FIC: HEALING ALL WOUNDS 3/4
Title: Healing All Wounds
Chapter: 3/4
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Lily
Rating: PG
Spoilers: the evil "twin" kidnapping storyline!
Summary: Luke and Noah deal with the aftermath of the kidnapping when Noah is released from the hospital.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This is the very FIRST Nuke story I ever wrote! And reading it back now, I can definitely tell ;) Either way, enjoy!
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 /
Lily was a little worried, she had to admit. Sure, after the week this family had been through, ‘worry’ was a relative term. She had been worried- a bone deep, terrified kind of worried- when her son and the boy she had (in her mind) unofficially adopted as a son were missing, kidnapped, threatened.
She was worried when a kidnapper- someone who had murdered a police officer in cold blood- handed her a cell phone and she heard Luke, trying to keep the panic and despair out of his voice, tell her that Noah had been shot. And then his voice had cut out. She was worried about Noah spending three days in a hospital, Luke with a blood-colored bruise on his face, both boys trying to avoid talking about what happened.
And now, as she ushered Noah into the bedroom, she was worried again. He had looked so stricken when Luke walked out and had finished giving his statement in faint, clipped phrases, staring down at his hands. He didn’t look up when he was finished or when Margo left. When Lily asked him if he wanted to try getting some sleep, go to bed, Noah had cast one quick, longing look to the door, obviously hoping Luke would walk back through.
But Luke didn’t, so Noah nodded, struggling to his feet, allowing Lily to help him out of the room and upstairs. And he wasn’t saying a word. “Here we are,” Lily found herself speaking softly as she brought him over to the bed, hands out to steady him as he sat down.
It wasn’t until then, as she was setting his pill containers on the table next to the bed, that she realized she had brought him to Luke’s room and not the guest room they had set up for him. She also realized she didn’t care. Lily wasn’t naïve, she knew the boys would end up sharing a room no matter what she and Holden did.
But it’s not like they could really do much physically, as Noah’s injury prevented even some of the most mundane activities, let alone anything remotely close to… that. And if just sleeping next to each other brought either boy some comfort right now, Lily wouldn’t stand in their way. And once Noah was healed he’d be going back to the dorm, so… They just had to make sure nothing got out of hand before then. Lily made a mental note to remember that.
But right now she had more important things to concentrate on, namely the seemingly catatonic Noah in front of her. He still wasn’t looking at her, eyes nearly closed, frowning miserably. For a second, Lily was reminded of about a year and a half ago (had it really been a year and a half?), when she and Holden had found Noah on that bench in Old Town and convinced him to come visit a wheelchair-bound Luke.
He had looked so devastated, abandoned, on that day, and Lily was sad to see him look that same way again. And a little surprised, as she couldn’t imagine why Noah would feel like that now.
“Noah? Honey, if you want to talk about anything…” She had her hand on his good shoulder, rubbing it gently. She could see him try to smile even as he shook his head. Lily kept her hand where it was and reached with the other to pull back the covers on the bed. “That’s okay, you probably talked enough for today, huh?” she kept her tone light, trying not to show how concerned she was by his continual silence. She knew she could blame it on his medication and the stress of the last week, but she still didn’t like it.
Noah eased himself back, cradling his left arm close to his body. He couldn’t help but close his eyes and sigh when he settled down on the bed, his head sinking heavily into the pillow. Lily smiled, drawing the comforter back up to his chest, grabbing an extra pillow to prop up his injured arm just as the doctor had shown them.
Noah looked a little bit startled by her actions, and Lily reminded herself that Noah probably hadn’t had anyone tuck him in for bed since he was… how old was he when Cheri left him? Three? God, that hurt her heart to think about.
“Do you think Luke is okay?” And now, he finally spoke. His voice was a little deeper than normal, sleep and meds and pent-up emotions pulling at him.
“I’m sure he is,” Lily reassured, fighting back a wider smile. She loved Noah for how much he loved her son. “He was just upset by what happened, you know? He needed a break.” Noah winced a little, and Lily wasn’t sure if it was from his arm or something else entirely.
“I’m sorry,” he said, so serious.
Lily blinked, racking her brain for the logical answer to her next question. “For what?”
“For what happened, for everything, for…” Noah was struggling with his words. “It’s my f-”
“Noah,” Lily stopped him, shocked, kicking herself for not anticipating that this would happen. Noah blamed himself. Oh, this boy was going to be the death of her. Lily brought her hand up to his forehead, gently brushing the hair back from his face like she used to do with her own children. She’d also seen Luke do this on more than one occasion at the hospital; she’s seen how it seemed to have a soothing effect on Noah, at least a little. “It’s not your fault. None of what happened was your fault.”
Noah shook his head, disbelieving. “I let it happen, and Luke-”
“Luke is just fine, thanks to you,” Lily’s voice cracked as she went back to that moment of realization when Luke was giving his statement. What that girl had almost done to her son… for a second Lily wanted to rant and scream and throw something, something made of glass that would shatter satisfyingly against a wall.
