Testimoney
NOTE: this is a personal religious based entry. While I don't mind sharing it, be forewarned those who rather avoid the subject. There is nothing else mentioned this entry but my experience at church today, my son and his relation to it and the missionaries.
Today has been a good day.
How many times have I opened with that? Once? Twice? Possibly even none. It’s not often if at all. I’m glad today gets to be one of the few.
I managed to get to church today (went last week too!). Being as this is the first Sunday of the month, it was a day for those who wished to bare their testimony of the church. Being as I don’t get to go to this branch often (I think I’d been a whole 2 times prior to recent events), I wasn’t expecting to bare mine. In fact, I struggled with the idea of doing do. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of drawing that much attention to myself as the new one in the branch. Yet for someone I felt I needed/wanted to.
My confusion was coming from the sometimes doubt I have that I’ve gotten what I could from the church. Not to sound like it’s lost use to me, or anything on that selfish a line of thinking. But meaning I’ve reached the peak of what I’m worthy of receiving. With my life the way it is, I just wouldn’t be surprised.
I had my testimonies of old. I wasn’t without my proof the church was true. I know it is. But I questioned some if I can continue to go on past feelings/facts. Belief in experiences of the past can only carry you into the future so far. And since the issues that bore my first testimonies were no longer issues in my life, would I no longer have further need to feel it? Was once enough to know?
So, following Joseph Smith’s example that he found in the bible, I prayed. I arrived about 20 minutes early this morning for church. I took that time to take my seat, close my eyes, lower my head and pray.
Do I still have a testimony? Does the old one still count being as I take it as factual proof of the church? Or does me not having a fresh/new sense of belief mean that that’s all there is for me? Should I get up and bare based on the past?
It was in talking/praying with God that I nearly broke down then and there. I had my answer. And in receiving it I was both blessed and humbled. Blessed to experience what I wanted/needed to feel and humbled because it served as a gentle rebuke from God as well.
For everything that had been going on the last couple weeks with church related events, I have surely been blind to the obvious.
Because of that, I bore my testimony. And I’m thankful for that blessing.
I’ll put here now (more eloquently) what I spoke of in my testimony.
It has been several years since I have bore my testimony. It’s been nearly as long since I have felt a renewed sense thereof. For a while I was okay with that. I had my proof, what more can be gained, right? But as time went on, and renewal of that belief never came, I became more lost in my ways, my life and actions. I became numb to things around me and didn’t even see it happening.
I knew coming in today that this Sacrament meeting would be dedicated to the baring of testimony, as happens every first Sunday of the month. I had no intentions of doing so as I didn’t want to draw that much attention to myself yet, wanting to get back into the swing of things first.
But as I entered the chapel room, my son, who had been with me last Sunday as well, asked to sit in the first couple rows. Again, I didn’t want to put myself out like that yet, but I compromised with him and sat considerably closer than last time. Close enough that he was happy about it. This seemed to trip something in my heart and mind and prompted me to pray upon taking my seat. I spoke to the Lord, humbly, broken in that moment and completely open with him about what was going on in my heart and mind at that moment.
Bryan’s simple little question of sitting closer had caused me in only a second to think about the last two weeks with him and the missionaries (who had been visiting me in that duration and jump started everything leading to now).
Bryan is at an age that he absorbs things exponentially. And because he and I have a close bond and he wants to do everything daddy does, he does so twice as fast. His last meeting with the missionaries just the previous night, he had wanted to continue reading with the past their planned lesson. And they let him. That night, I read to him his first chapter from the Book of Mormon Stories book they had given my son as a gift. Bryan had eagerly wanted me to read the next one too and so I did. Then he asks to sit closer in church to feel more a part of it. And when it came time for Sacrament, he asked intelligent questions about its meaning and purpose. Asking how and why Christ died, knowing we should remember him during the Sacrament and asking how exactly to do so.
