Fic: OUAT Part II
A/N: It’s funny how this was supposed to be a one-shot, but I changed my mind as it grew to 15000+ words. Also I NEED A BETA for this fic, please. Any takers?
ETA: This chapter has been edited.
Once Upon A Time
Title: The Beginning, Part II
Paring: Ansem/Xehanort
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Warning: Spoilers for both games, I think. Based loosely on the Ansem reports from both games.
Disclaimer: Not mine
Summary: Before Kingdome Hearts was opened, before Ansem became Diz, before Xehanort became a nobody before Radiant Garden became Hallow Bastion; there was just Ansem, the teacher, and Xehanort, the apprentice. This is their story.
x-posted to
khyaoi
Part II
Ansem had been right, Xehanort was a bright young man; regardless of his memory loss, his mind was sharp and quick. The young man picked things up quickly and eagerly.
At first the two men had been awkward around each other’s company but after three months of living together, they had learned to find comfort in each other’s company. Ansem had never lived with anyone, but Xehanort had such an easy going aura that it was difficult to not get used to his calming presence.
During Xehanort’s stay Ansem had tutored the youth; his level of intelligence and his grasp on problem solving was such that he was considering telling him about his experiments. Ansem told himself the reason was to have a capable mind; that could shed new light to an old problem. And he ignored the voice that told him he just wanted to spend more time with Xehanort.
Thunder rumbled through the air followed by a lightning bolt, which illuminated the darkness outside and rattled the large window he stood before. Ansem watched the roaring storm, unflinching, while he pondered the idea of telling Xehanort about his experiment.
There was a light brush of fingertips on the back of his hand before he felt Xehanort lean into him with a sigh. This was another thing Ansem had discovered about Xehanort, he sought physical contact like a drowning man craved air.
Ansem summed up such need as to the young man being uncertain about his past. That however never stopped his heart from speeding up at the light touches.
“I love thunder storms.” Xehanort whispered wistfully.
After a while Ansem moved, fearing he would give into temptation and touch his apprentice back.
“I have some errands to run before I retire for the night.” Xehanort moved away from Ansem and nodded wondering, not for the first time, where the man went so late at night.
“Goodnight.” Ansem said, and before he could move…
“Do you think I’m a bad person?” Xehanort asked in a rush of breath. The question had been in his mind for some time and he could no longer keep it to himself.
Ansem stopped, faced Xehanort who had a sad expression on his face. He wondered what had happened to bring such a question. Usually when his apprentice got this melancholic was when he went into the city, which was often; Xehanort would become sad watching families’ interactions and friends laughing together.
However Xehanort’s excursions into the city had become less frequent as the months wore on. Ansem had merely assumed Xehanort avoided being in the city because of how it made him feel. Now though it was clear Xehanort’s recent aloofness had not much to do with the city.
“What brings you to ask such a thing?” Ansem asked confused.
Xehanort turned to look out the window. Ansem could see the tortured feelings crossing Xehanort’s face and wanted nothing more than to make them go away.
“I’ve been here for three months now. I go out almost every day, but no one recognizes me they just smile kindly and shake their heads. No one has ever heard of me or of anyone searching for someone matching my description.” Xehanort explained still not looking at Ansem.
“Do you think I was exiled here? Do you think I did something terrible and my punishment was to have my memories taken from me and be exiled where no one knows me?”
Ansem took a step closer to Xehanort and took his apprentice’s face in his hand. The unshed tears made his eyes bright and made Ansem feel sad.
“Xehanort I don’t know who you were or where you are form, but believe this if nothing else.” He paused. “I don’t believe you were a bad person or that you did anything terrible to deserve your memories being removed from you. What I do believe is that you cannot change who you are regardless of your memory loss. If you, in the past, were a terrible person than you could not, possibly, be the person you are now. Your unconscious psyche would not allow it.”
With his fingers slowly caressing Xehanort, Ansem waited patiently for his apprentice to process what he had just said.
“Do you really believe that?” The hope in Xehanort’s eyes made Ansem smile and nod with honesty.
“Thank you.” Xehanort smiled and took a step closer to Ansem.
“I really must go now. I will see you in the morning.” Ansem said quickly removing his hands from Xehanort’s face. Xehanort merely nodded and watched Ansem leave the library.
With a sigh he turned back to the window to watch the rain dance with thunder and lightning.
