(no subject)
maybe things can't be good, or any better. maybe this is the way it will always be. i've spent a very long time thinking that things will be better later (when vacation begins, when the week ends, when something happens) but they never really are, so i suppose... i suppose something impossible to word. it is a hard thing, to really accept. it's easy, and nice, to believe that when we grow up, or at some point in the future, we will be happy. and i hope that it's true, i hope that i will be happy when i grow up. but what about now? why can't i be happy now? why shouldn't i be able to enjoy my life? so anyway, that's what i'm going to try to do. and i was going to ask you not to hold me to it, not to make me accountable, but why the hell not? i should be accountable. i would much rather be accountable to people now than to myself later when i am still not happy. anyhow, today is new year's day. and i am making this wish for myself. goodnight.