Message from a treasured friend....
I want to share this post by one of my dear friends, because it tells how awesome I am lol...and because she has just starter to post her Emily/JJ fan fiction and other writing, and you should all go check it out because she is AMAZING. This is my dear friend healedsoul http://healedsoul.livejournal.com/6641.html
And Also wanted to share this amazing review she gave me of "Hallelujah"
We left the previous chapter with Emily in the back of the SUV laying in Garcia's arms pleading with Garcia and Morgan not to take her to the hospital. That in itself was amazing! You picked the 2 best people for that scene. My only question was why did they go looking for her? I can see Garcia tracking the GPS in the Emily's car but how did they know she wasn't still with JJ. Was the car maybe called in over local police and they notified the BAU it was registered to an ex agent?
Okay enough of that....I loved how you began this chapter with Emily in the one place she begged not to go. You had displayed this great deal of strength and effort she was making to be in control of her own death. She accepted dying in the snow outside the cabin, she walked away from JJ's love trying to protect her, everything she was doing was like this screaming plea to regain some sort of control in her life, to go out with the same digity she has lived even if that meant she was alone. Then she wakes up in the hospital, her secret is exposed and she is helpless. She can't run anymore. She is stuck in this bed, helpless all over again.
Then bringing in JJ was key, "It's just. . . there had been that one night with JJ. That brief respite from the harsh reality. That night had been magical. As if you had never been sick. As if she had never married Will. As if everything was perfect.... But it had only been a moment in time. And as quickly as the moment crept up on you, it vanished. Just another perfect memory to haunt you." You can literally feel your heart breaking for Emily right here. She knows that she is sick, she knows that she loves JJ, and for the first time she knows that JJ loves you. You begin to picture how the events could have been different. If JJ had realized her feelings sooner and not married will. Would Emily have told her then? Would they have been together? Would Emily have fought harder for more time to get better? So many possibilities but that wasn't how it happened. The glance Emily did get as you said the "perfect memory to haunt you", that describes it perfectly. Emily finally accepted everything but that one moment with JJ was enough to ignite that hope she talked about in the previous chapter walking through the snow. She gave up on saying goodbye to JJ until she showed up and now that memory is haunting her. So key!
The next scene Emily realizes shes not alone. The scene you paint is so powerful. It brings tears to my eyes. "Still, there is a little bit of warmth in your heart when you feel Garcia squeeze your hand. Now that you've had your night with JJ, your final goodbye, your moment where she proved to you that yes you meant something to her, it's brought you some sort of peace. You no longer want to cry because someone who isn't JJ is beside you. You're just glad someone is there. You're finally letting Garcia in. You're not sure why she bothers with you. After losing JJ you shut everyone out. Simply because they weren't JJ, and JJ was all you needed, all you wanted. Now something has cleared in your head. Now you realise the value of what you have in Garcia's friendship. And you gently squeeze her hand in return." Emily finally lets someone in. She finally breaks that hold that her mother had forced upon her all those years. JJ coming to her rescue, giving her so much has shattered Emily's walls, even if she doesnt realize it. She finally takes that step into accepting people love her, even if just for a moment. I really enjoyed this. You took so much time allowing the reader to feel every emotion Emily and her friends are going through. You painted a picture so clear its like the scene plays out in front of you. Its so easy to relate to Emily. Anyone who has ever been in a dark place whether it was in their control or not this scene is a shining light. It sends a message that no matter how far gone they feel, people love them and won't give up on them if they just make the first move and let them in. Very powerful stuff here.
Next is the scene where Emily tries to talk to Garcia, and then goes back to her thoughts of JJ. I can literally feel the inner turmoil going on in Emily's mind as she so badly craves JJ, is begging for her touch for her to comfort her through these final days of her life but knowing she chose Will and knowing that soon she would be gone and JJ would need Will she would need someone to put the pieces back together. It would be better force JJ away let her be so mad at you for dying and not telling her, because it would hurt her less, thats what you tell yourself. (Emily's POV) in my own head but don't change anything you wrote i'm just writing what is playing out in my head when i read this.