This is how Luke must have felt when he stormed out of the house. Which brought her attention back to Noah, who was still shaking his head. “You saved him,” she insisted.
“Damian did. I couldn’t even…” Noah’s voice shook as well. Lily found herself grabbing his hand, holding it firmly. “Luke is so mad,” he whispered, more to himself than to her. His blue eyes begged her to understand.
“Oh, sweetie, no. He isn’t mad at you,” Lily felt a tear drop down her face but didn’t dare let go of Noah’s hand to wipe it away. “He’s mad for you, what you went through. I think Luke’s just upset he couldn’t protect you from that.”
“I don’t need protecting,” he mumbled, looking away, embarrassment coloring his cheeks red. “I can take care of myself.”
Lily had no doubt of that. After meeting Cheri and the Colonel, she figured Noah must have raised himself if he turned out this well, so caring and selfless. But outwardly, she shook her head. “Yes, you probably can. But sometimes, Noah, when people love you? They want to take care of you anyway. Which is why you wanted to protect Luke and why he was upset he couldn’t help you. And why you’re staying with us until you’re better. Because you’re a part of our family, and we love that you’re a part of our family.”
Noah’s overbright eyes spoke so much more than Noah ever could. “Same here,” he whispered after a beat, looking down again. Lily thought she heard a sound behind her- someone trying to take a breath and failing- and turned to see a shadow standing just outside the doorway. Noah, in his exhausted and medicated state, didn’t notice.
She looked him over with a smile, knowing she wasn’t the one he needed convincing from right now. “I’ll let you get some sleep now, okay?” she spoke softer, smoothing back his hair again. His eyes closed involuntarily, face softening, and Lily was once again reminded of how young he really was. Impulsively she leaned down and kissed his forehead, encouraged by the fact that his lips curved up into the slightest smile. After re-adjusting the comforter and the pillow under his arm, Lily left him to rest, shutting the door behind her.
She turned to look at Luke where he leaned against the wall in the hallway. And now, Round Two. But Luke just shook his head, wiping at the tears that were trailing down his face. “Dad already gave me a pep talk,” he told her, half-smiling. “I’m okay, I think. Or,” he rolled his eyes, smiling genuinely. “I’ll be okay. I’m getting there, really.”
“Good,” she hugged him close, kissing his cheek. “I love you, Luke.”
“Love you too, Mom. Thanks for taking care of him while I was, you know,” he shrugged.
“Well, it’s not fair you’ve been hogging the right to look after him,” she teased. “I like doing it too.” He laughed a little, and she ventured on, needing to know. “How long have you-”
“Since you started tucking him in,” he teased her right back, though it was half-hearted. They both replayed the conversation that had just occurred in his bedroom. “Dad wanted me to make sure you weren’t mothering him too much,” he continued.
Lily’s smile turned a little sad. “I don’t know if that’s possible with him,” she said.
She was afraid she was upsetting Luke more, but he just grinned widely, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Well, despite Dad’s warning, I plan on letting you try,” he joked. “Just, you know, not right now.” He gently steered her towards the downstairs. “My turn.” Lily obeyed with a laugh, making her way down the stairs to the kitchen and her husband.
Luke waited until he was sure she was gone, then entered his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He stayed facing the door for a second, breathing deeply, gathering his courage before turning to face his boyfriend. His eyes were closed, chest moving up and down with slow, deep breaths.
Luke reveled in the tranquility and quiet for a bit, content to simply watch his boyfriend sleep. It’s funny, when they had first lived together at the farm Luke had loved watching Noah sleep; it always had such a calming effect on him. For as ADD as Luke could occasionally get, Noah’s quiet, steady presence always made him feel more at peace.
And while in that storage locker he had hated the sight, terrified that Noah wouldn’t wake up, in the hospital it had become something soothing again. It was a time when he could focus on Noah, study him and just enjoy him without Noah getting embarrassed by the attention.
Luke sat on the edge of the bed, perched next to Noah’s hip. Noah’s right hand was outstretched towards the empty space next to him- Luke’s space- as though reserving the spot for him. He smiled, gently picking up the hand and rubbing his thumb over Noah’s fingers, happy to note that the rope burn around his wrists had finally healed.
When his eyes traveled back up to Noah’s face, he was startled to see two bright blue eyes staring back at him, studying him. Luke unconsciously held his hand tighter, Noah tentatively returning the favor. “Hey,” Luke said softly. God, was that the only line he could open with these days?
Noah continued to look at him silently. Luke meant to give him the time to wake up and focus his brain, but his impatience ultimately won out. He opened his mouth to speak just as Noah did the same. “Are you okay?” they said at the same time, Luke leaning in closer and Noah trying to sit up. But then his face paled, creasing with a wince, and Luke had to stop him.
“Uh-uh, don’t even think about it,” Luke pressed him back down lightly with a hand to his chest.
“But I-” Noah protested even as he lay back down again.
“No,” Luke said firmly.
