I Can't Bring Myself To Say This Is The End (2/3)
Part One Here
If the two and a half hour flight didn’t kill her, the two and a half hours that followed almost did. Speeding down the highway between Cincinnati and Lima in the rental car, her mind had played through every situation that she faced when she arrived at the Puckerman family home.
He would listen to her rationally. She choked out a bitter laugh at the best-case scenario. Noah Puckerman was not a rational man.
He would ignore her while she talked
He would yell at her. She wouldn’t mind the yelling; at least it meant he hadn’t shut her out.
He would kick her out
He would call off the engagement
She tried not to think about what would happen if their engagement was called off; how she would continue going on without Noah in her life. Since she was sixteen, every time she had thought about the future she had seen Noah in it. Without him it would be a miserable and bleak existence.
Her mind lingered between the last two scenarios for longer than she cared. If he kicked her out, she would either have to find a cheap hotel or she would have to go back home to her fathers.
Going back to her fathers, would mean having to admit that she and Noah were fighting, and it would end in their bitter disappointment in her lack of morals.
Turning into the familiar streets leading to the Puckerman home, Rachel turned off the radio; preferring the silence as she thought. She was going to go into the house, and she was going to beg for a second chance.
It wasn’t often that Rachel Berry had to beg.
Pulling into the driveway behind Abigail’s car, she cut the engine; sitting in the fading afternoon light. Climbing out of the car, she saw Abigail Puckerman emerge from the front door; a large smile on her face as she spotted Rachel.
This just made the brunette feel worse about herself; if she was smiling like that it meant that Noah hadn’t told his mother or sister what had happened yet.
“Hi Abigail.” Rachel forced a thin smile. “Is Noah here?”
“He locked himself in his bedroom earlier, he hasn’t come out since. Rachel honey, what happened?”
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
Abigail Puckerman might be a pushy woman, but even she knew better than to get right in the middle of something between her son and his fiancée; they were both temperamental, feisty people.
Taking the steps two at a time Rachel knocked confidently on the locked door.
“I don’t want to talk.” Noah called back, through clenched teeth. He couldn’t understand why his mother and sister wouldn’t just leave him alone.
“Noah,” Rachel leaned a cheek against the door. “Just let me in. Please.”
Nothing happened.
“I’m not leaving Noah. I’m going to sit against this door until you come out. You have to come out at some point.” How would Abigail and Rebecca react if they come up the stairs to discover Rachel sprawled out in the hallway?
Thankfully, she heard the unmistakable sound of the lock click open. Pushing her way through the door she smiled at Noah who was already lying back on his bed.
“It was a mistake.” Rachel lowered herself down onto the bed. “It was temporary insanity.” She was whispering in case there were people listening in on the other side. “I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much Noah.”
“This isn’t a problem you can fix just by apologising Rachel.” Well, at least he wasn’t yelling at her; or kicking her out. “This isn’t the time you forgot to pay the electric bill on time, or the time you forgot the beer. You kissed another man.”
Despite the fact that Noah was deadly serious, Rachel cracked a smile and a small giggle. They had spent several nights without any electricity in their apartment, a year after they’d moved together to the city because she had left the cheque sitting on the kitchen counter.
The beer hadn’t been a complete accident.
At least she got him to crack a smile, even if it was for a fleeting moment; the sound of her giggle breaking through the wall.
She smiled at him softly as he frowned again; their moment over.
#
In the silence that followed, Rachel climbed off the bed and slowly walked through the room; stopping at the empty dresser to pick up a photo frame that had been left behind.
“This was a great night.” She smiled again. She was going to pull him down memory lane, whether he liked it or not.
She handed over the frame, even though he already knew what the photo was. Just before Noah’s graduation, when the original Glee club would be broken up; they had snuck onto the school’s football field.
Rachel and Noah had been sitting on the bleachers, Rachel sitting between his legs and she had been playing with his hand while he had whispered something in her ear.
Both of them had these content smiles on their faces and they were completely oblivious to the fact that Kurt had his camera pointed at the two of them.
“It was.” He agreed softly.
They fell into the silent lapse again; before Noah finally asked the question Rachel had been dreading.
“Who was it?” He looked straight up to meet her gaze, to which she shied away from.
“No...Nobody...” She shook her head, lying unconvincingly.
“Bullshit Rachel. That’s fucking bullshit. Who was it?” The harsh Noah was back, and he climbed off the bed so he had the height advantage.
Rachel mumbled incoherently, telling him would undoubtedly ruin them further.
He pulled his phone off the bedside table, pulling up the incriminating evidence; thrusting it towards her. “Do you need a reminder? It was obviously someone. Who the fuck was it?”
Rachel bowed her head. “It was Jesse.” She whispered.
The sound of glass smashing filled the room (again), and she didn’t have to look up to know that the photo she’d picked up earlier would now being lying on the floor; its protective covering broken. Rachel jumped at the sound.
“What Rachel? Were you planning on screwing your way to getting a job?”
Her voice caught at the accusation. She had always considered integrity as an important virtue in life; she had always wanted to be recognised for her talent alone.
