FIC: Once Lost, Now Found (5/5) -Nuke BigBang 2011-
Title: Once Lost, Now Found
Author: carolinablu85
Artist: x_serenade
Rating: eventual NC-17
Disclaimer: I own less than nothing.
Summary: Based on the prompt: What if Luke had met Reid first?
A/N: Thank you to natashaodwalla for the prompt, to BB mods for running this whole shebang with poise and class and hard work, to x_serenade for her beautiful art!, and to all writers and artists who stuck with BigBang and are participating!
CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5
He woke up to a hand on his shoulder. It could’ve been anybody, sure, but there was something... the thumb pressed to his collar bone, rubbing lightly. Reassuring. Questioning, too. He knew who it was.
Turning his head slowly, he purposefully kept his eyes closed. “Luke?”
The hand stilled. “Hey,” he heard softly.
“What are you doing here?” he tried to keep as much inflection out of his voice as he could. And was probably not successful.
“Casey,” Luke answered simply. Noah gave a short nod, somehow not surprised, and his cheek brushed against Luke’s hand. Which was promptly removed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“To touch me?” Noah finished for him bitterly.
“To wake you,” Luke corrected. Even quieter, “I like touching you, Noah.”
“Do you?” Noah was tired and cranky and nervous and hungry. Which made him more cranky. He wasn’t up for another round of... of Luke.
“Yes,” the answer was firm. Not quiet, not tentative. “I do. I love it.” Steady. Sure. This sounded like the Luke he had started to fall for.
Still, he held his breath, his composure. Eyes still closed. “Luke, I can’t- I don’t know what’s going to happen with this surgery. And I can’t deal with this push and pull between us. You like me, but don’t want to be with me. Fine. But I don’t want to hear it now, not right before I... It’s stupid and selfish, maybe, but-”
“I love you,” that steady voice said next.
There was no breathing after that. Not for a little while, anyway. “Luke?” was all he could think of to say.
“I mean, I think I do,” Luke continued. “And if I don’t now, I know I will soon. Because every single damn day since I’ve met you, you’ve made me want to love you. You’ve made me want a lot of things. And I,” he moved his hand down to Noah’s wrist, hand, fingers, their palms sliding in place. “I want you.”
“I want you too,” Noah wasn't sure what else to think.
There was the sound of a chair being pulled closer, and then Luke’s other hand was in his hair, skimming through once, twice, lightly. “I know. I really know.” He tightened his grip on Noah’s hand. “I’m so sorry, Noah, I was an idiot. And stupid. And I... You were right about me. I need to fix some things.”
“What does that mean?” he tried to sit up a little, but Luke steadied him, kept him still.
“It means, all that stuff you’ve been saying about me? My life? It’s true. And I think I’m really finally ready to do some of the things I want to do.”
“You mean... what do you mean?” Noah frowned, concerned. “Your job, and Damian and all that, right? And-”
Luckily (probably), Luke cut him off. “Let’s not talk about it now, okay? Right now, I just want to be here, right here, with you.” He cupped the side of Noah’s face. “Talk to me.”
"I'm sorry too," he said. "I was trying too hard to, I don't know, fix things for you, when really I just wanted you to be with me. I should've said that. I should've just told you how I felt and not been so-" he smirked. "So 'Mr. Miyagi' about everything."
Luke laughed. "Okay. But don't talk to me about me. Talk to me about you."
Noah’s free hand twitched. He wanted to find his watch, figure out what time it was. “I’m going in soon, aren’t I?”
He actually felt Luke’s nod, somehow. “We have a little bit of time.” His index finger traced Noah’s expertly. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
He opened his mouth, then shut it. He didn’t know how to do this. “I- I don’t...”
“Tell me what you’d want me to say if the situation were reversed,” Luke tried again.
“I love you,” Noah admitted softly.
He wasn’t really expecting Luke’s laugh, but it was there just the same- beautiful, full. “I already said that one,” he half-teased. “Try again.” Noah could hear the smile, but hear the insistence behind it too.
“I’m scared,” he finally said it. It had been in his brain since Lucinda had left. “Really scared.” He was unconsciously tightening his own grip on Luke’s hand, and tried to relax it. He couldn’t. “I don’t even think I was this scared after my dad tried to...” he offered a smile in Luke’s direction. “You know he was going to kill me too? That was the plan, that’s what he told the cops later.”
“Fuck,” he heard Luke curse quietly, quieter than Noah really thought he could be.
It made it easier for Noah to keep the smile in place. “He wanted a straight son or no son at all. I had, um, nightmares for weeks after that.” He shook his head. “I’m more scared now. How is that possible?”
“There’s a lot riding on this,” Luke suggested. “For you,” he added quickly. “Not for me. I’m going to be here no matter what happens, you understand me?”
“Yeah?” Noah didn’t let his voice crack. But it wanted to.
“Yeah,” Luke confirmed, squeezing his hand, the other still at Noah’s face.
“Then I guess there’s not so much riding on this for me, either,” Noah said softly. He felt Luke’s smile. Felt it everywhere. But he was still shocked when lips brushed against his. By the time he remembered to kiss back, they were gone. “If you’ll be here...”
“I will be,” Luke promised. He held Noah’s hand with both of his now, playing with their fingers linked together. “It’s okay to be scared, you know.”
“I don’t like it,” he grumbled.
“You don’t like it being out of your own control,” Luke pointed out gently.
Noah just shrugged. “Probably,” he mumbled.
Luke laughed a little. “Now you know how you’ve made me feel these past few weeks,” he only half-teased. “I think I’m my most brave and most terrified around you, you know.”
“Me?” Noah shook his head, would have said more, but he felt Luke tap at his fingers in a way that seemed, to Noah, playful. God, he wished he could see what their hands looked like together. It was the first time Noah admitted, even to himself, that he didn’t want to be blind.
“You,” Luke confirmed. “You, I don’t know, get me to see the world in a way I didn’t think I was supposed to anymore.” Luke gave a dry laugh, lifting Noah’s hand up further to kiss it lightly. “At the risk of sounding stupidly cheesy, I just want to help you see it too.”
A flash of memory, unwanted and stupid, hit Noah’s brain. When he first woke up from the accident, all the lawyers and social workers and church volunteers who wanted to help ‘fix’ him... doing their duty... “Luke? I, I don’t want you to be here because you think you have to be. Like you have some obligation. You don’t owe me anyth-”
Luke was getting really good at shutting him up. Also, really good at kissing him. This time, Noah remembered to respond, meeting his lips and the sure movement of his tongue, to the point of almost forgetting what he had been saying.
Which, probably, was Luke’s intention. “I owe you so much, Noah. And you’re kind of a dumbass when it comes to this,” his voice was soft, gentle, close enough to his ear that Noah could tell he was still leaning in. “I’m not here out of pity or just to satisfy my own needs or whatever. I’m here for us.”
Noah wanted to believe him, and apparently his body already did, as his hands were both gripping whatever part of Luke was closest, holding on tightly. “If anything happens in there, if I don’t... if I’m not-”
“It’s going to be okay,” Luke cut in, still gentle but steady. Resolute. As if he dared anyone in the universe to disagree with him.
“If it’s not,” apparently Noah’s pragmatism was stupid enough to try. “I need you to know, I love you too.” He echoed Luke’s words with an added, “I think.”
There was a sudden sound of movement, and the mattress of the bed dipped down at his side. Instinctively, he slid over a little, and couldn’t help a smile from appearing as he felt Luke’s body arrange itself next to his. “Then I’m not worried at all,” he replied, snaking an arm around Noah’s shoulders, holding him close.
“Liar,” Noah murmured, his head coming to rest on Luke’s shoulder.
“A little,” he admitted. “I’m scared too. I want you to be okay. And I don’t mean,” he paused, his hand coming up to trail through Noah’s hair again. Noah let himself lean more into the touch, listening. Not thinking about the clock ticking its seconds away on the wall. “I don’t mean ‘okay’ as in blind or seeing. I just want you to be you when you wake up.”