Noah looked up at him, plaintive. “You’re too far away,” he murmured, putting his own hand over Luke’s, keeping it against him.
Luke damn near melted at that. Grinning, he pulled back the comforter enough for him to slide into the bed next to Noah, aligning himself along Noah’s uninjured side. He kissed the very tip of Noah’s chin, grinning even wider when Noah turned to look at him with eyes pleasantly surprised. “Better?” he asked, situating himself so one hand propped up his head and the other stayed on Noah’s chest.
“Better,” Noah confirmed, smiling that shy little smile he got whenever he was embarrassed to be so happy. Luke was learning to read Noah’s expressions, even his smiles, for indications of how he was really feeling. Like now, he was obviously glad to have Luke there with him, but there was a shadow in his eyes that Luke didn’t like.
“I love you,” Luke said firmly, his own expression giving way to something serious.
“Love you too,” Noah replied automatically. His eyes were scanning Luke’s face, searching for either signs of anger or reassurance, Luke wasn’t sure which. “I’m sorry.”
Luke hoped his face conveyed the reassurance, and he slid his hand up Noah’s chest to the side of his face, fingers twisting playfully into the slight curls of his hair. “No, Noah.”
“But I let-”
“No. You didn’t ‘let’ anything happen. Bad stuff happened to you, but not because of you. You don’t think I blame you for anything, do you?” Noah didn’t answer. His good hand was fiddling with the bandage on his other arm again. Luke reluctantly freed his hand from Noah’s hair in order to stop him from picking at the tape. Noah tried to hide his grimace, but Luke caught it anyway. “Noah?” he prodded.
“You promised,” Noah’s voice actually shook. Luke felt the pain from that more than any punch ever could. “It must have been really… if you got that mad, enough to walk out-” he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “It’s no big deal. I’m being stupid again.”
Luke finally found his voice, Noah’s words having shocked it out of him. “Yes, you are being stupid. There is absolutely nothing that I blame you for, that you should blame you for. Got it? I know I promised I wouldn’t get mad at you, and I kept that promise. I’m not mad at you. There’s no way I could be.” He kissed Noah again, softly on the lips, trying to convey as much love and confidence in it as possible. “I’m so sorry I made you think that anything was your fault. I was just so… upset with Zac, and Zac and Zoe, and what they did to you- to both of us.”
“I don’t like it either,” Noah reminded him, turning on his side to face Luke. “I don’t like that you’re so busy taking care of me that you’re not taking care of yourself.”
“I like taking care of you,” Luke replied, smiling again. “And it’s a two-way street, Mayer. I don’t want you concentrating so hard on not hurting my feelings, okay? Concentrate on getting better.”
“Are you feeling better?” Noah asked, still not appeased, still concerned. “About what Zoe did?”
Luke thought about it, surprised to find that yeah, he did feel better. He nodded. “I am. It’s over, and I’ve told the people who need to know and I don’t feel dirty or judged or anything. It still freaks me out a little to imagine what could have happened, but luckily,” he kissed Noah again, “my big damn hero boyfriend came to the rescue.”
Noah snorted. “I didn’t do much.”
“It was enough,” Luke said firmly. “When it was happening, when I thought you were unconscious or in a coma or whatever, and Zoe was…” he shook his head. “I felt so powerless. And alone. Like I was in that wheelchair again. Like she could do whatever she wanted.”
Noah’s expression turned sad, but Luke continued on before he could speak. “But you were there, and you fought for me. Just like when I was in the chair,” he said with a little laugh. “And the fact that you were willing to do that for me,” he playfully pinched Noah’s chin. “Makes me feel good. About me, about you…”
“Yeah?” Noah was surprised that Luke was taking it all so well.
“Yeah,” Luke answered. He relaxed, turning onto his side so that he was fully facing Noah. “Now, if you really want to do something for me, you can tell me how you feel. Not about me, but about you and what you went through.”
Noah turned his gaze up to the ceiling, gathering his thoughts. “I was scared,” he said simply. “I didn’t know what they were going to do to me. And I was- I was stuck there, I didn’t know what time it was, what day it was. I didn’t even know if I was still in Oakdale or not.” He reached out almost blindly, and Luke obliged by taking his hand.
Noah closed his eyes for a second. “The worst was when they would leave me in there alone. I couldn’t fall asleep. I was hungry, thirsty. And I missed you.” Luke’s throat tightened, but he kept quiet. “I was going crazy. At one point I thought they had just left me there for good. That I was going to die in that storage locker. Alone.”
Luke hated that word. Alone. Some time ago he had realized that it was a big fear that he and Noah actually shared. He feared ending up alone, and he knew one of Noah’s biggest fears was being left alone. They had both done some stupid things in the past because of those fears. “I missed you too,” was all he could think to say, putting as much love and confidence into it as he could.
