SPIOLER! Ten Inch Hero
i've read it. this is awesome. i want watch that movie so badly lol
Ten Inch Hero
Warning: Turn back, do not read or you will lessen you enjoyment of TIH when you do finally get to see it. If you feel you are going to die, literally or figuratively before you have the opportunity to watch it for yourself then proceed with caution. I am not responsible if your viewing enjoyment is ruined. It’s not my fault! You asked for it!
I already posted a general review on page 41 of the Ten Inch Hero thread. The descriptions here will be more specific and spoilery. I did take a notebook and jot down notes, but all quotes might be off a little and there were a few of Priestly’s t-shirts that I had a hard time getting the entire message, but I think I got close on most.
Just so you know, there is nudity between Tish and Tadd, but it is tastefully done and not too explicit. If you enjoy the artistic merits of the female form, that basically covers it. A couple of male butts thrown in too! Alas, no Jensen! (I knew you were going to ask!
) There is a naked horseback scene at the end, but with the strategical deployment of hair and such, not much visible, more comedic if anything.
I am going to leave out some surprises and nice twists the movie threw in. I myself hate to be spoiled. The first time I saw Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid I was devastated. I expected so much. Only later did I realize I had already seen all the best bits in documentaries, etc. There was nothing new left to discover. If you must know all the gory details PM me and I will try to ruin the movie even more for you. LOL
Last chance to turn back!
The movie starts with Piper new in town to search out her daughter she gave up for adoption eight years ago when she was fifteen. She needs a job and goes into the sub shop which is advertising for help. Hiring is a democratic process there so after a few bizarre questions they vote, including a few customers and she is hired.
Questions like, alive or dead? Elvis?, Jerry Garcia?, Mariah Carey? (her acting career or her?) You get the idea; of course Priestly says that Elvis is alive at one point.
Jensen has an amazing entrance as Priestly. His voice is the same and so recognizable you jump when you hear him loudly proclaim, “Everybody Relax…, I’m here!” Then you see him at the door in all his blue Mohawk glory. The audience immediately loved his character and most didn’t know who Jensen was. Another memorable character for Jensen to add to his growing list. Priestly is a totally loveable, unique role for Jensen and he is phenomenal in it.
Tish is the resident beauty who keeps looking for great sex and love with every good looking guy that comes around. She manipulates men and there is a huge discussion on that and then someone says, “Clueless men and the women who use them for gratification.”
Of course, Priestly always has a witty, insightful comment or sometimes just something hilarious to say. He responds with, “I’m easy to manipulate. Why don’t women take advantage of me?” Jensen makes one of his great ‘why can’t I get any action?’ faces. Again, huge laughter from the audience. (I think that is about when Jensen had them eating out of his hand. LOL)
Then the sex talk proceeds to talk of size doesn’t really matter and whether men believe that or not and Jensen gives a great reaction look at that. (Yep, he has the audience won over already)
Piper is an artist and they talk about her work and Priestly asks if she is controversial and there is talk about what is controversial now and he suggest MLK pissing on the Pope might qualify. Then he says, “If I was an artist I would definitely be pissing on someone!” Another great facial expression from him.
His t-shirt at this point says, “Tip Me or Die”.
Jen, the shy girl, is communicating with her “soul” mate on the internet. His name is Fuzzy22. Priestly comments that Fuzzy seems sensitive. He also theorizes that he is a cop. Later it turns out he is 22 and was doing a report in college on Fuzzy Logic.
They continue to talk about sex and Trucker, the hippie sandwich shop owner, is teasing Tish about pretty girls not being good in bed cause all the guys want them and they don’t have to work at being good at sex. She gets insulted and wants to take him in the backroom and prove him wrong. He just grins and says, “Women are so easy to out finesse.” It was all a joke just to get to her.
Trucker is an aging hippie from Woodstock and the peace movement. He is in love with the crystal shop owner across the street. He thinks she is Wiccan and she does seem to have mystical powers throughout the movie. She seems to know things and at one point Trucker and Priestly are trying to start his old bus and she walks by and it magically starts and they both agree that was weird.
Priestly says at one point, “I should have lived forty years ago with all the free love. I’m at my sexual peak when celibacy is cool and the only safe sex is internet porn.”
One line that Piper tells to the young girl that she believes is her daughter, also an artist, is to deepen her shadows on her drawing, “Don’t be afraid to be bold.” I think that line is meant for more then drawing, it is a precursor to how they should be living their lives.