“If something goes wrong in surgery,” Noah swallowed hard. “I don’t want this to be the last time I know you.” He laid his own hand flat on Luke’s chest, feeling for his heartbeat.
“It won’t be,” Luke vowed, his chin or cheek or some part of his face now resting against the top of Noah’s head. “You’ll wake up, and get to see how stupid my haircut looks right now. And you’ll see I really do wear stripes all the time. And... and you’ll get to watch Blu-Ray DVDs- we’ll start with the Pixar movies- and I can take you to the farm and teach you how to ride, and-”
He heard the door open, somehow even more ominous in its quiet whoosh of air than if the hinges had creaked. (Which, he had to admit, he had anticipated hearing.) The heartbeat under his fingertips started beating faster. “Luke?” he lifted his head, bit his lip.
“Noah,” it was Alison who answered, not Luke. She had requested to be Noah's nurse, the two of them having had a long talk that morning about Casey, about Luke, about life's disappointments and everything between. Ali hadn't wanted Noah to feel responsible for her and Casey's breakup, and Noah hadn't wanted his friendship with Ali to change because of it. She promised she'd be around for the surgery, which could only mean... “It’s time, honey.”
And suddenly he froze. He couldn’t get himself to move. He wanted to stay right here where it was comfortable and safe and he knew what to do and he had Luke next to him. Why the hell would he want to change this? Why risk...
He felt Luke shift a little, and then two hands were framing his face, getting his attention. “It’s going to be okay,” Luke whispered, then kissed him lightly. Noah was more than a little shocked, enough to overcome some of his fear. In front of Alison? With the door open? What if-
“Coast is clear,” somehow, Ali must’ve been able to read his mind. “I promise.” She sounded like she was smiling.
Noah wondered what her smile looked like. He also kinda wondered how Ethan and Nat looked while running around the barn playing, what Emma’s pies looked like. Casey’s probably-horrible dancing. The way (he was sure) Holden and Lily still looked at each other. Luke’s... everything.
“Okay,” he finally said, hating how small his voice sounded, even though it was completely how he felt. He pushed himself up, allowing Luke to help him off the bed, into the wheelchair. As soon as he was settled he reached a hand out, and Luke’s hand was already there waiting to grasp it. “Okay,” he said again.
Luke kissed the top of his head, resting his lips there for a moment. “I’ll be right out here, the entire time. I promise. Seriously, the nurses are going to get sick of me.”
He smiled a little, starting to feel shaky. “And you- you promise, right? We’re going to do all that stuff once I’m better?”
“Definitely.” The chair started to move, Alison or Luke or both of them pushing it out of the room. “We’ll do all of it.”
“And more.” Noah, for some reason, for the first time in his life, had to keep talking. He had to. “Promise me, okay? We’ll, I don’t know, go miniature golfing. I’ve never done that before.”
“Okay,” Luke sounded like he wanted to laugh and cry. “And we’ll go to the farmer’s market, you’d like that. Get stuff for you to cook.”
“I’ll teach you how,” Noah vowed.
Luke’s answering chuckle was rough. “And we’ll watch tons and tons of movies. Every movie ever made ever. Every movie you’ve missed. All your favorites.”
“I’m gonna make you watch the classics,” Noah tried to keep up the bravado.
“I’m going to make you read the classics,” Luke fired back. “We’re starting with The Iliad and working our way from there.”
“And we’re starting with The Great Train Robbery,” Noah’s voice didn’t wobble, it didn’t. How long were these goddamn hallways?
“The Great Gatsby.” Luke’s hand tightened around his.
“Vertigo.”
“Gone With the Wind.”
“Gone With the Wind,” Noah echoed, smiling a little genuinely now.
“God, you two are already annoyingly cute,” Ali murmured.
And then they stopped moving. Noah actually, physically, gulped. Like a cartoon. If he wasn’t suddenly terrified, he’d be amused. “So we’re, um, here?”
“Yeah,” Ali answered. Luke was silent. “I’ll take you in here to the pre-op room and get you settled, we’ll start the anesthesia. You’ll... you’ll probably be asleep before we even wheel you out of here. Next time you wake up, you’ll be-”
“Yeah.” Noah tugged on Luke’s hand until he felt Luke come around to stand in front of him. “Hey,” he said quietly, until he could sense Luke leaning in close. “Look, I really want the chance to love you, okay? So I’m gonna try not to let anything bad happen now.”
He felt a brush of air across his face as if Luke was trying to laugh again. “And I’m a brat, aren’t I? I always get what I want. I want you to be okay. So it’s a done deal.”
Fingers traced his jaw, as though trying to memorize it. Noah couldn’t help but reach up and do the same. “Deal.”
And then Luke was stepping away, and Ali was pushing him into the pre-op room. “I’ll see you soon,” Luke’s voice reached him from farther away.
Noah tried to come up with the perfect thing to say, but all that he could think of, as the door started to close behind him, was “Same here.”
***
-there were... complications in surgery-
-blood vessel broke at one of the points of incision-
-lost a lot of blood-
-pressure dropped so quickly-
-we did all we could, now it’s up to him-
-no idea when he will wake up-
-we won’t know the extent of damage until he-
Luke head was too heavy for the rest of his body. He was forced to rest it down on the table in the hospital break room, where the lovely, wonderful, sent-from-God nurses had let him hang out and get some coffee. Now he just sat, forehead pressed into the tabletop.
The words Reid and Ali had used to describe Noah’s surgery were rattling around in his brain, knocking at the sides of his head, sticking in their claws. He couldn’t get them out. Noah was lying in a bed in post-op right now. In a coma. And they didn’t know when (not if) he was going to wake up.
The door opened and someone entered, but Luke was too tired to see who it was. At this point, he and his grandmother owned almost half the damn hospital, it wasn’t like anyone could kick him out. Or even get him to move his head.
“You’re still here.”
Except maybe Reid. Luke pushed himself to sit up in his chair. But all he could do was nod. He was so fucking tired.
“For Noah.”
Another nod. Too tired to lie, to hedge any words.
Reid sat down at the table. Across from him, not next to him. “He’s going to be fine. I didn’t screw anything up. Complications happen, doesn’t mean he won’t be fine.”
“I wanted to blame you,” Luke said, like that was a sensible reply.
Reid shook his head. “I wasn’t going to let a patient die just because he slept with my boyfriend,” he snapped.
Luke stared. For maybe a full minute. He could hear the clock ticking above his head, the coffee pot dripping behind him. Everything else was quiet and perfectly still. “You knew?”
Reid was angry, resigned, but not all that surprised. “Noah decided to confess his sins before going under anesthesia. As though that would affect the outcome of the surgery or something,” he shook his head. “We talked, he apologized. Profusely. He didn’t say you two slept together, just that he had feelings for you and had acted on them. I inferred the rest.”
“You always have been too smart for your own good,” Luke murmured, clasping his hands together in front of him.
“Unfortunately, yes that’s true,” Reid was calm, which Luke guessed was a good thing. “How long have you two been going around behind my back?”
“We haven’t...” he sighed. “Okay. Last week. But it wasn’t planned. It was never purposeful. I know that’s not much of an excuse, and I’m a piece of shit boyfriend, but it just, it just happened between us.”
“You’re right. It’s not an excuse,” Reid pushed himself away from the table, going to stand by the coffee maker. He poured himself a cup, slowly and methodically.
“I didn’t plan on sleeping with him. And I hated myself afterwards, I still do. I am so, so sorry.”
“Are you?” Reid narrowed his eyes. “Do you regret it?”
Luke bit his lip, trying to find the right words. “I regret cheating on you. I regret not talking to you, I regret letting the problems I had with our relationship fester for so long, not settling things with both of you before Noah and I did anything. But, God I’m sorry, but I don’t regret Noah.”
