(no subject)
argh. i planned on updating my journal with the hatred i hold for drawing but now jer has upset me.
we talked about me coming down this weekend. i thoughttt it was pretty much confirmed. when i returned to my computer after a terrible day at drawing, i find him telling me to come down next weekend because evan's bday is this weekend. well fuck that. why should i even go down at all? i hate how my plans with him are so killable for other plans with other people.
well anyways, i'm upset. i got a c- on this drawing i did which was one of my favorites so far. WHAT THE FUCK. why am i paying for a professor to make me feel like crap. i try really hard and still it's impossible. i did however get a check plus on this candle stick drawing i did monday. that made me feel a bit better. it's hung on the wall and everything, BUT its horrible. i personally HATE the drawing, my worst yet. but for my drawing prof, its a check +. grrrr. i did the stupid lines she wanted me to draw, ruining my favorite candlestick, then shaded in the other two. it kills me because she is a nice person but i don't understand how she can give me c's. midterm is after break, i wonder what she'll give me on that. i'm going to fix all my drawings before then. i'm going to take pictures of them before i fix them, then after i fix them. i hope you all will see the difference. argh. i really am upset. she makes me feel like i suck so badly that i should just never draw again. professors are supposed to make the class enjoyable, but it feels as hard as i can try, i suck. i am a sell out without even not being a sell out. i didn't sell out, i bought into the game. i just have to fucking make my drawings horrible because that's the way she wants it. it's not MY drawing, it's her drawing with my hand on the pencil. jer is still bugging me about the weekend. i shouldn't have even said anything. i should have just said fine.
we talked about me coming down this weekend. i thoughttt it was pretty much confirmed. when i returned to my computer after a terrible day at drawing, i find him telling me to come down next weekend because evan's bday is this weekend. well fuck that. why should i even go down at all? i hate how my plans with him are so killable for other plans with other people.
well anyways, i'm upset. i got a c- on this drawing i did which was one of my favorites so far. WHAT THE FUCK. why am i paying for a professor to make me feel like crap. i try really hard and still it's impossible. i did however get a check plus on this candle stick drawing i did monday. that made me feel a bit better. it's hung on the wall and everything, BUT its horrible. i personally HATE the drawing, my worst yet. but for my drawing prof, its a check +. grrrr. i did the stupid lines she wanted me to draw, ruining my favorite candlestick, then shaded in the other two. it kills me because she is a nice person but i don't understand how she can give me c's. midterm is after break, i wonder what she'll give me on that. i'm going to fix all my drawings before then. i'm going to take pictures of them before i fix them, then after i fix them. i hope you all will see the difference. argh. i really am upset. she makes me feel like i suck so badly that i should just never draw again. professors are supposed to make the class enjoyable, but it feels as hard as i can try, i suck. i am a sell out without even not being a sell out. i didn't sell out, i bought into the game. i just have to fucking make my drawings horrible because that's the way she wants it. it's not MY drawing, it's her drawing with my hand on the pencil. jer is still bugging me about the weekend. i shouldn't have even said anything. i should have just said fine.