i realize i already updated once today..
I think i need to comment on something completely unrelated to whats going on in my life..
actually before that... this is my 700th entry in this lj.. yay!
ANYHOW..
The Rihanna/Chris Brown situation.
Being a women's studies major, domestic/intimate partner violence is something that i deal with a lot.
We talk about it in basically every single WS class, because it affects all women regardless of age/race/class/gender identity/sexual orientation/religion/etc.
Its universal.. and thats very frightening.
The worst part of this whole thing for Rihanna is how public it is.
No matter what, she is going to have to get back on stage and look into the crowd, and know that the whole world knows all her business. The media leaves nothing sacred. This may sound hypocritical for someone who loves Perez Hilton as much as i do, but this whole thing makes me so uncomfortable.
First of all, they should have never released her name.
This is something that allll DV cases deal with because its not the same as sexual assault in that names are kept confidential, and she is 20 years old, so her age doesnt allow anything to be kept private.
And now after all of this, what happens?
Rihanna becomes synonymous with "domestic violence"; in essence, she is the poster child for DV.
This can go one of two ways.
First, she can ignore the situation, handle it privately and get on stage as if nothing is wrong.
This means she wont be pressing charges.
OR, she can go public, talk about the dangers, press charges and deal with the media being up in her business for the next year or so.
which is more appealing to you?
I hope she finds the strength in her to be able to go through with the charges, but as it is in most abusive relationships; she will most likely go back to him. Almost everyone knows someone who experiences intimate partner abuse, so this shouldnt come as a suprise to anyone.
If she drops charges, this is probably what will happen.
But that also means that the media will calm down, and she wont have paparazzi following her every step as they probably will the second she steps foot back into the country.
If she goes public, this means a whole different situation will arise.
Both good and bad can come out of this, and i think thats why there is so much pressure on her to do so.
She will have to endure a trial, which sucks. And unless there is some kind of gag-order, every word will be printed in the next weeks issue of People.
The good that comes from this is that since she is a woman of color, she can open the discussion of how DV disproportionately affects women of color. This is especially young women, around her age (16-24).
That is something that our society is missing. We need that.
There are little to no discussions of how DV affects these women, and while Rihanna is a superstar, these other women do not have the means to escape their situation. She is lucky in the fact that she has money, and financial freedom from Chris Brown. Many women don't have that luxury.
Even at the age of 20, many women of color are dependent on their partner for shelter, food, money, in some cases health care, etc.
This is exacerbated by having children in the situation.
So this could be good.. even great for women of color who are affected by DV and who can look up at someone who was born in a poor country, and even though she made it big, she still had these issues that affect many women of her race.
But what if she doesn't want that?
The media is pushing her into that category, and they want her to do a "tell-all" and they'll ask at the last 5 minutes "what would you say to a woman in your situation?"
well thats not helpful, most of these women aren't in her situation, they don't have the millions of dollars from record and concert ticket sales that she does.
Pushing her into this situation would be terrible, as she is probably someone who needs a bit of therapy, (after this whole fiasco, who wouldn't?) and would probably want to put the whole thing behind her.
Either way, she is in a shitty place right now.
While i HATE HATE HATE every single one of her songs, i do feel for her as any other compassionate human being does.
The other issue i have is Chris Brown.
Its coming out now that he grew up in a house full of DV perpetrated by his stepfather. And instead of opening a dialogue of how men who grow up in these houses can POTENTIALLY (not always) become abusers themselves, we are doing the complete opposite.
It could be good as far as developing resources for these men to go to, and for them to receive help. Our prison system does no one any good as far as rehabilitation. Therapy isn't seen as open to men in our society, especially men of color, because its a sign of "weakness". Men of color struggle the most with the boundaries and constraints of masculinity. The most therapy men of color is "court ordered", as to assure that it isn't a weakness on their part, but the part of the state/federal/county courts.
I also hope that they dont tokenize him as the "face of dv".
Black men are often associated with DV. Same thing for rape, and we all know that isn't true either.
Most DV offenders are white, and i hope that they don't use him as a scapegoat.
I also hope from the very bottom of my being that he receives the help that he needs and that the media gets less "oooh" and "ahhh" from DV situations as it is A) offensive and B) not shocking seeing on how 1 in 3 women experience DV in their lives.
and thats the end of my "if i ruled the world, this is how i would change this situation" rant.
actually before that... this is my 700th entry in this lj.. yay!