I like how Emily tries to convince herself that JJ shouldnt see her this way, that it would be better. I wonder if she knows deep down that she needs JJ by her side as much as JJ needs the closure. JJ would remember the good times just like she has with her sister, she wouldnt remember Emily frail and weak in a hospital bed, a "wreck of a person" she would see Emily's smile that spread across her face, she would hear the banter between Emily and Morgan, she would feel the heat of Emily's touch, she would remember the strong, courageous Emily Prentiss, not the shell she became.
Then you talk about the fear in Emily that has been building the whole chapter. Its like you have this gift to cover the words that people are undoubtedly feeling up until this point. How that time in the cabin even though it was one night was all it took for Emily's world to crash, for this fascade of accepting her fate to come tumbling down. For Emily to accept that she would never be able to forget JJ, to not crave her, she loved her so deep nothing could mask it.
Then you give the reader what they need. Emily's strength comes shining through. She's not this weak dying shell of her former glory lying in this bed, she's the amazing, unstoppable Emily Prentiss she will protect JJ. She will keep everyone save no matter how pathetic she sounds, because soon enough she will be gone. She shows the team the real Emily as she lets them see her tears. She uses anger to mask the pain she's feeling. “Emily she misses you, she would want to know you're in the hospital.” Garcia tells you. “She would want to see you.” “See me before I die, you mean?” You finish for her. Anger is her last resort to push people away. Her secret is out, there is no way to run, no place to hide.
I like the way Garcia keeps reminding Emily they are family. Something Emily has never known. How she keeps pushing back trying to be angry trying to mask her fear. The fear that came from JJ rescuing her, the fear that she was dying and she no longer had the control. The only thing she has left is smart ass comments, unfiltered words, stabs at these people who are trying to help her. If she paints the picture of her death clear enough they would leave. But she knows they won't.
You have the perfect dialogue here and bring in the right people. Other than JJ, Garcia and Morgan as the most important to her. Its great having them be there for her, even when she doesn't want it. I like the good cop/ bad cop routine playing out in the dialogue from Garcia to Morgan. And most of all I love the strength you give to Garcia. You give her the power to yell at Emily though her tears. It brought me back to the scene in Lauren where Emily is sitting in her car listening to the voicemail from Garcia first telling her how angry she is and then switching to saying how scared she must be and telling her shes not alone and they would come for her. Those words brought tears to Emily's eyes. That balance of force and nurturing is what breaks through Emily's walls and makes her feel the most.
Then when Emily declares she won't fight. Its the first time Garcia, Morgan or anyone on the team has seen Emily give up. She pushes through everything. She went after Doyle! (i'm sure this was written before that happened but the reader now still has that perspective on emily).
Again amazing dialogue when Emily tells Garcia its not worth fighting, it won't work shes already given up. Then the whole sceane with the pnuemonia, taking antibodics knowing she has a curable illness comforting the team. Emily letting them have that short lived comfort knowing she would still die.
This was perfect....I still have no words for the way this all played out other than to say perfect.
“Ok.” You acknowledge, and even manage a weak smile. You realise it's too late to tell them to just leave you alone. They aren't going to budge. But there is still one thing you can hope for. JJ doesn't have to see this.
“Good girl.' Garcia tells you, returning your sad smile.
“But.” You add. “Please. I don't want JJ to see me like this.” You plead with her.
“You cant ask me to keep this from JJ, Emily you just can't.” Garcia states.
“Please.” You plead with her. “It's the last thing I will ever ask of you. It's my dying wish.”
“Stop saying that! You are going to get the treatment, get better.” She insists.
“There is such a slim chance.” You warn her.
“Its worth fighting for, you are worth fighting for!” She tells you. She means it, you know she does. She treasures you, and this is hard for her. “You have us, your team, your family. Aren't we worth fighting for?” She sounds so hurt and the guilt slices through you.
“I don't work there any more, I'm not part of the team.” You protest.
“Is that why you resigned?” Morgan asks. “You could have talked to Hotch, He would have arranged time off, any help you needed.”
“You all have other things to do, you need to focus on the job. You can't be worrying about me.” You tell them.
“We are your family.” Garcia insists. “You can't just walk away. I wont let you do this alone.”
“I know better than anyone the importance of your job. You can't all sit here at my bedside crying day and night.”
“Not negotiable.” Garcia insists. “We are here and we aren't going anywhere.”
