the marriage thing.
shmanky
2005-01-23 03:46 (from 66.185.85.78) (link) Select
Well, congratulations, although the concept of marriage to me seems undesirable. Are there any practical reasons, or is it all ritualistic? I also eschew marriage because it seems entirely patriarchal to me; the word "husband" meaning "master of the house." The wife takes the last name of the husband, as though becoming property. Marriage seems like an insult, to me.
Well, maybe you won't be so glad that I found your Live Journal via crank_, but, don't worry, I'm sure Live Journal has a BLOCK feature for me.
(Reply to this)
you're certainly entitled to your opinion, although forgive me if i'm not the most receptive person to this particular opinion.
to answer your above question about whether this is a practical thing, or simply ritualistic: sure, there's a large element of practicality to it. that's certainly not the sole reason for the marriage. any benefits i gain from becoming dan's wife would have been gained the minute we were deemed common-law, so the marriage isn't actually critical in that sense.
this marriage is a commitment to dan, whom i love deeply. i'm proud to take his last name, and i'm proud to express my feelings for him. when you look at marriage in the legal sense, it is not romantic at all. when you say that the husband is the master of the house, and i am his property, well, maybe that's the original sense of marriage. i know that dan wouldn't dare think of it that way. it's quite comical actually. if that's how people want to think of us, well that's fine with me, because i know the truth. i'm still my own person, i still pay my bills, work my ass off, and become my own person. maybe i've taken someone else's last name... since i'll be his property then, does that mean that i'm currently my father's property? i have his last name for the time being. are you your mother's property? you probably don't feel like you are. i have the option to keep my own last name, but i don't feel it to be necessary.
no, this is about us building a life together. the wedding will be celebrating that life. i know that we don't need to be married to be together, but i don't care. i also know that i would be fine if we weren't married. i want to live my life with him, regardless of my last name, or marital status. this just happens to be the direction in which things are headed. this is the direction in which i WANT things to be headed.
sure, it's ritualistic. i don't have a problem with that.
thanks for the congratulations, btw. i'm really quite excited!
2005-01-23 03:46 (from 66.185.85.78) (link) Select
Well, congratulations, although the concept of marriage to me seems undesirable. Are there any practical reasons, or is it all ritualistic? I also eschew marriage because it seems entirely patriarchal to me; the word "husband" meaning "master of the house." The wife takes the last name of the husband, as though becoming property. Marriage seems like an insult, to me.
Well, maybe you won't be so glad that I found your Live Journal via crank_, but, don't worry, I'm sure Live Journal has a BLOCK feature for me.
(Reply to this)
you're certainly entitled to your opinion, although forgive me if i'm not the most receptive person to this particular opinion.
to answer your above question about whether this is a practical thing, or simply ritualistic: sure, there's a large element of practicality to it. that's certainly not the sole reason for the marriage. any benefits i gain from becoming dan's wife would have been gained the minute we were deemed common-law, so the marriage isn't actually critical in that sense.
this marriage is a commitment to dan, whom i love deeply. i'm proud to take his last name, and i'm proud to express my feelings for him. when you look at marriage in the legal sense, it is not romantic at all. when you say that the husband is the master of the house, and i am his property, well, maybe that's the original sense of marriage. i know that dan wouldn't dare think of it that way. it's quite comical actually. if that's how people want to think of us, well that's fine with me, because i know the truth. i'm still my own person, i still pay my bills, work my ass off, and become my own person. maybe i've taken someone else's last name... since i'll be his property then, does that mean that i'm currently my father's property? i have his last name for the time being. are you your mother's property? you probably don't feel like you are. i have the option to keep my own last name, but i don't feel it to be necessary.
no, this is about us building a life together. the wedding will be celebrating that life. i know that we don't need to be married to be together, but i don't care. i also know that i would be fine if we weren't married. i want to live my life with him, regardless of my last name, or marital status. this just happens to be the direction in which things are headed. this is the direction in which i WANT things to be headed.
sure, it's ritualistic. i don't have a problem with that.
thanks for the congratulations, btw. i'm really quite excited!