Noah smiled at him crookedly, kissing their joined hands. “And then with Zac…” he sighed heavily, eyes going back to the ceiling. “I mean, I feel kinda better now knowing it was all an act, but at the time? It was just- I felt… it was so wrong. He wasn’t you. It felt wrong. He kept, like, taunting me. Because he knew I hated it.” Of course Noah hated it; he hated being the center of attention. “And the two of them making out in front of me, trying to make me watch, always finding ways to- to touch me.” Noah shuddered, and Luke had to bite his lip to keep from cursing the damn fake twins to Hell and back.
Noah had come such a long way in their relationship. Luke had lost count of the number of times recently that Noah had initiated a kiss or an ‘I love you’ exchange, in public and in private. But even now, Noah was still an internal, reserved person by nature. Zac and Zoe had exploited that, using sexual advances in some form- either on him or each other- as a way to keep Noah captive and uncomfortable. It was a horrible kind of punishment.
“I’m so sorry that all of this happened,” he said softly, filling the silence. One last thing he needed to get off his chest. “They should have gone after me; it should have been me.” He put a finger to Noah’s lips when Noah made to protest. “It was my money they were after. And they used you… treated you like collateral. You’re more than that to me, more than a prop. Please don’t think any of us in this house wouldn’t trade our lives for yours.”
Noah flinched slightly at that, shook his head, and turned on his side so he and Luke were face to face, still holding hands. Luke’s free arm draped across Noah’s middle, twisting fingers in his shirt. Noah looked him square in the eye. “It’s okay, Luke. There isn’t a single part of me that thinks you’re to blame for any of it. Yeah, they were after your money, but it wasn’t because of anything you did. Just because this whole thing still sucks doesn’t mean you should try to make it your fault.”
Luke smiled in spite of himself. “So why can’t you give yourself that same benefit? Everyone else does.”
Noah was quiet for a second. “I’m trying,” he finally said. “My head’s all messed up, it’s hard to think straight.” That lazy smile reappeared. “No pun intended.”
God, Luke wanted to kiss him senseless for that. So he did. “You’re lucky you’re on drugs right now, Mayer. I’m going to blame the bad jokes on that.” Another kiss, lingering for awhile, to the side of his face, next to his eyebrow. Noah leaned into it, sighing when Luke pulled away. He lightly grabbed Luke’s shirt collar, tugging him close again. Luke pressed in as much as he could, so the two were nearly wrapped around each other.
Noah kissed him. “I’m lucky for a lot of things,” he countered, resting his head against Luke’s. They stayed that way for awhile, breathing in and out in time with each other. Luke moved his hand up to the long nape of Noah’s neck, gently kneading the muscles there.
He’d done it countless times in the last few days. When Noah had been unconscious, he had spent so much time collapsed sitting upright with his head hanging down that the muscles in his neck and shoulders had gotten severely strained by the time they were rescued. He could barely lift his head off the pillow that first day in the hospital.
A couple treatments had been recommended by the doctor- massage therapy, acupuncture- but when Luke saw how uncomfortable Noah was at the thought of strangers touching him, he took it upon himself to aid his boyfriend. And really, it had been the best solution for both of them.
Noah let out a soft, involuntary sigh at the touch, eyes closing. This was one outcome of their ordeal that Noah couldn’t say he hated. “I love you,” he breathed out. “I’m so… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Luke leaned in even closer, rubbing their noses together for a second. He felt kind of silly doing it, but it was worth if for the goofy grin Noah sent his way. “The feeling’s mutual,” he matched Noah’s smile. Noah might have rolled his eyes a little, but the grin didn’t go away. Another kiss, ever-so-quick, and then Luke used his grip to roll Noah onto his back again. “You still need rest, babe. Lots of it. Now I want you to take your pills and sleep for awhile.”
This time he definitely rolled his eyes. “Bossy,” he murmured, even as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, reaching for the pill bottles.
“And proud of it,” Luke shot back. He sat up too, smacking Noah’s hand away lightly and grabbing the bottles himself, pouring out the right amount from each. He handed them to Noah, grimacing when his boyfriend didn’t wait for a cup of water. Noah always swallowed pills dry, it was a habit that completely grossed Luke out. Noah smirked, knowing it bugged him.
Once they were both lying down again, Noah pulled Luke close, and they wrapped their arms around each other. With his head leaning in against Noah’s chest to hear his steady heartbeat, one hand sneaking under Noah’s shirt to rub his stomach, Luke didn’t think it could get any better than this.
Until Noah sighed contentedly, kissing the top of Luke’s head and running his long fingers through Luke’s hair. And then Luke felt more at home- safer- than he had since running out of the house days ago because of a text message. “Sleep,” he figured Noah needed the reminder.
Noah sort of grunted an acknowledgment. Yep, still bossy. “Will you stay with me?”
Luke raised his head and leaned upwards, kissing Noah long and deep, a kiss that was reassuring and promising and everything else that meant I love you. “Forever,” he promised.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: The sentencing of Zac and Zoe...
Chapter: 3/4
Author: carolinablu85. or you can call me Ella! (or you can call me Al, if you like the song...)