For hours the raging storm was his only companion. Lightning illuminated the sky at the same time Xehanort realized his feelings for Ansem were not completely platonic.
Winter came again to Radiant Garden. The snow storm outside swirled angrily and covered everything in white sheets of numbing cold. While on his lips all Xehanort could feel was the tingling left by the scorching heat of Ansem’s lips on his own.
Closing his eyes he furrowed further in the warmth of his sheets and thought back to a few hours earlier when Ansem had kissed him. Xehanort sighed bringing his fingertips to his smiling lips. Ansem had pulled away startled and apologized, but that was okay. Now he knew Ansem returned his feelings with a smile he fell asleep.
In another part of the castle Ansem wasn’t so lucky. Though it had been stupid to kiss his apprentice Ansem couldn’t help but think about Xehanort’s malleable lips, moving softly opening invitingly, he groaned as he let his mind replay that moment.
Xehanort sometimes got in what Ansem liked to think funks. He would disappear for hours and when Ansem found him he would be in a funk, about his past. Ansem sometimes wished he could give Xehanort all the answers he wanted if it meant erasing the lost look in his eyes.
Now looking for his apprentice Ansem wondered how deep in his funk the youth had gotten. As he walked down the corridor he stopped in the doors to the conservatory and through the glass walls he saw a figure covered in snow.
With great speed he ran inside the conservatory and through the open door going outside. Ansem reached for Xehanort’s hand and was surprised to feel it was still warm; he relaxed.
“Xehanort, how long have you been out here?”
Xehanort smiled not looking at Ansem, “A few minutes.” Slowly he turned to face his teacher. “Isn’t it beautiful?” he asked with a smile.
Ansem sucked in a breath, Xehanort looked breath taking, his cheeks were flushed from the cold his eyes bright with happiness his hair framing his face the wind making the long tendrils caress his face and carry the intoxicating scent that was Xehanort’s only.
Without registering what he was doing or caring, Ansem nodded and pulled Xehanort towards him and claimed Xehanort’s lips. The fact that they were standing out in the cold became irrelevant. All they knew was the warmth their close bodies were sharing and the heat of each other’s mouths.
Bringing his hand behind Xehanort’s head Ansem pulled the youth closer deepening their kiss. Xehanort’s tongue played with Ansem’s and both were quickly becoming addicted to each other’s taste. Ansem was becoming intoxicated with the taste of his apprentice, with the feel of his pliable body pressed so closely to his. And his mouth, that mouth was on his and was all his.
Xehanort shivered and Ansem knew the cold had nothing to do with it; it was an exhilarating feeling knowing he could cause Xehanort to react so strongly. Xehanort moaned softly into Ansem’s mouth. Ansem realized the feelings worked both ways and he knew If he didn’t pull away soon, Xehanort’s mouth wasn’t going to be the only thing Ansem claimed as his.
Closing his eyes Ansem sighed, he knew the best action now would be to distance himself from his apprentice. Nothing could come from that kiss; it would be foolish.
Though he knew at least here in the darkness of his room he could admit the truth to himself. He could admit it hadn’t been due to stupidity that he had kissed Xehanort but pure desire which drove him to taste Xehanort’s mouth.
It had been a month since Xehanort had kissed Ansem and the man had not so much as given him a friendly pat on the shoulder. So Xehanort decided to regroup and make a new strategy. He just needed to think of one first.
“Good morning.” Ansem greeted sitting down at the table. Ansem looked tired and seemed like he had slept a total of ten minutes. Xehanort frowned and took a bite of his breakfast and wondered, not for the first time, where his teacher went to every night.
“Where is it that you go to at night?” He decided to finally voice his thoughts.
Ansem sipped his warm tea, and felt his heart speed up. Gently he set down his cup barely making the accompanying sound of a clink as the cup met the saucer plate. He looked up at Xehanort.
“Do you really wish to know?” He asked. Xehanort looked startled not expecting Ansem to actually concede, he nodded.
“Very well I will show you after breakfast.”
Xehanort nodded once more as they finished eating. And as promised after breakfast was over Ansem motioned for Xehanort to follow him. Arriving outside the library door Xehanort frowned.
“Ansem the library is not where you go every night.” Xehanort stated.
“Be patient, my dear apprentice. There are things you must understand first.” Xehanort watched Ansem move about the library as he tried not to read too much into being called dear.