ANYHOW..
The Rihanna/Chris Brown situation.
Being a women's studies major, domestic/intimate partner violence is something that i deal with a lot.
We talk about it in basically every single WS class, because it affects all women regardless of age/race/class/gender identity/sexual orientation/religion/etc.
Its universal.. and thats very frightening.
The worst part of this whole thing for Rihanna is how public it is.
No matter what, she is going to have to get back on stage and look into the crowd, and know that the whole world knows all her business. The media leaves nothing sacred. This may sound hypocritical for someone who loves Perez Hilton as much as i do, but this whole thing makes me so uncomfortable.
First of all, they should have never released her name.
This is something that allll DV cases deal with because its not the same as sexual assault in that names are kept confidential, and she is 20 years old, so her age doesnt allow anything to be kept private.
And now after all of this, what happens?
Rihanna becomes synonymous with "domestic violence"; in essence, she is the poster child for DV.
This can go one of two ways.
First, she can ignore the situation, handle it privately and get on stage as if nothing is wrong.
This means she wont be pressing charges.
OR, she can go public, talk about the dangers, press charges and deal with the media being up in her business for the next year or so.
which is more appealing to you?
I hope she finds the strength in her to be able to go through with the charges, but as it is in most abusive relationships; she will most likely go back to him. Almost everyone knows someone who experiences intimate partner abuse, so this shouldnt come as a suprise to anyone.
If she drops charges, this is probably what will happen.
But that also means that the media will calm down, and she wont have paparazzi following her every step as they probably will the second she steps foot back into the country.
If she goes public, this means a whole different situation will arise.
Both good and bad can come out of this, and i think thats why there is so much pressure on her to do so.
She will have to endure a trial, which sucks. And unless there is some kind of gag-order, every word will be printed in the next weeks issue of People.
The good that comes from this is that since she is a woman of color, she can open the discussion of how DV disproportionately affects women of color. This is especially young women, around her age (16-24).
That is something that our society is missing. We need that.
There are little to no discussions of how DV affects these women, and while Rihanna is a superstar, these other women do not have the means to escape their situation. She is lucky in the fact that she has money, and financial freedom from Chris Brown. Many women don't have that luxury.
Even at the age of 20, many women of color are dependent on their partner for shelter, food, money, in some cases health care, etc.
This is exacerbated by having children in the situation.
So this could be good.. even great for women of color who are affected by DV and who can look up at someone who was born in a poor country, and even though she made it big, she still had these issues that affect many women of her race.
But what if she doesn't want that?
The media is pushing her into that category, and they want her to do a "tell-all" and they'll ask at the last 5 minutes "what would you say to a woman in your situation?"
well thats not helpful, most of these women aren't in her situation, they don't have the millions of dollars from record and concert ticket sales that she does.
Pushing her into this situation would be terrible, as she is probably someone who needs a bit of therapy, (after this whole fiasco, who wouldn't?) and would probably want to put the whole thing behind her.
Either way, she is in a shitty place right now.
While i HATE HATE HATE every single one of her songs, i do feel for her as any other compassionate human being does.
The other issue i have is Chris Brown.
Its coming out now that he grew up in a house full of DV perpetrated by his stepfather. And instead of opening a dialogue of how men who grow up in these houses can POTENTIALLY (not always) become abusers themselves, we are doing the complete opposite.
It could be good as far as developing resources for these men to go to, and for them to receive help. Our prison system does no one any good as far as rehabilitation. Therapy isn't seen as open to men in our society, especially men of color, because its a sign of "weakness". Men of color struggle the most with the boundaries and constraints of masculinity. The most therapy men of color is "court ordered", as to assure that it isn't a weakness on their part, but the part of the state/federal/county courts.
I also hope that they dont tokenize him as the "face of dv".
Black men are often associated with DV. Same thing for rape, and we all know that isn't true either.
Most DV offenders are white, and i hope that they don't use him as a scapegoat.
I also hope from the very bottom of my being that he receives the help that he needs and that the media gets less "oooh" and "ahhh" from DV situations as it is A) offensive and B) not shocking seeing on how 1 in 3 women experience DV in their lives.
and thats the end of my "if i ruled the world, this is how i would change this situation" rant.