In which I complain about work, etc.
I've been reading y'alls journals but not posting. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. *blows kisses*
I don't know why I don't just quit my job except 1) I'm scared of change and 2) I'm scared of being broke. But it's really not worth it I don't think. All last week I had to keep swallowing Rolaids to get through the day because my stomach has been churning.
I know my boss is upset with me and I know he has good reason to be because I haven't done everything I'm supposed to do. At the same time, I'm doing other necessary things that he doesn't realize I'm doing or if he does realize I'm doing them he doesn't understand how time-intensive they are. And it's true I do the most interesting jobs first. I guess I'm spoiled and no good at doing onerous tasks that i find boring. And I'm just not very organized or good at prioritizing things that need to be done, so I'm working all the time but just I guess not on the things I need to be working on. I know he's frustrated, but I find it even more frustrating. He has to deal with the consequences at work, but I have to deal with it in every arena of my life and I don't make a great absent-minded professor.
I think that what I need to do is something that uses my ADD qualities appropriately. I'm not sure what that is though. I'm good at throwing myself into a subject and focusing on it exclusively for weeks or months at a time and then moving on to something else and repeating the cycle. Like my brief reading orgies on subjects like Simon de Montfort and the Maori and Odilon Redon. What kind of job could that get me? Writing maybe? Some kind of research gig? But that would likely require an MLIS or something. I don't know.
And in the interim, what kind of job would I get? The job skills and experience I have would get me a secretarial or office manager type job, a property management job or I could maybe go back into politics. All of these are horrible job matches for me. I think if/when I leave this job maybe I'd go back into retail because at least that doesn't make me cry with frustration at the end of the day. What it does do, though, is help keep me broke and tired all the time.
I've just been trying to hold on at this job until I have a baby, but I just don't think I can make it. We're not even going to start trying for at LEAST a few more months so I don't know. I don't want to just leave this job for something equally sucky but I'm not entirely sure that that will even be my decision to make.
I'm so horribly disappointed in myself.
My life is so good and so easy compared to 99% of people in the world, I just need to remember that.
--There was a movie on TV last night called A Waste of Shame (which I didn't end up watching) and every time I scrolled past it on the programming guide it drove me crazy trying to remember the beginning of the sonnet. I had it right, though. How can I remember Shakespearian sonnets and not what I need to get done at work? And Rupert Graves, whom I still adore, has not aged as I expected he would. So brilliant as Freddy Honeychurch and in Damage.
--And dammit all to hell, googling Rupert Graves led me to what happens in an episode of MI5 that I haven't gotten to yet and it is extremely spoiler-y. :(
I don't know why I don't just quit my job except 1) I'm scared of change and 2) I'm scared of being broke. But it's really not worth it I don't think. All last week I had to keep swallowing Rolaids to get through the day because my stomach has been churning.
I know my boss is upset with me and I know he has good reason to be because I haven't done everything I'm supposed to do. At the same time, I'm doing other necessary things that he doesn't realize I'm doing or if he does realize I'm doing them he doesn't understand how time-intensive they are. And it's true I do the most interesting jobs first. I guess I'm spoiled and no good at doing onerous tasks that i find boring. And I'm just not very organized or good at prioritizing things that need to be done, so I'm working all the time but just I guess not on the things I need to be working on. I know he's frustrated, but I find it even more frustrating. He has to deal with the consequences at work, but I have to deal with it in every arena of my life and I don't make a great absent-minded professor.
I think that what I need to do is something that uses my ADD qualities appropriately. I'm not sure what that is though. I'm good at throwing myself into a subject and focusing on it exclusively for weeks or months at a time and then moving on to something else and repeating the cycle. Like my brief reading orgies on subjects like Simon de Montfort and the Maori and Odilon Redon. What kind of job could that get me? Writing maybe? Some kind of research gig? But that would likely require an MLIS or something. I don't know.
And in the interim, what kind of job would I get? The job skills and experience I have would get me a secretarial or office manager type job, a property management job or I could maybe go back into politics. All of these are horrible job matches for me. I think if/when I leave this job maybe I'd go back into retail because at least that doesn't make me cry with frustration at the end of the day. What it does do, though, is help keep me broke and tired all the time.
I've just been trying to hold on at this job until I have a baby, but I just don't think I can make it. We're not even going to start trying for at LEAST a few more months so I don't know. I don't want to just leave this job for something equally sucky but I'm not entirely sure that that will even be my decision to make.
I'm so horribly disappointed in myself.
My life is so good and so easy compared to 99% of people in the world, I just need to remember that.
--There was a movie on TV last night called A Waste of Shame (which I didn't end up watching) and every time I scrolled past it on the programming guide it drove me crazy trying to remember the beginning of the sonnet. I had it right, though. How can I remember Shakespearian sonnets and not what I need to get done at work? And Rupert Graves, whom I still adore, has not aged as I expected he would. So brilliant as Freddy Honeychurch and in Damage.
--And dammit all to hell, googling Rupert Graves led me to what happens in an episode of MI5 that I haven't gotten to yet and it is extremely spoiler-y. :(