Characters: Luke/Noah, Lily
Rating: PG
Spoilers: the evil "twin" kidnapping storyline!
Summary: Luke and Noah deal with the aftermath of the kidnapping when Noah is released from the hospital.
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I own a pair of sneakers, a cellphone, and some other stuff. The show? Nope, not that.
Author's Note: This is the very FIRST Nuke story I ever wrote! And reading it back now, I can definitely tell ;) Either way, enjoy!
Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 /
Lily was a little worried, she had to admit. Sure, after the week this family had been through, ‘worry’ was a relative term. She had been worried- a bone deep, terrified kind of worried- when her son and the boy she had (in her mind) unofficially adopted as a son were missing, kidnapped, threatened.
She was worried when a kidnapper- someone who had murdered a police officer in cold blood- handed her a cell phone and she heard Luke, trying to keep the panic and despair out of his voice, tell her that Noah had been shot. And then his voice had cut out. She was worried about Noah spending three days in a hospital, Luke with a blood-colored bruise on his face, both boys trying to avoid talking about what happened.
And now, as she ushered Noah into the bedroom, she was worried again. He had looked so stricken when Luke walked out and had finished giving his statement in faint, clipped phrases, staring down at his hands. He didn’t look up when he was finished or when Margo left. When Lily asked him if he wanted to try getting some sleep, go to bed, Noah had cast one quick, longing look to the door, obviously hoping Luke would walk back through.
But Luke didn’t, so Noah nodded, struggling to his feet, allowing Lily to help him out of the room and upstairs. And he wasn’t saying a word. “Here we are,” Lily found herself speaking softly as she brought him over to the bed, hands out to steady him as he sat down.
It wasn’t until then, as she was setting his pill containers on the table next to the bed, that she realized she had brought him to Luke’s room and not the guest room they had set up for him. She also realized she didn’t care. Lily wasn’t naïve, she knew the boys would end up sharing a room no matter what she and Holden did.
But it’s not like they could really do much physically, as Noah’s injury prevented even some of the most mundane activities, let alone anything remotely close to… that. And if just sleeping next to each other brought either boy some comfort right now, Lily wouldn’t stand in their way. And once Noah was healed he’d be going back to the dorm, so… They just had to make sure nothing got out of hand before then. Lily made a mental note to remember that.
But right now she had more important things to concentrate on, namely the seemingly catatonic Noah in front of her. He still wasn’t looking at her, eyes nearly closed, frowning miserably. For a second, Lily was reminded of about a year and a half ago (had it really been a year and a half?), when she and Holden had found Noah on that bench in Old Town and convinced him to come visit a wheelchair-bound Luke.
He had looked so devastated, abandoned, on that day, and Lily was sad to see him look that same way again. And a little surprised, as she couldn’t imagine why Noah would feel like that now.
“Noah? Honey, if you want to talk about anything…” She had her hand on his good shoulder, rubbing it gently. She could see him try to smile even as he shook his head. Lily kept her hand where it was and reached with the other to pull back the covers on the bed. “That’s okay, you probably talked enough for today, huh?” she kept her tone light, trying not to show how concerned she was by his continual silence. She knew she could blame it on his medication and the stress of the last week, but she still didn’t like it.
Noah eased himself back, cradling his left arm close to his body. He couldn’t help but close his eyes and sigh when he settled down on the bed, his head sinking heavily into the pillow. Lily smiled, drawing the comforter back up to his chest, grabbing an extra pillow to prop up his injured arm just as the doctor had shown them.
Noah looked a little bit startled by her actions, and Lily reminded herself that Noah probably hadn’t had anyone tuck him in for bed since he was… how old was he when Cheri left him? Three? God, that hurt her heart to think about.
“Do you think Luke is okay?” And now, he finally spoke. His voice was a little deeper than normal, sleep and meds and pent-up emotions pulling at him.
“I’m sure he is,” Lily reassured, fighting back a wider smile. She loved Noah for how much he loved her son. “He was just upset by what happened, you know? He needed a break.” Noah winced a little, and Lily wasn’t sure if it was from his arm or something else entirely.
“I’m sorry,” he said, so serious.
Lily blinked, racking her brain for the logical answer to her next question. “For what?”
“For what happened, for everything, for…” Noah was struggling with his words. “It’s my f-”
“Noah,” Lily stopped him, shocked, kicking herself for not anticipating that this would happen. Noah blamed himself. Oh, this boy was going to be the death of her. Lily brought her hand up to his forehead, gently brushing the hair back from his face like she used to do with her own children. She’d also seen Luke do this on more than one occasion at the hospital; she’s seen how it seemed to have a soothing effect on Noah, at least a little. “It’s not your fault. None of what happened was your fault.”
Noah shook his head, disbelieving. “I let it happen, and Luke-”
“Luke is just fine, thanks to you,” Lily’s voice cracked as she went back to that moment of realization when Luke was giving his statement. What that girl had almost done to her son… for a second Lily wanted to rant and scream and throw something, something made of glass that would shatter satisfyingly against a wall.