Reid didn’t yell. He didn’t snap, he didn’t berate him or cut him to tiny pieces with words. He just stood there. “Once this case is done, once my patient is in recovery and has no more need of my medical services, I’m going back to Dallas.”
“Y-you are?”
“I’m going back to Dallas,” Reid repeated. “I’m not asking you to come with me this time. I don’t think I want you to.”
It stung, but it was way less than he deserved. “Okay.”
Reid was still studying him. “Would you come, if I did ask?” There was no hopefulness in his tone, no expectation, and so Luke felt comfortable answering with the full truth.
“No. I wouldn’t.”
He nodded. “Didn’t think so. I don’t know if I ever thought you would, to be honest. Were we ever more than superficial boyfriends, Luke?”
"What does that mean?" he couldn't get himself to take offense.
Reid didn't shrug. He never did. He was always set. "I'm not going to change who I am, Luke. It's never been my belief that a relationship should change me. I don't want to change, I'm fine how I am. But you," he shook his head, even chuckled a little. "You still have that fairy tale idea of being in love. That it does change everything and make everything better. And you haven't changed since you've been with me, not really."
"It's not a fairy tale," Luke defended. "It's just a different way of looking at everything."
"And that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?" Reid left his half-empty coffee cup at the table and headed to the door, not looking back. “I don’t want to wish you any sort of luck, and I feel like you two? In this town? You’re going to need it.”
And then he was out the door. Possibly, out of Luke’s life.
Luke kept his eyes on the place where Reid had been standing. He was so damn numb at this point, he didn’t know how he felt. Should he feel relieved? Sad? Angry at himself, or at Reid, or Noah, or God, or what-the-fuck-ever people got mad at nowadays? He didn’t know.
He just wanted Noah to wake up.
***
It was Day Three of waiting. All the nurses and attendings and random family members all assured him that there was no need to worry yet, that it could be awhile, that Noah’s scans continued to show improvement, that there was every indication Noah would still be ‘Noah’ when (not if) he woke up...
It wasn’t enough for him.
There were way too many things that could go wrong, and Luke had watched way too many medical dramas in his lifetime to not imagine worst case scenarios. Amnesia, split personality, no personality, he could still be blind, he could still have seizures, he could stop wanting to be in love with Luke, he could-
“Luke?” a voice- one he hadn’t heard in awhile- broke through his rambling thoughts.
He lifted his head and stared. “Maddie?”
She stood in front of him, smiling sadly. “Hey, stranger.”
“What... what are you doing here? In Oakdale? In the hospital?” he stuttered as she sat down beside him.
“Well, partly here for you, and partly here for this big oaf,” she nodded to the side as Casey plopped down in the seat next to her.
Luke kept staring, especially when Casey’s arm went around her and their fingers linked at her shoulder. “You and the big oaf? When did this happen?”
Casey glared at his nickname, yet somehow smiled at the same time. “It’s why Ali and I broke up, man.”
“What? Why?” Luke was running on caffeine and crackers and fumes. He wasn’t processing new facts too well.
Casey shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. “I wasn’t in love with Ali. It’s always been Maddie for me. I didn’t want to, you know, admit that because I thought she was better off without me. Or had moved on.”
“The big oaf didn’t realize I was just waiting for him to come to his senses,” she grinned at the way he ducked his head, then turned to Luke, her face going somber. “Any news?”
He shook his head. She put her other arm around him, hugging him close. “I’m happy for you two,” he whispered into her shoulder.
Her arm tightened around him. “Thanks, hon.” He felt Casey shift in closer until it was almost a group hug, as Maddie continued. “Don’t worry. I didn’t come all this way just for that. I want to meet the guy that knocked some sense into Casey.”
He realized then, that’s what Noah and Casey must’ve talked about. Noah got Casey to admit he still loved Maddie. God.
Maddie confirmed it a second later. “Besides to see how pretty he is. I want him to wake up so I can thank him.”
“Me too.” He leaned more into her arms. Maybe, this could get him through to Day Four.
***
It wasn’t like in the movies. Or all those medical dramas. It wasn’t a miraculous, Disneyfied, his-hand-twitches-once-then-his-eyes-open-and-they-smile-at-each-other emergence from a coma. It took days.
Noah’s blood pressure and heart rate were “hovering at normal,” according to the nurses. His hands and legs started shifting, like someone coming out of a restless sleep. Then, a few times, his eyes would stir, fluttering open, giving Luke just a tease of blue, then would shut again and he’d be back asleep.
At least it was being called ‘sleep’ now. Luke had to admit that felt better than saying ‘Nope, Noah’s still in a coma! Thanks for asking!’ anytime someone came to him for an update. Now he was sleeping. Recuperating. Luke liked the sound of that a lot better.
He woke up the morning of Day Six feeling frustratingly exhausted. His eyelids were heavy, his hair had been product-free for days, his clothes were wrinkled. Noah was still asleep.
So, not a good start to the day.
Or so he thought. He twisted and turned in his chair, stretching his back muscles slowly, and the second he was facing the bed he froze. Noah’s eyes were open, fuzzy, turned in his direction.
“Noah?” he whispered, scooting his chair in close. “Hey, hey. You with me, Mayer?” he cautiously, gently, laid his hand on top of Noah’s head, smoothing down his bedhead, avoiding the sutures.
Noah peered at him, hazy. Not saying anything. For a second, Luke panicked. Something was wrong, Noah wasn’t himself, Noah was- But then he realized, Noah was swallowing hard, uselessly, his lips dry and cracked.
“God, I’m an idiot, hold on,” he used his free hand to bring a cup of water around, holding the straw to Noah’s lips. “Small sips.”
Noah obeyed, closing his eyes to concentrate, and Luke fought the panic- no, keep them open- until Noah was done, leaning back into his pillow, slowly opening his eyes again. “Hi,” he whispered.
His face was sore, stretching muscles he hadn’t used in six days into a smile. “Hi yourself.”
He held still as Noah’s eyes, glazed over and bleary, slowly moved in his direction again. He didn’t dare ask. He couldn’t. Then... Noah smiled. “I don’t think your haircut looks stupid.”
Luke stared. Noah stared back, still smiling. Stared at him. “You can... your eyes? They work?” he asked dumbly.
“I was right,” Noah’s voice was still pitched low, rough. “You’re really kinda beautiful.”
Noah could see him. Noah was Noah. And Luke was- “Oh thank God,” he leaned in just as Noah tilted his chin up, and they shared a starved, almost necessary kiss. His fingers had just curled into Noah’s hair when he pulled back, frowning. “Wait. Kinda?”
Noah laughed. “More than kinda,” he amended, his own hand reaching out, even more tentative than Luke’s had been. Luke kept himself still again, as Noah’s hand touched his hair, his forehead, traced down his cheek to his chin, brushed across his lips. “Way more than kinda.”
“Sweet talker,” Luke choked out, trying to hide every damn emotion flying through him. His chest was tight with it, with all of it.
Noah just shook his head, still smiling. “I can’t believe you’re...” he narrowed his eyes a little, searching. “Everything’s still kinda fuzzy though.”
“They said that’s to be expected,” Luke assured. “Give your eyes some time to adjust, some physical therapy, and you should regain pretty much everything. For right now, just be happy with shapes and colors.”
“Just seeing shapes and colors is stupid,” he grumbled.
Luke grinned. He couldn’t help it; he didn’t care. “Give it time,” he said again. Softer, “We’ve got all the time we want.”
Noah lightly gripped the front of his shirt, pulled him in for another kiss, then stopped suddenly. “Reid-”
“Isn’t an issue. Trust me.” Luke got up from his chair, nudging Noah over a little, mindful of the wires and tubes and everything attached, and arranged himself on the tiny bed with him. Noah watched his every move, like he was addicted to it, distracted enough from asking more questions.
