Alternatives

[cardiosapient]

Lately I have been having extreme manic bouts of depression, and then sudden elation. I have been lashing out at my family and getting testy with everybody around me. Of course, it's all because I feel like a caged animal in a new place. I'm freaked out, I have no friends here and I don't know where anything is. It's a pretty overwhelming feeling. I have been able to stop my social phobia from returning, yet i still feel horrible and tense. I miss my friends in pa. I miss Gabe, and Rachel. I wish i never left there...it sucks being here, away from the comfort of routine. Gabe is about the best friend i ever had, and it sucks to get away from that. I have made a few online friends here so far whom i plan on meeting and hanging with, possibly getting some new club buddies, but i can't help feeling like this is all just generic replacements for the better friends I had in pa. I don't know what I am going to do, but so far, my plan is still to save up money, and in one year, move back to pa. I just hope that too much doesn't change by the time I get back. There's an old saying about never being able to go back to what you used to have. I just get the feeling it may be so different when i get back, that it will never return to the way it once was. But that's just how shit is. On a better note, my apartment in the basment is going to be fucking nice. The room is about three times the size of my last bedroom, and I have my own bathroom and shower. pretty decent. Since we live in a neighboorhood town called bountiful, next to a mormon church, undoubtedly the rounds eyed folks will be coming to my house every few days to try to convert me. So in order to get them to leave me alone, I'm going to say i am a baptist, because if i say I am agnostic, those motherfuckers will never leave me alone. trust me I know how that shit goes. To gabe and sarah, I will call you soon, I promise, I am just waiting to get settled in the new house before doing so, and of course, I'll call you too, rachel.

Uh oh, there's a knock at the door...fucking frenziedc knocks...oh shit, the door is being knocked down! Help me, I am being attacked by mor--*