At Ease (4/5)
Title: At Ease (4/5)
Type: Multi-Part
Pairing: Lauri Korpikoski/Sami Lepisto (Korpito)
Description: Finn Love
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not real.
Words: 2,955
At Ease (4/5)
Sami knocked on the door a few times before leaning over to the side window. The blinds were barely open enough between the slats but the hallway light must have been off because he could see nothing. He turned his neck and scanned over the empty street as it usually was during the week in the middle of the day. Lauri’s car was in the driveway rather than the garage which was being used as his own personal gym so Sami knew he was home. He had subtlety been hinting at getting a pair of keys lately for the house but he hadn’t been able to coyly suggest it yet.
Sami rang the doorbell a few times before sighing and looking over the street again.
He had been with Korp for a few months and Sami already wanted more. He felt so needy with Lauri and where in previous relationships he’d instantly back away if he felt he had less control now he only now clung tighter to Lauri. And Lauri was ok with it; he actually seemed to like it.
Practice had been quick this morning due to them traveling to the next city in a few hours. He kind of liked those the best though but lately with him being scratched a lot of times, practice was the only time he could show them he was ready to play. Korp had spent most of the time on the other side of the ice but really that’s how he preferred it. He didn’t want to be working against him.
They had shared smiles though between drills, Lauri making him laugh in the locker room next to him, flirting unashamedly in Finnish, but as they were walking to the parking lot Coach had called Korp back.
“You go ahead,” he had said to Sami as he stopped. “Get the subs and meet me at my place.”
Sami had watched him briefly before turning away and now not even thirty minutes later Lauri wasn’t answering the door. The thought that he could be in the shower now didn’t make much sense since they had showered right after practice. It wasn’t as if he was completely concerned for Korpie’s safety, he knew he was home at least, but he was getting slightly annoyed.
He looked down on the doormat he was on and backed up. Sami brought the end of the mat up and looked underneath but there was no key. He stood up straight and cursed under his breath lightly before looking over the porch area. Sami lifted a few stones to see if anything was under them but he was having no success. His idea was failing until he lifted one of the pots to the side of the mat and saw the lone key. His face broke out into a smile before pushing it into the lock and turning it. He couldn’t help but be amused by how clever he was.
“Lauri?” He yelled as he stepped inside.
Sami walked slowly to the kitchen, looking briefly down a few hallways on his way there and he sighed when Lauri still wasn’t anywhere. He tossed the subs onto the counter and looked over the dark room. A small shoebox of DVD’s were on the counter and he looked through them seeing they were from Coach with a couple papers worth of notes.
He heard the clanging of weights from the garage where Lauri had put his new gym and Sami slowly put down the papers inside the box with the DVD’s. The door to the garage was barely open and he pushed it open completely and smiled seeing the ultimate prize for him.
“Here you are.”
Lauri looked at him blankly for a few seconds before turning back to the weights. He was on the pull bar and he did a few reps before breathing out completely and lowering the weights down slowly. Sami walked over to him.
“You’re doing good.” He stepped behind him and put his hands on Lauri’s shoulders. “Want me to spot you?”
“No, I’m fine.” Lauri stood up walking to the far side of the gym. Sami watched him somewhat confused but his stomach dropped slightly. He had been on the other side of this behavior before.
“What’s going on?”
Lauri looked down at his hands with his back to Sami. “I think we need to end this. This thing between you and me.”
“What?”
“I think we need to-.”
“I know what you said.” Sami crossed his arms maybe in hopes he’d stop his heart from dropping to the pit of his stomach. “Are you going to face me and say that?”
Lauri turned slowly but only looked at him with control and that scared Sami. He could deal with sadness or anger or indifference but Lauri looked like he had been rehearsing this and was prepared for anything Sami would say.
“We need to stop being together. It’s ruining my hockey game.”
“Hockey game?” Sami practically laughed out cynically. “I’ve dumped people for the shittiest reasons but you’re going to blame a hockey game?”
“You’re a big distraction.”
Sami this time didn’t try to stop his laughter. “You were calling something else about me big last night.”
Lauri looked away somewhat annoyed. Good, thought Sami as he shook his head in disbelief. “So tell me, is fucking me that big of a distraction for you that you can’t what, pass a puck properly or get a shot on net? Or-.”
“Sami..”
“Or what Lauri?”
“You don’t understand.”
“Yeah I don’t.” Sami took a deep breath. “This morning you… you just weren’t this. You were my Korp, don’t you remember when the alarm went off? You put it on snooze and you spent the five minutes between the alarms just tracing the lines on my hand. You-.”
