I'm so bored of doing fuck all
This has what it has come to - painting my nails fuscia pink, dyeing my hair blonde, reading very perculiar novels by authors I've never heard of before, getting sunburnt even more than usual, applying aftersun and fake tan (together!) at 11pm at night, getting excited about taking my dog to the vet, getting excited about going into school to see random teachers, and generally hoping that someone has updated their LJ so that I have something to read!?
It's official, I'm officially going even more crazy than usual. I know I was glad for the first week of having fuck all to do and being able to lie around the house in my pyjamas until lunchtime but now I'm very very bored! Jacqui is en France, Dan is in Ibiza, I have no money (really, the contents of my bank account total £8.95) and I'm so very bored! Tomorrow the dog has an appointment at the vet at 9.50am (oh joy, an early morning), and I'm going into school to see my singing teacher. And that's about it for Wednesday. On Thursday I might saunter on up to Morrisons (depending upon who's working) to get some stuff for when Dawnie comes to sleep over. Yay! And Friday will mostly be spent doing sod all. Then it's time to go to work again. Oh yippee. That is the extent of my week. Oh, and if the weather stays like this, well, I shall mostly be outside again - getting sunburnt and reading very perculiar novels.
Meanwhile, what the hell was that ending all about on Cutting It?! The last three season finales (as the Yanks like to say) have had me in floods of tears. But this time round... eh uh! No tears, nothing. Yes, there was the music where Gavin and Melissa realised that they had no future (aww, what a shame - Allie should have never died!) that gave me that pained feeling of heartache and destruction, but really, no predictable tear jerking ending. I want a predictable tear jerking ending for crying out loud! But no! There wasn't one at all! Yes, it was all very nice that Darcey got the happy ending that she wanted, and that, as Euge so nicely put it "finally let her drawbridge down", and that Syd got all that money for the Allie Henshall fund, but I wanted a tear bashing finale!! Oh well. Never mind, ey? It's only a TV programme. But they really can't continue the programme now - without Allie and Gavin!? That's just plain wrong.
See, this is what my boredom has come to! A fully fledged description of the ending of Series 4 (or whatever it is) of Cutting It! And I've just watched the end of Bad Girls as well. Oh well, at least Fenner finally got his comeuppance - I bet many a Bad Girls viewer cheered. Well, I would have done if only I hadn't have finished watching it about 18 months ago, after Yvonne left. She was the best character in it. How dare they kill her off... Ohhhhh, here I go again, talking about TV programmes.
Right, change of topic now... this is my damn LJ, and I'm going to talk about ME!
Okay, so I'm reading this book called "The Only Good Thing Anyone Has Ever Done" - at least, I think that is what it's called. And these people in it, whilst they truly are disturbed and crazy, they've been all over the world. Yes, they live in America, and the story is based in America, but the characters have been all over the shop. Mostly South America, but it just further fulfills all these dreams and aspirations I have. I've realised that being a housewife, and having 2.4 children and having all your family live on one street (a fantasy these days, unfortunately) is a nice idea and is a lovely dream for many, I have to say, it's not for me. Yes, I want to get married, and have children and settle down EVENTUALLY, but I want to see the world first. I want to travel to places spontaneously with people I love, or on my own, or randomers I've met the day before. I want to get a job on the spur of the moment in some ski cafe on the slopes of some ski resort in French Canada. I want to climb a mountain in Africa, or dance the night away on a beach in Australia. I want to go to the top of all the skyscrapers in America, and I want to visit National Parks until I'm blue in the face. I want to attempt surfing, and rollerskating, and I want to party the night away at the Rio Carnival. I want to make new friends all over the world, and keep in touch with them until I physically can't pick up a phone or write an email any longer. There's so many other things I want to do. I want to dye my hair, wear different styles of clothing, have different hairstyles, learn new languages, take part in events that will go down in history.
