Because the style of "Catcher in the Rye" amuses me
Has anyone read Catcher in the Rye? Well, I just finished reading it myself, and I was so amused by the colourful writing style of it all that I decided to write a little inspired R/S piece, mimicking that very same style for which the book is famous. Complete crack, of course.
Title: Bed crumbs
Fandom: Harry Potter
Ship: Remus/Sirius
Genre: Crack, really
Rating: PG-13 for the language. After all, the diction stolen is stolen from Catcher in the Rye. -_-
Disclaimer: Oh, God. No. Not mine at all. Poor J.D. Salinger is rolling in his grave.
A/N: Yes, I am aware how completely OOC Remus is. I kind of gave him Holden's brain. *runs off*
Summary: Sometimes Remus wonders how the hell he puts up with Sirius Black.
It wasn’t the first time I found him on my goddam bed.
He had a habit of it and all. I knew that. It didn’t make it any less irritating to see him lounging dazedly on my four-poster, looking smug as hell. His feet were on my goddam pillow, too. I swear to God. Old Sirius had the most impressive manners, he really did.
“Oh, hey Moony!” he said when he saw me, full of phony innocence and crumbs all over his stupid perfect smile. Goddam crumbs. He was eating breakfast on my bed for crissake.
“Sirius,” I said, “What do you have against eating at the table? Why my bed of all places?”
He looked at me as if I had just asked a perfectly obvious question, and raised that stupid pointed eyebrow at me. I don’t know what it is with old Sirius. Gives you the goddam eyebrow and suddenly you feel stupid.
“But your bed is all squishy and it smells nice,” he pouted.
God, that killed me. Squishy. The boy is a goddam genius and he uses words like 'squishy'.
“You’re going to get crumbs all over my sheets, moron.” He never really was the most practical kid, Sirius. Traipses around half naked and eats crumby toast on other people’s beds. Yeah, half naked. Doesn’t wear a shirt most of the time because he’s a conceited sonovabitch if I ever saw one and he thinks he has a goddam sexy body.
Which he does, but that’s not the point. Stupid bastard.
“Reeee-mus, I’ll clean up the crumbs after. Promise. Don’t kick me out.”
Like hell he will. I’m just about to shove him off and dump him into his own bed (which I might add is only three goddam feet away, thank you very much), but then he shoves the whole damn piece of toast in his mouth and grins up at me like a bastard chipmunk before taking an enormous swallow and saying, “’m still starved. Going down to the kitchens.”
I stared at him as he stood up and ran a hand through his goddam perfect hair and skipped out of the dormitory, cheery as hell.
The terrible thing is; I went with him. Sometimes, I swear to God I’m a madman.
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Aheh heh. Erm.
By the way, is anyone going to Anime North in Toronto this May? I'm just curious as my friends and I are running a panel on Harry Potter slashfic, and it would be neat to see people from here.