(no subject)
i haven't written in this for a long time, because i never really have anything to say. but i feel its maybe necissary.
Everything that could possibly go wrong has lately. i mean, this is the worst year by far ive experienced. i dont have anything anymore, i dont even have myself, this is the year of horrible things happening, never ending.
my cousin who i also work(ed) with was innocently shot in the head and lower back (spine) two and a half weeks ago. It has been a rollercoaster, and he's still alive but i'm not so sure that its right as hard as that is to say, i mean, unless there is some kind of miracle. i dont think he will have much of a mind or thoughts, and will be paralyzed for sure. it isnt right. he used to be such an, alive really energized sweet person. i cant stand to see him the way he is right now. truly. i miss him a lot, so much already. I want to fucking kill the fuck that pulled the triger. i am scared for him and worried. and scared of people. its hard to understand that a lot of people in this world have absolutely no compassion for life.
I feel sick.and scared.
My Grammie passed away from a number of cancers about a year ago, and that was way too much by itself. she was amazing, amazing. anyone who knew her knows that.
My Papa has been a wreck since she passed, which is expected and understandable. i hate to see him like that, he broke his shoulder two days ago, im really worried about him too because hes already broke his back. im so worried, and scared for everyone, and scared for myself as selfish as that may sound.
while everything has happening i have also been "homeless" or, bouncing around as i would rather call it for 8 months now.. wow its been that long already? i just cant find a place to relax and veg out. i need comforts and i have none. i work, way too much and drive and hour and a half to get there 5 days a week, such long hours. i never get enogh sleep, i absolutely hate hate hate my job, i hate it i am not the person i was a year ago this has gone on for too long. david and i are through. i am so alone, i feel like i will have an emotional breakdown. i hate people that have nervous breakdowns just because things arent perfect and they go to the crazy house, and tell everyone about it. i dont want a perfect life, i just want a little comfort and reaction with people. i dont know how to get unstuck., i am just numb from everything, i cant do anything. i am so stuck. 'everything is so messed up. im so hurt, like never before.
Everything that could possibly go wrong has lately. i mean, this is the worst year by far ive experienced. i dont have anything anymore, i dont even have myself, this is the year of horrible things happening, never ending.
my cousin who i also work(ed) with was innocently shot in the head and lower back (spine) two and a half weeks ago. It has been a rollercoaster, and he's still alive but i'm not so sure that its right as hard as that is to say, i mean, unless there is some kind of miracle. i dont think he will have much of a mind or thoughts, and will be paralyzed for sure. it isnt right. he used to be such an, alive really energized sweet person. i cant stand to see him the way he is right now. truly. i miss him a lot, so much already. I want to fucking kill the fuck that pulled the triger. i am scared for him and worried. and scared of people. its hard to understand that a lot of people in this world have absolutely no compassion for life.
I feel sick.and scared.
My Grammie passed away from a number of cancers about a year ago, and that was way too much by itself. she was amazing, amazing. anyone who knew her knows that.
My Papa has been a wreck since she passed, which is expected and understandable. i hate to see him like that, he broke his shoulder two days ago, im really worried about him too because hes already broke his back. im so worried, and scared for everyone, and scared for myself as selfish as that may sound.
while everything has happening i have also been "homeless" or, bouncing around as i would rather call it for 8 months now.. wow its been that long already? i just cant find a place to relax and veg out. i need comforts and i have none. i work, way too much and drive and hour and a half to get there 5 days a week, such long hours. i never get enogh sleep, i absolutely hate hate hate my job, i hate it i am not the person i was a year ago this has gone on for too long. david and i are through. i am so alone, i feel like i will have an emotional breakdown. i hate people that have nervous breakdowns just because things arent perfect and they go to the crazy house, and tell everyone about it. i dont want a perfect life, i just want a little comfort and reaction with people. i dont know how to get unstuck., i am just numb from everything, i cant do anything. i am so stuck. 'everything is so messed up. im so hurt, like never before.