1 YEAR BITCHES!!!!!
Well.... it's been a year. I can't believe it's been that long! Somedays it's almost like I never had surgery. It's not that I'm eating like I used to, it's that I don't feel like a "post-surgery" patient. I'm doing really well. I've lost 3/4 of what I want to lose. I'm still working hard for this everyday. I'm messing up a lot and trying not to get into my old habits. This surgery is still a struggle every day. I don't regret a second of what I've gone through in the last year. I've learned a lot about myself and what I want out of life. I've also learned a lot about the people around me. I've taken control of how I let people treat me, I'm no longer the doormat. I have healthier relationships. I've had some amazing people help me through this journey. From the surgeons to my family to my wonderful friends. I've been very lucky to have such amazing support.
I feel like a "normal" person now. I don't have to think about every little move I make. I don't have to worry about gasping for air after a quick jog to my car through the pouring rain, or doing a little dance with friends. I can walk up a couple of stairs without blinking... hell I can run up a flight of stairs without blinking :-) I don't have to think about if I'll be able to keep up with people or fit in a seat. I don't have to worry every time I get winded that I'm going to give myself a heart attack. I don't have to wonder if I'll stick out like a sore thumb because of my size. I was looking through pictures this morning from high school and college... I look SO different now. I don't even recognize myself in those pictures. I mean, everyone grows up and changes, but for me I didn't realize how drastic that change was until I saw those pictures then looked in the mirror. In those older pictures I look like I was wearing a fat suit. I remember watching the Drew Carey Show and there was the one girlfriend that wore the fat suit because she lost and gained so much over the course of her time on the show (trivia: the actress is now playing Madison Shepard on Gray's Anatomy). I thought her fat suit looked SO fake and it aggrevated me... well... maybe it wasn't so fake looking because that's exactly what I looked like. I look bloated and lost in my own weight.
For the most part I'm freed of that now. It's a great feeling. I feel better than I have in years. It's still strange when you realize you're not the biggest in a group or that you can fit into a certain size, but I'm greatful for all of it.
So what did I do for my 1 year surgiversary??? On Saturday I went to Great Adventure. Other than for Freight Fest (in which I only went on the haunted hayride) I haven't been there in about 10 years. I went one summer with my mom (I think it was when Batman opened) and we waited on line for 2 1/2 hours to go on this new ride, only for me to get up there and not fit. I was SO embarrassed. I made her go on it so it wasn't a wasted trip, then I went home and ate my depression away. Well, on Saturday I went on that ride! I even had extra room! :-) I was still nervous that I wouldn't fit, but I went and had NO problem what-so-ever. It was an amazing feeling :-)
What's next for me? More hard work and more enjoying of my life! To all of you considering this surgery, it's a personal decision. All I can say is that in my case... it saved my life. In fact, it GAVE me a life!
Good luck all of my fellow losers and researchers!
Michelle Wynn
Lap RNY 4/18/05
(400)388/246/185
LIFE IS GOOD!