disorder (primary case), such as schizophrenia, who has well-established delusions.”. But it’d have to be a mild case of shared psychotic disorder because I haven’t been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder…
Having psychotic episodes would be terrifying because reality is defined by the majority and your own reality may be the most real experience you’ve ever had but nobody will believe you.
It concerns me.
(I wrote the above bit last Friday)
So I signed up for this free 6 weeks, fitness program done by 2nd year Sports & Exercise students (it’s compulsory for them). They become the volunteer student’s ‘personal trainer’ for the 6 weeks and work through the client’s fitness goals. It’s pretty cool cos’ I will get free access to the uni gym. At the moment, I’m imagining some cute guy but now that I’ve said that…I bet it’ll turn out to be some dude who doesn’t want to be there OR an aloof artificially-blonde chick…
I get tested on my fitness this Thursday, so that should be fun…they get to measure the fat around my body…which when I think about it now…may not be such an awesome thing if it is a cute guy…
Oh well, my Asian-ness tells me that I’m there for the free services and if it’s free (or on sale…that’s just in general, but not in relation to this) then it’s good enough.
I really want to watch ‘Ponyo’, ‘500 Days of Summer’, ‘ADAM’ & ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’.
It’s so stressful; the hospital is like another world. I have to somehow learn to amalgamate myself and find a position in this little society. I can’t help but feel like a little kid getting in the way of adults sometimes. I’m hearing the phrase that going into medical settings and interacting with patients is like “acting” and that you’re “on stage” more and more often now. As much as I hate to admit it, it sometimes does seem like that because this foreign (yes, it still is very foreign to me) concept of responsibility and expectation of knowledge is really overwhelming sometimes. That sounds kind of stupid because I know that I need to do these things but they’re still not coming naturally a lot of the times. I’d say 60% of the time that I see patients; I have to ‘work’ on the way that I project myself. It’s shamefully unnatural, but I haven’t quite figured out the balance of: completing my roles and showing that I actually am interested. I know that sounds horrible but it’s really quite difficult when there are so many things you need to ‘make sure that you cover’, so sometimes it’s hard to be genuine when you’re worrying about meeting standards and stressing over whether you’re doing things right. It’s a bit like being in a shell of a ‘aspiring-doctor’ and I’m just going through the motions of things.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one who is thinking all these things but because most meddies I know (including myself) sometimes…often project this never-ending stream of optimism and ready-for-anything attitude that it seems as if this experience is wholly unique to me. I am starting to see where the whole culture of being super-confident comes from now. It’s distressing.
I’m kind of discouraged by the whole idea of being so exposed because as students, we are at the tail end of things. We need to constantly display what we can do and how much we know; there seem to be mini-tests everywhere and instilled in everyone we meet. Next year will be one massive hurdle.
Okay, I’m pretty much done with the negativities. I’m sure there’s more but that’s okay, that’s all for now.
All in all, it’s something I need to do and the benefits (I’m sure) will greatly outweigh my perceived scariness of the whole experience…that’s not to say that I won’t be absolutely shitting bricks in my first few weeks (or perhaps even months)…but I suppose I’ve got to do this to become the person I want to be.
Did you know that some seemingly black images or words actually have areas that are a mix of the coloured ink? I discovered this when my magenta ink cartridge was clogged and I started printing out green tinged words…which were meant to be black. The things you learn from malfunctioning technology.
Now all my colour cartridges are clogged…
Tomorrow is going to be super hot (as the Teletext weather report suggests…27 degrees) and I am semi-sick due to an unfortunate incident involving a lot of dust. Gotta love the early hayfever! It so happens to be the kind that doesn’t go away after a few hours but the kind that gives me a sore throat and a blocked nose.
(I wrote the above bit about 2 weeks ago)
Millions of peaches…peaches for me, millions of peaches…peaches for free!!!
Music is wonderful. This song’s (Falling for You - Colbie Caillat) got a really happy mood. It’d be kind of cool to have the carefree mentality of a hippy. I wanna go bin-diving one day…I think it’d be interesting. I recently started wearing nail polish and my nails have never split in layers so often before (there’s a term for this: onychoschizia…I know insane!). I used to hate the feeling because it felt like my nails were suffocating, but now it’s not so apparent anymore…a little bit like becoming accustomed to wearing an item of jewellery (like a ring…I lost my ring this Thursday…). The irony/stupidity in this is the fact that I paint toxic chemicals (which should not be sniffed) onto my nails for some strange reason…believing the claim that this foul-smelling stuff will strengthen my nails. It said so on the damn bottle! Well…one of the bottles anyhow.