This is how Luke must have felt when he stormed out of the house. Which brought her attention back to Noah, who was still shaking his head. “You saved him,” she insisted.
“Damian did. I couldn’t even…” Noah’s voice shook as well. Lily found herself grabbing his hand, holding it firmly. “Luke is so mad,” he whispered, more to himself than to her. His blue eyes begged her to understand.
“Oh, sweetie, no. He isn’t mad at you,” Lily felt a tear drop down her face but didn’t dare let go of Noah’s hand to wipe it away. “He’s mad for you, what you went through. I think Luke’s just upset he couldn’t protect you from that.”
“I don’t need protecting,” he mumbled, looking away, embarrassment coloring his cheeks red. “I can take care of myself.”
Lily had no doubt of that. After meeting Cheri and the Colonel, she figured Noah must have raised himself if he turned out this well, so caring and selfless. But outwardly, she shook her head. “Yes, you probably can. But sometimes, Noah, when people love you? They want to take care of you anyway. Which is why you wanted to protect Luke and why he was upset he couldn’t help you. And why you’re staying with us until you’re better. Because you’re a part of our family, and we love that you’re a part of our family.”
Noah’s overbright eyes spoke so much more than Noah ever could. “Same here,” he whispered after a beat, looking down again. Lily thought she heard a sound behind her- someone trying to take a breath and failing- and turned to see a shadow standing just outside the doorway. Noah, in his exhausted and medicated state, didn’t notice.
She looked him over with a smile, knowing she wasn’t the one he needed convincing from right now. “I’ll let you get some sleep now, okay?” she spoke softer, smoothing back his hair again. His eyes closed involuntarily, face softening, and Lily was once again reminded of how young he really was. Impulsively she leaned down and kissed his forehead, encouraged by the fact that his lips curved up into the slightest smile. After re-adjusting the comforter and the pillow under his arm, Lily left him to rest, shutting the door behind her.
She turned to look at Luke where he leaned against the wall in the hallway. And now, Round Two. But Luke just shook his head, wiping at the tears that were trailing down his face. “Dad already gave me a pep talk,” he told her, half-smiling. “I’m okay, I think. Or,” he rolled his eyes, smiling genuinely. “I’ll be okay. I’m getting there, really.”
“Good,” she hugged him close, kissing his cheek. “I love you, Luke.”
“Love you too, Mom. Thanks for taking care of him while I was, you know,” he shrugged.
“Well, it’s not fair you’ve been hogging the right to look after him,” she teased. “I like doing it too.” He laughed a little, and she ventured on, needing to know. “How long have you-”
“Since you started tucking him in,” he teased her right back, though it was half-hearted. They both replayed the conversation that had just occurred in his bedroom. “Dad wanted me to make sure you weren’t mothering him too much,” he continued.
Lily’s smile turned a little sad. “I don’t know if that’s possible with him,” she said.
She was afraid she was upsetting Luke more, but he just grinned widely, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Well, despite Dad’s warning, I plan on letting you try,” he joked. “Just, you know, not right now.” He gently steered her towards the downstairs. “My turn.” Lily obeyed with a laugh, making her way down the stairs to the kitchen and her husband.
Luke waited until he was sure she was gone, then entered his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He stayed facing the door for a second, breathing deeply, gathering his courage before turning to face his boyfriend. His eyes were closed, chest moving up and down with slow, deep breaths.
Luke reveled in the tranquility and quiet for a bit, content to simply watch his boyfriend sleep. It’s funny, when they had first lived together at the farm Luke had loved watching Noah sleep; it always had such a calming effect on him. For as ADD as Luke could occasionally get, Noah’s quiet, steady presence always made him feel more at peace.
And while in that storage locker he had hated the sight, terrified that Noah wouldn’t wake up, in the hospital it had become something soothing again. It was a time when he could focus on Noah, study him and just enjoy him without Noah getting embarrassed by the attention.
Luke sat on the edge of the bed, perched next to Noah’s hip. Noah’s right hand was outstretched towards the empty space next to him- Luke’s space- as though reserving the spot for him. He smiled, gently picking up the hand and rubbing his thumb over Noah’s fingers, happy to note that the rope burn around his wrists had finally healed.
When his eyes traveled back up to Noah’s face, he was startled to see two bright blue eyes staring back at him, studying him. Luke unconsciously held his hand tighter, Noah tentatively returning the favor. “Hey,” Luke said softly. God, was that the only line he could open with these days?
Noah continued to look at him silently. Luke meant to give him the time to wake up and focus his brain, but his impatience ultimately won out. He opened his mouth to speak just as Noah did the same. “Are you okay?” they said at the same time, Luke leaning in closer and Noah trying to sit up. But then his face paled, creasing with a wince, and Luke had to stop him.
“Uh-uh, don’t even think about it,” Luke pressed him back down lightly with a hand to his chest.
“But I-” Noah protested even as he lay back down again.
