(no subject)
well erin has been in ballarat now....for um 5 days now...and she will be there tomorrow and then i will pick her up on Wednesday morning sometime. I have been feeling pretty good...bout it all till a few moments ago. i have been missing erin but the thing that i guess i have been missing the most is talking to her. like the last time she was in ballarat and i was in adelaide we talked forever on the phone not just about wat we did today...but about anything and everything, so the thing that is upsetting me this time is that i feel like we havent really talked and that we dont really talk anymore. every night i have been waiting for erin to call so i have waited up and had the phone on me where ever i am just in case she calls and then when we do talk she doesnt really want to talk much because she is then too tired to talk to me and wants to go to bed. so then why talk to me when you are tired wouldnt it make more sense to talk to me when you arent tired rather then think about sleeping then actually talking to me. then when i do talk to her she has been saying things like she is worried about how i will react to things she has said or things that she has done like going out with ryan. and i was like i dont know wat you are talking about its not like i am going to react to something if it hasnt been done or said. Why would i react to something that is not done or said????? the only time i will react if there was something to react about and if there isnt then why be scared of me reacting. if you get my drift. sooooo when i was talking to erin on msn....well trying to anyway...cos when i wrote i didnt get an answer....for a long time so i would sit there and wait. so there again felt as if she didnt want to talk to me. and then i asked why she was taking too long to reply and she said she was playing a game. i got a bit annoyed and upset cos she gone on about how i would react about things and then when i started to ask why she wouldnt respond for ages. so if felt like it wasnt really important to talk to me and that the game seemed more interesting.
i started to get upset because then things started to go through my head like well she is worries about how i will react to something...then obviously something has happened and she isnt telling me .... or she is just putting off telling me. ideas and situations just started to flood my head like a plague and that started me off. i tried to push them out but they would just keep flooding back....alll because of the the one statement that was made. It made me think of things that i didnt want to think and it made me more and more uspet.....in my haed all i was thinking was that well she is scared of how im going to react then there must be something there that i am going to react about. and even though this seems to be all untrue all of it sits in the back of my head eating away at me. and i dont want to hear its all in my head because derrrrrr i know. but hello thats how i am thinking and feeling at the moment. so i was asking wat she did that i might react to and she said that she has done nothing. so that made me confused. why say your scared how i will react when you havent actaully done anything. it doesnt make any sense to say it otherwise. i dont think i would say 'hunny im scared how you will react' if i didnt have something to actually tell that would be putting someone through unnecessary anguish. so because of all this running around in my head and the fact that i started to cry cos i thought something must be wrong other wise she wouldnt take so long to talk to me and explain that there isnt anything...i thought it would be best that i got off and settled down. so i got off and had a big old cry about what you may ask......and i respond with i dont the bloody well know.
sooo erin sent me a msg ....and i tried sending one back with unsuccess (i have a new phone and it isnt letting me send msgs for some reason grrrr and that makse me angry) so i called her to see wat is up ...and she said that there is nothing wrong it is just her past relationships.....still coming up to haunt her in return makes me upset agian....cos im not her past .... im in the future. and i know if will take time but it does upset me sometimes when i feel as though i am in comparison with it. which i cant be cos i would never do any of those things. so in return i get annoyed and upset with the whole i may still do the things that where done in the past. and i would just like to state right here and now that i wouldnt do anything like that. so anyway when we started talking i got upset trying to explain how i feel about things.....and it felt like that didnt matter it isnt true so why am i getting upset...it just felt like she didnt understand my side of things. sometimes i wish i could reverse how i feel and why i feel like that on the other person so they can understand. because if it isnt done then they dont really understand wwhere i am coming from therefore it dont matter. so again we didnt really talk mostly big silent spaces and because of it i and the rest i got upset and cried some more yadayadayada!!!! so i said that i was going to go and erin got anrgy/annoyed at me and so i tried to explain why i was going and while i was erin thought it would be best to hang up on me. and there is one thing you dont do to me is hang up on me. that is my BIGGEST PET HATE EVER. when you are in a heated arguement or the other person just dont want to talk to you and they walk away from you or ignor you or HANG UP ON YOU that gets my pissy pants!!!! i thought oh shit my phone is doing what my last phone did and it is hanging up again so i didnt know wat to do i would have sent a msg but nooooooooooo i cant do that cos my dam phone wont let me. so i called her back and she said that she did hang up on me.....so my upsetness has now turned into i am pissed off that you even thought it would be a good idea to hang up on me. it really seems to tick me off cos lauren used to do that to me all the time when she no longer wanted to talk to me. its like the cowards way out. wat would be easier then to hang up on someone. god. i didnt even get to finish explaing why i was going ....i wass going cos i thought it would be best that i calmed down before trying to talk. but did i get to tell her that .... no cos she hung up on me. it felt like its just sooo easy to do cos it aint like she has actually got to see me. she is in another state and she dont have see me till wednesday. so hell yea it is an easy way. ggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr so yea right now i am fuming and pissed if you get my drift. i am not a happy chappy. would she like if i didnt like wat she was saying and then hang up on her....i dont think so. it just aint a nice thing to do to someone it is plain down right rude. and now i am in a bad mood. and my eyes are sore from earlier. my probelm is that i cant beleive that she did that.
