Help! I'm Stuck in a Cliche Teenage Romance!
So, I watched Twilight just to see if it lived up to all the hype and "OMG Edward Cullen is so hot lol" stupidity.
I went into the movie setting aside my personal hatred of the sparkly vampire thing and hoped that it would at least be a decent watch...I was wrong.
Now I know most of the people that will read this will either go "You hated it, what's wrong with you" or "You watched it, what's wrong with you" so here's my overall assessment of this film.
Cliches:
1. Vampires v. Werewolves. Now while the werewolf thing isn't out in the open there are quite a few references to it in the film. First being that the Native American friend she has tells her a tale of how his tribe is said to be descended from wolves, and the other at the end of the film which Edward tells her after Jacob tells her that his father said that "they'll be watching her" that he leaves her for two minutes and the wolves descend. So if you take those two things it becomes rather apparent how things will be when they make the sequel..which I know they will.
2. Hot chick. Now "Bella" isn't all that attractive in my book, she does have the classic "hey look at me I'm pretty" thing working for her. She comes to a town in which automatically everyone loves her and by the end of her first day of class half the male population wants to be her man, but she's already looking at the untouchable guy. Untouchable guy falls for her and we have cliche 3.
3. Boy meets girl. Lets see, how to add onto the already overdone cliche here. Hot girl meets hot guy who has a secret he has to keep from the world. This mystery makes her like him even more and fall even more madly in love with him. Turns out this mystery is something that even Scooby Doo could figure out without Scooby Snacks or Velma for that matter but hey, gotta keep the plot progressing.
4. Overprotective Father. While this isn't really a cliche, it's something that I bring up because frankly, the dad in this movie made the movie worthwhile to watch. He was the stereo-typical father. Slightly overprotective, police force father who just wants to spend time with the one person in his life that doesn't hate him. In some ways he reminded me of my father...only he actually had a shotgun. At the breakfast table cleaning his double barreled shotgun when his princess comes down and says that her new boyfriend wants to formally introduce himself. He readies his gun and meets the boy with the animosity and contempt that every father has when his daughter says "hey meet the boy I like." Now while my father refuses to even mention the name of the man like like, this one does actually say his name...with unmasked dislike. I liked the dad.
5. Rival gang. With this one I was kind of amused. The rival gang of vampires in the area had been causing trouble by killing people in town and causing the Cullen's a bit of trouble with having to say that it was an animal attack. (Edward's "dad" was the town doctor...convenient right?) You meet the full gang first off when they kill Bella's Dad's friend. Then again at a baseball game that the Cullen's play during a thunderstorm. Which actually, made me miss thunderstorms. They catch the ball, since come on, gotta have the confrontation...every movie needs a bad guy, this one just happened to have a "tracker" vampire that catches wind of Bella's scent when the wind blows because apparently hair covered up her human smell. Then finally...cliche 6.
6. The Big Fight Scene. Which takes place in a ballet studio. Bella gets bitten and Edward comes to the rescue and sucks out the venom that would have turned her into a "monster" like them. Dumbass Bella gets caught in a trap by the rival vamp who wants to 1. torture Edward and 2. Drain Bella of her delcious human blood. But thanks to the lovely convience of one of Edward's "sister" ability to tell the future they know where the final battle will take place and they rescue her and make up a lovely little story to conceal how she actually broke her leg and lost a lot of blood. Edward had a small problem with letting her arm go after sucking out the poison and almost killed her...oh well.
Things that don't add up...ie the things that bugged me.
Beside all the cliches...which minus the princess they were all in there, from the movie starting out with the hot chick to the ending in which they go to Prom...there are the things that made me go...WTF.
1. Sparkly Vampire. He fucking glitters. Any man that has that much glitter on his body should either be a drag queen or just have come out of a strip joint and have a pissed off wife waiting for him. Bella describes it as "It's like a million diamonds" which I think I'd rather have a million diamonds than a guy that look like they got crushed and poured over his body. I mean his skin had enough glitter concealer to cover the faces of all the women in Rhode Island.
2. He reads minds...And it's less that he reads them, he hears them. Which had an amusing scene in which they're at a resturant and he goes through the thoughts in the other patron's minds and it goes "money, sex, money, sex, cat, money." And the guy who was think of his cat...you kind of wonder what he wanted to do to it. I mean of all the typical vampy skills, like having the pheremones to seduce women, super speed, super strength, and generally being untouchable to have the ability to read minds? Come on now.