But somewhere deep, deep down in her desperation, before she’d come to her sense and pulled away, she had wondered how far she’d let it go. She would never admit that to anyone.
She had been disgusted in herself then, and even more so now.
“Get out.” It was a calm, deadly whisper and Rachel automatically took two steps backwards. At the same time the bedroom flung open as Abigail appeared panicked, Rebecca two steps behind her.
“What’s going on in here? We heard something smash.”
“Get out.” Noah repeated; the growl back in his voice. Rachel took another two steps back, reaching out to steady herself on the doorframe.
“Noah...” Abigail interrupted them again. “Whatever’s going on between the two of you can be worked out. You and Rachel love each other...”
“Then ask her what she’s doing making out with her exes in public in the middle of the day.”
Rachel flung around to face the door, keeping her head bowed so she didn’t have to look anyone in the eye. “I’m...I’m sorry. I’m leaving now.” Then she raced as fast as she could down the stairs and out the door.
#
Noah glared at his mother, daring her to say something. Tactfully, she remained silent, pulling Rebecca behind her as she closed the door again.
He ran his fingers over his shaved head, the Mohawk a thing of the past; calming himself down again.
Grabbing his cell phone, he finally left the room; following the same path Rachel had taken as she left the house. He was getting his boys together, and then he was getting smashed.
# #
Rachel sat in the rental car again, staring at the small house nestled deep in the suburbs of Lima; the small tricycle abandoned on the lawn and the white picket fence that surrounded the property finishing the image of Midwest America.
She had crossed out the possibility of renting a hotel room; she couldn’t spend a night alone with her thoughts in a cheap hotel room, where it was more than likely she’d spend the night listening to a live porno going on in the next room.
Going to her fathers’ was a last resort; she couldn’t handle their disappointment as well.
That left sleeping in the car, or turning to Quinn Fabray-Rutherford.
“Are you going to come in or spend the night in my driveway?” Rachel had been so wrapped up in her self-misery that she hadn’t noticed Quinn emerge from the house until she was pulling the driver side door open. “You were starting to freak me out Berry.” The blonde smiled warmly. “What are you doing in Ohio anyway?”
So Rachel told Quinn everything as they walked up the path to the house and as Quinn made them both a cup of tea. Quinn nodded and listened, and never passed judgement because Rachel hadn’t been the first one to stuff up a relationship this way.
“Puck isn’t going to hate you forever.” Quinn comforted after Rachel finished. “He loves you too much to ignore you forever, just give him some time.”
Rachel nodded, unsure of the optimism in Quinn’s words. She hadn’t seen him.
“Come on, we need to get you out of here.” Quinn jumped up again. “Jack’s at Matt’s mothers; so I’m free for the night. We’ll go get a drink and we can catch up properly.”
Quinn was not going to let her friend mope around her house all night.
#
Finn eyed Puck wearily; they’d been at the bar for half an hour and he was already onto his third beer for the night.
“Dude, maybe you want to slow down, just a little.” Finn advised, wondering how pissed Puck would get if he cut him off.
“She kissed that St. James douche.” He grumbled. “In the middle of the day she made out with him for all of New York to see.”
Finn was at a loss for words, it really didn’t sound like the Rachel he knew.
“Maybe...”
“She admitted it.” Puck shot him down, ordering another beer. “Don’t try defending her.”
#
There weren’t too many places to drink in Lima, which is how Rachel and Noah ended up in the same bar; Noah at the counter and Rachel in a back booth, ushered there by Quinn before she could realise who else was in the room.
“I’ll be right back.” Rachel promised Quinn after her third glass of wine. “I just need the bathroom.” She slipped out of her seat. She was certain that by now she would look like a complete mess, and she needed to clean herself up.
Noah looked up as the familiar scent brushed past him, as Rachel disappeared down the halls to the toilets.
Pushing back his beer, (fourth, fifth? He’d lost count), he took off after her; not saying a single word to Finn.
Grabbing her arm before she could disappear into the ladies, he pushed her up against a wall.
“Wh...What...” She panicked before realisation set in.
“I loved you Rachel.” With both hands on either side of her body, he trapped her. He pushed himself up against her so there was no space between them. “I love you Rachel.”
“So do I, Noah I love you so much.”
“Then why did you have to screw this up?”
Rachel shook her head; she still had no answer for that.
“Did he have something that I don’t? Did he make you feel something that I can’t?”
Rachel shook her head again. Taking advantage of their positions, she reached up to kiss him. She needed that contact; she needed it to prove something to him.
He pulled away.
“Noah, please, I’ll do anything. Anything.” She reached up to kiss him again, snaking her arms around his neck so he couldn’t break away again. She tried to ignore the overwhelming stench of beer on his breath.
“No one is ever going to love you like I do.” He growled, pushing her back into the wall as he delivered a bruising kiss; biting down on her lower lip. “No one is ever going to understand you like I do.”
Rachel nodded, silently agreeing with him.
“No one else is ever going to put up with your crazy shit Rachel.”
“No one,” She echoed, moaning as he kissed her again, grinding himself into her.
((XX))
continued here