now this isnt meant to offend and upset anyone this is my journal and this is how i feel atm. sorry erin, just needed to get it out of my system otherwise i would have stayed upset .....so now i am happy as larry and i can go on and concentrate on my myob stuff.
sooooooo now off to my life story....um basketball is shit i dont think i will coach anymore, but i am waiting till i go see dale.....i dont think there is any point coaching when you hear parents are saying ther you are a useless coach behind your back...i would rather a team that would rather learn something and that would actually listen to you. also i dont agree with how louise coaches so i would rather not be involved with her and the team anymore. um i am now doing book keeping/accounting and MYOB at williston and i am learning pretty fast which i am happy with....this coming Saturday im doing my Level 1 coaching course!!! YAYAY i have been waiting soooooo long to do this course and now i actually get to do it. in term 2 i have a lot of schools booked in soo i will be working quite a lot now. um.......wat else.......going camping this coming weekend with tanya and erin at murrybridge it was going to be at hawker but now that i am still doing my level 1 coaching and i wont giv eit up for anything considering i wont get the oppourtunity to till the end of the yr probably and that it is being paid for and it is not out of my pocket then there is noooooooo way that i am giving it up. wat else wat else ...... i spend way to much of my time playing sims......i have done some baking agian......but the other receipe.....now this is a good recipe....its just that you cant eat tooo much of it unlike the last lot i made that was gobbled up in a couple of days!!! i made it at 1am saturday. lol ooo if you are wondering wat i made i made jelly slice but with port wine jelly!!!!! mmmmmmmmmm yummy!!!!! um i did gardening today in the rain for about 2 hours......so now the front yard looks a little bit better then before!! my next door neighbor was also doing the gardening but she had a huge asssssss umbrella and i got drenched! but it was good fun! i was happy and relaxed... though i did hurt my hand when i was pruning cos i tried to prune this branch that was really thick and i strained my hand and boy did that bloody hurt! sharp pains went through out my hand but i did manage to cut it off next time i will only do the smaller branches!!! so my next mission is to do the back yard....and which part of the back yard you may ask!!!!! well nice of you for asking i will be doing to top half first and then work my way down slowly but stedily!!!!!
oooo also i got my birthday present early from aunty meline! i got a braclet and it has rubys alll around it. i asked mum if it was real cos i didnt know whether to beleive her or not .....but apprently it is real so i will go have it evaluated....so i know whether i should wear it or not...because if it is worth lots then im telling you now that i dont want to lose it or break it!!! also....i have had a very lonely easter weekend. yesterday no one called me to say happpy easter till the afternoon. :( and i was all by myself with no one to share easter with or easter eggs. at dinner time i went to mums house for dinner and lauren and kane came along too. and it was a good dinner mum was in a good mood and so was everyone else. umm when had a yummy dinner...and then when lauren siad she was going i thought it would also be a good time for me to leave cos i had to take back the dvd that was due. but mum said that i had to stay for a while but she wouldnt tell me why and i was trying to explain to her that i gotta go.....but she wouldnt have a bar of it... and cracked the shits at me and told me to leave and wouldnt even give me a kiss or hug goodbye. so i got upset and the rest of the night i felt like poo.....so this year easter was shit.
well thats all for now. see you bye.
i started to get upset because then things started to go through my head like well she is worries about how i will react to something...then obviously something has happened and she isnt telling me .... or she is just putting off telling me. ideas and situations just started to flood my head like a plague and that started me off. i tried to push them out but they would just keep flooding back....alll because of the the one statement that was made. It made me think of things that i didnt want to think and it made me more and more uspet.....in my haed all i was thinking was that well she is scared of how im going to react then there must be something there that i am going to react about. and even though this seems to be all untrue all of it sits in the back of my head eating away at me. and i dont want to hear its all in my head because derrrrrr i know. but hello thats how i am thinking and feeling at the moment. so i was asking wat she did that i might react to and she said that she has done nothing. so that made me confused. why say your scared how i will react when you havent actaully done anything. it doesnt make any sense to say it otherwise. i dont think i would say 'hunny im scared how you will react' if i didnt have something to actually tell that would be putting someone through unnecessary anguish. so because of all this running around in my head and the fact that i started to cry cos i thought something must be wrong other wise she wouldnt take so long to talk to me and explain that there isnt anything...i thought it would be best that i got off and settled down. so i got off and had a big old cry about what you may ask......and i respond with i dont the bloody well know.