“I didn't want this.” You insist, losing your patience. “I didn't want you crying over me like this, seeing you upset.”
“I'm sorry.” Garcia apologises. “I can't help it. I missed you so much when you left. And to think you were sick all these months and never told me.”
“You would have read about it in my obituary soon enough.” You say coldly. You aren't trying to be cruel. You just had enough. You cant have them here, you cant have JJ here. Maybe if you say enough callous things, they will get tired of you and just leave.
“You are not being fair. Not to us, not to JJ.” Garcia tells you. “Not to yourself. I love you, and I'm so sorry you're sick. But don't push us away. I can handle anything you throw at me, anything. You can hate me for telling JJ, you can never forgive me, I will live with it. But you can not give up. You can't give up without a fight. I know it must feel awful, scary, lonely. But you are not alone now. We are all here with you. And you are gonna get better, whether you like it or not. And we are all going to be here, JJ included. I love you and I'd do almost anything for you, but I can't keep this from Jayj. And it's not fair of you to ask.” Garcia tries to match your cold voice but can't quite do it.
“If you tell JJ about this, then don't bother coming back.” You threaten as you close your eyes, shutting her out. It's your last pathetic desperate attempt to keep JJ away. You know she is right, you aren't being fair. But you can't have JJ here, it's too painful, for you both.
“If that's how you want it.” Garcia answers. ”If you don't want me here, that's ok. If you don't want JJ here, tell her to her face. She has a right to know. She is my friend too and I couldn't live with myself if I kept this from her.”
With that she leans over and kisses your forehead. “I love you. Feel better.” She whispers.
You turn your head so you don't see her leave, but you hear the door click shut behind her, and you can't help the tears that well up in your eyes. You know she is right, you're not being fair to her. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. You were supposed to slip away quietly, and no one was supposed to notice.
I could read that scene over and over. So much is going on and it connects so many things. You truly embraced not only Emily's character but Garcia's as well. So perfectly.
The way you ended it with Garcia saying I love you. Feel better. Emily just said all the things she could tried her best to push her far away to keep her JJ away and Garcia still loved her. Her mother didn't love her, her mother punished her for everything but her team, her family even though she walked away from them they won't walk away from her.
Then keeping Morgan in the room. He was her partner. We needed to see how he felt. He was so quiet the entire time. So hurt? Its hard to tell Morgan much like Emily keeps everything in. But it was important to give the reader a taste of them alone.
Then when Emily invited Morgan to sit by her. I felt like that was such a huge turning point in the story. Emily had fought so hard to keep control, not to tell anyone, to push people away...but inviting not just tolerating his presence but actually inviting Morgan to sit by her, to comfort her was really intense. Then the scene playing out where he tells her to fight. It shows how much he loves her, not the same way as JJ of course but as a partner. He won't let her give up on herself just like in Lauren when she begged for him to let her go and he wouldnt do it.
Then re-assuring Emily that pushing Garcia away wasn't going to work. People loved her.
Then Emily begging Morgan to watch out for her girls, aww tears.
Another amazing scene...
“You know what Prentiss? We are ok, all of us. You don't need to keep secrets to protect us. We wanna be here with you, no matter what. That's what family is, Em. Do you know how much it hurts us to push us away, keep us in the dark about something so important?” He asks you.
“I'm sorry.” You whisper. “I was trying to do the right thing.” You try to justify it.
“Good you're sorry! So stop doing it. Stop it right now, ok?” He tells you. “You're not alone, let us help you. All of us. JJ included. Please let's not do everything the hard way. You know we are all gonna get our way in the end. You can't fight all of us. So stop it. Ok?”
“It's gonna be hard for her, for JJ.” You say. It just slipped out. You're not even sure you believe it. She has a husband now, she won't miss you.
Morgan nods. “Yeah? Well imagine this. Imagine how hard its gonna be if anything happened to you, anything, and she isn't here. She would be in shock. She would have no chance to say goodbye, to say....things she needed. Its not fair, Em. And talking to Garcia like that isn't fair either.”
The way you portray Morgan and Emily is dead on but better yet its the way you give the reader all the dialogue they need to hear. To put every emotion in place and to keep the scene so detailed theres no room for anyone to question.
