Honestly?
All I have been doing as of late is watching my life spiral out of control down into the theoretical shitter. With everything happening in my life as it has, I honestly don't know why I haven't jumped off a building yet. Trust me, I won't. It's more a figure of speech for me right now.
Money has made everything turn into a living hell. I have wanted to run away so many times in hope things would just... disappear, but there is no hope in that. Over the past month, month and a half, I have watched myself slowly slip into this place where I don't know when or even if I will ever crawl back out again. R.Jay lost his job, and this created tension between the two of us. I don't make nearly as much money as I should, working at Dunkin' Donuts, and as much as I try... it hasn't really turned into anything worth while yet. So, with him losing his job, it's up to me to make sure I pay my half of the rent. $33o. That's a lot for someone who only brings home $14o at the end of every week. I get 4 shifts (if I'm lucky), at $7.5o and hour and only 5 hour shifts. Yeah... not too pretty.
On top of the rent, I have car insurance I have to pay. That's roughly $65 a month. I have credit card payments that I need to make, and the minimum together is about $50. And now I find out not too long ago, that I have to start paying back on my student loans from my first year of college. Why? I'll tell you why... because apparently when I signed my MPN, it stated (somewhere in there) that I was going to have to pay them back in 5 years... I was not aware of this. So now I have to add on another $65 a month (that's the minimum payment) to my bills. All told I am looking at roughly $510 each month, and that's not including gas and food I have to buy for myself. I need a better job... but there is nothing in Bangor hiring, and going for my CNA is an option (one I have considered for a long time... just no money to do it), but paying for the class adds to my bills... and I don't know how I am going to go about this. I am stressed, and I want to crawl into a corner and just... disappear. I want nothing to do with this anymore... what do I do?
Money has made everything turn into a living hell. I have wanted to run away so many times in hope things would just... disappear, but there is no hope in that. Over the past month, month and a half, I have watched myself slowly slip into this place where I don't know when or even if I will ever crawl back out again. R.Jay lost his job, and this created tension between the two of us. I don't make nearly as much money as I should, working at Dunkin' Donuts, and as much as I try... it hasn't really turned into anything worth while yet. So, with him losing his job, it's up to me to make sure I pay my half of the rent. $33o. That's a lot for someone who only brings home $14o at the end of every week. I get 4 shifts (if I'm lucky), at $7.5o and hour and only 5 hour shifts. Yeah... not too pretty.
On top of the rent, I have car insurance I have to pay. That's roughly $65 a month. I have credit card payments that I need to make, and the minimum together is about $50. And now I find out not too long ago, that I have to start paying back on my student loans from my first year of college. Why? I'll tell you why... because apparently when I signed my MPN, it stated (somewhere in there) that I was going to have to pay them back in 5 years... I was not aware of this. So now I have to add on another $65 a month (that's the minimum payment) to my bills. All told I am looking at roughly $510 each month, and that's not including gas and food I have to buy for myself. I need a better job... but there is nothing in Bangor hiring, and going for my CNA is an option (one I have considered for a long time... just no money to do it), but paying for the class adds to my bills... and I don't know how I am going to go about this. I am stressed, and I want to crawl into a corner and just... disappear. I want nothing to do with this anymore... what do I do?