sooo erin sent me a msg ....and i tried sending one back with unsuccess (i have a new phone and it isnt letting me send msgs for some reason grrrr and that makse me angry) so i called her to see wat is up ...and she said that there is nothing wrong it is just her past relationships.....still coming up to haunt her in return makes me upset agian....cos im not her past .... im in the future. and i know if will take time but it does upset me sometimes when i feel as though i am in comparison with it. which i cant be cos i would never do any of those things. so in return i get annoyed and upset with the whole i may still do the things that where done in the past. and i would just like to state right here and now that i wouldnt do anything like that. so anyway when we started talking i got upset trying to explain how i feel about things.....and it felt like that didnt matter it isnt true so why am i getting upset...it just felt like she didnt understand my side of things. sometimes i wish i could reverse how i feel and why i feel like that on the other person so they can understand. because if it isnt done then they dont really understand wwhere i am coming from therefore it dont matter. so again we didnt really talk mostly big silent spaces and because of it i and the rest i got upset and cried some more yadayadayada!!!! so i said that i was going to go and erin got anrgy/annoyed at me and so i tried to explain why i was going and while i was erin thought it would be best to hang up on me. and there is one thing you dont do to me is hang up on me. that is my BIGGEST PET HATE EVER. when you are in a heated arguement or the other person just dont want to talk to you and they walk away from you or ignor you or HANG UP ON YOU that gets my pissy pants!!!! i thought oh shit my phone is doing what my last phone did and it is hanging up again so i didnt know wat to do i would have sent a msg but nooooooooooo i cant do that cos my dam phone wont let me. so i called her back and she said that she did hang up on me.....so my upsetness has now turned into i am pissed off that you even thought it would be a good idea to hang up on me. it really seems to tick me off cos lauren used to do that to me all the time when she no longer wanted to talk to me. its like the cowards way out. wat would be easier then to hang up on someone. god. i didnt even get to finish explaing why i was going ....i wass going cos i thought it would be best that i calmed down before trying to talk. but did i get to tell her that .... no cos she hung up on me. it felt like its just sooo easy to do cos it aint like she has actually got to see me. she is in another state and she dont have see me till wednesday. so hell yea it is an easy way. ggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr so yea right now i am fuming and pissed if you get my drift. i am not a happy chappy. would she like if i didnt like wat she was saying and then hang up on her....i dont think so. it just aint a nice thing to do to someone it is plain down right rude. and now i am in a bad mood. and my eyes are sore from earlier. my probelm is that i cant beleive that she did that.
now this isnt meant to offend and upset anyone this is my journal and this is how i feel atm. sorry erin, just needed to get it out of my system otherwise i would have stayed upset .....so now i am happy as larry and i can go on and concentrate on my myob stuff.
sooooooo now off to my life story....um basketball is shit i dont think i will coach anymore, but i am waiting till i go see dale.....i dont think there is any point coaching when you hear parents are saying ther you are a useless coach behind your back...i would rather a team that would rather learn something and that would actually listen to you. also i dont agree with how louise coaches so i would rather not be involved with her and the team anymore. um i am now doing book keeping/accounting and MYOB at williston and i am learning pretty fast which i am happy with....this coming Saturday im doing my Level 1 coaching course!!! YAYAY i have been waiting soooooo long to do this course and now i actually get to do it. in term 2 i have a lot of schools booked in soo i will be working quite a lot now. um.......wat else.......going camping this coming weekend with tanya and erin at murrybridge it was going to be at hawker but now that i am still doing my level 1 coaching and i wont giv eit up for anything considering i wont get the oppourtunity to till the end of the yr probably and that it is being paid for and it is not out of my pocket then there is noooooooo way that i am giving it up. wat else wat else ...... i spend way to much of my time playing sims......i have done some baking agian......but the other receipe.....now this is a good recipe....its just that you cant eat tooo much of it unlike the last lot i made that was gobbled up in a couple of days!!! i made it at 1am saturday. lol ooo if you are wondering wat i made i made jelly slice but with port wine jelly!!!!! mmmmmmmmmm yummy!!!!! um i did gardening today in the rain for about 2 hours......so now the front yard looks a little bit better then before!! my next door neighbor was also doing the gardening but she had a huge asssssss umbrella and i got drenched! but it was good fun! i was happy and relaxed... though i did hurt my hand when i was pruning cos i tried to prune this branch that was really thick and i strained my hand and boy did that bloody hurt! sharp pains went through out my hand but i did manage to cut it off next time i will only do the smaller branches!!! so my next mission is to do the back yard....and which part of the back yard you may ask!!!!! well nice of you for asking i will be doing to top half first and then work my way down slowly but stedily!!!!!
oooo also i got my birthday present early from aunty meline! i got a braclet and it has rubys alll around it. i asked mum if it was real cos i didnt know whether to beleive her or not .....but apprently it is real so i will go have it evaluated....so i know whether i should wear it or not...because if it is worth lots then im telling you now that i dont want to lose it or break it!!! also....i have had a very lonely easter weekend. yesterday no one called me to say happpy easter till the afternoon. :( and i was all by myself with no one to share easter with or easter eggs. at dinner time i went to mums house for dinner and lauren and kane came along too. and it was a good dinner mum was in a good mood and so was everyone else. umm when had a yummy dinner...and then when lauren siad she was going i thought it would also be a good time for me to leave cos i had to take back the dvd that was due. but mum said that i had to stay for a while but she wouldnt tell me why and i was trying to explain to her that i gotta go.....but she wouldnt have a bar of it... and cracked the shits at me and told me to leave and wouldnt even give me a kiss or hug goodbye. so i got upset and the rest of the night i felt like poo.....so this year easter was shit.
well thats all for now. see you bye.