Overall as I said before amazing, perfect, unbelievable. Can't wait to see JJ next! Thank you so much for writing this.
And Also wanted to share this amazing review she gave me of "Hallelujah"
We left the previous chapter with Emily in the back of the SUV laying in Garcia's arms pleading with Garcia and Morgan not to take her to the hospital. That in itself was amazing! You picked the 2 best people for that scene. My only question was why did they go looking for her? I can see Garcia tracking the GPS in the Emily's car but how did they know she wasn't still with JJ. Was the car maybe called in over local police and they notified the BAU it was registered to an ex agent?
Okay enough of that....I loved how you began this chapter with Emily in the one place she begged not to go. You had displayed this great deal of strength and effort she was making to be in control of her own death. She accepted dying in the snow outside the cabin, she walked away from JJ's love trying to protect her, everything she was doing was like this screaming plea to regain some sort of control in her life, to go out with the same digity she has lived even if that meant she was alone. Then she wakes up in the hospital, her secret is exposed and she is helpless. She can't run anymore. She is stuck in this bed, helpless all over again.
Then bringing in JJ was key, "It's just. . . there had been that one night with JJ. That brief respite from the harsh reality. That night had been magical. As if you had never been sick. As if she had never married Will. As if everything was perfect.... But it had only been a moment in time. And as quickly as the moment crept up on you, it vanished. Just another perfect memory to haunt you." You can literally feel your heart breaking for Emily right here. She knows that she is sick, she knows that she loves JJ, and for the first time she knows that JJ loves you. You begin to picture how the events could have been different. If JJ had realized her feelings sooner and not married will. Would Emily have told her then? Would they have been together? Would Emily have fought harder for more time to get better? So many possibilities but that wasn't how it happened. The glance Emily did get as you said the "perfect memory to haunt you", that describes it perfectly. Emily finally accepted everything but that one moment with JJ was enough to ignite that hope she talked about in the previous chapter walking through the snow. She gave up on saying goodbye to JJ until she showed up and now that memory is haunting her. So key!
The next scene Emily realizes shes not alone. The scene you paint is so powerful. It brings tears to my eyes. "Still, there is a little bit of warmth in your heart when you feel Garcia squeeze your hand. Now that you've had your night with JJ, your final goodbye, your moment where she proved to you that yes you meant something to her, it's brought you some sort of peace. You no longer want to cry because someone who isn't JJ is beside you. You're just glad someone is there. You're finally letting Garcia in. You're not sure why she bothers with you. After losing JJ you shut everyone out. Simply because they weren't JJ, and JJ was all you needed, all you wanted. Now something has cleared in your head. Now you realise the value of what you have in Garcia's friendship. And you gently squeeze her hand in return." Emily finally lets someone in. She finally breaks that hold that her mother had forced upon her all those years. JJ coming to her rescue, giving her so much has shattered Emily's walls, even if she doesnt realize it. She finally takes that step into accepting people love her, even if just for a moment. I really enjoyed this. You took so much time allowing the reader to feel every emotion Emily and her friends are going through. You painted a picture so clear its like the scene plays out in front of you. Its so easy to relate to Emily. Anyone who has ever been in a dark place whether it was in their control or not this scene is a shining light. It sends a message that no matter how far gone they feel, people love them and won't give up on them if they just make the first move and let them in. Very powerful stuff here.
Next is the scene where Emily tries to talk to Garcia, and then goes back to her thoughts of JJ. I can literally feel the inner turmoil going on in Emily's mind as she so badly craves JJ, is begging for her touch for her to comfort her through these final days of her life but knowing she chose Will and knowing that soon she would be gone and JJ would need Will she would need someone to put the pieces back together. It would be better force JJ away let her be so mad at you for dying and not telling her, because it would hurt her less, thats what you tell yourself. (Emily's POV) in my own head but don't change anything you wrote i'm just writing what is playing out in my head when i read this.
I like how Emily tries to convince herself that JJ shouldnt see her this way, that it would be better. I wonder if she knows deep down that she needs JJ by her side as much as JJ needs the closure. JJ would remember the good times just like she has with her sister, she wouldnt remember Emily frail and weak in a hospital bed, a "wreck of a person" she would see Emily's smile that spread across her face, she would hear the banter between Emily and Morgan, she would feel the heat of Emily's touch, she would remember the strong, courageous Emily Prentiss, not the shell she became.