I want to do everything. And yes, that's a big dream, but so what? Life isn't worth it if you don't have dreams and aspirations. People have expectations of you that you succomb to all your life. That's okay for so long if it gets you where you want to go, but maybe after a while you just get bored of it all. After university, maybe all of these dreams will be different, or maybe they will have died, or maybe they will be fueled even more. But then there's all these conflicting messages in my head... "Maybe I'll never be rich... maybe I'll never have kids... maybe I'll never own a property..." I want to do all these things at the same time as doing all those other things. No-one in my family has ever done that. Yes, my Grandpa sure has a legacy of his own, in his own weird sort of a way, but he's lived in one town for all his life. He's been as far as India, America, Australia but he's always returned home. That's lovely. Home is where the heart is and all that jazz, but I want to be known to my family as the one who did everything. I want my grandchildren to tell their friends stories about me. And maybe in 60 years or so, people just won't have any morals any more, maybe we'll all be robots working for the government in some secret conspiracy, and maybe McDonalds and Coca-Cola will have joined together to take over the world, but at least if they have, my grandchildren can still tell their friends that I did everything. I might die in 10 years, I might die tomorrow. Now there's a scary thought. And yes, while many will think that I've done a lot in my short 18 years, I won't be content. Maybe in my afterlife I'll come back as a person who WILL do it all and maybe then I'll be content. But "maybe" is a big word in the future. Maybe I will climb a mountain, take part in a protest against the worst establishments, see sunset at Ayer's rock. But then again, maybe I won't. I want to be one of the people that has a story for everything. I want to be one of those people who have so many tales to tell that people just can't believe that I've been there, done that and got so many t-shirts that there's just not room for them in my wardrobe. I want to sleep beneath the stars, get scars and marks from where I've done something dangerous, I want to jump out of an aeroplane.
I want an exciting life. After all, life is what you make it. If you want to set up home and have a dog, and two children, and a husband who works 9-5 and comes home and you go down the pub to meet up with friends that you've known forever, great. If that's exciting for you, then fan-diddly-tastic. But for me, I don't want that yet. I don't want that for a very long time. Yes, I want a legacy. And I want to own a home, but I want a legacy all around the world, I want homes in the most exciting countries I've been to. And I can't wait to do all of it. Let's do Guys and Dolls, go to Portugal, go to Spain, work at the school, go to New York, go to Northampton University, spend a year in France, come back for a year, and then see what happens. Maybe I'll do what everyone thinks I should do and do a teaching degree. And then maybe if I've done that I'll go and be a teacher on the other side of the world. There, that combines the best of the both worlds. Regular job, and travel. What more could I want?
You just wait and see, kids, look me up in 15 years time - maybe less - you won't find me in this country... maybe I'll be in India, maybe I'll be in the US, maybe I'll be on a different planet. Who knows?! I sure as hell don't. Just as long as I'm away from here, I really don't care.
xx
It's official, I'm officially going even more crazy than usual. I know I was glad for the first week of having fuck all to do and being able to lie around the house in my pyjamas until lunchtime but now I'm very very bored! Jacqui is en France, Dan is in Ibiza, I have no money (really, the contents of my bank account total £8.95) and I'm so very bored! Tomorrow the dog has an appointment at the vet at 9.50am (oh joy, an early morning), and I'm going into school to see my singing teacher. And that's about it for Wednesday. On Thursday I might saunter on up to Morrisons (depending upon who's working) to get some stuff for when Dawnie comes to sleep over. Yay! And Friday will mostly be spent doing sod all. Then it's time to go to work again. Oh yippee. That is the extent of my week. Oh, and if the weather stays like this, well, I shall mostly be outside again - getting sunburnt and reading very perculiar novels.
Meanwhile, what the hell was that ending all about on Cutting It?! The last three season finales (as the Yanks like to say) have had me in floods of tears. But this time round... eh uh! No tears, nothing. Yes, there was the music where Gavin and Melissa realised that they had no future (aww, what a shame - Allie should have never died!) that gave me that pained feeling of heartache and destruction, but really, no predictable tear jerking ending. I want a predictable tear jerking ending for crying out loud! But no! There wasn't one at all! Yes, it was all very nice that Darcey got the happy ending that she wanted, and that, as Euge so nicely put it "finally let her drawbridge down", and that Syd got all that money for the Allie Henshall fund, but I wanted a tear bashing finale!! Oh well. Never mind, ey? It's only a TV programme. But they really can't continue the programme now - without Allie and Gavin!? That's just plain wrong.
See, this is what my boredom has come to! A fully fledged description of the ending of Series 4 (or whatever it is) of Cutting It! And I've just watched the end of Bad Girls as well. Oh well, at least Fenner finally got his comeuppance - I bet many a Bad Girls viewer cheered. Well, I would have done if only I hadn't have finished watching it about 18 months ago, after Yvonne left. She was the best character in it. How dare they kill her off... Ohhhhh, here I go again, talking about TV programmes.
