The Horrors
I'm convinced that smoking weed causes me alot of problems, lately. Every time I smoke the fucking stuff, I have horrible mood swings and feel paranoid and depressed for like a week straight afterwords. Or maybe, it's not the weed and I am actually just close to having a mental breakdown. I feel nervous and frightened of people suddenly, and paranoid about everything. I feel anger, alot of anger, at certain things caused from the paranoia of people around me, and yet I don't react because I don't want trouble, so it builds up. Then I have this nervous energy that persists even when it is time for bed, so that it's hard to sleep. I have alot of stress, and my moods change every few hours, and they swing in pretty crazy directions. My self esteem has plummetted and all I wanna do is escape the world and be all alone, and not talk to anyone. I just want to be alone and create my art alone, and not have to worry about anyone. I have had quite a few mental breakdowns, and it is caused from me bottling things up over long periods of time. It usually happens every few months or so, it seems. But then, also, everytime I smoke weed, I get like this as well for a while, except it's a bit more erratic, and if the drugs left in my system fuck with my wiring. I don't know...I don't like it and I hope it will just fucking disappear soon so I can continue on just getting by instead of dreading everything.