Well then I say $#%@ it all!
Yeah, so that's for each and everyone of you who thinks you have something to say to me right now. I try so hard to make sure people don't get hurt, that people will like me and what do I get....people get hurt and people get angry at me. So you know what...if you don't like it...don't look or listen. I am sick and tired of people trying to make me feel like I am making the wrong decisions...all the sudden I am happier and excited about what's going on in my life and I have about twenty people lined up just trying to knock me back down. Life is not perfect and people sure as hell aren't perfect, so why the hell am I expected to be. To anyone whom I may have hurt, I apologize, my actions were never carried out with the intention of hurting you...but I can't sit on my hands and watch my life pass me by. I want you to be as happy as me and I damn refuse to let this go now...it's gone too far and it means too much to me...and it apparently just really sucks to see someone cared for like I feel I am right now.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR....if I were not so damn happy with certain things in my life right now, I'd go around and smack a few people. But frankly, it's not worth it. There is someone in my life that I never expected to be what he is to me, but low and behold, he is...and I downright refuse to let others make me feel bad about this decision...if you need to think of me as cold-hearted so be it...it's only your loss. It's funny because I'm pretty sure there are some people in my life (including several wonderful, supportive family members - yeah right) who think that the recent events in my life were calculated and way too fast. I'm sorry, let me turn off my heart and my body because it's too soon...sure, I should just walk away from what might be the best thing in my life because others don't think so highly of my choice. I didn't choose for the situation that arose to arise. What I did choose was to not say no to that situation and to let the opportunity play itself out...for several years I have passed many an opportunity by because I was committed to someone. At the time that was fine and the right thing for me to do...but now, now that I have shown that I am human, that I make mistakes, that I know life is not always what it seems, I have to try this...even if I get hurt. What's life without chances, without pain, without happiness. Who's to say in a month that I won't be crying in my room with a broken heart...but you know what...at least that broken heart means something, at least it was because for a brief time I finally felt alive and like I was in the right place with the right person. It feels right and I don't care if I'm wrong, because the happiness is surely worth the risk of pain. I don't know the future...and decidely, I don't want to know it either. All I want is for the first time in my life, to live.
The past has taught me many things and given me amazing memories that I will never forget, but why is it such a crime to move on? The past has its moments as well, but that's not where my life is. To the one who knows much about my past, I cherish the time we had together and you will always have a piece of my life. I just hope that you will accept and allow me to move on, because I believe and know that you will grow stronger and better and want you to find what makes you happy. In a way, I feel guilty for feeling so happy and I only hope you find the same happiness that I have found...because then, I think you will understand why some things come to an end and why more wonderful things begin from those endings.
I never thought that happiness would have such a price to it. Here I sit, tears rolling down my face...tears of sadness sprung from the guilt of happiness. There may well be more tears, but I refuse to give up this happiness....I know I am alive and that is the most wonderful feeling ever!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR....if I were not so damn happy with certain things in my life right now, I'd go around and smack a few people. But frankly, it's not worth it. There is someone in my life that I never expected to be what he is to me, but low and behold, he is...and I downright refuse to let others make me feel bad about this decision...if you need to think of me as cold-hearted so be it...it's only your loss. It's funny because I'm pretty sure there are some people in my life (including several wonderful, supportive family members - yeah right) who think that the recent events in my life were calculated and way too fast. I'm sorry, let me turn off my heart and my body because it's too soon...sure, I should just walk away from what might be the best thing in my life because others don't think so highly of my choice. I didn't choose for the situation that arose to arise. What I did choose was to not say no to that situation and to let the opportunity play itself out...for several years I have passed many an opportunity by because I was committed to someone. At the time that was fine and the right thing for me to do...but now, now that I have shown that I am human, that I make mistakes, that I know life is not always what it seems, I have to try this...even if I get hurt. What's life without chances, without pain, without happiness. Who's to say in a month that I won't be crying in my room with a broken heart...but you know what...at least that broken heart means something, at least it was because for a brief time I finally felt alive and like I was in the right place with the right person. It feels right and I don't care if I'm wrong, because the happiness is surely worth the risk of pain. I don't know the future...and decidely, I don't want to know it either. All I want is for the first time in my life, to live.
The past has taught me many things and given me amazing memories that I will never forget, but why is it such a crime to move on? The past has its moments as well, but that's not where my life is. To the one who knows much about my past, I cherish the time we had together and you will always have a piece of my life. I just hope that you will accept and allow me to move on, because I believe and know that you will grow stronger and better and want you to find what makes you happy. In a way, I feel guilty for feeling so happy and I only hope you find the same happiness that I have found...because then, I think you will understand why some things come to an end and why more wonderful things begin from those endings.
I never thought that happiness would have such a price to it. Here I sit, tears rolling down my face...tears of sadness sprung from the guilt of happiness. There may well be more tears, but I refuse to give up this happiness....I know I am alive and that is the most wonderful feeling ever!