“Whoa,” Noah said instead, just as he was settling around Luke’s side.
“What?” Luke paused, his arm hovering just above Noah’s shoulders. He followed Noah’s gaze to the mirror across the room from them. Noah was staring at his own reflection. Luke couldn’t help but smirk. “Narcissist.”
Noah half-pouted, rolled his eyes without taking them away from the mirror. “Last time I saw myself was three years ago, Luke. I was eighteen, skinny and awkward and...” he shook his head again. “This is all kinda surreal.” And, before Luke could respond with anything, he tilted his head up to Luke again, shy smile back in place. “We look good together.”
At that moment, Luke should’ve been cautioning Noah to rest his eyes, not strain them too much too soon. He should’ve been getting a nurse or doctor into the room to examine Noah. He should’ve been calling Casey or his parents or someone to spread the good news.
Instead he pulled Noah back gently against his chest, rested his chin on Noah’s shoulder, and watched them both in the mirror across from them. Kissed his hair, smiled when Noah’s hands came up to wind through his. “Yeah. We do.”
***
Two weeks later...
Luke finished toweling off his hair and left the bathroom, only to find the bedroom empty and quiet. With a sigh, he tossed the towel away (then quickly picked it back up and hung it in its proper place by the door), and marched into the living room.
There he was, sitting on the couch in rapt attention, childlike wonder, watching... Toy Story 3. He wanted to ‘aww’ and sigh again in equal measure. He settled for crossing his arms, tapping one foot on the floor in his best Emma Snyder impression.
“Noah? I love you, but if you don’t turn that TV off and rest your eyes, then I will find very painful ways to punish you,” he warned.
Noah didn’t pout, didn’t protest, just looked up at him with that silly, goofy grin. “Say that again.”
He loved that those eyes actually connected with his now. He still hadn’t gotten used to it. It was still always a shock to the system. “Very painful ways-” he started to repeat.
“No,” the smile turned sweeter. “Say the first part.”
Luke was confused for less than a second. Then he sighed, sliding down onto the couch, sliding down onto Noah’s lap. He shook his head, even as arms went around him securely, holding him close. “Don’t think,” he slid his hands up that stomach, chest, shoulders, to loop around the back of Noah’s neck, “that you can always be this cute and just get away with shit.”
Noah was pouting now, but Luke refused- refused- to give in. “But I have so many movies to get caught up on,” he went back to their original argument. “Please? Just one more tonight?”
“I think Curious Case of Benjamin Button can wait another day,” Luke chided. “And what the hell kind of order are these movies in, anyway?” He didn’t give Noah a chance to answer, pulling him forward for a quick, hard kiss. “We have a long day tomorrow. Let’s go to bed.”
“You can’t boss me around in my own apartment,” Noah was really trying hard to keep up the pout, Luke gave him credit for that. Unfortunately for Noah, it just made him look adorable. Not formidable.
“I thought we decided you like it when I take charge?” He smirked at Noah’s blush, then carded his fingers through Noah’s hair, wishing it was long enough to twist the strands around playfully. “The movie can wait,” he said. Firmly, “But now? Come to bed.”
A second, maybe just a second of hesitation, then Noah smiled and nodded. “Okay.”
He nodded back. I win. “Okay.” He stood, reaching out a hand, pulling Noah to his feet. For good measure he grabbed him by the hips and shoved gently towards the bedroom, wanting to keep Noah in his sights at all times. I so win.
“I’m going, I’m going,” Noah grumbled, though a smile was on his face the whole time.
Luke had one too. He couldn’t seem to get rid of it. He left the door to the bedroom open slightly after they walked in, so light from the hall could seep in when they turned off the bedside lamp. He never said anything, and Noah never said anything, but maybe neither of them were okay with complete darkness.
He did, however, start talking the second they were both settled into bed. “You are okay about tomorrow, right? It won’t be too much?”
Noah kissed his cheek with a loud smack. “Maybe I like ‘too much.’”
Luke let one hand drift down Noah’s chest to his stomach, sneakily slipping beneath his t-shirt. No one’s skin should be that warm. That perfect. “Baby, this is Snyder ‘too much,’ though. This is a family barbeque. Like, to the max. Plus my mom and Lucinda? Your first time seeing a lot of them since the surgery, and definitely the first time seeing them as my boyfriend, I just-”
Noah nuzzled- actually fucking nuzzled, who for real did that?- into the side of his face and neck. “You keep calling me your boyfriend and I’ll go anywhere with you.”
His heart stuttered. His lip might have actually quivered a little. He blinked hard. “What if I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese?”
“Then we’re breaking up,” Noah said immediately, his own hands wandering now. Luke’s pajama pants were sliding down his hips, Noah’s hand at the small of his back. Still so warm.
“Fine,” Luke used his best put-upon sigh, pulling Noah in close, wrapping one arm, then the other, around his shoulders. “I guess I can sacrifice Chuck E. Cheese for you.”
Noah couldn’t help a chuck from escaping, his chest vibrating it into Luke’s. “Yeah, that’s love right there.”
Only, it kinda was. They kissed slowly, leisurely, nothing to prove or deny or ignore. Just them.
“Is it weird?” Luke asked as they settled back again onto the pillow (sharing one), side by side. “Seeing people you already know for the first time? Putting faces to voices?”
“Honestly? Yeah,” Noah tilted his head so their foreheads touched. “It’s like re-meeting everyone in my life. And nobody really looks how I pictured them. Except for Lucinda,” he added quickly, completely serious. “Though part of me was surprised she’s not ten feet tall.”
Luke barely managed to keep a straight face. “But you’re okay? Dealing?”
“Yeah,” Noah breathed out. “I really think I am.” He paused, then, “I can’t believe Mason wears a scarf in the summer.”
He snorted. “He can have his scarf. He doesn’t get you.”
“No, you get me,” Noah grinned. They were quiet again for a few minutes, listening to the apartment’s silence, the faint hum of music from Casey’s apartment next door. “Your mom and dad are gonna get back together,” he said quietly.
“You think so?” Luke wasn’t even shocked by it.
“Yep,” Noah inched his way a little closer. “They love each other.”
So simple. He looked so sure of himself, Luke couldn’t help but tease him. He couldn’t help but love him either, but teasing came first. Luke inched his way closer too. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” Noah craned his neck for a second, affronted. “I’m right.”
“Oh, baby,” Luke patted his cheek, kissed his forehead. “You’re so cute when you think you’re being wise.”
Noah grabbed his hand, held it away from his face. “Hey!” he mock-glared, “I’m right.”
“Sure, sure,” he said airily, “You’re still recovering, so I’ll humor you.”
Noah narrowed his eyes, but instead of grabbing at Luke, cutting him off with some intense, fireworks-worthy kiss, he touched Luke’s chin, tilted his face just so, and kissed him softly. So full of love that Luke felt it coat his skin, beat in time with his blood. Everywhere.
“I was right about something else, too,” Noah smirked a little at Luke’s dazed expression, rolled him gently, almost reverently, onto his back.
“What’s that?” Luke was busy wriggling out of his pants, letting them tangle around his feet, reaching for the waistband of Noah’s sweats.
He stilled at that hand on his face again. Noah was tracing his features, like he had when he first woke up from surgery, like he had when he was blind. Luke would never, ever, hate this touch.
Ever.
Then he remembered Noah had, at one point, been saying something. “What are you right about?”
He wasn’t smirking anymore, or teasing. Instead, Noah looked at him so sincerely, so genuinely, Luke was surprised he didn’t just die right there. “My movie. I got my happy ending. You said it wouldn’t happen in real life, but it did.”
Luke closed his eyes, he had to. “Noah, I...” he opened them again. Noah was looking at him, watching him, seeing every single bit of him outside and inside and there was love in his eyes for all of it. “I’m so fucking glad I was wrong.”
And, like Noah’s movie, they all lived happily ever after. The end. Roll credits.