Then you talk about the fear in Emily that has been building the whole chapter. Its like you have this gift to cover the words that people are undoubtedly feeling up until this point. How that time in the cabin even though it was one night was all it took for Emily's world to crash, for this fascade of accepting her fate to come tumbling down. For Emily to accept that she would never be able to forget JJ, to not crave her, she loved her so deep nothing could mask it.
Then you give the reader what they need. Emily's strength comes shining through. She's not this weak dying shell of her former glory lying in this bed, she's the amazing, unstoppable Emily Prentiss she will protect JJ. She will keep everyone save no matter how pathetic she sounds, because soon enough she will be gone. She shows the team the real Emily as she lets them see her tears. She uses anger to mask the pain she's feeling. “Emily she misses you, she would want to know you're in the hospital.” Garcia tells you. “She would want to see you.” “See me before I die, you mean?” You finish for her. Anger is her last resort to push people away. Her secret is out, there is no way to run, no place to hide.
I like the way Garcia keeps reminding Emily they are family. Something Emily has never known. How she keeps pushing back trying to be angry trying to mask her fear. The fear that came from JJ rescuing her, the fear that she was dying and she no longer had the control. The only thing she has left is smart ass comments, unfiltered words, stabs at these people who are trying to help her. If she paints the picture of her death clear enough they would leave. But she knows they won't.
You have the perfect dialogue here and bring in the right people. Other than JJ, Garcia and Morgan as the most important to her. Its great having them be there for her, even when she doesn't want it. I like the good cop/ bad cop routine playing out in the dialogue from Garcia to Morgan. And most of all I love the strength you give to Garcia. You give her the power to yell at Emily though her tears. It brought me back to the scene in Lauren where Emily is sitting in her car listening to the voicemail from Garcia first telling her how angry she is and then switching to saying how scared she must be and telling her shes not alone and they would come for her. Those words brought tears to Emily's eyes. That balance of force and nurturing is what breaks through Emily's walls and makes her feel the most.
Then when Emily declares she won't fight. Its the first time Garcia, Morgan or anyone on the team has seen Emily give up. She pushes through everything. She went after Doyle! (i'm sure this was written before that happened but the reader now still has that perspective on emily).
Again amazing dialogue when Emily tells Garcia its not worth fighting, it won't work shes already given up. Then the whole sceane with the pnuemonia, taking antibodics knowing she has a curable illness comforting the team. Emily letting them have that short lived comfort knowing she would still die.
This was perfect....I still have no words for the way this all played out other than to say perfect.
“Ok.” You acknowledge, and even manage a weak smile. You realise it's too late to tell them to just leave you alone. They aren't going to budge. But there is still one thing you can hope for. JJ doesn't have to see this.
“Good girl.' Garcia tells you, returning your sad smile.
“But.” You add. “Please. I don't want JJ to see me like this.” You plead with her.
“You cant ask me to keep this from JJ, Emily you just can't.” Garcia states.
“Please.” You plead with her. “It's the last thing I will ever ask of you. It's my dying wish.”
“Stop saying that! You are going to get the treatment, get better.” She insists.
“There is such a slim chance.” You warn her.
“Its worth fighting for, you are worth fighting for!” She tells you. She means it, you know she does. She treasures you, and this is hard for her. “You have us, your team, your family. Aren't we worth fighting for?” She sounds so hurt and the guilt slices through you.
“I don't work there any more, I'm not part of the team.” You protest.
“Is that why you resigned?” Morgan asks. “You could have talked to Hotch, He would have arranged time off, any help you needed.”
“You all have other things to do, you need to focus on the job. You can't be worrying about me.” You tell them.
“We are your family.” Garcia insists. “You can't just walk away. I wont let you do this alone.”
“I know better than anyone the importance of your job. You can't all sit here at my bedside crying day and night.”
“Not negotiable.” Garcia insists. “We are here and we aren't going anywhere.”
“I didn't want this.” You insist, losing your patience. “I didn't want you crying over me like this, seeing you upset.”