3. Teenage Vampy. Kind of reminded me of Tuck Everlasting. Stay 17 forever. Actually be...91. And not just stay 17, but be waiting for someone to love, knowing that they'll grow old and die and you'll still look 17? I could understand why he had the "pompus" attitude of "no girl here is good enough for me" Hell, if you're a vamp, you either date another vamp or you stay single and just bang a chick when you have the chance. But no, he had to fall in love with a human.
4. Incest! Oh that's always fun to have in a movie. Granted, all of the Cullen's aren't related, but they're all paired off, except Edward, but that changes. His two sister and his two brothers are paired off together. some of them are actually pretty cool, like the premonition chick, and the creepy guy that was a recently turned vampy. He always looked like he was in pain, which I think is because he wanted to drain everyone of their blood right then and there, he never spoke, but you could tell that he was the silent type that you never wanted to piss off.
5. This one isn't really a WTF more of it is a "That's actually kind of cool" It's a lot harder to kill a vampire in this world. You have to rip off body parts and burn those, and in the big fight scene they killed the guy that was after Bella by ripping him to shreds and using the boards of the ballet parlor to burn up the sections of the bad guy.
6. Prom? Seriously...Prom? She spends the entire movie trying to avoid the event and at the end, with a broken leg and a prom dress with jeans underneath (which I thought was a bit cool) She goes to Prom because Eddy tells her that it's a right of passage he doesn't want her to miss. Plus the whole
7. EMO! Oh gawd this movie was not short on "I'm an angsty teenager". Bella's in her inner turmoil because her boyfriend is a vampire and her family dynamic is screwed up. Eddy's all emo because he's a vampire and he's in love with a human who he doesn't want to hurt but her smell is "like my own personal form of heroin" And Daddy Cullen is actually trying to keep his dysfunctional family of "vegetarians" (because they only drink animal blood) under control and sane.
Overall if I had to rate this movie I'd probably give it a 3/5 stars. It had a lot of problems but some of the quips in the movie and some of the lines made it enjoyable enough to fully watch. There were a lot of face palm moments and me shouting "You Dumbass!" But minus all of that it was well organized and could have had a more dynamic plot line but the filming was done really well considering that it takes place in Washington state and it's cloudy throughout most of the movie...just like Washington.
If you're willing to put up with teenage angsty bullshit I'd recommed it, otherwise, don't even waste the time downloading it.
I went into the movie setting aside my personal hatred of the sparkly vampire thing and hoped that it would at least be a decent watch...I was wrong.
Now I know most of the people that will read this will either go "You hated it, what's wrong with you" or "You watched it, what's wrong with you" so here's my overall assessment of this film.
Cliches:
1. Vampires v. Werewolves. Now while the werewolf thing isn't out in the open there are quite a few references to it in the film. First being that the Native American friend she has tells her a tale of how his tribe is said to be descended from wolves, and the other at the end of the film which Edward tells her after Jacob tells her that his father said that "they'll be watching her" that he leaves her for two minutes and the wolves descend. So if you take those two things it becomes rather apparent how things will be when they make the sequel..which I know they will.
2. Hot chick. Now "Bella" isn't all that attractive in my book, she does have the classic "hey look at me I'm pretty" thing working for her. She comes to a town in which automatically everyone loves her and by the end of her first day of class half the male population wants to be her man, but she's already looking at the untouchable guy. Untouchable guy falls for her and we have cliche 3.
3. Boy meets girl. Lets see, how to add onto the already overdone cliche here. Hot girl meets hot guy who has a secret he has to keep from the world. This mystery makes her like him even more and fall even more madly in love with him. Turns out this mystery is something that even Scooby Doo could figure out without Scooby Snacks or Velma for that matter but hey, gotta keep the plot progressing.
4. Overprotective Father. While this isn't really a cliche, it's something that I bring up because frankly, the dad in this movie made the movie worthwhile to watch. He was the stereo-typical father. Slightly overprotective, police force father who just wants to spend time with the one person in his life that doesn't hate him. In some ways he reminded me of my father...only he actually had a shotgun. At the breakfast table cleaning his double barreled shotgun when his princess comes down and says that her new boyfriend wants to formally introduce himself. He readies his gun and meets the boy with the animosity and contempt that every father has when his daughter says "hey meet the boy I like." Now while my father refuses to even mention the name of the man like like, this one does actually say his name...with unmasked dislike. I liked the dad.