THE END! Thanks for reading :)
Author: carolinablu85
Artist: x_serenade
Rating: eventual NC-17
Disclaimer: I own less than nothing.
Summary: Based on the prompt: What if Luke had met Reid first?
A/N: Thank you to natashaodwalla for the prompt, to BB mods for running this whole shebang with poise and class and hard work, to x_serenade for her beautiful art!, and to all writers and artists who stuck with BigBang and are participating!
CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5
He woke up to a hand on his shoulder. It could’ve been anybody, sure, but there was something... the thumb pressed to his collar bone, rubbing lightly. Reassuring. Questioning, too. He knew who it was.
Turning his head slowly, he purposefully kept his eyes closed. “Luke?”
The hand stilled. “Hey,” he heard softly.
“What are you doing here?” he tried to keep as much inflection out of his voice as he could. And was probably not successful.
“Casey,” Luke answered simply. Noah gave a short nod, somehow not surprised, and his cheek brushed against Luke’s hand. Which was promptly removed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“To touch me?” Noah finished for him bitterly.
“To wake you,” Luke corrected. Even quieter, “I like touching you, Noah.”
“Do you?” Noah was tired and cranky and nervous and hungry. Which made him more cranky. He wasn’t up for another round of... of Luke.
“Yes,” the answer was firm. Not quiet, not tentative. “I do. I love it.” Steady. Sure. This sounded like the Luke he had started to fall for.
Still, he held his breath, his composure. Eyes still closed. “Luke, I can’t- I don’t know what’s going to happen with this surgery. And I can’t deal with this push and pull between us. You like me, but don’t want to be with me. Fine. But I don’t want to hear it now, not right before I... It’s stupid and selfish, maybe, but-”
“I love you,” that steady voice said next.
There was no breathing after that. Not for a little while, anyway. “Luke?” was all he could think of to say.
“I mean, I think I do,” Luke continued. “And if I don’t now, I know I will soon. Because every single damn day since I’ve met you, you’ve made me want to love you. You’ve made me want a lot of things. And I,” he moved his hand down to Noah’s wrist, hand, fingers, their palms sliding in place. “I want you.”
“I want you too,” Noah wasn't sure what else to think.
There was the sound of a chair being pulled closer, and then Luke’s other hand was in his hair, skimming through once, twice, lightly. “I know. I really know.” He tightened his grip on Noah’s hand. “I’m so sorry, Noah, I was an idiot. And stupid. And I... You were right about me. I need to fix some things.”
“What does that mean?” he tried to sit up a little, but Luke steadied him, kept him still.
“It means, all that stuff you’ve been saying about me? My life? It’s true. And I think I’m really finally ready to do some of the things I want to do.”
“You mean... what do you mean?” Noah frowned, concerned. “Your job, and Damian and all that, right? And-”
Luckily (probably), Luke cut him off. “Let’s not talk about it now, okay? Right now, I just want to be here, right here, with you.” He cupped the side of Noah’s face. “Talk to me.”
"I'm sorry too," he said. "I was trying too hard to, I don't know, fix things for you, when really I just wanted you to be with me. I should've said that. I should've just told you how I felt and not been so-" he smirked. "So 'Mr. Miyagi' about everything."
Luke laughed. "Okay. But don't talk to me about me. Talk to me about you."
Noah’s free hand twitched. He wanted to find his watch, figure out what time it was. “I’m going in soon, aren’t I?”
He actually felt Luke’s nod, somehow. “We have a little bit of time.” His index finger traced Noah’s expertly. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
He opened his mouth, then shut it. He didn’t know how to do this. “I- I don’t...”
“Tell me what you’d want me to say if the situation were reversed,” Luke tried again.
“I love you,” Noah admitted softly.
He wasn’t really expecting Luke’s laugh, but it was there just the same- beautiful, full. “I already said that one,” he half-teased. “Try again.” Noah could hear the smile, but hear the insistence behind it too.
“I’m scared,” he finally said it. It had been in his brain since Lucinda had left. “Really scared.” He was unconsciously tightening his own grip on Luke’s hand, and tried to relax it. He couldn’t. “I don’t even think I was this scared after my dad tried to...” he offered a smile in Luke’s direction. “You know he was going to kill me too? That was the plan, that’s what he told the cops later.”
“Fuck,” he heard Luke curse quietly, quieter than Noah really thought he could be.
It made it easier for Noah to keep the smile in place. “He wanted a straight son or no son at all. I had, um, nightmares for weeks after that.” He shook his head. “I’m more scared now. How is that possible?”
“There’s a lot riding on this,” Luke suggested. “For you,” he added quickly. “Not for me. I’m going to be here no matter what happens, you understand me?”
“Yeah?” Noah didn’t let his voice crack. But it wanted to.
“Yeah,” Luke confirmed, squeezing his hand, the other still at Noah’s face.
“Then I guess there’s not so much riding on this for me, either,” Noah said softly. He felt Luke’s smile. Felt it everywhere. But he was still shocked when lips brushed against his. By the time he remembered to kiss back, they were gone. “If you’ll be here...”
“I will be,” Luke promised. He held Noah’s hand with both of his now, playing with their fingers linked together. “It’s okay to be scared, you know.”
“I don’t like it,” he grumbled.
“You don’t like it being out of your own control,” Luke pointed out gently.
Noah just shrugged. “Probably,” he mumbled.
Luke laughed a little. “Now you know how you’ve made me feel these past few weeks,” he only half-teased. “I think I’m my most brave and most terrified around you, you know.”
“Me?” Noah shook his head, would have said more, but he felt Luke tap at his fingers in a way that seemed, to Noah, playful. God, he wished he could see what their hands looked like together. It was the first time Noah admitted, even to himself, that he didn’t want to be blind.
“You,” Luke confirmed. “You, I don’t know, get me to see the world in a way I didn’t think I was supposed to anymore.” Luke gave a dry laugh, lifting Noah’s hand up further to kiss it lightly. “At the risk of sounding stupidly cheesy, I just want to help you see it too.”
A flash of memory, unwanted and stupid, hit Noah’s brain. When he first woke up from the accident, all the lawyers and social workers and church volunteers who wanted to help ‘fix’ him... doing their duty... “Luke? I, I don’t want you to be here because you think you have to be. Like you have some obligation. You don’t owe me anyth-”
Luke was getting really good at shutting him up. Also, really good at kissing him. This time, Noah remembered to respond, meeting his lips and the sure movement of his tongue, to the point of almost forgetting what he had been saying.
Which, probably, was Luke’s intention. “I owe you so much, Noah. And you’re kind of a dumbass when it comes to this,” his voice was soft, gentle, close enough to his ear that Noah could tell he was still leaning in. “I’m not here out of pity or just to satisfy my own needs or whatever. I’m here for us.”
Noah wanted to believe him, and apparently his body already did, as his hands were both gripping whatever part of Luke was closest, holding on tightly. “If anything happens in there, if I don’t... if I’m not-”
“It’s going to be okay,” Luke cut in, still gentle but steady. Resolute. As if he dared anyone in the universe to disagree with him.
“If it’s not,” apparently Noah’s pragmatism was stupid enough to try. “I need you to know, I love you too.” He echoed Luke’s words with an added, “I think.”
There was a sudden sound of movement, and the mattress of the bed dipped down at his side. Instinctively, he slid over a little, and couldn’t help a smile from appearing as he felt Luke’s body arrange itself next to his. “Then I’m not worried at all,” he replied, snaking an arm around Noah’s shoulders, holding him close.
“Liar,” Noah murmured, his head coming to rest on Luke’s shoulder.
“A little,” he admitted. “I’m scared too. I want you to be okay. And I don’t mean,” he paused, his hand coming up to trail through Noah’s hair again. Noah let himself lean more into the touch, listening. Not thinking about the clock ticking its seconds away on the wall. “I don’t mean ‘okay’ as in blind or seeing. I just want you to be you when you wake up.”
