Wow...
It's over 3 years since I last wrote here.
It's been a busy and in all honesty amazing 3, or say, 4 years.
Though now things have changed, life is different, and though my life stil lcontian friends, in my heart I stand empty. I am not going to recount words of pain and depression here now though. There has been enough tales of that already. But make no misstake, that it was a very hard time. It was not my choice or decision either, but in the end, I hope for the life of me, that she really did make the right choice, and will be better off this way.
I hope...
Since whatever happened, and despite I will do what I can to move on, perhaps more for her sake than my own even, she still means so much to me, and I only wish her the very best. Even if that surely makes me a retard in many people's eyes, and, clearly oculd make me seem like I am far from over her.
I like to think I am tohugh. But I suppose, maybe I am not. At least not quite.
I miss her, indeed I do. Not as... painfully as I did at first. But nevertheless. All that has happened naturally puts a damper on many of the feelings. But at the same time I can't pretend to have felt anything else than what I really felt for the past 4 years.
Sadly, even if she fell out of love -or maybe rather fell in love with someone else- I still have not fell out of love with her.
Maybe I will if I fall in love again. I hope I will. But I do believe I will always have a special place in my heart for her. My first *real* love, and a long and quite beautiful relationship, despite the distance and challenges.
But. Life is life. And it only move in one direction, and so I better do my best to follow it myself, as well. Right?