Well why not?
So the last time I did an update...? Who knows? Maybe not so long ago? This is probably a bad time as I am exhausted and getting off a not-so-hot night of Tech, but oh well. Procrastinating going to sleep....now who does that?! Really!! Go to Final Dress tomorrow night for a Dance Show I'm stage managing. And then when it closes I go right into auditions for The Fantasticks. And did I mention that I got in to Directing class (a class of 12, with 2 graduate students)!!! which includes THREE pieces, including showcase. And I am not complaining, I swear, I love what I am doing. Just somehow it is so surreal. And there are always those awful moments when something jars you and you wonder if you're doing the right thing. Except I didn't wonder if I was doing the right thing, but wondered if I was the right person to be doing this thing. Basically, we teched the dances separately and tonight was the first time running them together. So we ran once, everything beautiful. And one choreographer asks to run again. Excuse me?! And so of course the other one has to as well. And from the beginning of the night, I knew it wouldn't be right. Curse of Tuesday. But, as we go into the second run of the second dance (these are not little measly dance pieces by the way), disaster struck. One of the TVs (see, told you it wasn't your ordinary piece!) wouln't turn on, no matter what my Crew did. So I started without it. And then my backstage crew wasn't on headset (for the entire run!) so I didn't know if I had dancers. And then one of my dancers entered before we had turned house lights out. And then because of the delays, we ran out of video feed. And then somehow all of the dancers were way off, so music ended substantially earlier than dance. But the worst part of it all is that I got flustered. And sure, as my board op likes to tell me, "Caryn, you should see what normal people consider mistakes." But I fucked up. And that gets to me. But, showing how much I've grown, not as much as it would have on my first show. And I feel like maybe I should keep that in mind. I have NEVER called dance before. This is my second time stage managing, ever. It may feel like forever, but it's not. And staff trusts me enough that they went home and left me in charge to run the show. Production Manager and Theater Supervisor left. But, I don't know, I feel like I'm not allowed to be anything left than perfect. Which is stressful, let me tell you. The point of this? Who knows? To get it out there I guess. With my closest friends in other countries, on other continents even, it feels like all my outlets are gone. I wake up super early so I can go to the gym, but generally can only give myself a 15-minute block, which is not enough. Anyways, I don't like people who complain but don't act, so I'm gonna do just that. Shut up and get my shit done. Hmm....perhaps in the morning I'll have to erase this post! Regardless, much love to everyone!!!
Beijos!
Beijos!