“If something goes wrong in surgery,” Noah swallowed hard. “I don’t want this to be the last time I know you.” He laid his own hand flat on Luke’s chest, feeling for his heartbeat.
“It won’t be,” Luke vowed, his chin or cheek or some part of his face now resting against the top of Noah’s head. “You’ll wake up, and get to see how stupid my haircut looks right now. And you’ll see I really do wear stripes all the time. And... and you’ll get to watch Blu-Ray DVDs- we’ll start with the Pixar movies- and I can take you to the farm and teach you how to ride, and-”
He heard the door open, somehow even more ominous in its quiet whoosh of air than if the hinges had creaked. (Which, he had to admit, he had anticipated hearing.) The heartbeat under his fingertips started beating faster. “Luke?” he lifted his head, bit his lip.
“Noah,” it was Alison who answered, not Luke. She had requested to be Noah's nurse, the two of them having had a long talk that morning about Casey, about Luke, about life's disappointments and everything between. Ali hadn't wanted Noah to feel responsible for her and Casey's breakup, and Noah hadn't wanted his friendship with Ali to change because of it. She promised she'd be around for the surgery, which could only mean... “It’s time, honey.”
And suddenly he froze. He couldn’t get himself to move. He wanted to stay right here where it was comfortable and safe and he knew what to do and he had Luke next to him. Why the hell would he want to change this? Why risk...
He felt Luke shift a little, and then two hands were framing his face, getting his attention. “It’s going to be okay,” Luke whispered, then kissed him lightly. Noah was more than a little shocked, enough to overcome some of his fear. In front of Alison? With the door open? What if-
“Coast is clear,” somehow, Ali must’ve been able to read his mind. “I promise.” She sounded like she was smiling.
Noah wondered what her smile looked like. He also kinda wondered how Ethan and Nat looked while running around the barn playing, what Emma’s pies looked like. Casey’s probably-horrible dancing. The way (he was sure) Holden and Lily still looked at each other. Luke’s... everything.
“Okay,” he finally said, hating how small his voice sounded, even though it was completely how he felt. He pushed himself up, allowing Luke to help him off the bed, into the wheelchair. As soon as he was settled he reached a hand out, and Luke’s hand was already there waiting to grasp it. “Okay,” he said again.
Luke kissed the top of his head, resting his lips there for a moment. “I’ll be right out here, the entire time. I promise. Seriously, the nurses are going to get sick of me.”
He smiled a little, starting to feel shaky. “And you- you promise, right? We’re going to do all that stuff once I’m better?”
“Definitely.” The chair started to move, Alison or Luke or both of them pushing it out of the room. “We’ll do all of it.”
“And more.” Noah, for some reason, for the first time in his life, had to keep talking. He had to. “Promise me, okay? We’ll, I don’t know, go miniature golfing. I’ve never done that before.”
“Okay,” Luke sounded like he wanted to laugh and cry. “And we’ll go to the farmer’s market, you’d like that. Get stuff for you to cook.”
“I’ll teach you how,” Noah vowed.
Luke’s answering chuckle was rough. “And we’ll watch tons and tons of movies. Every movie ever made ever. Every movie you’ve missed. All your favorites.”
“I’m gonna make you watch the classics,” Noah tried to keep up the bravado.
“I’m going to make you read the classics,” Luke fired back. “We’re starting with The Iliad and working our way from there.”
“And we’re starting with The Great Train Robbery,” Noah’s voice didn’t wobble, it didn’t. How long were these goddamn hallways?
“The Great Gatsby.” Luke’s hand tightened around his.
“Vertigo.”
“Gone With the Wind.”
“Gone With the Wind,” Noah echoed, smiling a little genuinely now.
“God, you two are already annoyingly cute,” Ali murmured.
And then they stopped moving. Noah actually, physically, gulped. Like a cartoon. If he wasn’t suddenly terrified, he’d be amused. “So we’re, um, here?”
“Yeah,” Ali answered. Luke was silent. “I’ll take you in here to the pre-op room and get you settled, we’ll start the anesthesia. You’ll... you’ll probably be asleep before we even wheel you out of here. Next time you wake up, you’ll be-”
“Yeah.” Noah tugged on Luke’s hand until he felt Luke come around to stand in front of him. “Hey,” he said quietly, until he could sense Luke leaning in close. “Look, I really want the chance to love you, okay? So I’m gonna try not to let anything bad happen now.”
He felt a brush of air across his face as if Luke was trying to laugh again. “And I’m a brat, aren’t I? I always get what I want. I want you to be okay. So it’s a done deal.”
Fingers traced his jaw, as though trying to memorize it. Noah couldn’t help but reach up and do the same. “Deal.”
And then Luke was stepping away, and Ali was pushing him into the pre-op room. “I’ll see you soon,” Luke’s voice reached him from farther away.
Noah tried to come up with the perfect thing to say, but all that he could think of, as the door started to close behind him, was “Same here.”
***
-there were... complications in surgery-
-blood vessel broke at one of the points of incision-
-lost a lot of blood-
-pressure dropped so quickly-
-we did all we could, now it’s up to him-
-no idea when he will wake up-
-we won’t know the extent of damage until he-
Luke head was too heavy for the rest of his body. He was forced to rest it down on the table in the hospital break room, where the lovely, wonderful, sent-from-God nurses had let him hang out and get some coffee. Now he just sat, forehead pressed into the tabletop.
The words Reid and Ali had used to describe Noah’s surgery were rattling around in his brain, knocking at the sides of his head, sticking in their claws. He couldn’t get them out. Noah was lying in a bed in post-op right now. In a coma. And they didn’t know when (not if) he was going to wake up.
The door opened and someone entered, but Luke was too tired to see who it was. At this point, he and his grandmother owned almost half the damn hospital, it wasn’t like anyone could kick him out. Or even get him to move his head.
“You’re still here.”
Except maybe Reid. Luke pushed himself to sit up in his chair. But all he could do was nod. He was so fucking tired.
“For Noah.”
Another nod. Too tired to lie, to hedge any words.
Reid sat down at the table. Across from him, not next to him. “He’s going to be fine. I didn’t screw anything up. Complications happen, doesn’t mean he won’t be fine.”
“I wanted to blame you,” Luke said, like that was a sensible reply.
Reid shook his head. “I wasn’t going to let a patient die just because he slept with my boyfriend,” he snapped.
Luke stared. For maybe a full minute. He could hear the clock ticking above his head, the coffee pot dripping behind him. Everything else was quiet and perfectly still. “You knew?”
Reid was angry, resigned, but not all that surprised. “Noah decided to confess his sins before going under anesthesia. As though that would affect the outcome of the surgery or something,” he shook his head. “We talked, he apologized. Profusely. He didn’t say you two slept together, just that he had feelings for you and had acted on them. I inferred the rest.”
“You always have been too smart for your own good,” Luke murmured, clasping his hands together in front of him.
“Unfortunately, yes that’s true,” Reid was calm, which Luke guessed was a good thing. “How long have you two been going around behind my back?”
“We haven’t...” he sighed. “Okay. Last week. But it wasn’t planned. It was never purposeful. I know that’s not much of an excuse, and I’m a piece of shit boyfriend, but it just, it just happened between us.”
“You’re right. It’s not an excuse,” Reid pushed himself away from the table, going to stand by the coffee maker. He poured himself a cup, slowly and methodically.
“I didn’t plan on sleeping with him. And I hated myself afterwards, I still do. I am so, so sorry.”
“Are you?” Reid narrowed his eyes. “Do you regret it?”
Luke bit his lip, trying to find the right words. “I regret cheating on you. I regret not talking to you, I regret letting the problems I had with our relationship fester for so long, not settling things with both of you before Noah and I did anything. But, God I’m sorry, but I don’t regret Noah.”
