tl;dr On Relationships
klausboy made a really thoughtful, soul-search-y post pondering about relationships and why people have them, and I ended up making this really long and involved tl;dr comment on what I think about it all. I dedcided that I should really post those thoughts on my own journal, too, so here's the comment I left on his entry: This is something that I think about as well. What actually causes that decision (because it is a decision) to go for a relationship instead of/in addition to a friendship? For the most part, my relationships have all developed out of existing friendships. That is just the the way it happens (and I think it is the best way for me) because I don't seem to develop the desire to date someone until I know them. Seeing someone hot is nice, fun, and I like to look at pretty people. Um, a lot. But I don't ever see someone incredibly hot and think, Damn, I wish I could go out with him/her! I pretty much think, Damn!
I don't know what that thing is that makes you want to date someone, but we'll call it chemistry because I think that's the best word I've come across so far. I cannot develop chemistry with someone unless I like them personally, and our personalities mesh well. Meshing well with someone and liking them doesn't necessarily lead to chemistry, though, and I'm not sure why, but I'm grateful because that would make things even more complicated than they already are.
It seems that in our culture the take on relationships is that they are a means to an end. There are a lot of different people trumpeting a lot of different assertions of what that end should be: marriage, having a family, success, high social status, "being normal," etc. American society pretty much tells us that there is something wrong with us if we have reached a certain age and are not in a committed relationship. Part of "having the right life" in America is being in a committed, monogamous relationship of some kind, whether it is to build a family or not.
I don't know what the "point" of being in a relationship is as far as "what end it fulfills," as you say. I don't consider my relationships to be something that I have to bring about some specific conclusion or event in the future. Right now I am in the best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in, which is due to several different factors. Erich and I have great chemistry, which became apparent to me pretty much as soon as we had hung out with each other a few times and talked, and I felt that I'd gotten to know him some. He has a lot of qualities that I admire and I enjoy spending time with him. He makes me laugh, and I just cannot express how much of a plus that is in my book. He is able to bring out the more fun and outgoing side of my personality. He's a really great person, and he treats me really well. Most importantly, I think, is that I am, in general, a much healthier person now. I came to some really important realizations about myself and worked through some mental/emotional baggage that I'd been carrying around for years in a really timely fashion--about two weeks before Erich and I got together. Because of that, this is the first relationship since I was 15 in which I have not been lugging around that baggage. To me, the "point" is to be happy, to make someone else happy, and to be able to trust and care about someone enough to feel safe being who you really are with them and exploring things about yourself that you never had before.
I don't know what that thing is that makes you want to date someone, but we'll call it chemistry because I think that's the best word I've come across so far. I cannot develop chemistry with someone unless I like them personally, and our personalities mesh well. Meshing well with someone and liking them doesn't necessarily lead to chemistry, though, and I'm not sure why, but I'm grateful because that would make things even more complicated than they already are.
It seems that in our culture the take on relationships is that they are a means to an end. There are a lot of different people trumpeting a lot of different assertions of what that end should be: marriage, having a family, success, high social status, "being normal," etc. American society pretty much tells us that there is something wrong with us if we have reached a certain age and are not in a committed relationship. Part of "having the right life" in America is being in a committed, monogamous relationship of some kind, whether it is to build a family or not.
I don't know what the "point" of being in a relationship is as far as "what end it fulfills," as you say. I don't consider my relationships to be something that I have to bring about some specific conclusion or event in the future. Right now I am in the best and healthiest relationship I have ever been in, which is due to several different factors. Erich and I have great chemistry, which became apparent to me pretty much as soon as we had hung out with each other a few times and talked, and I felt that I'd gotten to know him some. He has a lot of qualities that I admire and I enjoy spending time with him. He makes me laugh, and I just cannot express how much of a plus that is in my book. He is able to bring out the more fun and outgoing side of my personality. He's a really great person, and he treats me really well. Most importantly, I think, is that I am, in general, a much healthier person now. I came to some really important realizations about myself and worked through some mental/emotional baggage that I'd been carrying around for years in a really timely fashion--about two weeks before Erich and I got together. Because of that, this is the first relationship since I was 15 in which I have not been lugging around that baggage. To me, the "point" is to be happy, to make someone else happy, and to be able to trust and care about someone enough to feel safe being who you really are with them and exploring things about yourself that you never had before.