“Sami.”
“What?” He could start to feel his face go red with his lack of control. He was turning into that person but he stopped fighting it. “How can you say you love me and then smile at me in the locker room today like you would take me then and now you can’t even stand within five feet of me.”
“Sami.”
“Stop saying my name.” It came out harsher than he wanted to but at least it brought the conversation to a halt so he could calm down and maybe gain some more control. He was looking down almost happy they were in a lull but he knew that they were too far forward in this conversation to go back and that there was only going to be more pain in front of them. Lauri said his name again softly and Sami squeezed his eyes shut before looking up at him.
“Sami, hockey is why I’m here. If I wasn’t a hockey player I couldn’t make it out of my hometown. I need this game; it’s my reason for everything. Or it was.” Sami blinked. “I came from New York before this team and my best season was my first and then I turned to shit.”
“Can we fast forward please? I can read all of this on Wikipedia.”
Lauri smiled and shook his head. “I lost my focus, that’s why my numbers went down. I went out, I slept around, I just was living it up. I stopped watching tapes; I stopped going to bed early on nights before games. I just wasn’t focused and now it’s back. I can’t be focused on hockey and a person at the same time.”
“Lame.”
“What?”
“You’re fucking lame.” Sami laughed bitterly. “You can’t focus on two things at the same time? What are you five?”
“Shut up.”
“Hockey isn’t fucking brain surgery. You just have to hit the round black thing with this large stick into a net.”
“Sami, shut up.”
“So me fucking you is just too much to fit into that brain of yours with a hockey game? Jesus, no wonder I loved sleeping with you because apparently I was given all your undivided attention and focus.” He cleared his throat, ignoring the anger in Lauri’s eyes. He just didn’t fucking care anymore. “What happened? Did coach just sit you down in his office and say you’re not focused, you’re doing badly in practice, I might have to healthy scratch you?”
“Sami, I have to choose the game.”
“The game isn’t everything though.”
“Says the guy who feels accomplished if he isn’t a healthy scratch for two games in a row.” Lauri didn’t want to resort to insults like Sami had but the look Sami was giving him made him wish he could take that last sentence away. Sami stared right at him with hurt and yeah there was definitely anger but Sami’s eyes had widened slightly with shock and Lauri knew that that insult got him good. “Sami…”
“I get it,” he said softly and nodded his head twice. He took a step back into one of the machines and almost tripped. Lauri took a step forward as he cursed lightly but Sami straightened up right away when he saw Lauri. He brought up both of his hands in front of him and shook his head. “Stay away from me.”
Lauri wanted to call his name as he saw Sami leave the room but he only watched. This was what he needed to do and he did it. He heard a shuffle from the hallway though and he looked up.
“Get the fuck away from me,” he heard Sami say from deeper in the house. Lauri followed the steps Sami had and he turned towards the hallway as the front door slammed shut. As he neared the kitchen he saw Keith staring back at the door before turning to Lauri.
“What the…?”
“It’s nothing.” Lauri walked by him to the kitchen counter where the sub sandwiches Sami had brought were laying. It only served as a reminder now of how normal the morning was and how completely different he thought right now would be. He held the bag out to Keith since his appetite had disappeared with Sami and Keith just shrugged, accepting it. Lauri watched him for a few seconds as he unrolled them out of the tightly wrapped papers before he walked a few feet to the family room that was just off the kitchen.
“You look like shit,” Keith said, barely coherent with a few bites of the sub in his mouth.
Lauri glanced at him before shrugging and falling back on the couch. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Keith watched him thoughtfully, chewing a few more bites, as Lauri closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath. Keith put the sandwich down and brought up a napkin to his lips as he looked down.
“You seem upset.”
“Do I?”
“You look like you’re about to cry.” Lauri opened his eyes and looked at Keith. “Well maybe not but maybe you should.”
“I don’t fucking cry.”
“You don’t? What about the time we saw that movie Babe?”
“For the fiftieth time I wasn’t crying. I have seasonal allergies and…”
“Alright alright alright.”
“Just shut the fuck up man.”
Lauri closed his eyes again as Keith took another bite of his sub. The solace Korp thought he was hoping he would achieve was dashed when he heard the coffee table creak under a weight. He opened his eyes and turned his head lazily to where Keith was sitting a few feet away, staring at him.
“What did you say to Sami?”
“Go away.” Keith crossed his arms in a sign that he wasn’t going anywhere. Lauri let out a frustrated breath. “Sami was just on my ass about stuff and I told him what was on my mind and he freaked out and left. Now can you get off my ass about this?”
