oh this must be for the better?

[carnalcrusherz]

if i was a normal person ... i would have had a lot of fun this weekend.
*
obviously, i am not a normal person.
*
it seems like everything secretly went wrong. in one night i antually lost the previous 4 years of my life. there is nothing left of them but memories.. and im really not supposed to think of those now. 4 years of my fucking life..gone. what exactly am i supposed to do now? i am completely lost. i am completely nothing. i am completely etc. i know not who i am or what i am here for. of course it feels kind of good to have gotten over everything, but when i look at where i stand now; what is left of my "life" it hurts so bad to realize there IS nothing left.. AND IT IS ALL MY FAULT.
*
it was all a fake life to me. i had made every single little part of it up. false feelings and imagined assumptions. i built myself up on nothing and it all came crashing down.
*
now i just have to understand that life is harsh and synical, no one cares for me, and if i want to be happy, i will probably have to lie to myself.
*
I like that
-N