Priestly’s hair does change every day, new color and style. One day he has a two Mohawk do. I thought it was very clever and visually funny when at one point Tish sticks a new order ticket in his Mohawk like a letter holder. He is the chef, making the sandwiches.
Next t-shirt says, “You know what your problem is? You’re stupid!”
Two handsome hunky guys come in and order ten inch sausage sandwiches (suggestively) from Tish. She of course thinks they are hot. The one tells her his name is Tadd and his friend is Brad.
Priestly of course can’t resist taunting, “Tadd and Brad, isn’t that gay?” Now that line does not sound funny now, but the audience roared with laughter when Jensen delivered it. Gosh, could it be Jensen’s great expressions and his awesome delivery? Must be!
You can tell he is not impressed with this guy, Tadd. They watch the guy leave with Tish and he lets the door swing back on her. Priestly always has the comments to make, “Nice how he holds the door. He’s a giver. Yep, he’s a keeper.”
The story moves back and forth between Piper and her getting to know her young daughter again and Tish and her sexcapades. And then we have beautiful shots of the ocean and the California scenery.
Yes, Jensen knows how to wear a kilt and like so few men, he really can pull it off! LOL Next day he wears a t-shirt reading Surf Naked while wearing his lovely kilt. He is upset with Tish and makes a comment about her habit of jumping into bed with every guy and then being disappointed. He says, “Like why wait for the second date?”
Tucker then sends him out for supplies and the girls say they need tampons for the restroom. He appears to balk at first but then says he is in touch with his feminine side (after all he is wearing a kilt!) and he can do this. He almost sounds like he is convincing himself, but he says he will do it.
This is the funniest scene in the whole movie and I could not possibly do it justice. There is no way could I write any notes, the jokes and action were just too fast and crazy funny. I will try to hit the high points. Wonderful shot of him behind a high counter and all you see is the Mohawk moving down the aisle. Then he reaches his destination only to be bombarded by rows upon rows of choices. He hurriedly calls Tish for tactical support. They do a whole military reconnaissance dialogue and he finally picks the regular. He walks to the register to pay and two teenagers start whispering and making fun of him. Poor Priestly actually looks a little hurt, and innocently asks what?
Instead of letting their ridicule get him down, Priestly rises to the occasion and kicks some verbal butt. He announces loudly that he is comfortable buying tampons for his lady. She trusts him to buy her most personal products and you know what that means? That means he is in one hot relationship and they are doing it all the time. This gets a huge admiring audience of men who look like they are going to applaud Priestly. It was so great to see Priestly take charge of the situation and instead of being ridiculed he comes out as the victor.
There is a later scene where the girls go to the same store and those same teenagers are standing by the register holding feminine hygiene products trying to duplicate Priestly’s confidence and convince the girls that they too are hot properties. No such luck! They are poor substitutes for our man Priestly!
Next t-shirt said, “Orgasm Donor” on the front and I believe, “Ask for your free sample” on the back.
Another t-shirt said, “Save a tree, eat a beaver.”
The bus Trucker owns had bumper stickers all over it. My favorite, “Grow your own dope, plant a politician.”
Jen’s internet guy wants to meet so the girls decide to go with her down the coast to meet him. Priestly wants to come and offers to do the driving, but they all yell no. Poor guy! Priestly asks Jen if looks matter and she says no. He continues on, asking if the guy has tattoos and piercings and weird hair, she wouldn’t mind? And she says no, she knows what’s in this guy’s heart and that’s all that matters. Priestly is very happy with that, while all the time looking at Tish.
At this point I did wonder if Priestly was Jen’s secret beau or if he was interested in Tish. It was somewhat open and undetermined still. You just knew that he was interested in one of the girls and was also very concerned about this concept of the outer packaging and what it did or didn’t say about who you really were inside.
Jen thinks she is plain so when they spot her secret beau at the restaurant and he is gorgeous she just up and leaves. She cries and tells the other girls that no guy that looks like that would want her. She tells Tish that every guy falls all over her; she doesn’t know what it is like to not be asked to the prom, to not be noticed, to know that her place is in the back. They tell her she is wrong, that she is special.
She replies, “I didn’t say I didn’t have a lot to offer,….but you learn your place is in the background.” I can’t remember all the specifics but basically if all your life you are not noticed, you come to view yourself in a certain way. Tish is always the center of attention, men always notice her, she cannot understand how it feels to be invisible to the opposite sex.