Going behind his desk Ansem opened a drawer and retrieved some files. He walked around the desk and stood before Xehanort.
Xehanort looked from the files in Ansem’s hand to Ansem’s face. Ansem could swear the excitement radiating from his apprentice was palpable. He had been right, Xehanort was eager to know, eager to learn and eager to discover new things. Without hesitation Ansem handed the files to his apprentice.
“Go have a seat and make yourself comfortable. It’ll take awhile.” Ansem said directing Xehanort to a chair.
Doing as he was told, Xehanort sat on a comfortable chair. He opened the files and began reading its contents. From the first line he was lost, lost in the black ink and the secretes it revealed.
Reading page after page, Xehanort became convinced; Ansem was indeed a genius. As he read through the reports he felt, for the first time in his life, an intense curiosity and a hunger for knowledge he had never had before.
Hours later he looked up from the pages and stared unblinking out the widow, where the sun was already beginning to set. “This is incredible.” He whispered in awe and turned to look at Ansem who sat behind his desk with a book in hand.
Setting his book aside Ansem smiled and stood. He walked towards Xehanort and stopped in front of him.
“Would you like to see?” Ansem asked his hand outstretched for Xehanort to take. In that gesture Xehanort knew Ansem was offering more than his hand, he was giving him his trust. Xehanort could only nod as he reached for his teacher’s hand and was pulled gently to a standing position.
“So that’s a heartless?” Xanahort asked staring in fear and awe at the creature, encased in a glass cage, before him. Xehnort looked at the glass walls, which Ansem had explained were always carrying a current of magnetic waves to negate the negative and positive charge’s the creatures emitted. The door he said sealed and opened magnetically too. This he had said kept the creatures in their glass cage.
The creature stirred and Xehanort’s eyes were drawn back to it. The heartless was black, a black form with no facial features but for the yellow glowing eyes staring unblinking back at him. It made a strange noise and for some reason it would not look away from him.
“Yes, that is a heartless.” Xehanort heard Ansem answer his voice coming from behind him. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. Xehanort let the warmth of Ansem’s hand relax him as he tried not to cringe at the strange creature before him.
“What do you think? Are you still willing to help me with my research?”
Slowly Xehanort turned from the yellow eyes to face Ansem. Though his amber eyes showed slight fear Xehanort was above all else a scientist interested in seeking out answers; curious to find new things and explore and sometimes even exploit their limits.
“Of course.” Xehanort answered smiling, his eyes holding a curiosity that sometimes worried Ansem.
Xehanort took a step closer to Ansem, Ansem let his hand drop form Xehanort’s shoulder and he stepped back.
“Then we start tomorrow, now let’s get some sleep.” He pretended he didn’t see the disappointment in Xehanort’s eyes or the lowering of lashes, before his apprentice looked up again.
“Right.” Xehanort agreed and walked past Ansem towards the exit.
With a sigh Ansem waited a few second before following. He questioned again if inviting Xehanort to aid him with his experiment had been a good idea. It took him no effort at all to see Xehanort felt attracted to him the kiss a few weeks back just proved his theory. Ansem knew what his apprentice wanted.
And however attractive Xehanort was he was still an, easily impressionable, young man. Ansem feared Xehanort had somehow mistaken the admiration he had for his teacher for something else. And he wondered if it was his doing.
If he thought about it, he had never consciously encouraged Xehanort’s feelings towards him except for that kiss, which reflecting back on it had not been the best decision he had ever made. Though he could not bring himself to call it a mistake, for how Xehanort had explained, mistakes could be corrected and he wasn’t sure he would have done things differently if he had the chance.
Admonishing Xehanort for his feelings was of course out of the question and would be hypocritical of him since he was guilty of harboring similar feelings towards his apprentice. Had he been unconsciously projecting those feelings? He hoped not.
Though it mattered not what he or Xehanort felt he wasn’t interested in pursuing those feelings. He liked Xehanort it was difficult not to feel drawn to him, he was so young and full of life and curiosity, but above all he was his apprentice.
An apprentice who might have just picked up on his feelings and felt an obligation to return them; which made him feel sad, perhaps in another world another time he would have pursued Xehanort but not here and not now. They were scientist, they had questions to answer.
Note: Again, the part with the heartless and how they are kept locked is just me making things up and most likely inaccurate and not even true in theory so don’t take it to heart and let me know what you think.
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The Beginning Part I