“I'm sorry.” Garcia apologises. “I can't help it. I missed you so much when you left. And to think you were sick all these months and never told me.”
“You would have read about it in my obituary soon enough.” You say coldly. You aren't trying to be cruel. You just had enough. You cant have them here, you cant have JJ here. Maybe if you say enough callous things, they will get tired of you and just leave.
“You are not being fair. Not to us, not to JJ.” Garcia tells you. “Not to yourself. I love you, and I'm so sorry you're sick. But don't push us away. I can handle anything you throw at me, anything. You can hate me for telling JJ, you can never forgive me, I will live with it. But you can not give up. You can't give up without a fight. I know it must feel awful, scary, lonely. But you are not alone now. We are all here with you. And you are gonna get better, whether you like it or not. And we are all going to be here, JJ included. I love you and I'd do almost anything for you, but I can't keep this from Jayj. And it's not fair of you to ask.” Garcia tries to match your cold voice but can't quite do it.
“If you tell JJ about this, then don't bother coming back.” You threaten as you close your eyes, shutting her out. It's your last pathetic desperate attempt to keep JJ away. You know she is right, you aren't being fair. But you can't have JJ here, it's too painful, for you both.
“If that's how you want it.” Garcia answers. ”If you don't want me here, that's ok. If you don't want JJ here, tell her to her face. She has a right to know. She is my friend too and I couldn't live with myself if I kept this from her.”
With that she leans over and kisses your forehead. “I love you. Feel better.” She whispers.
You turn your head so you don't see her leave, but you hear the door click shut behind her, and you can't help the tears that well up in your eyes. You know she is right, you're not being fair to her. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. You were supposed to slip away quietly, and no one was supposed to notice.
I could read that scene over and over. So much is going on and it connects so many things. You truly embraced not only Emily's character but Garcia's as well. So perfectly.
The way you ended it with Garcia saying I love you. Feel better. Emily just said all the things she could tried her best to push her far away to keep her JJ away and Garcia still loved her. Her mother didn't love her, her mother punished her for everything but her team, her family even though she walked away from them they won't walk away from her.
Then keeping Morgan in the room. He was her partner. We needed to see how he felt. He was so quiet the entire time. So hurt? Its hard to tell Morgan much like Emily keeps everything in. But it was important to give the reader a taste of them alone.
Then when Emily invited Morgan to sit by her. I felt like that was such a huge turning point in the story. Emily had fought so hard to keep control, not to tell anyone, to push people away...but inviting not just tolerating his presence but actually inviting Morgan to sit by her, to comfort her was really intense. Then the scene playing out where he tells her to fight. It shows how much he loves her, not the same way as JJ of course but as a partner. He won't let her give up on herself just like in Lauren when she begged for him to let her go and he wouldnt do it.
Then re-assuring Emily that pushing Garcia away wasn't going to work. People loved her.
Then Emily begging Morgan to watch out for her girls, aww tears.
Another amazing scene...
“You know what Prentiss? We are ok, all of us. You don't need to keep secrets to protect us. We wanna be here with you, no matter what. That's what family is, Em. Do you know how much it hurts us to push us away, keep us in the dark about something so important?” He asks you.
“I'm sorry.” You whisper. “I was trying to do the right thing.” You try to justify it.
“Good you're sorry! So stop doing it. Stop it right now, ok?” He tells you. “You're not alone, let us help you. All of us. JJ included. Please let's not do everything the hard way. You know we are all gonna get our way in the end. You can't fight all of us. So stop it. Ok?”
“It's gonna be hard for her, for JJ.” You say. It just slipped out. You're not even sure you believe it. She has a husband now, she won't miss you.
Morgan nods. “Yeah? Well imagine this. Imagine how hard its gonna be if anything happened to you, anything, and she isn't here. She would be in shock. She would have no chance to say goodbye, to say....things she needed. Its not fair, Em. And talking to Garcia like that isn't fair either.”
The way you portray Morgan and Emily is dead on but better yet its the way you give the reader all the dialogue they need to hear. To put every emotion in place and to keep the scene so detailed theres no room for anyone to question.
Overall as I said before amazing, perfect, unbelievable. Can't wait to see JJ next! Thank you so much for writing this.