“Well I guess it doesn’t matter that you two are fighting,” he said with as shrug then smiled. “It’s not like he’ll be ruining the dynamic of the team that much since he sits upstairs for most, if not all, of the games.”
“He works really hard,” Lauri replied quickly looking annoyed.
“Not hard enough. I guess no amount of hard work can really conceal a player whose skill set is crap.”
“Fuck you Keith.” Lauri sat up ready to punch him but Keith didn’t look scared in the slightest. “Sami works the hardest out of everyone on the ice during practice. He has passion, he wants that chance.”
Keith smiled largely and Lauri had a feeling he had fallen for a joke. “So how long have you been in love with him?”
The bottom of Lauri’s stomach dropped. “I’m not in love with him.”
“Are you just saying that to make yourself feel better?”
“Get out of my house.”
“No.” Keith paused but continued looking at Lauri with concern. “A few months ago you barely said anything to anyone unless it was on the ice or going over tapes. You looked miserable and what was sad is that you didn’t even realize it. You played the game but you didn’t look like you were having fun.”
“I love hockey.”
“It took me a long time to realize that was true. You dedicate everything to it and you make sure there’s nothing else in your life to distract you from that.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“You love Sami and that’s not going to end because you got in a fight.” Keith looked at him knowingly and all Lauri wanted to do was punch the man, again.
“So how long have you and Michalek been together then Keith?” Lauri got some pleasure out of seeing Keith clench his jaw and his eyes widen slightly with surprise. “Here you are starting to preach to me and you’re sleeping around on your wife.”
“It’s two different situations entirely.”
“Oh yeah?”
Keith stood up and started walking to the kitchen but now that he was engaged Lauri wouldn’t let him go now. He stood up as well and he watched Keith pick up the wrapper from the sub and a few crumbs before putting them in the trash.
“What happened with you and Z?”
“Nothing.” Keith was looking distracted.
“I’ll take a stab at this. You guys were fucking around, he didn’t want you anymore and he left and now whenever he finds himself back in Phoenix or you in Pittsburgh you guys fuck.”
Keith looked up at him and shook his head. “Life is all about the choices you make, Lauri. Don’t you find it telling that you get more passionate talking about Sami than you do about hockey? I bet you find that scary because all your life you probably dreamed about hockey and having that as your ultimate goal and now it’s not. Now, rr really it used to be your goal, was to be with Sami. Doesn’t it scare you to think about how empty hockey is going to be for you now? You can’t just go back Korp, you’re too far gone and you just fucked it up.”
“I can do whatever I want.” Lauri said deeply, spitting the words out.
“If you could really do whatever you wanted, then you wouldn’t be upset right now.” Lauri looked away. “I chose my wife over Z. I chose to take the easy route, or what I thought was easy. I was on the same path you’re on where I knew what I wanted, an NHL career, the whole NHL life. But I met Z and I fell for him hard.” Keith smiled slightly. “I was with my wife at the same time and I love her but he just... I don’t know how to explain it but he just was never in competition with hockey or her. He would always be the winner.”
Lauri looked down. “So what happened?”
“I fucked it up. He was sick of being the ‘road-trip bitch’, only having me on away games. He wanted me to choose. And I did.”
“And you’re married now…”
“And he willingly moved to the east coast a few weeks later.”
“Why did you pick her?”
“You know why, Korp. Because you’re so used to picking hockey, picking a life where you know exactly how you’ll feel like night after night. Because he makes you feel so uncontrolled and you hate it but you fucking love it.”
“Keith.”
“I know I know…” He studied Lauri who was looking down at his hands in front of him. He looked ten times more tired than he did minutes before and Keith walked over to him. At first when he put his arms around Lauri there was no response, it almost felt awkward but Keith started rubbing his back with his hand. Lauri wasn’t accepting the hug but he definitely wasn’t pushing him back. Keith didn’t even know why he was hugging him. “It’s too late to go back to the mindset you were in for most of your life before Sami. You’re probably going to think I’m bullshitting you or think that you can overcome what I haven’t been able to. You’ll think that everything will work out how you want it to work so give it a good try, but you know Sami won’t wait forever. You know when we get to that hotel in the next city that he’s not staying in.”
Lauri looked down with his chin resting on Keith’s shoulder before taking a deep breath. He brought his hand up and patted Keith’s back a couple times.
“I want to be right,” Lauri finally said and Keith smiled before leaning back and looking at his face. “I want to be right.”
“For your sake I hope you will be.”
.:Part Five:.