Learning
I think the part of my brain which deals with senses, is a little underdeveloped because when I’m listening to music & I think that I smell something e.g. food being cooked-I can never be certain as to what it is (or if it even exists) until I remove my earphones.
I just found out from a lecturer this morning that if you want to get a high; injecting some vegemite + maple syrup should do the trick. I love random (generally unfeasible…well if you’re sane…*imagines someone trying to inject vegemite*) facts. It really lights up my day. Also sometimes blue vein cheese (when it’s particularly funky), will also result in similar effects to the vegemite & maple syrup concoction. Hehe, that’s my 2 cents for the day.
In other news, well-not so much news…my father can be quite psycho if aggravated (& mind you the smallest things set him off) so he went angry, psychopath-nazi (you haven’t seen him enraged…so trust me that label it highly fitting-he looks convulsed; like he can’t control his movements, his eyes bulge and his yelling becomes incredibly loud and hoarse…kind of like a dog’s bark) on me as we were driving out of my uni (I’m on my 5hr break atm…so he decided to drive me home…even though I pointed out to him last night that I thought it was a waste of time for him and a waste of money; unnecessary use of petrol…seeing as I still ‘waste’ the same amount of time had I spent it at uni).
Anyway, that’s not the reason for his outburst. I remembered (incorrectly, because he wasn’t that clear this morning) that he said he’d be at a particular carpark waiting for me (after my lectures), but apparently, he’d been referring to another carpark. So I walked to the wrong carpark & to get to the point…he was super pissed off at me.
We drove past a couple of people in my course & I’m pretty sure they could see (& most likely hear a very angry and I daresay extremely scary looking Asian man) that he was going psycho with the yelling. The reason why I’m writing about this, isn’t because I wanted to vent (although I am annoyed; not angry) it’s because this has been the first time I’ve been able to hold my tongue and let my (often very unreasonable) father to have his anger outburst. It might sound like it’s expected of a daughter to act in this manner anyway, but I haven’t ever been like this before. For those of you who know me well enough (or at least have heard me say that I have a pretty bad temper…hmm, wonder where that comes from), you probably know that I often argue with my parents and so, it’s immensely rare for me to not argue back.
I think today was different, in that I stepped back from the whole situation, had a look at it and thought “Hey, this is a really immature and stupid thing to get worked up over…it’s not worth it, you know what your father’s like-let him be angry and it’ll pass.” And yes, it worked a miracle. Usually, after an argument with my father-I come home in a huff and then snap at my mum as well, therefore leaving an opportunity for my father to rope her into the picture…and you can guess what happens after that. (For those who can’t/are unsure: from hereon there is a massive family argument which lasts for the next couple of days).
The thing is: I never realised how being in control could feel so good…It’s better than arguing back & although it mightn’t seem so…a lot more satisfying. You see, my father being the way he is-is naturally inclined to attacking problems head on, in the most confrontational manner. I could see today, that he was immensely frustrated that I wasn’t arguing back & that today my mum seemed quite unaware of the argument we’d had in the car (which is a good thing, usually she can tell because as I mentioned before, snap at her too).
I feel like I’m actually developing life skills here & today, has certainly been a valuable experience. This is how I’ll deal with confrontations with agro people in the future. It’s al little ironic as well, seeing as I use a variation of this method when dealing with non-family individuals-I feel a little foolish that I never saw it before and that it works for everyone, family or not.
Anyway, I wonder if any of the guys who saw (well, I only caught a glimpse of one guy…I didn’t get to process who the others were) are going to say anything to me. I think the one I recognised might, he seemed a little shock-sometimes it amazes me, with a temper like that, violence isn’t another characteristic my father exhibits. Well, he is violent in his actions but he’s never been violent to my family & I (apart from the smack on the bum when we were younger)…I wonder how much self-control that requires? (I say that because bad temper & violent behaviour tend to go hand-in-hand)
NOTE: Lol, it’s okay-you guys don’t have to feel worried about anything, I can assure you that this isn’t a read between the lines help I have a violent father message. If I did, I think you guys would’ve known about it a long time ago.
Moving on…I already mentioned that in terms of some characteristics-I’m just a chip off the old block (only female). I too have a bad temper…but unlike my father I can control when to have my outburst (well, not including family related arguments, but that’ll change too)…therefore, it usually takes a fair bit of persistence & usually a raw nerve or an issue that’s important to me, in order to get me to go off in an agro way. I talked about this a few years back with my mum and when I come to think about myself, a lot of the bad traits I have; I share with my father. Only, I’m like a subdued version.
Either way, we all have bad traits-but that doesn’t mean that they need to be expressed (well, they probably will be expressed some time in life), so mmm yeah…this is more a sort of reminder for myself that part of the entry. Balancing yourself and focusing on the good traits and trying to improve/rid your bad ones.
That is all from me. I shall get to work.
Oh yeah…and as a sort of footnote kind of thing, whenever I’m pissed off, I throw myself into study/something that requires discipline…so being pissed off is one case of getting myself to finish things =].
LOVE