Reid didn’t yell. He didn’t snap, he didn’t berate him or cut him to tiny pieces with words. He just stood there. “Once this case is done, once my patient is in recovery and has no more need of my medical services, I’m going back to Dallas.”
“Y-you are?”
“I’m going back to Dallas,” Reid repeated. “I’m not asking you to come with me this time. I don’t think I want you to.”
It stung, but it was way less than he deserved. “Okay.”
Reid was still studying him. “Would you come, if I did ask?” There was no hopefulness in his tone, no expectation, and so Luke felt comfortable answering with the full truth.
“No. I wouldn’t.”
He nodded. “Didn’t think so. I don’t know if I ever thought you would, to be honest. Were we ever more than superficial boyfriends, Luke?”
"What does that mean?" he couldn't get himself to take offense.
Reid didn't shrug. He never did. He was always set. "I'm not going to change who I am, Luke. It's never been my belief that a relationship should change me. I don't want to change, I'm fine how I am. But you," he shook his head, even chuckled a little. "You still have that fairy tale idea of being in love. That it does change everything and make everything better. And you haven't changed since you've been with me, not really."
"It's not a fairy tale," Luke defended. "It's just a different way of looking at everything."
"And that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?" Reid left his half-empty coffee cup at the table and headed to the door, not looking back. “I don’t want to wish you any sort of luck, and I feel like you two? In this town? You’re going to need it.”
And then he was out the door. Possibly, out of Luke’s life.
Luke kept his eyes on the place where Reid had been standing. He was so damn numb at this point, he didn’t know how he felt. Should he feel relieved? Sad? Angry at himself, or at Reid, or Noah, or God, or what-the-fuck-ever people got mad at nowadays? He didn’t know.
He just wanted Noah to wake up.
***
It was Day Three of waiting. All the nurses and attendings and random family members all assured him that there was no need to worry yet, that it could be awhile, that Noah’s scans continued to show improvement, that there was every indication Noah would still be ‘Noah’ when (not if) he woke up...
It wasn’t enough for him.
There were way too many things that could go wrong, and Luke had watched way too many medical dramas in his lifetime to not imagine worst case scenarios. Amnesia, split personality, no personality, he could still be blind, he could still have seizures, he could stop wanting to be in love with Luke, he could-
“Luke?” a voice- one he hadn’t heard in awhile- broke through his rambling thoughts.
He lifted his head and stared. “Maddie?”
She stood in front of him, smiling sadly. “Hey, stranger.”
“What... what are you doing here? In Oakdale? In the hospital?” he stuttered as she sat down beside him.
“Well, partly here for you, and partly here for this big oaf,” she nodded to the side as Casey plopped down in the seat next to her.
Luke kept staring, especially when Casey’s arm went around her and their fingers linked at her shoulder. “You and the big oaf? When did this happen?”
Casey glared at his nickname, yet somehow smiled at the same time. “It’s why Ali and I broke up, man.”
“What? Why?” Luke was running on caffeine and crackers and fumes. He wasn’t processing new facts too well.
Casey shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. “I wasn’t in love with Ali. It’s always been Maddie for me. I didn’t want to, you know, admit that because I thought she was better off without me. Or had moved on.”
“The big oaf didn’t realize I was just waiting for him to come to his senses,” she grinned at the way he ducked his head, then turned to Luke, her face going somber. “Any news?”
He shook his head. She put her other arm around him, hugging him close. “I’m happy for you two,” he whispered into her shoulder.
Her arm tightened around him. “Thanks, hon.” He felt Casey shift in closer until it was almost a group hug, as Maddie continued. “Don’t worry. I didn’t come all this way just for that. I want to meet the guy that knocked some sense into Casey.”
He realized then, that’s what Noah and Casey must’ve talked about. Noah got Casey to admit he still loved Maddie. God.
Maddie confirmed it a second later. “Besides to see how pretty he is. I want him to wake up so I can thank him.”
“Me too.” He leaned more into her arms. Maybe, this could get him through to Day Four.
***
It wasn’t like in the movies. Or all those medical dramas. It wasn’t a miraculous, Disneyfied, his-hand-twitches-once-then-his-eyes-open-and-they-smile-at-each-other emergence from a coma. It took days.
Noah’s blood pressure and heart rate were “hovering at normal,” according to the nurses. His hands and legs started shifting, like someone coming out of a restless sleep. Then, a few times, his eyes would stir, fluttering open, giving Luke just a tease of blue, then would shut again and he’d be back asleep.
At least it was being called ‘sleep’ now. Luke had to admit that felt better than saying ‘Nope, Noah’s still in a coma! Thanks for asking!’ anytime someone came to him for an update. Now he was sleeping. Recuperating. Luke liked the sound of that a lot better.
He woke up the morning of Day Six feeling frustratingly exhausted. His eyelids were heavy, his hair had been product-free for days, his clothes were wrinkled. Noah was still asleep.
So, not a good start to the day.
Or so he thought. He twisted and turned in his chair, stretching his back muscles slowly, and the second he was facing the bed he froze. Noah’s eyes were open, fuzzy, turned in his direction.
“Noah?” he whispered, scooting his chair in close. “Hey, hey. You with me, Mayer?” he cautiously, gently, laid his hand on top of Noah’s head, smoothing down his bedhead, avoiding the sutures.
Noah peered at him, hazy. Not saying anything. For a second, Luke panicked. Something was wrong, Noah wasn’t himself, Noah was- But then he realized, Noah was swallowing hard, uselessly, his lips dry and cracked.
“God, I’m an idiot, hold on,” he used his free hand to bring a cup of water around, holding the straw to Noah’s lips. “Small sips.”
Noah obeyed, closing his eyes to concentrate, and Luke fought the panic- no, keep them open- until Noah was done, leaning back into his pillow, slowly opening his eyes again. “Hi,” he whispered.
His face was sore, stretching muscles he hadn’t used in six days into a smile. “Hi yourself.”
He held still as Noah’s eyes, glazed over and bleary, slowly moved in his direction again. He didn’t dare ask. He couldn’t. Then... Noah smiled. “I don’t think your haircut looks stupid.”
Luke stared. Noah stared back, still smiling. Stared at him. “You can... your eyes? They work?” he asked dumbly.
“I was right,” Noah’s voice was still pitched low, rough. “You’re really kinda beautiful.”
Noah could see him. Noah was Noah. And Luke was- “Oh thank God,” he leaned in just as Noah tilted his chin up, and they shared a starved, almost necessary kiss. His fingers had just curled into Noah’s hair when he pulled back, frowning. “Wait. Kinda?”
Noah laughed. “More than kinda,” he amended, his own hand reaching out, even more tentative than Luke’s had been. Luke kept himself still again, as Noah’s hand touched his hair, his forehead, traced down his cheek to his chin, brushed across his lips. “Way more than kinda.”
“Sweet talker,” Luke choked out, trying to hide every damn emotion flying through him. His chest was tight with it, with all of it.
Noah just shook his head, still smiling. “I can’t believe you’re...” he narrowed his eyes a little, searching. “Everything’s still kinda fuzzy though.”
“They said that’s to be expected,” Luke assured. “Give your eyes some time to adjust, some physical therapy, and you should regain pretty much everything. For right now, just be happy with shapes and colors.”
“Just seeing shapes and colors is stupid,” he grumbled.
Luke grinned. He couldn’t help it; he didn’t care. “Give it time,” he said again. Softer, “We’ve got all the time we want.”
Noah lightly gripped the front of his shirt, pulled him in for another kiss, then stopped suddenly. “Reid-”
“Isn’t an issue. Trust me.” Luke got up from his chair, nudging Noah over a little, mindful of the wires and tubes and everything attached, and arranged himself on the tiny bed with him. Noah watched his every move, like he was addicted to it, distracted enough from asking more questions.
“Whoa,” Noah said instead, just as he was settling around Luke’s side.