They never talk to Jen’s guy or explain anything they just go back to the sub shop. Priestly immediately wants to know how it went and when he finds out he is furious. He storms out after admonishing her for judging that guy by how he looks, by not even giving him a chance. Seems Priestly is upset about more then just Jen’s love life. This is when he says, “You’re more interested in the wrapping paper then what’s inside.” He glares at Tish.
Priestly is in love with Tish, but he doesn’t fit the image of what she is looking for - the perfect, hot guy. She can’t see past his external look to see the tender, sensitive, loving guy inside.
Next t-shirt, “I sell crack for the CIA”
Tish gets in over her head with Tadd, whom she thinks is great except he seems to always want his roommate Brad around. She is having sex with Tadd when Brad just walks in and asks to join. For being so experienced Tish doesn’t get at first that they are looking for a threesome! Tish is not that kinda girl, she is shocked! They struggle and she falls and hits her head, then manages to leave.
She lies and says she just fell to explain her cut on her forehead. Tadd comes into the shop again, like nothing happened, and expects her to leave with him. Trucker gives a knowing look, but Tish leaves with Tadd. She then tells him that she will never go out with him again and to leave her alone. He struggles with her and……
Yes! Priestly to the rescue! He jumps the guy to protect his fair maiden. Unfortunately, Dean Winchester has failed to train Priestly in the martial arts and Priestly is knocked to the ground. Trucker then comes to the rescue, (Yeah, right! Like hippie dude could take on this hot, muscled young hunk) Shock! He can! Turns out he was a Special Forces deadly soldier in three tours of Vietnam. The hippie dude persona is how he wants to be perceived, how he wants to see himself. He actually was a lethal killing machine.
Priestly, “Anyone else think that Trucker has some explaining to do?”
They all go back to Trucker’s house and look thru his yearbook as he explains how unhappy he was and how much he has to atone for from being a lethal killer. He met some surfer dudes when he returned from Vietnam and loved how peaceful and tranquil they were so he re-invented himself. That is why he doesn’t profess his love to crystal lady cause she would see right thru him and know he isn’t a peaceful, loving dude. She would see the killer he is. Turns out she knew all along, was just waiting for him to come clean. They went to H.S. together and her fantasy was always them ending up together. Awwwwwww.
I think it was Zo, the crystal lady, who says when she gets together with Trucker, “No matter how much you grow up, High School is always right there breathing down your neck.”
Priestly is cleaning up one night and tells Jen to go on home, he’ll finish. After she leaves her computer beeps, it is her secret beau begging her to log on and tell him what is wrong. Why didn’t she meet him? He looks at the computer screen, hmmmm.
Next day, new shirt reads, “YOU CAN READ!”
Jen has a habit of feeding the homeless guys that come around. She has a very sweet and generous heart. A new homeless guy comes in and she smiles and gives him food, he then takes off his hat and hair and it is gorgeous internet beau who is interested in her because of what is in her heart. He tells her she is beautiful! True love again!
“I punked you!” Priestly yells. Then, “You need to learn to log off your computer.” Yep, Priestly the matchmaker strikes again.
Piper and Noah, the father of the girl she believes is her daughter, also make a commitment to each other. They each tell their secrets and decide they want to be together. Another happy ending.
That only leaves Priestly and Tish looking for love. Tish finally realizes that what she’s been doing is not working for her and Priestly finds the courage to try for love. He makes the first move and asks her for a date. This is one of the parts I am not disclosing everything. Suffice it to say the manner in which he asks her makes the entire audience holler and whoop it up. Fantastic, shocking scene and he nails it. Jensen rocks in this role, totally owning it and winning over the audience.
They declare their true real names and until I see the close captioning, I still can’t say what they are. They are strange names by any means. He would never reveal his true name before, but he does for the woman he loves. She in turn then offers her real name. They have more in common then they ever knew…, yep, strange parents!
The movie ends with everyone in love. Trucker and Zo get married, strike that, maybe it was just a commitment ceremony (?), on horseback in the nude with the four friends and their beaus on the beach watching. Everybody is happy, and I ask, what’s wrong with that? Why can’t we have a nice, happy movie?
I would have added one more short scene at the end, but I can’t tell you what it is without revealing one of the surprises I am withholding. The movie is fine without it, but for my own personal satisfaction, it would have been a nice touch.
That’s the basic details of the movie. I hope you one day have the pleasure of watching it cause words on paper do not do it justice, especially Jensen’s scenes. He is such a marvelous actor and he truly brings Priestly to vivid life. He is awesome, but I never expected any less. I am just so pleased he had the support of great writing and the additional cast to make this character so real. Great job by everyone involved, wonderful movie.
That’s all, B.J.