One of the lessons the missionaries had taught in the last couple weeks was about family; being sealed with our families so we may be with them in the next life. We also discussed the plan of salvation and all the steps required to get there.
Its then that it clicked and God made what should have been obvious to me visible. And it was so obvious that there’s no excuse for me to have missed it. I was simply blind and ignorant to my own surroundings and shutting myself of from any reception form the Lord.
But that’s why he sent his only son so we can ask for forgiveness isn’t it? So in these moments we are able to kneel upon our knees and say to the Lord, “Forgive me, Heavenly Father. Because I was dumb. I was blind to everything you were showing me. Because I went astray I couldn’t see the blessings you had given me in plain sight.”
He answered my prayer. He showed me that indeed things didn’t lie in the past, but in the future. Through my son. He showed me my path is no longer linked to things I can’t change, or amend. It’s to do right with teaching and guiding my next generation. My only son. And as I look to him in his seat, listening to my every word and taking it in because everything is new to him and it’s his dad speaking, I know that our Heavenly Father has never stopped watching over me, or him, or any of us. He’s always guiding us as best as we allow our choices to do.
I want what’s best for my son. I want to guide him and teach him of God and Jesus, of Joseph Smith and the restoration of the church. I want my son to have the chance to be with the Lord in the next life; to be better in his way of life than I had been. I love my son so much that to do any less would mean I failed in the responsibility the Lord gave me.
Because of this revelation. Because of everything that’s played out in my heart just this last hour or so, I have my renewed testimony that the Church is true. I know Joseph Smith restored the true church and that because of Christ, we can be with our Heavenly Father in the next life.
And I say this in the name of thy son, Jesus Christ. Amen.
So that was my testimony today in church. I nearly broke down speaking then too, but I did what I needed to. I took that step in setting the example needed for my son. And I hope he follows in mine.
After Sacrament, I was approached by many people, touched by what I had to say, or to give their support for going up doing what I did in front of people I haven’t gotten to know yet. Everyone was amazingly nice.
That’s all I’m going to write tonight. While I have other things to either talk about or just update on, I feel the above should keep to its own entry. It deserves that much.
G’night…
Today has been a good day.
How many times have I opened with that? Once? Twice? Possibly even none. It’s not often if at all. I’m glad today gets to be one of the few.
I managed to get to church today (went last week too!). Being as this is the first Sunday of the month, it was a day for those who wished to bare their testimony of the church. Being as I don’t get to go to this branch often (I think I’d been a whole 2 times prior to recent events), I wasn’t expecting to bare mine. In fact, I struggled with the idea of doing do. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of drawing that much attention to myself as the new one in the branch. Yet for someone I felt I needed/wanted to.
My confusion was coming from the sometimes doubt I have that I’ve gotten what I could from the church. Not to sound like it’s lost use to me, or anything on that selfish a line of thinking. But meaning I’ve reached the peak of what I’m worthy of receiving. With my life the way it is, I just wouldn’t be surprised.
I had my testimonies of old. I wasn’t without my proof the church was true. I know it is. But I questioned some if I can continue to go on past feelings/facts. Belief in experiences of the past can only carry you into the future so far. And since the issues that bore my first testimonies were no longer issues in my life, would I no longer have further need to feel it? Was once enough to know?
So, following Joseph Smith’s example that he found in the bible, I prayed. I arrived about 20 minutes early this morning for church. I took that time to take my seat, close my eyes, lower my head and pray.
Do I still have a testimony? Does the old one still count being as I take it as factual proof of the church? Or does me not having a fresh/new sense of belief mean that that’s all there is for me? Should I get up and bare based on the past?
It was in talking/praying with God that I nearly broke down then and there. I had my answer. And in receiving it I was both blessed and humbled. Blessed to experience what I wanted/needed to feel and humbled because it served as a gentle rebuke from God as well.
For everything that had been going on the last couple weeks with church related events, I have surely been blind to the obvious.
Because of that, I bore my testimony. And I’m thankful for that blessing.
