This journey
I have come a long way in a year.
This time last year I was 8 months pregnant with Carter, going through a hellish nesting phase and probably 190 pounds to boot. I remember getting really mad at Matt all the time for not working feverishly on remodeling our house (which has yet to be completed, but I don't really even care anymore).
We were both still putting on those stupid cinema uniforms every weekend, and I logged quite a few miserable hours in the box office since I could barely move around anymore to ush or do concession. My god, did my feet hurt. I was making around $6 an hour and Matt was making like $8...we worried about money ALOT...worried about whether Matt would ever find a full-time mechanic job. He was going to alot of interviews, I was taking alot of naps and reading Nicholas Sparks because it calmed my restless mind.
I was constantly rubbing my belly, counting kicks, wondering if the little boy growing in my stomach would be healthy. There were many doctor appointments, not very many outings with friends. Matt and I bowled a couple times a week, and I was always eating. I had a bowl of icecream every single night. I watched as stretch marks started appearing on my stomach, cursing my genes for making my body look like a roadmap. My belly button started getting more and more shallow, and was eventually completely flattened out. People started asking if I was ready to pop, a question I heard about a thousand times.
My obsession was making the nursery perfect. I made Matt do about 4 coats of paint in there because I could swear I still saw the design of the hideous paneling underneath.
Sex was rare and a little awkward. I felt like the most unattractive, least sexy person, and there were hardly any positions that didn't hurt my back or make me feel like I was squishing the baby. It hurt Matt's feelings that I wasn't interested in sex much anymore and he always questioned my feelings & attraction for him because of it. Despite feeling so ugly, I walked around the house in shorts and a sports bra every day because I was always burning up hot. I tossed and turned all night because I was so uncomfortable.
I did not feel like myself at all, and Matt said I was definitely not as fun to be around. He tried to be understanding & supportive, but I nagged him alot more than I ever had before and I never had any energy to be silly or playful.
After I had Carter, it took awhile before I felt somewhat normal again. My childbirth experience was very traumatic and I was thinking about it constantly for weeks afterward, unable to shake how scary it was. There was no time to recover from it because automatically I was thrust into this whole new world of taking care of a newborn. I had never been around little babies before and had no idea what I was doing. My sleep schedule was torn to shreds, my body unrecognizable, and I had no freedom whatsoever. I could never relax because I was always counting down to the next time I had to nurse the baby. It was painful for a long time because we were both getting the hang of it, and at times my nipples were actually cracked & bleeding.
Now that Carter is almost 11 months old, when I think back on my experiences of this last year, I am simply amazed that I got through all of that and feel as good as I do today. At Rachel's party this weekend, I felt so confident and loved and happy. I felt like myself again, but even better because I have this wonderful baby to show for all my hard work and sacrifice. I know that so far I have done a great job with Carter, my relationship with Matt is as strong as ever, I have some freaking wonderful friends, my mom and I are super close, and there are tons of exciting things coming up this year - my wedding, going back to school, trying to find a job for myself, a summer where I'll actually feel cute in a bathing suit, watching Carter learn to walk & talk & explore... I have SO MUCH to live for. I really hope I don't sound like I'm bragging, but I really just want to express these feelings of thankfulness and appreciation for all the gifts I have received this year.
And the thing is, I don't regret any of the hardships brought on by pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a newborn. How could I regret ANYTHING in my life when everything that happened brought me to this point? Even the stuff that caused me tears or pain, it was all what it took to lead me down the certain path that brought me here, right here to this moment. This beautiful, glorious day that found me playing with my bright-eyed baby boy. It was all worth it just to be with him today... I love him so much!
This time last year I was 8 months pregnant with Carter, going through a hellish nesting phase and probably 190 pounds to boot. I remember getting really mad at Matt all the time for not working feverishly on remodeling our house (which has yet to be completed, but I don't really even care anymore).
We were both still putting on those stupid cinema uniforms every weekend, and I logged quite a few miserable hours in the box office since I could barely move around anymore to ush or do concession. My god, did my feet hurt. I was making around $6 an hour and Matt was making like $8...we worried about money ALOT...worried about whether Matt would ever find a full-time mechanic job. He was going to alot of interviews, I was taking alot of naps and reading Nicholas Sparks because it calmed my restless mind.
I was constantly rubbing my belly, counting kicks, wondering if the little boy growing in my stomach would be healthy. There were many doctor appointments, not very many outings with friends. Matt and I bowled a couple times a week, and I was always eating. I had a bowl of icecream every single night. I watched as stretch marks started appearing on my stomach, cursing my genes for making my body look like a roadmap. My belly button started getting more and more shallow, and was eventually completely flattened out. People started asking if I was ready to pop, a question I heard about a thousand times.
My obsession was making the nursery perfect. I made Matt do about 4 coats of paint in there because I could swear I still saw the design of the hideous paneling underneath.
Sex was rare and a little awkward. I felt like the most unattractive, least sexy person, and there were hardly any positions that didn't hurt my back or make me feel like I was squishing the baby. It hurt Matt's feelings that I wasn't interested in sex much anymore and he always questioned my feelings & attraction for him because of it. Despite feeling so ugly, I walked around the house in shorts and a sports bra every day because I was always burning up hot. I tossed and turned all night because I was so uncomfortable.
I did not feel like myself at all, and Matt said I was definitely not as fun to be around. He tried to be understanding & supportive, but I nagged him alot more than I ever had before and I never had any energy to be silly or playful.
After I had Carter, it took awhile before I felt somewhat normal again. My childbirth experience was very traumatic and I was thinking about it constantly for weeks afterward, unable to shake how scary it was. There was no time to recover from it because automatically I was thrust into this whole new world of taking care of a newborn. I had never been around little babies before and had no idea what I was doing. My sleep schedule was torn to shreds, my body unrecognizable, and I had no freedom whatsoever. I could never relax because I was always counting down to the next time I had to nurse the baby. It was painful for a long time because we were both getting the hang of it, and at times my nipples were actually cracked & bleeding.
Now that Carter is almost 11 months old, when I think back on my experiences of this last year, I am simply amazed that I got through all of that and feel as good as I do today. At Rachel's party this weekend, I felt so confident and loved and happy. I felt like myself again, but even better because I have this wonderful baby to show for all my hard work and sacrifice. I know that so far I have done a great job with Carter, my relationship with Matt is as strong as ever, I have some freaking wonderful friends, my mom and I are super close, and there are tons of exciting things coming up this year - my wedding, going back to school, trying to find a job for myself, a summer where I'll actually feel cute in a bathing suit, watching Carter learn to walk & talk & explore... I have SO MUCH to live for. I really hope I don't sound like I'm bragging, but I really just want to express these feelings of thankfulness and appreciation for all the gifts I have received this year.
And the thing is, I don't regret any of the hardships brought on by pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a newborn. How could I regret ANYTHING in my life when everything that happened brought me to this point? Even the stuff that caused me tears or pain, it was all what it took to lead me down the certain path that brought me here, right here to this moment. This beautiful, glorious day that found me playing with my bright-eyed baby boy. It was all worth it just to be with him today... I love him so much!