Right, change of topic now... this is my damn LJ, and I'm going to talk about ME!
Okay, so I'm reading this book called "The Only Good Thing Anyone Has Ever Done" - at least, I think that is what it's called. And these people in it, whilst they truly are disturbed and crazy, they've been all over the world. Yes, they live in America, and the story is based in America, but the characters have been all over the shop. Mostly South America, but it just further fulfills all these dreams and aspirations I have. I've realised that being a housewife, and having 2.4 children and having all your family live on one street (a fantasy these days, unfortunately) is a nice idea and is a lovely dream for many, I have to say, it's not for me. Yes, I want to get married, and have children and settle down EVENTUALLY, but I want to see the world first. I want to travel to places spontaneously with people I love, or on my own, or randomers I've met the day before. I want to get a job on the spur of the moment in some ski cafe on the slopes of some ski resort in French Canada. I want to climb a mountain in Africa, or dance the night away on a beach in Australia. I want to go to the top of all the skyscrapers in America, and I want to visit National Parks until I'm blue in the face. I want to attempt surfing, and rollerskating, and I want to party the night away at the Rio Carnival. I want to make new friends all over the world, and keep in touch with them until I physically can't pick up a phone or write an email any longer. There's so many other things I want to do. I want to dye my hair, wear different styles of clothing, have different hairstyles, learn new languages, take part in events that will go down in history.
I want to do everything. And yes, that's a big dream, but so what? Life isn't worth it if you don't have dreams and aspirations. People have expectations of you that you succomb to all your life. That's okay for so long if it gets you where you want to go, but maybe after a while you just get bored of it all. After university, maybe all of these dreams will be different, or maybe they will have died, or maybe they will be fueled even more. But then there's all these conflicting messages in my head... "Maybe I'll never be rich... maybe I'll never have kids... maybe I'll never own a property..." I want to do all these things at the same time as doing all those other things. No-one in my family has ever done that. Yes, my Grandpa sure has a legacy of his own, in his own weird sort of a way, but he's lived in one town for all his life. He's been as far as India, America, Australia but he's always returned home. That's lovely. Home is where the heart is and all that jazz, but I want to be known to my family as the one who did everything. I want my grandchildren to tell their friends stories about me. And maybe in 60 years or so, people just won't have any morals any more, maybe we'll all be robots working for the government in some secret conspiracy, and maybe McDonalds and Coca-Cola will have joined together to take over the world, but at least if they have, my grandchildren can still tell their friends that I did everything. I might die in 10 years, I might die tomorrow. Now there's a scary thought. And yes, while many will think that I've done a lot in my short 18 years, I won't be content. Maybe in my afterlife I'll come back as a person who WILL do it all and maybe then I'll be content. But "maybe" is a big word in the future. Maybe I will climb a mountain, take part in a protest against the worst establishments, see sunset at Ayer's rock. But then again, maybe I won't. I want to be one of the people that has a story for everything. I want to be one of those people who have so many tales to tell that people just can't believe that I've been there, done that and got so many t-shirts that there's just not room for them in my wardrobe. I want to sleep beneath the stars, get scars and marks from where I've done something dangerous, I want to jump out of an aeroplane.
I want an exciting life. After all, life is what you make it. If you want to set up home and have a dog, and two children, and a husband who works 9-5 and comes home and you go down the pub to meet up with friends that you've known forever, great. If that's exciting for you, then fan-diddly-tastic. But for me, I don't want that yet. I don't want that for a very long time. Yes, I want a legacy. And I want to own a home, but I want a legacy all around the world, I want homes in the most exciting countries I've been to. And I can't wait to do all of it. Let's do Guys and Dolls, go to Portugal, go to Spain, work at the school, go to New York, go to Northampton University, spend a year in France, come back for a year, and then see what happens. Maybe I'll do what everyone thinks I should do and do a teaching degree. And then maybe if I've done that I'll go and be a teacher on the other side of the world. There, that combines the best of the both worlds. Regular job, and travel. What more could I want?
You just wait and see, kids, look me up in 15 years time - maybe less - you won't find me in this country... maybe I'll be in India, maybe I'll be in the US, maybe I'll be on a different planet. Who knows?! I sure as hell don't. Just as long as I'm away from here, I really don't care.
xx