“No,” Luke said firmly.
Noah looked up at him, plaintive. “You’re too far away,” he murmured, putting his own hand over Luke’s, keeping it against him.
Luke damn near melted at that. Grinning, he pulled back the comforter enough for him to slide into the bed next to Noah, aligning himself along Noah’s uninjured side. He kissed the very tip of Noah’s chin, grinning even wider when Noah turned to look at him with eyes pleasantly surprised. “Better?” he asked, situating himself so one hand propped up his head and the other stayed on Noah’s chest.
“Better,” Noah confirmed, smiling that shy little smile he got whenever he was embarrassed to be so happy. Luke was learning to read Noah’s expressions, even his smiles, for indications of how he was really feeling. Like now, he was obviously glad to have Luke there with him, but there was a shadow in his eyes that Luke didn’t like.
“I love you,” Luke said firmly, his own expression giving way to something serious.
“Love you too,” Noah replied automatically. His eyes were scanning Luke’s face, searching for either signs of anger or reassurance, Luke wasn’t sure which. “I’m sorry.”
Luke hoped his face conveyed the reassurance, and he slid his hand up Noah’s chest to the side of his face, fingers twisting playfully into the slight curls of his hair. “No, Noah.”
“But I let-”
“No. You didn’t ‘let’ anything happen. Bad stuff happened to you, but not because of you. You don’t think I blame you for anything, do you?” Noah didn’t answer. His good hand was fiddling with the bandage on his other arm again. Luke reluctantly freed his hand from Noah’s hair in order to stop him from picking at the tape. Noah tried to hide his grimace, but Luke caught it anyway. “Noah?” he prodded.
“You promised,” Noah’s voice actually shook. Luke felt the pain from that more than any punch ever could. “It must have been really… if you got that mad, enough to walk out-” he cut himself off with a shake of his head. “It’s no big deal. I’m being stupid again.”
Luke finally found his voice, Noah’s words having shocked it out of him. “Yes, you are being stupid. There is absolutely nothing that I blame you for, that you should blame you for. Got it? I know I promised I wouldn’t get mad at you, and I kept that promise. I’m not mad at you. There’s no way I could be.” He kissed Noah again, softly on the lips, trying to convey as much love and confidence in it as possible. “I’m so sorry I made you think that anything was your fault. I was just so… upset with Zac, and Zac and Zoe, and what they did to you- to both of us.”
“I don’t like it either,” Noah reminded him, turning on his side to face Luke. “I don’t like that you’re so busy taking care of me that you’re not taking care of yourself.”
“I like taking care of you,” Luke replied, smiling again. “And it’s a two-way street, Mayer. I don’t want you concentrating so hard on not hurting my feelings, okay? Concentrate on getting better.”
“Are you feeling better?” Noah asked, still not appeased, still concerned. “About what Zoe did?”
Luke thought about it, surprised to find that yeah, he did feel better. He nodded. “I am. It’s over, and I’ve told the people who need to know and I don’t feel dirty or judged or anything. It still freaks me out a little to imagine what could have happened, but luckily,” he kissed Noah again, “my big damn hero boyfriend came to the rescue.”
Noah snorted. “I didn’t do much.”
“It was enough,” Luke said firmly. “When it was happening, when I thought you were unconscious or in a coma or whatever, and Zoe was…” he shook his head. “I felt so powerless. And alone. Like I was in that wheelchair again. Like she could do whatever she wanted.”
Noah’s expression turned sad, but Luke continued on before he could speak. “But you were there, and you fought for me. Just like when I was in the chair,” he said with a little laugh. “And the fact that you were willing to do that for me,” he playfully pinched Noah’s chin. “Makes me feel good. About me, about you…”
“Yeah?” Noah was surprised that Luke was taking it all so well.
“Yeah,” Luke answered. He relaxed, turning onto his side so that he was fully facing Noah. “Now, if you really want to do something for me, you can tell me how you feel. Not about me, but about you and what you went through.”
Noah turned his gaze up to the ceiling, gathering his thoughts. “I was scared,” he said simply. “I didn’t know what they were going to do to me. And I was- I was stuck there, I didn’t know what time it was, what day it was. I didn’t even know if I was still in Oakdale or not.” He reached out almost blindly, and Luke obliged by taking his hand.
Noah closed his eyes for a second. “The worst was when they would leave me in there alone. I couldn’t fall asleep. I was hungry, thirsty. And I missed you.” Luke’s throat tightened, but he kept quiet. “I was going crazy. At one point I thought they had just left me there for good. That I was going to die in that storage locker. Alone.”
Luke hated that word. Alone. Some time ago he had realized that it was a big fear that he and Noah actually shared. He feared ending up alone, and he knew one of Noah’s biggest fears was being left alone. They had both done some stupid things in the past because of those fears. “I missed you too,” was all he could think to say, putting as much love and confidence into it as he could.
