when we were young and hit like hammers, i'd write the nails in your hands
it's amazing how a few bad days can melt away in a tiny instant.
sometimes in multiple instances.
sometimes in one giant moment. everything.. everything that had been bothering you.. can come crashing down around you in one giant blob of happiness.
im sitting here with a cup of chai tea (courtesy of nicole who went home already). there's a smile on my face so deep and happy... that i almost forgot what it felt like to truly feel this way.
there are different smiles we wear on different occasions. sometimes the true ones come out. right now is one of those times.
but it happened a few times today, which makes me all sorts of happy on the inside.
the first occurred during my third period. im going to miss those guys the most after i leave. i've been teaching them since chapter 1. i get along the best with them. i feel so proud of them it makes me want to burst inside. we had so much fun today!
there was a spider in the classroom.. a jumping kind.. and i ran away! lol.. i hate spiders
rachel was good enough to scoop him out and put him outside.
but.. i dunno. two of my students gave me their email address to keep in touch. im not sure how i feel about it. i would love to keep in touch, but im not sure if its really a good idea. the whole student/teacher relationship. but its just email. as long as i dont make it too buddy/buddy i'll prolly be fine.
besides, marie and tithi are probably 2 of my favorites in that class. they were definitely the first two to really accept that hey, we have a student teacher, deal with it. and they were on my side from the start. its always a good feeling to have.
so that was my first real smile, all the fun we had together.
the next was as rachel (my rumi, not my student) was packing up to go.. code monkey was on my itunes, and i turned it up and we started dancing and singing.
i had been all stressed out before because i had to come up with a new lesson plan for tomorrow which really isnt much of a lesson.. its occupying 20 kids while the "good" kids are off watching a movie. but i had just finished.. and we just danced and laughed.. and numa numa came on.. and i felt so relaxed and carefree. thank you rumi! i definitely needed that.
it made me realize how much i miss the free time, and just how.. i guess.. socially lonely i'll be when i start really teaching.
the next was mark told me he was gonna come over after class. and we hung out. he said i give very good backrubs! and he gives pretty decent ones, hes a bit of a light touch.. but he can practice all he wants on me!
we watched the rest of bones (which im really getting into.. i wish i had watched it from the start, i started getting into it over summer vacation cuz noah watched it.. or mom does.. who knows) and house came on. i think it was really lupus this time. LOL
but we just snuggled and held hands and kissed every once in awhile.. talked a bit
after the show we started kissing, but realized the angle was a bit off, so we moved. and i laughed and hes like what? i told him i had to get used to the way he kisses.. i think we're thinking about it so much that we're not sure when to do what! but he said he needed to too!
squeeeee
so he didnt really want to go, but he had to. and i didnt want him to go.. but i knew he had to go.. *sigh*
but he kissed me goodbye.. and he said i was crazy, but i said he was crazy cuz he likes me.. and he agreed. hehehe
he said he was happy he came over, and i make him happy. and every wall inside my heart just kinda crashed down around me
like ice just melting around me
and its a safe feeling. i asked him if i annoyed him, he would tell me... and he said he would. i told him he couldnt be the nice guy and not tell me cuz i want to know.
i havent felt this truly innocent and happy in so long. i want to mess up all my words and still be understood. i want to lay around and do nothing.. just as long as he's there to hold my hand and maybe stroke my arm.
after he left i did a squee dance around the house.
sometimes im scared that i shouldnt feel this way.
sometimes its weird knowing that after all the heartache i've ever had, i can still feel this young and fresh. i can feel this innocent and carefree after john and after victor.
i can still find my smile. its easier when his is reflecting mine.
sometimes we need to learn how to smile. sometimes we need to relearn.
sometimes we're reminded.
i dont want this feeling to end.
i know i've felt this way before.. but it's like its the first time.
it's so fresh and so new.
when you leave my colours fade to gray.
But you should know that I'm not asking for anything from you...
sometimes in multiple instances.
sometimes in one giant moment. everything.. everything that had been bothering you.. can come crashing down around you in one giant blob of happiness.
im sitting here with a cup of chai tea (courtesy of nicole who went home already). there's a smile on my face so deep and happy... that i almost forgot what it felt like to truly feel this way.
there are different smiles we wear on different occasions. sometimes the true ones come out. right now is one of those times.
but it happened a few times today, which makes me all sorts of happy on the inside.
the first occurred during my third period. im going to miss those guys the most after i leave. i've been teaching them since chapter 1. i get along the best with them. i feel so proud of them it makes me want to burst inside. we had so much fun today!
there was a spider in the classroom.. a jumping kind.. and i ran away! lol.. i hate spiders
rachel was good enough to scoop him out and put him outside.
but.. i dunno. two of my students gave me their email address to keep in touch. im not sure how i feel about it. i would love to keep in touch, but im not sure if its really a good idea. the whole student/teacher relationship. but its just email. as long as i dont make it too buddy/buddy i'll prolly be fine.
besides, marie and tithi are probably 2 of my favorites in that class. they were definitely the first two to really accept that hey, we have a student teacher, deal with it. and they were on my side from the start. its always a good feeling to have.
so that was my first real smile, all the fun we had together.
the next was as rachel (my rumi, not my student) was packing up to go.. code monkey was on my itunes, and i turned it up and we started dancing and singing.
i had been all stressed out before because i had to come up with a new lesson plan for tomorrow which really isnt much of a lesson.. its occupying 20 kids while the "good" kids are off watching a movie. but i had just finished.. and we just danced and laughed.. and numa numa came on.. and i felt so relaxed and carefree. thank you rumi! i definitely needed that.
it made me realize how much i miss the free time, and just how.. i guess.. socially lonely i'll be when i start really teaching.
the next was mark told me he was gonna come over after class. and we hung out. he said i give very good backrubs! and he gives pretty decent ones, hes a bit of a light touch.. but he can practice all he wants on me!
we watched the rest of bones (which im really getting into.. i wish i had watched it from the start, i started getting into it over summer vacation cuz noah watched it.. or mom does.. who knows) and house came on. i think it was really lupus this time. LOL
but we just snuggled and held hands and kissed every once in awhile.. talked a bit
after the show we started kissing, but realized the angle was a bit off, so we moved. and i laughed and hes like what? i told him i had to get used to the way he kisses.. i think we're thinking about it so much that we're not sure when to do what! but he said he needed to too!
squeeeee
so he didnt really want to go, but he had to. and i didnt want him to go.. but i knew he had to go.. *sigh*
but he kissed me goodbye.. and he said i was crazy, but i said he was crazy cuz he likes me.. and he agreed. hehehe
he said he was happy he came over, and i make him happy. and every wall inside my heart just kinda crashed down around me
like ice just melting around me
and its a safe feeling. i asked him if i annoyed him, he would tell me... and he said he would. i told him he couldnt be the nice guy and not tell me cuz i want to know.
i havent felt this truly innocent and happy in so long. i want to mess up all my words and still be understood. i want to lay around and do nothing.. just as long as he's there to hold my hand and maybe stroke my arm.
after he left i did a squee dance around the house.
sometimes im scared that i shouldnt feel this way.
sometimes its weird knowing that after all the heartache i've ever had, i can still feel this young and fresh. i can feel this innocent and carefree after john and after victor.
i can still find my smile. its easier when his is reflecting mine.
sometimes we need to learn how to smile. sometimes we need to relearn.
sometimes we're reminded.
i dont want this feeling to end.
i know i've felt this way before.. but it's like its the first time.
it's so fresh and so new.
when you leave my colours fade to gray.
But you should know that I'm not asking for anything from you...