Tuesday evening.. surviving.. trying to get through.. drawing

[carlassean]

Has been a few days since posting..

Have been on a huge emotional rollercoaster..

The evenings are the worst... some days are better than others... wish I could rip my heart out so I stop feeling anything..

Then other times.. I feel nothing..

Then angry and jealous.. and I just want to scream!!!

But, other than all of the above.. I keep working each day.. Pray a lot.!!

I saw the lawyer yesterday..... all his plans of leaving have been put on hold...!! The expense of a divorce.. well let's just say!! NO WAY IN HELL!!! could he pay for one! or actually afford taking care of the boys for that matter!

He swears he isn't seeing his gal friend.. but after his screw up a week ago.. he has realized that his absolute horrible behavior has been hugely detrimental to his children.. Not to mention the wallet.  I CUT HIM OFF!!!!

Lawyer has confirmed most of what I knew.. Except... how expensive it will be.. wow.. I have my hubby by the balls... and yes.. they are in a vise!! haha!!

So as you can guess.. nothing can be done..

We are cohabitating.. as well as we (I) can!

I just DO NOT trust him anymore.. He is an alien from another planet.. Some evil spirit has taken over my husband.. The man I have known for over 24 years and replaced him with a dispicable human being.. (heartless and careless)

I believe his mother called him and blasted him on what a total ass he has been!! He has actually been a nicer person.. and not humiliating me anymore.. but for how long... who knows...!!

I am so confused.. do I try and make it work.. I have laid my marriage in Gods hands.. because.. I really have no control...

The things I am certain of are:  I am taking care of myself.. my boys ... my job.. my home... etc...!!!!!

I am going out now.. having fun with friends and family.. NOT considering him at the moment.. Do not worry.. about what he will think!!

Going to see a live band on Saturday..with all my gal friends.. That will be a blast!!

The band is called 'Marshall Creek Band' one of my teacher friend's husband is in the band!

Here is their facebook: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Marshall-Creek-Band/320415136336?v=app_2405167945

Looking forward in letting my hair down.. and having a good ole time!!

Will let you know how it goes!

Have an overdue therapy session on Thursday.. I had to wait a whole blasted month to get it!! HOLY CRAP!!! I can't do that again!!!

Here is a vid.. that had me cryin like a baby.... so unless you wanna have a good ole sob.. DO NOT WATCH!!

Click to view

Weather has finally started warming up!! Bless you all!! Hope you all are well... and I am off to cry me a river!! haha!! JUST KIDDING!! maybe a stream!!!