Help me make it through
Ugh. Mike hung out with Jessica Friday. We were supposed to hang out and instead he’s with his ex that he cheated on me with. How the hell am I supposed to react to that? Not only that, but he smoked too. He broke the deal, then flat out lied to me about it. I asked him what he did. I asked him who was there. All lies. What do I do? I don’t want to get mad and yell at him then lose him. I was crying so badly. I had my face buried in his neck and I kept repeating, “I hate you” which made him upset, then he started crying. It was overall, just ugly. He means everything to me and I don’t know what I would do without him. That scares me. No one has ever meant this much to me before. I don’t know how to handle it. Too much to deal with. So of course I get scared, run, hide, push him away. If I fuck this one up I’m never going to forgive myself. But I can’t handle him being Jessica’s friend. It hurts me too much. I want to trust him, and I did… then he has to go and lie about this crap. I feel so bad that I don’t trust him. I’m a horrible girlfriend. I know. I don’t need to hear it. I’m jealous okay. Yes, I’m jealous. I’m scared….