“What?” Luke paused, his arm hovering just above Noah’s shoulders. He followed Noah’s gaze to the mirror across the room from them. Noah was staring at his own reflection. Luke couldn’t help but smirk. “Narcissist.”
Noah half-pouted, rolled his eyes without taking them away from the mirror. “Last time I saw myself was three years ago, Luke. I was eighteen, skinny and awkward and...” he shook his head again. “This is all kinda surreal.” And, before Luke could respond with anything, he tilted his head up to Luke again, shy smile back in place. “We look good together.”
At that moment, Luke should’ve been cautioning Noah to rest his eyes, not strain them too much too soon. He should’ve been getting a nurse or doctor into the room to examine Noah. He should’ve been calling Casey or his parents or someone to spread the good news.
Instead he pulled Noah back gently against his chest, rested his chin on Noah’s shoulder, and watched them both in the mirror across from them. Kissed his hair, smiled when Noah’s hands came up to wind through his. “Yeah. We do.”
***
Two weeks later...
Luke finished toweling off his hair and left the bathroom, only to find the bedroom empty and quiet. With a sigh, he tossed the towel away (then quickly picked it back up and hung it in its proper place by the door), and marched into the living room.
There he was, sitting on the couch in rapt attention, childlike wonder, watching... Toy Story 3. He wanted to ‘aww’ and sigh again in equal measure. He settled for crossing his arms, tapping one foot on the floor in his best Emma Snyder impression.
“Noah? I love you, but if you don’t turn that TV off and rest your eyes, then I will find very painful ways to punish you,” he warned.
Noah didn’t pout, didn’t protest, just looked up at him with that silly, goofy grin. “Say that again.”
He loved that those eyes actually connected with his now. He still hadn’t gotten used to it. It was still always a shock to the system. “Very painful ways-” he started to repeat.
“No,” the smile turned sweeter. “Say the first part.”
Luke was confused for less than a second. Then he sighed, sliding down onto the couch, sliding down onto Noah’s lap. He shook his head, even as arms went around him securely, holding him close. “Don’t think,” he slid his hands up that stomach, chest, shoulders, to loop around the back of Noah’s neck, “that you can always be this cute and just get away with shit.”
Noah was pouting now, but Luke refused- refused- to give in. “But I have so many movies to get caught up on,” he went back to their original argument. “Please? Just one more tonight?”
“I think Curious Case of Benjamin Button can wait another day,” Luke chided. “And what the hell kind of order are these movies in, anyway?” He didn’t give Noah a chance to answer, pulling him forward for a quick, hard kiss. “We have a long day tomorrow. Let’s go to bed.”
“You can’t boss me around in my own apartment,” Noah was really trying hard to keep up the pout, Luke gave him credit for that. Unfortunately for Noah, it just made him look adorable. Not formidable.
“I thought we decided you like it when I take charge?” He smirked at Noah’s blush, then carded his fingers through Noah’s hair, wishing it was long enough to twist the strands around playfully. “The movie can wait,” he said. Firmly, “But now? Come to bed.”
A second, maybe just a second of hesitation, then Noah smiled and nodded. “Okay.”
He nodded back. I win. “Okay.” He stood, reaching out a hand, pulling Noah to his feet. For good measure he grabbed him by the hips and shoved gently towards the bedroom, wanting to keep Noah in his sights at all times. I so win.
“I’m going, I’m going,” Noah grumbled, though a smile was on his face the whole time.
Luke had one too. He couldn’t seem to get rid of it. He left the door to the bedroom open slightly after they walked in, so light from the hall could seep in when they turned off the bedside lamp. He never said anything, and Noah never said anything, but maybe neither of them were okay with complete darkness.
He did, however, start talking the second they were both settled into bed. “You are okay about tomorrow, right? It won’t be too much?”
Noah kissed his cheek with a loud smack. “Maybe I like ‘too much.’”
Luke let one hand drift down Noah’s chest to his stomach, sneakily slipping beneath his t-shirt. No one’s skin should be that warm. That perfect. “Baby, this is Snyder ‘too much,’ though. This is a family barbeque. Like, to the max. Plus my mom and Lucinda? Your first time seeing a lot of them since the surgery, and definitely the first time seeing them as my boyfriend, I just-”
Noah nuzzled- actually fucking nuzzled, who for real did that?- into the side of his face and neck. “You keep calling me your boyfriend and I’ll go anywhere with you.”
His heart stuttered. His lip might have actually quivered a little. He blinked hard. “What if I want to go to Chuck E. Cheese?”
“Then we’re breaking up,” Noah said immediately, his own hands wandering now. Luke’s pajama pants were sliding down his hips, Noah’s hand at the small of his back. Still so warm.
“Fine,” Luke used his best put-upon sigh, pulling Noah in close, wrapping one arm, then the other, around his shoulders. “I guess I can sacrifice Chuck E. Cheese for you.”
Noah couldn’t help a chuck from escaping, his chest vibrating it into Luke’s. “Yeah, that’s love right there.”
Only, it kinda was. They kissed slowly, leisurely, nothing to prove or deny or ignore. Just them.
“Is it weird?” Luke asked as they settled back again onto the pillow (sharing one), side by side. “Seeing people you already know for the first time? Putting faces to voices?”
“Honestly? Yeah,” Noah tilted his head so their foreheads touched. “It’s like re-meeting everyone in my life. And nobody really looks how I pictured them. Except for Lucinda,” he added quickly, completely serious. “Though part of me was surprised she’s not ten feet tall.”
Luke barely managed to keep a straight face. “But you’re okay? Dealing?”
“Yeah,” Noah breathed out. “I really think I am.” He paused, then, “I can’t believe Mason wears a scarf in the summer.”
He snorted. “He can have his scarf. He doesn’t get you.”
“No, you get me,” Noah grinned. They were quiet again for a few minutes, listening to the apartment’s silence, the faint hum of music from Casey’s apartment next door. “Your mom and dad are gonna get back together,” he said quietly.
“You think so?” Luke wasn’t even shocked by it.
“Yep,” Noah inched his way a little closer. “They love each other.”
So simple. He looked so sure of himself, Luke couldn’t help but tease him. He couldn’t help but love him either, but teasing came first. Luke inched his way closer too. “Maybe.”
“Maybe?” Noah craned his neck for a second, affronted. “I’m right.”
“Oh, baby,” Luke patted his cheek, kissed his forehead. “You’re so cute when you think you’re being wise.”
Noah grabbed his hand, held it away from his face. “Hey!” he mock-glared, “I’m right.”
“Sure, sure,” he said airily, “You’re still recovering, so I’ll humor you.”
Noah narrowed his eyes, but instead of grabbing at Luke, cutting him off with some intense, fireworks-worthy kiss, he touched Luke’s chin, tilted his face just so, and kissed him softly. So full of love that Luke felt it coat his skin, beat in time with his blood. Everywhere.
“I was right about something else, too,” Noah smirked a little at Luke’s dazed expression, rolled him gently, almost reverently, onto his back.
“What’s that?” Luke was busy wriggling out of his pants, letting them tangle around his feet, reaching for the waistband of Noah’s sweats.
He stilled at that hand on his face again. Noah was tracing his features, like he had when he first woke up from surgery, like he had when he was blind. Luke would never, ever, hate this touch.
Ever.
Then he remembered Noah had, at one point, been saying something. “What are you right about?”
He wasn’t smirking anymore, or teasing. Instead, Noah looked at him so sincerely, so genuinely, Luke was surprised he didn’t just die right there. “My movie. I got my happy ending. You said it wouldn’t happen in real life, but it did.”
Luke closed his eyes, he had to. “Noah, I...” he opened them again. Noah was looking at him, watching him, seeing every single bit of him outside and inside and there was love in his eyes for all of it. “I’m so fucking glad I was wrong.”
And, like Noah’s movie, they all lived happily ever after. The end. Roll credits.
THE END! Thanks for reading :)