Noah smiled at him crookedly, kissing their joined hands. “And then with Zac…” he sighed heavily, eyes going back to the ceiling. “I mean, I feel kinda better now knowing it was all an act, but at the time? It was just- I felt… it was so wrong. He wasn’t you. It felt wrong. He kept, like, taunting me. Because he knew I hated it.” Of course Noah hated it; he hated being the center of attention. “And the two of them making out in front of me, trying to make me watch, always finding ways to- to touch me.” Noah shuddered, and Luke had to bite his lip to keep from cursing the damn fake twins to Hell and back.
Noah had come such a long way in their relationship. Luke had lost count of the number of times recently that Noah had initiated a kiss or an ‘I love you’ exchange, in public and in private. But even now, Noah was still an internal, reserved person by nature. Zac and Zoe had exploited that, using sexual advances in some form- either on him or each other- as a way to keep Noah captive and uncomfortable. It was a horrible kind of punishment.
“I’m so sorry that all of this happened,” he said softly, filling the silence. One last thing he needed to get off his chest. “They should have gone after me; it should have been me.” He put a finger to Noah’s lips when Noah made to protest. “It was my money they were after. And they used you… treated you like collateral. You’re more than that to me, more than a prop. Please don’t think any of us in this house wouldn’t trade our lives for yours.”
Noah flinched slightly at that, shook his head, and turned on his side so he and Luke were face to face, still holding hands. Luke’s free arm draped across Noah’s middle, twisting fingers in his shirt. Noah looked him square in the eye. “It’s okay, Luke. There isn’t a single part of me that thinks you’re to blame for any of it. Yeah, they were after your money, but it wasn’t because of anything you did. Just because this whole thing still sucks doesn’t mean you should try to make it your fault.”
Luke smiled in spite of himself. “So why can’t you give yourself that same benefit? Everyone else does.”
Noah was quiet for a second. “I’m trying,” he finally said. “My head’s all messed up, it’s hard to think straight.” That lazy smile reappeared. “No pun intended.”
God, Luke wanted to kiss him senseless for that. So he did. “You’re lucky you’re on drugs right now, Mayer. I’m going to blame the bad jokes on that.” Another kiss, lingering for awhile, to the side of his face, next to his eyebrow. Noah leaned into it, sighing when Luke pulled away. He lightly grabbed Luke’s shirt collar, tugging him close again. Luke pressed in as much as he could, so the two were nearly wrapped around each other.
Noah kissed him. “I’m lucky for a lot of things,” he countered, resting his head against Luke’s. They stayed that way for awhile, breathing in and out in time with each other. Luke moved his hand up to the long nape of Noah’s neck, gently kneading the muscles there.
He’d done it countless times in the last few days. When Noah had been unconscious, he had spent so much time collapsed sitting upright with his head hanging down that the muscles in his neck and shoulders had gotten severely strained by the time they were rescued. He could barely lift his head off the pillow that first day in the hospital.
A couple treatments had been recommended by the doctor- massage therapy, acupuncture- but when Luke saw how uncomfortable Noah was at the thought of strangers touching him, he took it upon himself to aid his boyfriend. And really, it had been the best solution for both of them.
Noah let out a soft, involuntary sigh at the touch, eyes closing. This was one outcome of their ordeal that Noah couldn’t say he hated. “I love you,” he breathed out. “I’m so… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Luke leaned in even closer, rubbing their noses together for a second. He felt kind of silly doing it, but it was worth if for the goofy grin Noah sent his way. “The feeling’s mutual,” he matched Noah’s smile. Noah might have rolled his eyes a little, but the grin didn’t go away. Another kiss, ever-so-quick, and then Luke used his grip to roll Noah onto his back again. “You still need rest, babe. Lots of it. Now I want you to take your pills and sleep for awhile.”
This time he definitely rolled his eyes. “Bossy,” he murmured, even as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, reaching for the pill bottles.
“And proud of it,” Luke shot back. He sat up too, smacking Noah’s hand away lightly and grabbing the bottles himself, pouring out the right amount from each. He handed them to Noah, grimacing when his boyfriend didn’t wait for a cup of water. Noah always swallowed pills dry, it was a habit that completely grossed Luke out. Noah smirked, knowing it bugged him.
Once they were both lying down again, Noah pulled Luke close, and they wrapped their arms around each other. With his head leaning in against Noah’s chest to hear his steady heartbeat, one hand sneaking under Noah’s shirt to rub his stomach, Luke didn’t think it could get any better than this.
Until Noah sighed contentedly, kissing the top of Luke’s head and running his long fingers through Luke’s hair. And then Luke felt more at home- safer- than he had since running out of the house days ago because of a text message. “Sleep,” he figured Noah needed the reminder.
Noah sort of grunted an acknowledgment. Yep, still bossy. “Will you stay with me?”
Luke raised his head and leaned upwards, kissing Noah long and deep, a kiss that was reassuring and promising and everything else that meant I love you. “Forever,” he promised.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
TO BE CONTINUED! Coming Up: The sentencing of Zac and Zoe...