'she couldn't relax, with his hand on the small of her back..'
lately, (always) i have been feeling, left out. part of my problem is that, i want to be a part of everything, and i have this phobia of inviting myself places, also of crowds of out-going people. i feel at fault for not being able to make people like me, or for not being likable. or, not even that, just, i get so self-involved i forget other people have insecurities too and blame them for my short-comings. and i get jealous easily when i see pictures of my friends having fun without me at events i knew nothing about. i think, a lot of the time, people forget to include me because i forget to make/feel self-conscious about making my presence known. i don't know why, lately, i have been feeling extra vulnerable. maybe new friendships, and the effort involved in them. not that old friendships don't involve effort, just on a different level. maybe old friendships changing, and not knowing exactly into what yet.