oh what a night
it's starting to hit me that last night really did happen.
i have no intention of relaying the details of last night to anyone, ever. i will keep the images and memories to myself- for a number of reasons. mainly, i feel that saying it out loud, even trying to form a coherent sentence to explain- and then reading the expression on the listener's face- would be too much. would make it too real. would mean i have to think and deal with it in concrete terms, rather than simply rambling on about lost potential and confused futures.
and i thought that there was the start of something good.
oh, to be deceived.
is it better to laugh it off and blame the alcohol? or seriously think about what was said and done, and come to terms with the honesty that manifest itself on New Year's Eve?
hell, i don't know.
will talking to the people that were there make up my mind for me?
i was starting to believe we could be great.
better to just sit in silence.
knowing that the weather- this morning, so cloudy but bright- impossible to look at the sky and see what would be coming later- and now, the rain- fits my mood so perfectly. i feel like i've slid into a year that was designed for me- this is 2006. here is what it looks like, tastes like, sounds like, smells like, feels like.
never before have i been so certain of uncertainty. i don't feel that i'm denying conclusions that have already been reached. i'm sitting here, knowing that i can- well, write it off and move on- or stay and figure things out.
neither option would have occurred to me at this time yesterday.
"didn't see it coming" is a gross understatement.
more cliches: this is the morning after.
and i wonder if we'll speak again.
and i wonder if you feel like you've lost something too.
the only thing concrete today is my resolution: to strive to fulfill my potential. and to learn from my mistakes. see? even those are abstract.
*sitting, waiting, wishing*
it might have been amazing- what i've longed for. hid from.
is that gone?
i have no intention of relaying the details of last night to anyone, ever. i will keep the images and memories to myself- for a number of reasons. mainly, i feel that saying it out loud, even trying to form a coherent sentence to explain- and then reading the expression on the listener's face- would be too much. would make it too real. would mean i have to think and deal with it in concrete terms, rather than simply rambling on about lost potential and confused futures.
and i thought that there was the start of something good.
oh, to be deceived.
is it better to laugh it off and blame the alcohol? or seriously think about what was said and done, and come to terms with the honesty that manifest itself on New Year's Eve?
hell, i don't know.
will talking to the people that were there make up my mind for me?
i was starting to believe we could be great.
better to just sit in silence.
knowing that the weather- this morning, so cloudy but bright- impossible to look at the sky and see what would be coming later- and now, the rain- fits my mood so perfectly. i feel like i've slid into a year that was designed for me- this is 2006. here is what it looks like, tastes like, sounds like, smells like, feels like.
never before have i been so certain of uncertainty. i don't feel that i'm denying conclusions that have already been reached. i'm sitting here, knowing that i can- well, write it off and move on- or stay and figure things out.
neither option would have occurred to me at this time yesterday.
"didn't see it coming" is a gross understatement.
more cliches: this is the morning after.
and i wonder if we'll speak again.
and i wonder if you feel like you've lost something too.
the only thing concrete today is my resolution: to strive to fulfill my potential. and to learn from my mistakes. see? even those are abstract.
*sitting, waiting, wishing*
it might have been amazing- what i've longed for. hid from.
is that gone?