I’ll put here now (more eloquently) what I spoke of in my testimony.
It has been several years since I have bore my testimony. It’s been nearly as long since I have felt a renewed sense thereof. For a while I was okay with that. I had my proof, what more can be gained, right? But as time went on, and renewal of that belief never came, I became more lost in my ways, my life and actions. I became numb to things around me and didn’t even see it happening.
I knew coming in today that this Sacrament meeting would be dedicated to the baring of testimony, as happens every first Sunday of the month. I had no intentions of doing so as I didn’t want to draw that much attention to myself yet, wanting to get back into the swing of things first.
But as I entered the chapel room, my son, who had been with me last Sunday as well, asked to sit in the first couple rows. Again, I didn’t want to put myself out like that yet, but I compromised with him and sat considerably closer than last time. Close enough that he was happy about it. This seemed to trip something in my heart and mind and prompted me to pray upon taking my seat. I spoke to the Lord, humbly, broken in that moment and completely open with him about what was going on in my heart and mind at that moment.
Bryan’s simple little question of sitting closer had caused me in only a second to think about the last two weeks with him and the missionaries (who had been visiting me in that duration and jump started everything leading to now).
Bryan is at an age that he absorbs things exponentially. And because he and I have a close bond and he wants to do everything daddy does, he does so twice as fast. His last meeting with the missionaries just the previous night, he had wanted to continue reading with the past their planned lesson. And they let him. That night, I read to him his first chapter from the Book of Mormon Stories book they had given my son as a gift. Bryan had eagerly wanted me to read the next one too and so I did. Then he asks to sit closer in church to feel more a part of it. And when it came time for Sacrament, he asked intelligent questions about its meaning and purpose. Asking how and why Christ died, knowing we should remember him during the Sacrament and asking how exactly to do so.
One of the lessons the missionaries had taught in the last couple weeks was about family; being sealed with our families so we may be with them in the next life. We also discussed the plan of salvation and all the steps required to get there.
Its then that it clicked and God made what should have been obvious to me visible. And it was so obvious that there’s no excuse for me to have missed it. I was simply blind and ignorant to my own surroundings and shutting myself of from any reception form the Lord.
But that’s why he sent his only son so we can ask for forgiveness isn’t it? So in these moments we are able to kneel upon our knees and say to the Lord, “Forgive me, Heavenly Father. Because I was dumb. I was blind to everything you were showing me. Because I went astray I couldn’t see the blessings you had given me in plain sight.”
He answered my prayer. He showed me that indeed things didn’t lie in the past, but in the future. Through my son. He showed me my path is no longer linked to things I can’t change, or amend. It’s to do right with teaching and guiding my next generation. My only son. And as I look to him in his seat, listening to my every word and taking it in because everything is new to him and it’s his dad speaking, I know that our Heavenly Father has never stopped watching over me, or him, or any of us. He’s always guiding us as best as we allow our choices to do.
I want what’s best for my son. I want to guide him and teach him of God and Jesus, of Joseph Smith and the restoration of the church. I want my son to have the chance to be with the Lord in the next life; to be better in his way of life than I had been. I love my son so much that to do any less would mean I failed in the responsibility the Lord gave me.
Because of this revelation. Because of everything that’s played out in my heart just this last hour or so, I have my renewed testimony that the Church is true. I know Joseph Smith restored the true church and that because of Christ, we can be with our Heavenly Father in the next life.
And I say this in the name of thy son, Jesus Christ. Amen.
So that was my testimony today in church. I nearly broke down speaking then too, but I did what I needed to. I took that step in setting the example needed for my son. And I hope he follows in mine.
After Sacrament, I was approached by many people, touched by what I had to say, or to give their support for going up doing what I did in front of people I haven’t gotten to know yet. Everyone was amazingly nice.
That’s all I’m going to write tonight. While I have other things to either talk about or just update on, I feel the above should keep to its own entry. It deserves that much.
G’night…