5. Rival gang. With this one I was kind of amused. The rival gang of vampires in the area had been causing trouble by killing people in town and causing the Cullen's a bit of trouble with having to say that it was an animal attack. (Edward's "dad" was the town doctor...convenient right?) You meet the full gang first off when they kill Bella's Dad's friend. Then again at a baseball game that the Cullen's play during a thunderstorm. Which actually, made me miss thunderstorms. They catch the ball, since come on, gotta have the confrontation...every movie needs a bad guy, this one just happened to have a "tracker" vampire that catches wind of Bella's scent when the wind blows because apparently hair covered up her human smell. Then finally...cliche 6.
6. The Big Fight Scene. Which takes place in a ballet studio. Bella gets bitten and Edward comes to the rescue and sucks out the venom that would have turned her into a "monster" like them. Dumbass Bella gets caught in a trap by the rival vamp who wants to 1. torture Edward and 2. Drain Bella of her delcious human blood. But thanks to the lovely convience of one of Edward's "sister" ability to tell the future they know where the final battle will take place and they rescue her and make up a lovely little story to conceal how she actually broke her leg and lost a lot of blood. Edward had a small problem with letting her arm go after sucking out the poison and almost killed her...oh well.
Things that don't add up...ie the things that bugged me.
Beside all the cliches...which minus the princess they were all in there, from the movie starting out with the hot chick to the ending in which they go to Prom...there are the things that made me go...WTF.
1. Sparkly Vampire. He fucking glitters. Any man that has that much glitter on his body should either be a drag queen or just have come out of a strip joint and have a pissed off wife waiting for him. Bella describes it as "It's like a million diamonds" which I think I'd rather have a million diamonds than a guy that look like they got crushed and poured over his body. I mean his skin had enough glitter concealer to cover the faces of all the women in Rhode Island.
2. He reads minds...And it's less that he reads them, he hears them. Which had an amusing scene in which they're at a resturant and he goes through the thoughts in the other patron's minds and it goes "money, sex, money, sex, cat, money." And the guy who was think of his cat...you kind of wonder what he wanted to do to it. I mean of all the typical vampy skills, like having the pheremones to seduce women, super speed, super strength, and generally being untouchable to have the ability to read minds? Come on now.
3. Teenage Vampy. Kind of reminded me of Tuck Everlasting. Stay 17 forever. Actually be...91. And not just stay 17, but be waiting for someone to love, knowing that they'll grow old and die and you'll still look 17? I could understand why he had the "pompus" attitude of "no girl here is good enough for me" Hell, if you're a vamp, you either date another vamp or you stay single and just bang a chick when you have the chance. But no, he had to fall in love with a human.
4. Incest! Oh that's always fun to have in a movie. Granted, all of the Cullen's aren't related, but they're all paired off, except Edward, but that changes. His two sister and his two brothers are paired off together. some of them are actually pretty cool, like the premonition chick, and the creepy guy that was a recently turned vampy. He always looked like he was in pain, which I think is because he wanted to drain everyone of their blood right then and there, he never spoke, but you could tell that he was the silent type that you never wanted to piss off.
5. This one isn't really a WTF more of it is a "That's actually kind of cool" It's a lot harder to kill a vampire in this world. You have to rip off body parts and burn those, and in the big fight scene they killed the guy that was after Bella by ripping him to shreds and using the boards of the ballet parlor to burn up the sections of the bad guy.
6. Prom? Seriously...Prom? She spends the entire movie trying to avoid the event and at the end, with a broken leg and a prom dress with jeans underneath (which I thought was a bit cool) She goes to Prom because Eddy tells her that it's a right of passage he doesn't want her to miss. Plus the whole
7. EMO! Oh gawd this movie was not short on "I'm an angsty teenager". Bella's in her inner turmoil because her boyfriend is a vampire and her family dynamic is screwed up. Eddy's all emo because he's a vampire and he's in love with a human who he doesn't want to hurt but her smell is "like my own personal form of heroin" And Daddy Cullen is actually trying to keep his dysfunctional family of "vegetarians" (because they only drink animal blood) under control and sane.
Overall if I had to rate this movie I'd probably give it a 3/5 stars. It had a lot of problems but some of the quips in the movie and some of the lines made it enjoyable enough to fully watch. There were a lot of face palm moments and me shouting "You Dumbass!" But minus all of that it was well organized and could have had a more dynamic plot line but the filming was done really well considering that it takes place in Washington state and it's cloudy throughout most of the movie...just like Washington.
If you're willing to put up with teenage angsty bullshit I'd recommed it, otherwise, don't even waste the time downloading it.