Back to the ring…if you ever look at people’s hands…you may have noticed that I’ve had a ring on my left middle finger (perhaps you wouldn’t remember to that specificity) for quite some time now (since Year 9 if you wanted to know) and somehow, this well-fitting adornment managed to get lost, somewhere in the C-town campus. I think I must’ve been subconsciously pulling it off my finger (as I sometimes do when I am thinking) and then forgot to push it back in place…hence it dropped off and vanished. It’s annoying because I’ve been losing bits of jewellery that my mum buys me over the years…earrings, a bracelet…
Oh well, I keep thinking that my ring’s still there, so it’ll live on in spirit then. When (& I will, because I feel naked) I get a new ring, I’m going to wear it on my right hand.
Oh well, not much I can do (I did retrace my steps though & it so happen to be the day I walked all over the campus too; instead of just hanging around in the med-building as I usually do. I was going around selling and seeking donations for the Cancer Council. It was fun…and I got to see a few cute guys too). Sorry, that sounds terribly shallow…but you don’t understand…
Being at such a small campus is really not very exciting. Not very much happens in terms of inter…I was going to write “not much happens in terms of inter-course activity” but…that means something else. Oh dear. Not much happens between different courses; there aren’t many uni functions and even fewer societies/clubs so meeting people in other courses doesn’t happen very often.
Geminis get along well with: Aries, Aquariuses, Librans, Leos & other Geminis.
Sometimes, I’ve got pretty unsteady hands. It’s quite embarrassing sometimes. I think I think/stress about too many things. That may be why I don’t like walking slowly and break up everyday tasks into steps or count the number of steps it takes to accomplish a task. And the fact that I frown & furrow my brow (in other words look annoyed) when I think or am explaining concepts. I don’t like the hands and ‘annoyed when thinking’ habits. I need to fix these.
You know what, I’m quite self-conscious. Every time, I go into a new setting I’m always very nervous & it takes quite some time for me to relax in new environments.
Sometimes, I find it more comfortable meeting strangers than being around acquaintances.
I need one of those meditation ocean noises tracks (with no seagulls). What noises does a meadow make? I need one of those too.
One of my unrealistic imaginings is to stand under a waterfall (a real, proper one). I know it’ll hurt and sting more than anything but I always find it very soothing. I imagine myself being washed clean of everything and starting anew.
So it’s: rubber bands, waterfalls and meadows.
Maybe I should start wearing a rubber band around my wrist…like people who try to quit addictions…only I won’t snap myself with it...& I haven’t got an addiction. I’d just stretch it and take in the smell. (Rubber bands make me feel secure and safe, even seeing one produces this overwhelmingly nice feeling)
I often wonder if maybe I might be a little delusional, in that I see things or think things that aren’t actually real. How would I know…who would know? How is it that I almost always find some kind of answer to my musings and produce semi-/satisfactory reasoning? We’re probably all a bit delusional. Anyhow, if I am delusional then, you guys (seeing as almost all the revelations I have are posted on LJ & you guys tend to believe/will listen to what I have to say) are suffering from “Shared psychotic disorder, also known as folie a deux ("the folly of two"), is a rare condition in which an otherwise healthy person (secondary case) shares the delusions of a person with a psychotic disorder (primary case), such as schizophrenia, who has well-established delusions.”. But it’d have to be a mild case of shared psychotic disorder because I haven’t been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder…
Having psychotic episodes would be terrifying because reality is defined by the majority and your own reality may be the most real experience you’ve ever had but nobody will believe you.
It concerns me.
(I wrote the above bit last Friday)
So I signed up for this free 6 weeks, fitness program done by 2nd year Sports & Exercise students (it’s compulsory for them). They become the volunteer student’s ‘personal trainer’ for the 6 weeks and work through the client’s fitness goals. It’s pretty cool cos’ I will get free access to the uni gym. At the moment, I’m imagining some cute guy but now that I’ve said that…I bet it’ll turn out to be some dude who doesn’t want to be there OR an aloof artificially-blonde chick…
I get tested on my fitness this Thursday, so that should be fun…they get to measure the fat around my body…which when I think about it now…may not be such an awesome thing if it is a cute guy…
Oh well, my Asian-ness tells me that I’m there for the free services and if it’s free (or on sale…that’s just in general, but not in relation to this) then it’s good enough.
I really want to watch ‘Ponyo’, ‘500 Days of Summer’, ‘ADAM’ & ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’.